Brianruns10
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2006
Age: 29
Posts: 848
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 Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 11:53 am Post subject: Disappointing news, how do you rate my reaction? |
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I was sure I'd found the gal for me. Our interests synced up so well, and god she was beautiful. Should've known better. Anyone like that can do better than me. But bless her heart she met me for lunch. But I just learned indeed she found someone else. Someone better no doubt.
Inside I'm broken up again. Wondering when I'll get my chance...not to marry, just to be in a relationship. To cuddle, and hold hands, and have someone to tell about my day, and who can tell me about hers. It's got me thinking again about my vow to kill myself by 30, if I haven't made a great film or found a nice girl.
But I tried to put on a brave face, and make SOMETHING out of this latest failure on my part. So I messaged her back with this:
"You deserve someone really great. I hope this fellow is all that and more! And if you have any single friends looking, maybe we can double date sometime?  "
Did I play it right, or was I just pathetic? |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 11:55 am Post subject: |
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Nah that was okay, Brian you took it well.
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 11:57 am Post subject: |
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| I think that was perfect! |
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Delphiki
Launchie
Joined: Apr 15, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1350
Location: My own version of reality
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 11:57 am Post subject: |
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Your reaction about rekindling your vow to kill yourself at 30 if you are single is a bit disturbing
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Trolls exist! They steal your socks, but only the left ones. I wonder what is up with that? |
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Brianruns10
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2006
Age: 29
Posts: 848
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 12:01 pm Post subject: |
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It's to keep me motivated. I figure, if I haven't found success in love or my work by 30, why bother going on when I'm clearly mediocre?
I haven't heard back from her, and she usually replies quickly to my texts. I think I blew it. I feel I should ask for help from friends when it comes to dating, but god I feel so pathetic doing it. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 12:16 pm Post subject: |
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Just curious, was the 30th birthday thing inspired by Logan's Run?
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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Brianruns10
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2006
Age: 29
Posts: 848
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Nice round number, not to mention all my friends are in relationships or married or dating, and all the filmmakers and artists I admire had seemingly made their masterpieces by now. If I don't do it by 30, it clearly won't happen, so why bother? |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 12:29 pm Post subject: |
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You make it sound like you will die at 30. The average life span in the 1st world varies from 70-80 mark.
That's a lot of years to find love (even wrinkly, wrinkly love by 70!)
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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ghostar
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 21, 2011
Age: 33
Posts: 402
Location: Most likely work. Sigh.
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 12:37 pm Post subject: |
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| I think you handled it perfectly. I would not be surprised if you do eventually hear from her when she has a friend she thinks you would like. |
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ghostar
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 21, 2011
Age: 33
Posts: 402
Location: Most likely work. Sigh.
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 12:37 pm Post subject: |
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| I think you handled it perfectly. I would not be surprised if you do eventually hear from her when she has a friend she thinks you would like. |
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SilkySifaka
Lemur
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 1396
Location: UK
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 1:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Brianruns10 wrote: | It's to keep me motivated. I figure, if I haven't found success in love or my work by 30, why bother going on when I'm clearly mediocre?
I haven't heard back from her, and she usually replies quickly to my texts. I think I blew it. I feel I should ask for help from friends when it comes to dating, but god I feel so pathetic doing it. |
Surely there are other ways to motivate yourself than the threat of death? I'm sure you are not mediocre and even if you were, I think the majority of people probably are. Manybpeople don't have great career success or find marriage partners by the time they are 30. In the UK the average age for getting married is 32, and if I understand averages that must mean that while some are of course younger than that, some must be older too. Please don't give up just yet.
FWIW I thought you handled this situation really well, like a proper gentleman. |
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redrobin62
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 3833
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 2:06 pm Post subject: |
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About this 'dead by 30' business:
1. As an aspie it's almost expected that I would drift from intense special interest to intense special interest. What that does, of course, is I could be deeply devoted to developing some artistic creation - then poof - move on to something else. Perhaps the abandoned product would've "made it big" except I didn't stick around long enough to continue giving it a chance.
2. You always see it on TV - someone has achieved some incredible feat at a young age by themselves. I've never bought that. Those successful people always had help from family, friends or a particular community, but it spins better on TV when they say they did it by themselves. Making a film is an expensive venture. Barring the freak accidents like Paranormal Activity and Blair Witch Project, you need a lot of support. (I wouldn't be surprised if I took the time to investigate those two films that they cost more than what the filmmakers admit!) |
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anotherjared
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 23, 2009
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 3:28 am Post subject: You handled it well - even if it is difficult |
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I know it's very difficult. I think you handled it well.
It's easy to view being single as a fault or a disease. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's very possible to adapt and lead a fulfilling life while being single. Social media wants us to believe that we need to be in a relationship and when we don't have one we just feel bad about it.
I'm Bi-Polar, regularly experience serious depression, anxiety, and am an aspie. I've found there are activity groups which organize events online which are good social outlets and support groups.
Yes, we see the world differently and think differently but it's not a death sentence. Far from it. Take the time to go to therapy and find treatments to learn about yourself and improve the quality of your life. Get support and don't give up! You're taking a step in the right direction by posting your feelings and concerns here.
I've traveled to Las Vegas, Nevada alone and after about half a day of feeling a little awkward it turned out to be one of the best vacations of my life! I got to do what I wanted around my schedule and was able to talk to a few people (friendly strangers) every now and then. Being on my own and taking advantage of being an aspie - able to be okay alone - worked out very well. It was a lot easier and less stressful only having myself to worry about.
It's easy to despair, I understand. I urge you to embrace who and what you are, learn about how to help yourself so you can lead a happy life and discover what works.
It takes a lot of work, I won't lie. A lot of work, not a fast process, but it's something you can do and it will be worth it.
Take good care |
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mike_br
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Posts: 202
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 6:47 am Post subject: |
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You did just fine. Making a scene or offending/attacking people is for peasants.
Congratulations! |
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waitykatie
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 19, 2012
Posts: 206
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 10:31 am Post subject: |
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| Brianruns10 wrote: | | Nice round number, not to mention all my friends are in relationships or married or dating, and all the filmmakers and artists I admire had seemingly made their masterpieces by now. If I don't do it by 30, it clearly won't happen, so why bother? |
My Aspie found me when he was 29. He had two girlfriends, in fact. #1 didn't know that, and I, #2, became convinced that I was going to get the shaft. After a year of lying to her and not saying much to me, well, 30 was a bad year for him. He's 45 now and he's got me again, whether he likes it or not. That's why bother. We can't predict the future. |
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