MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12487
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
|
 Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:38 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
| For me the lack of attraction can cause me to break up, but more importantly someone that becomes fat is likely to have done so because of a psychological change. Which would probably make me want to break up with them before they got fat |
|
| Back to top |
|
JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2543
Location: Hants, UK
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:42 pm Post subject: |
|
|
There are people in both gender groups that grow insecure when in a relationship, and gain weight. Then out of bitterness not through personal wanting to better themselves, rush to lose the weight and get another partner before their ex, and repeat the cycle all over again. Anyone able to comment on this behaviour, or would it warrant another topic?
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
|
| Back to top |
|
rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:43 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| DogsWithoutHorses wrote: |
I don't know how common this is, but I know it's been represented in pop culture and I've experienced it; there are guys who really like sleeping with big girls, but would be embarrassed if their buddies found out they were dating a "fat chick" |
that is called "Hogging" according to Tucker Max.
Most of the girls I like wouldn't be considered 'Arm candy' anyway. I just like what I like and have my limits as to what I'd tolerate before they cease being attractive to me. Being Gwenneth Paltrow is not a requirement, not being Rosanne Barr is a requirement. |
|
| Back to top |
|
DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9299
Location: Northern California
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:47 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| MXH wrote: | | For me the lack of attraction can cause me to break up, but more importantly someone that becomes fat is likely to have done so because of a psychological change. Which would probably make me want to break up with them before they got fat |
No, it is actually a natural part of aging. You've got to work a whole lot harder at thin at 40 than 20, and so on.
It can also be a side effect of hormonal changes following pregnancy, certain medications, and more.
You know, folks, if you don't like fat, then you don't like fat, but stop pretending it means anything more than that, because it odes not. The rest is all excuses.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
---
Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
|
| Back to top |
|
mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1946
Location: Los Angeles
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:48 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| KenM wrote: | | If you dump someone just because they gained weight, then for you it is all about physical attraction. A relationship is more. |
No offence, but you just don't know me well enough to make that call.
I'm not looking at just one side of this. Yes, I've lost attraction for partners before. But I've also had partners lose their attraction for me. I've had them try to pretend it didn't happen, stick around anyway. And finding out that, even if they still care, my attraction wasn't reciprocated, was so humiliating as to make me feel physically ill. I'd prefer they just left me, rather than pretend.
If you're not attracted to your partner, you're doing no one any favors by sticking around. You deserve someone you are attracted to, and they deserve someone who is attracted to them.
Last edited by mds_02 on Sat May 12, 2012 4:49 pm; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:48 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| rabbittss wrote: | | DogsWithoutHorses wrote: |
I don't know how common this is, but I know it's been represented in pop culture and I've experienced it; there are guys who really like sleeping with big girls, but would be embarrassed if their buddies found out they were dating a "fat chick" |
that is called "Hogging" according to Tucker Max.
Most of the girls I like wouldn't be considered 'Arm candy' anyway. I just like what I like and have my limits as to what I'd tolerate before they cease being attractive to me. Being Gwenneth Paltrow is not a requirement, not being Rosanne Barr is a requirement. |
Could not give less of a sh** what Tucker Max calls anything, it would actually explain a lot if you were a fan.
What people find personally attractive is their business. I wish there wasn't all this cultural pressure telling people it's bad to like some things and good to like other things.
_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don’t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth. |
|
| Back to top |
|
DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9299
Location: Northern California
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| JanuaryMan wrote: | | There are people in both gender groups that grow insecure when in a relationship, and gain weight. Then out of bitterness not through personal wanting to better themselves, rush to lose the weight and get another partner before their ex, and repeat the cycle all over again. Anyone able to comment on this behaviour, or would it warrant another topic? |
I can't say I've seen that at work. Insecurity tends to lead to excessive dieting and exercise, which although it actually long run can lead to be weight gain, isn't going to do that first.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
---
Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
|
| Back to top |
|
hanyo
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 01, 2011
Posts: 3446
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:50 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| DW_a_mom wrote: |
No, it is actually a natural part of aging. You've got to work a whole lot harder at thin at 40 than 20, and so on. |
I agree. I haven't changed a lot in the past 10-15 years but as I get older my weight has been creeping up on me. I'm about 50-60 pounds heavier than I was 15 years ago. |
|
| Back to top |
|
DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9299
Location: Northern California
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:50 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| hyperlexian wrote: | | reading people's astonishing conclusions on WrongPlanet make me wonder if people reinforce their own reality. if you approach society with the assumption that people are shallow bullies, i believe you will be surround yourself with such people by default. i have friends all over the world, so i think blaming bad behaviour on culture is a cop out |
I often wonder the same thing reading this board.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
---
Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
|
| Back to top |
|
JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2543
Location: Hants, UK
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:51 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I like it on some and not on some, DW.
