Was more perfectionistic in the past than I am now. Having four kids helps, but frustrates as well
I am the most hard working person I know, I will tire my self out every day and regret not having worked harder. Apparently I get more tired than NT people, doing certain tasks. Since I did not know that I had Asperger, I thought that was the way to be, now I have known for some weeks but it is still no excuse for working less (on the contrary, I think I will work harder trying to divide time into "blocks" of work and downtime, to recharge. It will make me more effective.).
I am not happy with mediocre, things do not have to be perfect. Perfect is difficult to reach in my world eg. perfect children, perfect garden, perfect grades, perfect work performance (used to work in the government). Trying to reach those goals would be rather self destroying - so I opt for good/really good instead of perfect. Does this make sense
Helle
I am not happy with mediocre, things do not have to be perfect. Perfect is difficult to reach in my world eg. perfect children, perfect garden, perfect grades, perfect work performance (used to work in the government). Trying to reach those goals would be rather self destroying - so I opt for good/really good instead of perfect. Does this make sense
Helle
It makes perfect sense that it would be self destroying, but every time I hear a recording of myself that isn't perfect I just cringe and want to hide.
Joined: Feb 13, 2010 Posts: 18156 Location: the island of loveable toy humans
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 4:11 am Post subject: Re: Needing PERFECTION
Atomsk wrote:
As far as banging ivories, I have given my synthesizer many MANY of what I like to call "durability checks" during moments of rage/frustration. It's held up to everything so far, and I am by no means gentle - if you want a sturdy synth buy a Roland, hahahahaha. Never ever have I done anything like that on stage, though. I always get myself into a certain mindset and I think that greatly reduces my chances of getting enraged.
i wish i could do like you do with actual gigs and talent and all.
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 5:55 am Post subject: Re: Needing PERFECTION
auntblabby wrote:
i wish i could do like you do with actual gigs and talent and all.
Thanks. I'm sure you're talented, and it's never a bad day to start trying to get gigs / get in a band that does gigs. Do you have absolute pitch? I'm thinking I may remember you saying something about it before, but I'm not entirely certain.
Joined: Feb 13, 2010 Posts: 18156 Location: the island of loveable toy humans
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 6:18 am Post subject: Re: Needing PERFECTION
Atomsk wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
i wish i could do like you do with actual gigs and talent and all.
Thanks. I'm sure you're talented, and it's never a bad day to start trying to get gigs / get in a band that does gigs. Do you have absolute pitch? I'm thinking I may remember you saying something about it before, but I'm not entirely certain.
thank you but if i am talented, i haven't figured out just what that talent might be all about. when i was younger i had a fine sense of pitch within a few cycles per second [according to the old-fashioned pitch discerning machine with the glowing tube that my band instructor used on me], and i could indeed tune band instruments by ear and with precision. but as i've grown decades older, my pitch sense has distressingly deteriorated to where everything sounds 1&1/2 semitones sharp to me now. i can correct for this somewhat but no longer within a discrete few cycles per second, but still good enough for people to play their instruments in tune to the satisfaction of everybody 'cept for people with the hearing acuity/pitch sense that i used to have. as far as musical talent goes, i can't play much beyond a kazoo. my fingers would not callous sufficient to play the acoustic guitar, and i suppose i should've tried a classical guitar with gut strings, maybe one day. i wonder how hard it is for a no-talent to learn how to play a uke? such a friendly little instrument. in any case it took me forever to move my fingers on the fretboard and i lacked the muscletone in my arms/wrists/hands to hold down the chords. i lack the ability to multitask which is necessary for playing things like organs [with multiple manuals and pedalboard] and pianos [with damper pedals] and drumsets with all the toys. i never was able to sight-read fluently. i can read music mind you, but i can't follow along with it in real time, my brain is too slow. so i must content myself with being able to play the boombox
When I was younger I would lose my temper if the art or craft I was creating wasn't (in my eyes) perfect and I would destroy it in a rage. I think the worst thing I can remember doing was destroying a piece of knitting that I had worked hours and hours on. It was looking good and I was happy until I made a mistake and couldn't work out how to fix it, so I ripped the stitches off my needles in an angry rage and unraveled it... hours of work destroyed in a few minutes! I so regretted it as soon as I saw the pile of yarn in front of me. I know the mistake could have been fixed if I'd had a break then gone back to it. I've destroyed paintings, writing and other artwork because they just weren't up to my standards (but then, nothing ever is).
Now, when I'm creating and I feel something isn't perfect, I have learned to put it down, walk away, vent my anger away from the work (if I need to vent anger), then go back later to see if I still think it's not perfect enough. Stuff still gets destroyed, but not as much, and only if I really think it's still crap after seeing it with fresh eyes.
There's still a lot of things I'd love to do but don't because I'm scared of not being perfect... singing in public comes to mind (I have been invited to join a choir).
Joined: Apr 24, 2011 Posts: 1983 Location: Twilight Zone
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 7:52 am Post subject: Perfectionism
Got news for youse! There is no such thing as perfection. It is not possible for anything to be perfect. Nothing and no one is perfect, so get over it! Just do the best you can, and move on.
Joined: May 01, 2012 Age: 22 Posts: 67 Location: Victoria, Australia
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 8:18 am Post subject:
Questor got it what we consider right for now that there is no such thing as perfection. Of course Socrates wouldn't be happy with me saying that.
