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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14808
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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 Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 10:26 pm Post subject: Feeling guilty |
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I mean I have a few friends but I just feel bad having no income...I mean I'm so worthless I can't even keep a job. I'm hoping I can get on SSi though I know there is some stigma attached to it wither I disagree with it or not. but how the hell am i supposed to work if I can't even deal with two classes at a community college?
I just don't see why I should continue...main reason right now is I don't want to hurt my friends by killing myself.
I was going to start a new thread because I forgot I had posted this already, but to clear it up some.......I have decided to apply for SSI and I am worried about my college loans hoping its not to late to defer them because I can't remember when I was supposed to call by. So yeah a lot of major stress and if it is too late to defer it........then if I get on SSI I can expect that to go to the loans still leaving me broke.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream.
Last edited by Sweetleaf on Tue May 15, 2012 8:09 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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2wheels4ever
Just Another Weirdo From L.A.
Joined: May 04, 2012
Age: 41
Posts: 1336
Location: Losing status at the high school
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 1:40 am Post subject: |
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| In a way I'm on the same boat. As a mutant, make that 2 ways, as a Sabbath fan, make that 3 ways. Right now I have the SS check that goes toward my mom's house payment and a couple bills. I have a 'business' but I haven't had the same bookings I did the last 2 years around this time. I'm literally scrounging for pennies to buy a gallon of gas that lasts a couple days, and they raised the price 50 cents over the last week again. Lovely. But I hope you don't money=pride too much like I'd been, because that factored in huge with my pre-WP series of meltdowns. Anything that you can turn into marketable stuff with your time and energy? |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14808
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 2:18 pm Post subject: |
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| 2wheels4ever wrote: | | In a way I'm on the same boat. As a mutant, make that 2 ways, as a Sabbath fan, make that 3 ways. Right now I have the SS check that goes toward my mom's house payment and a couple bills. I have a 'business' but I haven't had the same bookings I did the last 2 years around this time. I'm literally scrounging for pennies to buy a gallon of gas that lasts a couple days, and they raised the price 50 cents over the last week again. Lovely. But I hope you don't money=pride too much like I'd been, because that factored in huge with my pre-WP series of meltdowns. Anything that you can turn into marketable stuff with your time and energy? |
Not that I know of....I don't even know what's marketable, but yeah I don't have any real skills that jobs look for.
Also I am pretty sure about applying for SSI......I just don't like the stigma that comes with that, you know its hard knowing the society at large thinks you're a parasite because you need financial help. but yeah that's a lot of the reason I only applied once and then didn't appeal it when it got denied I felt it was too much on top of college to try appealing it and I was hoping I would not actually need it......and well I've gotten the impression as far as societies concerned if I can't 'do it myself.' I certainly shouldn't expect any help especially if there is any chance it comes from tax payers.
So yeah I'm just feeling down about things not to mention even if I do get SSI there's the chance most of that might go to paying my college loans back and if I'm lucky maybe I'd get to keep a small portion for myself. So yeah it seems even if I go through all the trouble to apply for that and then appeal if it gets denied......it will all be so the college loan place can happily take my SSI money and I'll still be pretty much just as broke.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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pezar
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 06, 2008
Age: 38
Posts: 1631
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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| If you get SSI, you will likely be eligible for Medicaid. While that won't pay for much of a doctor in most places, you still might be able to have a formal dx, and apply for dismissal of your loans. Or some psychiatrists will accept you as an indigent (meaning non-paying due to inability to work) patient, and you might be able to get a formal dx that way, and then apply for loan dismissal. I became a patient of one of my city's most prominent psychiatrists because he wanted to show the citizens that he was a good citizen and all, and quietly started looking for a few patients he could see on a pro bono (free) basis in exchange for using them in his research and publicity campaigns, and that's how I got in. |
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pezar
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 06, 2008
Age: 38
Posts: 1631
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 3:38 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | Also I am pretty sure about applying for SSI......I just don't like the stigma that comes with that, you know its hard knowing the society at large thinks you're a parasite because you need financial help. but yeah that's a lot of the reason I only applied once and then didn't appeal it when it got denied I felt it was too much on top of college to try appealing it and I was hoping I would not actually need it......and well I've gotten the impression as far as societies concerned if I can't 'do it myself.' I certainly shouldn't expect any help especially if there is any chance it comes from tax payers.
