Tamsin
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 19, 2011
Posts: 308
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
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 Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 10:11 pm Post subject: Social anxiety online |
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Hello. Just wondering if anybody else here feels anxiety when they are talking online?
For me, and most people here it seems, verbally talking is hard, so I prefer to communicate with others online or through writing. One thing I noticed over the past few years is that is has become harder for me even to talk online than it used to be, especially in busy conversations. Part of it is probably because I don't pay attention to what is "popular" regarding music, movies, and books (if anybody still reads those), so most of the time I don't even know what people are talking about. For instance, I've never read nor seen any of the Twilight books/movies, nor do I plan to, but it seems most people are obsessed with them, so I'm always left out.
Also, because I express myself better through writing, I tend to share more than I normally would, which either drives people away or offends them. And my grammar is not quite as good as I would like, so I'm a bit self conscious.
I'm just getting a bit frustrated with all of this. Even posting here is hard, which is part of why I don't post nearly as often as I would like. I just never seem to have anything valuable to contribute. And I'm tired of just sitting there, staring at the computer screen, desperately trying to think of something, anything, to say.
Okay, my pity party is now over 
Has anybody else experienced this, or still experiences this? How did/do you work through this? Do you care about upsetting people with what you say? What do you say or do when people are having a conversation about something that you have not experienced? |
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Bun
Bunnymen
Joined: Jan 09, 2012
Posts: 3250
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 10:13 pm Post subject: Re: Social anxiety online |
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| Tamsin wrote: | | Hello. Just wondering if anybody else here feels anxiety when they are talking online? |
Yes, and also, had uncomfortable social situations happen to me in groups online just as it would happen to me IRL. |
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Bloodheart
Grisha's Gal
Joined: Jan 18, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 2168
Location: Newcastle, England.
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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Yup.
I used to be far better online than I am now, it seems these days I find it harder to cultivate friendships online - I do also get severe anxiety communicating online. I find myself editing and re-editing to the point of frustrating myself, deleting comments and updates, making posts then never returning to see how people reply, and generally getting very anxious about possible negative/critical responses, getting into discussions, or just getting the wrong idea and saying something stupid.
Especially true when trying to cultivate a new friendship online as you often have to contend with the usual things you'd see in real life such as a person having other friends with jokes they share so it's hard to comment in case they're referring to one of their little 'in' jokes or you could be stepping on other people's toes or put your foot in your mouth. Or often on online communities you ask something and everyone seems to totally misunderstand what you're trying to say. Or on IM when you've got to try to be interesting right there and then.
I remember once upon a time when I wasn't this anxious about talking online *sigh*
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Bloodheart
Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them. |
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NeueZiel
Seņorita Gamera
Joined: Apr 29, 2012
Posts: 1246
Location: Kapustin Yar
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 12:52 am Post subject: |
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| Bloodheart wrote: | Yup.
I used to be far better online than I am now, it seems these days I find it harder to cultivate friendships online - I do also get severe anxiety communicating online. I find myself editing and re-editing to the point of frustrating myself, deleting comments and updates, making posts then never returning to see how people reply, and generally getting very anxious about possible negative/critical responses, getting into discussions, or just getting the wrong idea and saying something stupid.
Especially true when trying to cultivate a new friendship online as you often have to contend with the usual things you'd see in real life such as a person having other friends with jokes they share so it's hard to comment in case they're referring to one of their little 'in' jokes or you could be stepping on other people's toes or put your foot in your mouth. Or often on online communities you ask something and everyone seems to totally misunderstand what you're trying to say. Or on IM when you've got to try to be interesting right there and then.
I remember once upon a time when I wasn't this anxious about talking online *sigh* |
We are exactly identical this respect. When I post topics on forums or comment somewhere I usually get really nervous when I see people have responded. I absolutely hate debating or posting somewhere where I know people are going to belittle me or be contrary or try to make me feel bad.
