Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 10:52 pm Post subject: Does your family say things like this?
"You need to realize, your not liking social situations is just because of the aspergers. You should try to overcome it."
ARRRRGGH!
That's like me saying; "You should realize, your dislike of living alone indefinitely is because of millions of years of social emotions drummed into you by evolution. You should try to overcome it."
A large percentage of my personality is defined by aspergers, and I like it, probably because I'm only mildly affected, but regardless...I wouldn't ever trade aspergers for the ability to function in social situations, as that comes with a far greater deficit, the derangement of being normal...
That's rather ignorant of them. You should tell them. [quote]That's like me saying; "You should realize, your dislike of living alone indefinitely is because of millions of years of social emotions drummed into you by evolution. You should try to overcome it."
Joined: Aug 28, 2005 Age: 29 Posts: 10520 Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 4:38 am Post subject:
My father used to tell me that I should get out and socialise more. That was before any of us knew about my AS, and before he accepted that I have my own social temperament which is not his to dictate. _________________ Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I !!!!
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
I think there is something to be said for trying to improve specific social problems (assuming you want to) - but to "overcome aspergers" just doesnt fit with me, you can overcome specific problems, but not part of your personality _________________ No one will tell me who and what I am and can be.
Joined: Feb 24, 2010 Posts: 8239 Location: Great Britain
Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 6:24 am Post subject:
People don't say that, but when I say, ''I wish I could attend a social situation without feeling shy'', people usually go, ''well it's only upto you to change yourself.''
AAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Why do people think I choose to be shy?!!! I hate being shy. I wish I had better social skills, but I can't magic a social brain. If I do try to be confident, other people can sense it's false anyway, and I'll still be as rejected as I am being shy. _________________ Real gender: Female
From: East UK
Age: 23
You may not be able to overcome it, but with work you can certainly improve! Even if you have no desire to socialize whatsoever, just trying to learn how can make your life much easier and more fulfilling in most aspects.
Joined: Apr 21, 2012 Age: 34 Posts: 273 Location: edge of sanity and bliss
Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 7:58 am Post subject:
I remember my mom telling me many times, "You should makes more friends"..." you have to show yourself friendly to make friends"..."derpette wants to be friends with you but you are making it impossible" (the girl had actually approached my mother asking what was wrong with me).
Sigh...I would either come up with some wild fact to tell her about why I didn't/wouldn't or simply wouldn't respond to her at all. _________________ Your Aspie score: 193 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 7 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
People don't say that, but when I say, ''I wish I could attend a social situation without feeling shy'', people usually go, ''well it's only upto you to change yourself.''
AAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Why do people think I choose to be shy?!!! I hate being shy. I wish I had better social skills, but I can't magic a social brain. If I do try to be confident, other people can sense it's false anyway, and I'll still be as rejected as I am being shy.
I'm not sure if shy is the right word. I'm never shy, I simply never know what to say, therefore I never say anything lol. Perhaps this is what you meant? Or maybe both lol.
I speculated a while ago that; If a person can justify an action with a belief, they can then interpret that action in any light they want according to what the belief is.
Eg. "The Jews aren't people, they don't have personalities, they are abominations." Therefore it is morally correct to gas the Jews (In that persons mind).
Eg. "God wants me to blow myself up and kill those around me. God has promised me 72 virgins for doing so. The people I kill are abominations in the eyes of God." Therefore, it is then morally correct to blow yourself up and kill those around you (in that persons mind).
So, theoretically, if you can indicate the belief that is making you feel that particular way, all you have to do is make yourself believe otherwise. Thus, you change the emotion associated with the belief.
Eg. Nobody is afraid of heights, they are afraid of falling and dying. Therefore, the reason they are afraid is because of the belief that they are going to die if they fall. So, if a person can change that belief; make themselves temporarily believe that they won't die if they fall, or perhaps; that it is impossible for them to fall, then their fear may very well dissipate or disappear.
So, in order for you to overcome your shyness, you simply have to indicate the belief involved and change it accordingly.
I hope I'm making sense, lol. But of course, even with the shyness gone, you still probably won't be able to figure out what to say in a social situation, like me lol.
Live on a hippie commune. Nocturnal, isolated mostly. Once in a while I put my periscope up. Speak my mind, pretty soon they want me to get that periscope back down. No problem. _________________ ASQ: 45. RAADS-R: 229.
BAP: 132 aloof, 132 rigid, 104 pragmatic.
Aspie score: 173 / 200.
NT score: 33 / 200.
EQ: 6.
Joined: Feb 05, 2010 Posts: 13493 Location: My house
Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 5:50 am Post subject:
I remember when I was in 5th and 6th grade, mom used to tell me to play with kids my own age. But they didn't want me around and they were boring and we didn't have things in common anymore. Plus I could not relate to them. They grew out of me while I stayed behind in social skills. So I went for the younger kids since I could relate to them. But I did want friends my own age but it was not possible anymore.
I remember my mom telling me many times, "You should makes more friends"...
Yeah, I got that, too and was always angered by the sheer stupidity of how unhelpful that is. It was as if "make friends" was a simple action like "make toast". Whenever I asked "OK, how do I make more friends" nobody could tell me anything specific.
Joined: Apr 21, 2012 Age: 34 Posts: 273 Location: edge of sanity and bliss
Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 10:27 am Post subject:
FMX wrote:
zombiegirl2010 wrote:
I remember my mom telling me many times, "You should makes more friends"...
Yeah, I got that, too and was always angered by the sheer stupidity of how unhelpful that is. It was as if "make friends" was a simple action like "make toast". Whenever I asked "OK, how do I make more friends" nobody could tell me anything specific.
The ironic thing is that she has some Aspie traits, and has never had many friends. She simply could not keep them. For as long as I can remember she has only been able to keep one friend at a time. _________________ Your Aspie score: 193 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 7 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
