Giftorcurse
Scribe
Joined: Apr 14, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 2479
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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 Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 8:30 pm Post subject: Is what I'm going through normal? |
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I don't think I can express this in paragraph form, so I'll use a list.
-Mother is an alcoholic. Domineering, smothering, enabling. Always on my tail, or asking me what the problem is, all the time. Father exhibits pronounced narcissism, psychopathy, and he constantly gets into arguments with my mother.
-I don't have a job, I don't know how to drive, my grandmother is keeping what little money I do have, and refuses to talk about my biological grandfather (her first husband)
-I've only been shown my voter's registration card once. That's it.
-Dad showed me a pistol, with ammunition, in his truck. He dry-fired it in a driveway.
-Mother has a hair-trigger temper.
-Dad has threatened me with beatings for not doing what he says.
-I've been called lazy, fat, spoiled rotten.
-No grades lower than A, or else they'll get suspicious.
-Been told to shut up more than once.
-Father showed no remorse or empathy after suicide attempt in Feb. 2009. Neither did Mom.
-Repeatedly told social worker about home life, only to be chastized for doing so at home. The social worker did nothing.
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cathylynn
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2011
Posts: 2175
Location: northeastern US
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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no, this is not normal. i'm sorry you have all this dysfunction to deal with. it is usual, however, for families of alcoholics to expect that their dysfunctions be kept secret. my dad was an alcoholic. i didn't keep the secrets, choosing to keep my sanity instead.
i don't know what the social worker could have done, other than be a good listener.
what are your plans for the future? you are an A student. somehow, perhaps you can turn that into independence at some point. |
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MrBackward
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 01, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 67
Location: Victoria, Australia
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 9:42 pm Post subject: |
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This is not normal
This is destructive
This is dangerous
My advice is to get out of there as soon as you can. You can move out of home fairly cheaply if you move in with some other people and share the expenses. The problem is no job but as cathylynn said if your an A student there is alot of potential.
I dont know much about where you live but I know that all of my education and related expenses are put on hold while I dont have the money to pay perhaps the govenment offers something like that where you live? That would enable you to get out easier.
Much respect for staying as sane and alive as you are.
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Never expect a speedy response |
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Lucywlf
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 23, 2011
Posts: 388
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 10:39 pm Post subject: |
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| No, it's not normal, and I hope you are able to get out of there as soon as possible. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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What you're describing is cause for alarm (except perhaps your grandmother not wanting to talk about her first husband). The situation sounds volatile, and the presence of firearms makes me worry.
Inaction on the part of social services is usually dealt with by offices known as ombudsmen. Ombudsmen dealing specifically with youth services are usually available. In South Carolina, your ombudsman for youth services is the Office of Children's Affairs. There is also the more general Governor's Office of Ombudsman. Check these websites:
http://www.oepp.sc.gov/ca/index.html
http://www.oepp.sc.gov/ombudsman/
You might consider contacting them.
There is also the option of leaving home. I neither advise this, nor advise against it - but you should consider all your options with an open mind. If you have responsible friends living on their own who might be able to accomodate you, that is especially something to think about. It is possible to survive for short periods of time on benefits if you do not have a job, but I would research the services in your area if considering it as an option - things like whether you need to be on a lease to claim rent, how long intake is, age restrictions and so on. |
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
Posts: 2697
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 5:30 am Post subject: |
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I wouldn't expect anyone to go through all this...
I believe you should find a way to escape from this situation you are in by asking for help from the public as by keeping quiet will only make it worse for you.
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Sora: "My friends are my power."
Ventus: "I'm asking you as a friend. Just... put an end to me." |
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Giftorcurse
Scribe
Joined: Apr 14, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 2479
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 11:49 am Post subject: |
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Legally, I can't do anything about it. They're clever, so that the law can't really touch them. My mother works for the Beaufort Housing Authority, and my dad is a supervisor for EMS, I think.
EDIT: Currently doing research on the legal system. As of yet, there is no just cause for a case.
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 12:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Giftorcurse wrote: | Legally, I can't do anything about it. They're clever, so that the law can't really touch them. My mother works for the Beaufort Housing Authority, and my dad is a supervisor for EMS, I think.
EDIT: Currently doing research on the legal system. As of yet, there is no just cause for a case. |
No, you probably cannot have them arrested. Your primary objective here isn't punishment, though. Your first objective is personal security. |
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Bison554
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jan 31, 2012
Posts: 53
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 12:17 pm Post subject: |
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Get yourself to college. Don't be afraid to ask counselor's in high school about what you need to do to get into school (if you haven't already). With straight A's and a halfway decent ACT/SAT score, which you'll ace, then you can start your life over, probably on a full ride, or with loans. Here is the very first place to start. You will need this year's tax documents from your parents and for yourself if you filed.
And suicide is never the answer, there is simply too much pleasure to be had out of life to end it prematurely. Everybody's childhood sucks, it's manic by nature, you might experience the best and worst days of your life so far within days, weeks or months of each other. Eventually it evens out and makes you stronger when you find the right perspective of the situations. It gets better, man. |
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Giftorcurse
Scribe
Joined: Apr 14, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 2479
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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My parents haven't even talked to me about taxes or any other kind of personal finance.
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 2:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Giftorcurse wrote: | | My parents haven't even talked to me about taxes or any other kind of personal finance. |
Even if they're all a bunch of thoroughly evil bastards, they probably would rather not have to deal with a dependant adult. It is possible they have not yet considered this, or the chain of logic that ends with you graduating college and begins with getting your hands on those records so you can go.
I hate to tell you this, but I don't think you can rely on these people AT ALL to take any initiative on your behalf. I'm afraid it sounds like you're on your own in terms of your future - realize that, accept it, expect it, and plan accordingly.
That doesn't necessarily mean they're going to stand in your way if you're doing something that benefits them, and you going to college is in their self-interest. If you haven't asked - they haven't refused. |
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