I don't try cultivating friendships online anymore as much as it sucks to be lonely..it really doesn't help much to have online friends. I tend to overload people with txt in my IMs, type really fast and just get ignored. I can't really blame people for acting that way either, its reasonable. I use to have quite a few online friends but gradually I've pruned them all, ended the longest lasting one (10+ years) because he was an as*hole, and I communicate with approx. 1.5 people. One in email and someone else. Neither are close at all. |
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fleurdelily
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 04, 2011
Age: 46
Posts: 362
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 1:01 am Post subject: |
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OMG, THANK YOU I thought it was just me. I am nodding as I read the above posts, I am totally there, in the exact same situation. Had a facebook, connected with some people who shared a certain unique situation, thought they were like-minded, were "friends" for about a year, and flamed out just the way it would happen IRL. I've had several facebook pages, delete them, try again. Delete it. Post something, take it down two days later.... just YUCK. anxiety. Have been off FB for over a year and never ever want to even try that again. I either invest not enough of myself or way WAY too much... better to be with my own company, because sooner or later "friendships" will implode. I can't keep up
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*since I get asked fairly often, the avatar is a Claude Monet, it's lovely, isn't it? .... 127% Aloof, 99% Rigid, 86% Pragmatic, I am above the cutoff on all three scales. AQ 38 |
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EB
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 23, 2009
Posts: 163
Location: CA, USA
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 1:51 am Post subject: |
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I used to get paranoid whenever I post I made anywhere got replied to in fear that I may have upset someone and I said sorry when I didn't need to. In the last two-ish years I've mostly gotten over that partly from text based role playing games(kind of like writing parts of a story with other people online). I only get paranoid about my posts if I was tired or moody when I posted and may have ran my have said more than I should have had I been more awake or calm. I've also gotten better at editing my posts before I post them.
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I am female and was diagnosed on 12/30/11 with PDD-NOS, which overturned my previous not-quite-a-diagnosis of Asperger's Disorder from 2010 |
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HK416N
Snowy Owl
Joined: Aug 14, 2011
Posts: 126
Location: Mo i Rana
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 2:02 am Post subject: |
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| touchy this... yes for me.. dunno what to type.. do WANT to tho.. |
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Atomsk
Bass Fiend
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 1539
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 2:04 am Post subject: |
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I sometimes have difficulties with instant messaging - other times it clicks - but often I will not know what to say, whether I need to respond, etc.
I prefer doing long emails and such. Gives me time to think about what I'm saying. |
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Rascal77s
Picnic Basket Thief
Joined: Nov 13, 2011
Posts: 2337
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 2:04 am Post subject: |
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| "Social Anxiety Online"...... Sounds like an MMO for aspies. |
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Ataraxis
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 02, 2012
Age: 32
Posts: 39
Location: North Idaho
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 7:57 am Post subject: |
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My anxiety online is almost as bad as in person. I haven't used a chat or instant message program in over a decade. I use Facebook, but I'm essentially a voyeur, I look at other people's things without actually talking to other people outside of the occasional "happy birthday" when Facebook notifies me of someone's b-day. It's a one-way communication, so it's moderately "safe". Frequently, reading people's posts, whether on Facebook or forums like these, I type out a whole response, sometimes pretty long ones, and almost always just delete them without actually posting them, convincing myself no one wants to hear my ideas or opinions. I have a tendency to ignore texts I receive on my phone for similar reasons.