So yeah I'm just feeling down about things not to mention even if I do get SSI there's the chance most of that might go to paying my college loans back and if I'm lucky maybe I'd get to keep a small portion for myself. So yeah it seems even if I go through all the trouble to apply for that and then appeal if it gets denied......it will all be so the college loan place can happily take my SSI money and I'll still be pretty much just as broke. |
There will always be people who will whine about supporting "freeloaders". Most of the people who do whine about it are secretly taking all sorts of govt assistance like unemployment checks and food stamps and medical help for their kids and they send their kids to child care paid for by Uncle Sam. So most of them are hypocrites. Therefore, don't worry about them. If they make under $40k a year (which most of them do) they don't pay very much in the way of taxes anyway, and they get all sorts of tax credits from the govt, and then complain that everybody ELSE is a freeloader, but not them personally, oh no. My point is, don't worry about what NTs say, most of the ones who scream loudest about "welfare queens" are on the dole too. It's easy for billionaires like Mitt Romney to manipulate simple minded people. Do you really think he knows what it's like to rely on a paycheck? Hell no, he was born into money. His wife has literally never worked a day in her life, and then says that "I am a mother, and that's work". Very funny. Working class women work at the office, then come home and raise their kids. And they don't have nannies and cooks and housekeepers, like the Romneys always have. So ignore stupid people, and do what is right for YOU. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14808
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 3:45 pm Post subject: |
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| pezar wrote: | | If you get SSI, you will likely be eligible for Medicaid. While that won't pay for much of a doctor in most places, you still might be able to have a formal dx, and apply for dismissal of your loans. Or some psychiatrists will accept you as an indigent (meaning non-paying due to inability to work) patient, and you might be able to get a formal dx that way, and then apply for loan dismissal. I became a patient of one of my city's most prominent psychiatrists because he wanted to show the citizens that he was a good citizen and all, and quietly started looking for a few patients he could see on a pro bono (free) basis in exchange for using them in his research and publicity campaigns, and that's how I got in. |
Yeah I think getting on SSI is the only way for me to get medicaid.....so I'll work on that, I'm still just anxious about it especially because I feel like a lot of my family is going to have a problem with it and will think it's nonsense and that I should just get a job. But whatever its not for their benefit.
I did find out I am not late to defer my loans and I should be getting the deferment application in the mail so that way my payments would be on hold........and I don't know maybe I could get the loan dismissal thing after I get the AS, Depression, Anxiety and PTSD diagnosed if I can prove that it interfered with my ability to function in college. which maybe the AS didn't really but the others certainly did.
But yeah I'll look into available mental health resources......and my mom wants me to schedule a regular doctors appointment at this place that does it for free if you have no income so when I do that maybe I'll also inquire about if they have anything availible or whatever. And other then that I guess I'll try not to get to down on myself about it.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14808
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 3:50 pm Post subject: |
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| pezar wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | Also I am pretty sure about applying for SSI......I just don't like the stigma that comes with that, you know its hard knowing the society at large thinks you're a parasite because you need financial help. but yeah that's a lot of the reason I only applied once and then didn't appeal it when it got denied I felt it was too much on top of college to try appealing it and I was hoping I would not actually need it......and well I've gotten the impression as far as societies concerned if I can't 'do it myself.' I certainly shouldn't expect any help especially if there is any chance it comes from tax payers.
So yeah I'm just feeling down about things not to mention even if I do get SSI there's the chance most of that might go to paying my college loans back and if I'm lucky maybe I'd get to keep a small portion for myself. So yeah it seems even if I go through all the trouble to apply for that and then appeal if it gets denied......it will all be so the college loan place can happily take my SSI money and I'll still be pretty much just as broke. |
There will always be people who will whine about supporting "freeloaders". Most of the people who do whine about it are secretly taking all sorts of govt assistance like unemployment checks and food stamps and medical help for their kids and they send their kids to child care paid for by Uncle Sam. So most of them are hypocrites. Therefore, don't worry about them. If they make under $40k a year (which most of them do) they don't pay very much in the way of taxes anyway, and they get all sorts of tax credits from the govt, and then complain that everybody ELSE is a freeloader, but not them personally, oh no. My point is, don't worry about what NTs say, most of the ones who scream loudest about "welfare queens" are on the dole too. It's easy for billionaires like Mitt Romney to manipulate simple minded people. Do you really think he knows what it's like to rely on a paycheck? Hell no, he was born into money. His wife has literally never worked a day in her life, and then says that "I am a mother, and that's work". Very funny. Working class women work at the office, then come home and raise their kids. And they don't have nannies and cooks and housekeepers, like the Romneys always have. So ignore stupid people, and do what is right for YOU. |
Yeah maybe they are hypocrites...I have to say though its not only neurotypicals that seem to think that and then of course not all neurotypicals do think that. But yeah its just hard not feeling bad about it when it seems to get thrown around so much in the media so I feel like its certainly one of those things people would be judgemental about. I mean for instance I don't think putting SSI as income will get you very many dates on Okcupid.com for instance not that I or anyone else should measure their self worth on if they can get dates on that stupid website or not but you see my point hopefully.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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pezar
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 06, 2008
Age: 38
Posts: 1631