If anything it sounds like you are defending yourself rather than the issue. Of course weight gain happens more and is harder to shake off during the ageing process or for other reasons. And of course there are people that like fat or don't like that. There is also a difference between love and physical attraction and for some the two do join in some respects. Naturally gaining weight, circumstantial gain are different from negligence and contempt. I don't think it's really as black and white as you make it.
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
|
| Back to top |
|
mike_br
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Posts: 202
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:52 pm Post subject: |
|
|
A little bit of weight, normal aging process are not reasons for me to end a relationship.
Becoming obese is. I don't feel attracted to really obese women, so I'd never be able to live with one.
In return, I do take care of myself. |
|
| Back to top |
|
DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9299
Location: Northern California
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| rabbittss wrote: |
So? If that's how the world is around me, that's how the world is around me. Me presenting her with this will not change her opinion, and her dithering on about how it's incorrect won't change my mind either. In MY world, people are shallow, spiteful, hateful, lying, cheating, stealing, assholes who pretty much try their best to consume one another lest they themselves be consumed. I've never seen anything to dispel that. Cynicism is a shield.
This is how MY world is. If your world is different, then bully for you. But you telling me it isn't this way, doesn't seem to change how it actually is.
Surprise Surprise, We are at loggerheads on yet another issue. It always seems to be the same few posters who seek to pervert everything I say on this forum, to consistently turn me into the bad guy, regardless of how reasonable I'm being.
You can also always tell when some one is getting desperate in a discussion. They start to bring out the university public speaking class bullshit. Next thing you will be telling me I'm erecting Strawmen, using Ad-Hominem attacks, pedantically attacking spelling or grammar errors, or some other such dross. Why don't you try addressing my statements instead of dismissing them or hiding behind rules which only work in an organized debate? |
Has it ever occurred to you that you can, to a degree, choose what world you live in? What we send out comes back to us. So maybe you need to look harder at what you send out.
To be blunt, if I met you in real life talking as you do here, we wouldn't have much to do with each other, ever. You are too locked in a negative mindset. Which means that in being so locked, you will attract those of like mind, and make your cynicism reality. It doesn't have to be that way.
Maybe you do need to move to an area that is more "you" to be able to see it .... there are people and sub-cultures I avoid.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
---
Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
|
| Back to top |
|
DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9299
Location: Northern California
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 5:07 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| JanuaryMan wrote: | I like it on some and not on some, DW.
If anything it sounds like you are defending yourself rather than the issue. Of course weight gain happens more and is harder to shake off during the ageing process or for other reasons. And of course there are people that like fat or don't like that. There is also a difference between love and physical attraction and for some the two do join in some respects. Naturally gaining weight, circumstantial gain are different from negligence and contempt. I don't think it's really as black and white as you make it. |
There is a personal element to it, because weight control is very very hard for me. But I had years and years with a super hot body, teaching aroebics on the weekends, and so on ... but it is extremely difficult and actually unhealthy for me to sustain that when I do anything more than work a lax schedule, and it became impossible after two kids and a mortgage. Plus, to have that body I was hungry ALL the time. So any guy who wanted me to keep that past 50 would have had to make enough money to keep with a personal trainer and cook, while not needing me to hold any paid job, ever. And I didn't expect that from a life partner.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
---
Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
|
| Back to top |
|
KenM
an i mal
Joined: Oct 16, 2005
Age: 45
Posts: 1548
Location: Mass. USA
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 5:10 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| mds_02 wrote: | | KenM wrote: | | If you dump someone just because they gained weight, then for you it is all about physical attraction. A relationship is more. |
No offence, but you just don't know me well enough to make that call.
I'm not looking at just one side of this. Yes, I've lost attraction for partners before. But I've also had partners lose their attraction for me. I've had them try to pretend it didn't happen, stick around anyway. And finding out that, even if they still care, my attraction wasn't reciprocated, was so humiliating as to make me feel physically ill. I'd prefer they just left me, rather than pretend.
If you're not attracted to your partner, you're doing no one any favors by sticking around. You deserve someone you are attracted to, and they deserve someone who is attracted to them. |
I did not mean to direct that right at you. I meant in general. If someone dumps someone they are in a LTR with because of weight gain then it is just physical, IMO. |
|
| Back to top |
|
JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2543
Location: Hants, UK
|
| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 5:11 pm Post subject: |
|
|
That's fair and I don't think they should expect that from you, either 
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