I don't know where it comes from, but most of the time, I am deathly afraid of communicating with people, even family members sometimes. I'm always convinced I'll sound like an idiot, or they'll hear what I'm saying and think I'm faking it (i.e. I am really, really bad at thanking people for gifts or help because I'm so afraid people will hear my "thank you" as being completely disingenuous, even when it isn't in any way) And then combined with the fact that my facial expressions and body language become extremely rigid if I think someone might be watching me, people have accused me of being arrogant or exploitative or just plain selfish, when it's just that I don't know how to convey something that actually means something to me to someone else. If it doesn't matter, I have a much easier time talking, but in matters I care about I almost completely freeze up. So I think most of my family think I'm just an ungrateful mooch, but since I'd never be able to actually ask anyone, I'll never know if that's the case or just a reflection of my abysmally low self-esteem. |
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26047
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 8:05 am Post subject: |
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| Rascal77s wrote: | | "Social Anxiety Online"...... Sounds like an MMO for aspies. |
There are social anxiety forums online that you can hang out at - one of the largest of those is Social Anxiety Support (http://www.socialanxietysupport.com), although I don't post there often. |
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bumble
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 27, 2011
Posts: 1389
Location: Norfolk, UK
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 9:52 am Post subject: |
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I get chased off of forum boards usually because I talk too much about my hobbies, myself (I tend to speak from my own perspective rather than from outside of myself as I can only relate to my own experience of things) and I can give out too much information (talk about things I shouldn't apparently as it's not the right time/place/forum board etc...).
Anyway people don't tend to like me and I usually get told I am a self absorbed twit who deserves to be mocked relentlessly and chased away.
I don't do it on purpose, I just forget myself and let my natural tendencies out without thinking about it (ie I relax too much lol). I forget to remind myself to do all the proper social stuff I am supposed to do all of the time that makes socialising so damned tiring. I also forget to not to do the things I am not supposed to do.
All the same, no I don't experience social anxiety when chatting in text online.
I think the people who chase me away because I can't be like them are judgemental arses....
When talking face to face however, I get a disconnect between mouth and brain and cannot get my words out properly. This poses me problems as it is hard to express myself clearly.
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For cross stitching, tapestry, other arts and crafts and the upcoming shark kingdom when I get around to it, visit: www.bumbleshobbyhome.blogspot.com |
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Joe90
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2010
Posts: 8252
Location: Great Britain
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 1:00 pm Post subject: |
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This is the strangest thing, because I have got severe social phobia, yet I seem to have very little social phobia when I'm online. When I'm on Facebook, I seem to express myself to the point where it becomes a little much, and I get people saying to me, ''you're always writing random crap on Facebook'', or, ''you got to be careful with what you put on Facebook, everyone can read it'', and I can't seem to stop myself from wanting to express myself, and I find I bring up my obsessions a lot on Facebook too. I don't do this otherwise in social situations. I keep quiet.
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Real gender: Female
From: East UK
Age: 23 |
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ghoti
out of water
Joined: May 05, 2012
Age: 45
Posts: 1314
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 1:13 pm Post subject: |
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I have GAD and believe that social anxiety is part of it. I find it extremely difficult to make friends in the "real world" but have been able to make friends on another non-related message board.
I believe that the internet is a great equalizer for ASDs as non-verbal communication is mostly gone on online message boards, along with the expectation of giving a quick, usually not well-thought out, response being absent. Plus you aren't expected to be interested in everything they are, thus only replying to topics that interest you.
Plus if I answer a rhetorical question or not understand a sarcastic response, it can be excused of the translation getting lost over the internet.  |
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roccoslife
Toucan
Joined: Jul 13, 2011
Age: 29
Posts: 293
Location: Essex, UK
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Bloodheart wrote: |
I remember once upon a time when I wasn't this anxious about talking online *sigh* |
Me too  I remember I used to be really chatty with people on forums and while playing WoW when it first came out. Now Im just as quiet online as I am in the real world and do what you describe, constantly typing things out, then thinking it sounds stupid and deleting it and starting over etc. I used to be big into msn messenger a few years ago too, it used to be my preffered method of communication with friends etc. Now I find it much harder than talking face to face or on the phone (not that anyone uses msn these days anyway).
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30 AQ
Your Aspie score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
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Last edited by roccoslife on Mon May 14, 2012 2:28 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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