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | Yeah maybe they are hypocrites...I have to say though its not only neurotypicals that seem to think that and then of course not all neurotypicals do think that. But yeah its just hard not feeling bad about it when it seems to get thrown around so much in the media so I feel like its certainly one of those things people would be judgemental about. I mean for instance I don't think putting SSI as income will get you very many dates on Okcupid.com for instance not that I or anyone else should measure their self worth on if they can get dates on that stupid website or not but you see my point hopefully. |
Any man who wants a rich kid to date just wants her money. IMO people who have no money get to weed out all the moochers, then if somebody loves them they know it's for them. Google Doris Duke, she was the heir to a billion dollar fortune but died alone because men only wanted her money and not her, then after she died a judge was bribed to toss her will and hand her money to people she hated, and they transferred all her money to themselves and abandoned all her gardens and mansions. As for the media, media is just population manipulation, I mean the media manipulates people using techniques perfected by the Nazis, what does that tell you? If the little people fight each other they're not killing the billionaires, and since the billionaires own the media... Kill your tv, and go out and get things done. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14808
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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| pezar wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | Yeah maybe they are hypocrites...I have to say though its not only neurotypicals that seem to think that and then of course not all neurotypicals do think that. But yeah its just hard not feeling bad about it when it seems to get thrown around so much in the media so I feel like its certainly one of those things people would be judgemental about. I mean for instance I don't think putting SSI as income will get you very many dates on Okcupid.com for instance not that I or anyone else should measure their self worth on if they can get dates on that stupid website or not but you see my point hopefully. |
Any man who wants a rich kid to date just wants her money. IMO people who have no money get to weed out all the moochers, then if somebody loves them they know it's for them. Google Doris Duke, she was the heir to a billion dollar fortune but died alone because men only wanted her money and not her, then after she died a judge was bribed to toss her will and hand her money to people she hated, and they transferred all her money to themselves and abandoned all her gardens and mansions. As for the media, media is just population manipulation, I mean the media manipulates people using techniques perfected by the Nazis, what does that tell you? If the little people fight each other they're not killing the billionaires, and since the billionaires own the media... Kill your tv, and go out and get things done. |
Well even if I know all that is true, it still does not change that the way it makes me feel when people look down on me....but that's no reason to sit and do nothing I guess which is why I'll try and get on SSI. Also I am saying even people who are just looking for an adult to have a relationship are going to see SSI or no job and make all kinds of assumptions...though that there does not bother me as I know the people that would think that would not messege me but I guess its just depressing knowing what some people think of it.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14808
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 10:37 pm Post subject: |
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I just have to keep listening to the music.......it helps me deal with how I feel and so maybe good music is something to live for after all.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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2wheels4ever
Just Another Weirdo From L.A.
Joined: May 04, 2012
Age: 41
Posts: 1336
Location: Losing status at the high school
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| Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 2:38 pm Post subject: |
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By marketable I mean making something you can sell, like jewelry or baked goods. I know a lot of dispensaries offer edibles but I don't know where they get them from, they might not have a reliable source either
IMO online dating is like making your own 'kick me' sign and wearing it around, even when I padded my profile (as much I could as an aspie) it didn't change the odds. My only RL relationships to this point came from MHA people, and short-term at that. And the ironic thing I keep seeing is where a 'good' girl is supporting a total classic deadbeat with nothing to offer. Part of me is wanting to just give up, the anxiety of having another set of toes to step on and all the potential 'deal breakers' is enough to throw up my hands sometimes, but I miss that part of giving myself to another person all the time, another arm of anxiety is feeling like I have to be a provider, when I can sometimes barely scrape through the month for myself how would I buy clothes and take trips? But if I met someone again on SSI I wouldn't judge them for that, as long as they had a sense of priorities |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14808
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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| 2wheels4ever wrote: | By marketable I mean making something you can sell, like jewelry or baked goods. I know a lot of dispensaries offer edibles but I don't know where they get them from, they might not have a reliable source either.
Well for one I don't really have any supplies to make things like that, nor am I that great at it.......and finding buyers would be an issue. I would probably end up spending more than I make just on the supplies. Also one has to get a license to produce things for dispensaries and of course the nessisary materials. I mean basically I have no money.....cannot find a job and would not be able to function at one if I did(hence the SSI) though maybe I could do something of that nature later down the road.
IMO online dating is like making your own 'kick me' sign and wearing it around, even when I padded my profile (as much I could as an aspie) it didn't change the odds. My only RL relationships to this point came from MHA people, and short-term at that. And the ironic thing I keep seeing is where a 'good' girl is supporting a total classic deadbeat with nothing to offer. Part of me is wanting to just give up, the anxiety of having another set of toes to step on and all the potential 'deal breakers' is enough to throw up my hands sometimes, but I miss that part of giving myself to another person all the time, another arm of anxiety is feeling like I have to be a provider, when I can sometimes barely scrape through the month for myself how would I buy clothes and take trips? But if I met someone again on SSI I wouldn't judge them for that, as long as they had a sense of priorities |
Well I don't really do online dating......I talk to someone online and then we meet up, but yeah I can't say I am all that interested in that anymore just something I tried a couple times.
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