But in line with the nothing is perfect idea it never stops me from trying. I have been so obsessed with getting my tasks perfect that when I couldn't I put my fist through a wall...... I never realised how weak the wall was!
I found that the best way to overcome this was to settle down and admit that what you have done is enough and not worth any bleeding fists over. _________________ Trust thoses that seek truth, doubt those that find it
Never expect a speedy response
Ever heard of Glenn Gould? A fantastic Canadian pianist, he became obsessed with making the perfect recording of the Goldberg Variations, among other things. Spent the better part of his life splicing the 'perfect' bits of his recordings together. He was a fascinating individual.
Joined: Nov 01, 2011 Age: 28 Posts: 324 Location: Seattle, WA
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 4:27 pm Post subject:
BunnyMum wrote:
When I was younger I would lose my temper if the art or craft I was creating wasn't (in my eyes) perfect and I would destroy it in a rage..
I used to do this when I was still drawing in pencil. (Now it's all Digital so it's easier to correct mistakes) When I was coloring something as a kid, if I went outside the lines too much I would get extremely angry at myself and even start hitting my hand as punishment. _________________ https://www.weasyl.com/profile/thetigress
"She who was once my hard sun is now my soul reaver."
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 9:06 pm Post subject: Re: Perfectionism
questor wrote:
Got news for youse! There is no such thing as perfection. It is not possible for anything to be perfect. Nothing and no one is perfect, so get over it! Just do the best you can, and move on.
It doesn't matter if it's actually perfect, or whether being perfect is possible, or what not. The need for perfection, the desire for it, and the feeling I get when things fall short, is still there. Trust me, if I could "get over it" I would have long ago. Logically I know it's ridiculous to have these expectations, but I can't help it - I've tried, and I still try.
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 9:19 pm Post subject: Re: Needing PERFECTION
auntblabby wrote:
thank you but if i am talented, i haven't figured out just what that talent might be all about. when i was younger i had a fine sense of pitch within a few cycles per second [according to the old-fashioned pitch discerning machine with the glowing tube that my band instructor used on me], and i could indeed tune band instruments by ear and with precision.
I used to be the teacher aide for the guitar instructor when I was in high school, and I'd tune everybody's guitars by ear. That certainly caught the instructor's attention, haha. I remember you talking about the cochlear shrinkage that causes a shift in pitch perception in people with absolute pitch. I really hope mine doesn't get bad, but at least I know that it happens now.
auntblabby wrote:
i wonder how hard it is for a no-talent to learn how to play a uke?
Uke is very easy on the hands and gentle on the fingers. They can sound pretty nice too, nothing like a toy, if you get one intended to be an actual musical instrument. Have you considered any wind instruments?
Quote:
i lack the ability to multitask which is necessary for playing things like organs [with multiple manuals and pedalboard] and pianos [with damper pedals] and drumsets with all the toys. i never was able to sight-read fluently. i can read music mind you, but i can't follow along with it in real time, my brain is too slow.
I do well with multitasking body parts musically, with piano, organs, drums, and all sorts of other stuff. My problem comes with singing and playing at the same time, when the vocals and the instrument part I'm playing don't mix. I can do it, I just need to practice it more than I do other things. It usually happens when I'm doing lead vocals and bass at the same time. On bass I can sight read like a sight reading machine, and I do well with it on piano as long as it's nothing too complicated, but I really prefer just listening to a song and then playing it. I strongly dislike the overdependence our musical culture has on sheet music, because I think people would be better musicians if they had to figure things out by ear more often.
Joined: Feb 13, 2010 Posts: 18156 Location: the island of loveable toy humans
Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 3:25 am Post subject: Re: Needing PERFECTION
Atomsk wrote:
Have you considered any wind instruments?
through elementary/middle/jr/high school, i played a succession of wind instruments [clarinet, alto clarinet, bass clarinet, contralto clarinet, tuba] adequately well for the time, though i never got beyond 2nd chair on clarinet, due to my lack of sightreading ability. i've always had a preference for low-pitched instruments, so i tried to play bassoon but i couldn't get the embouchure right, and just squawked horribly on it. so i went to tuba, but that wore out my lips which became chronically chapped. i'd love to own a BBb contrabass clarinet, those are such sephulchral beasts that vibrate the floor and air around them. below, is the deepest clarinet ever made-
below, is the deepest flute ever made-
Atomsk wrote:
I think people would be better musicians if they had to figure things out by ear more often.
you are very advanced, AFAIC. you have a quick brain and a quick body, compared to many. in a way, being a successful musician requires one to have great/quickthinking social intelligence to be interacting with other human musicians.
p.s.- speaking of singing and playing simultaneously, the late karen carpenter [who was a very good drummer, btw] could drum and sing seamlessly together. same for ringo starr and the late "the band" drummer. they amaze me.
Last edited by auntblabby on Tue May 22, 2012 3:28 am; edited 1 time in total
but if i am talented, i haven't figured out just what that talent might be all about. when i was younger i had a fine sense of pitch within a few cycles per second [according to the old-fashioned pitch discerning machine with the glowing tube that my band instructor used on me], and i could indeed tune band instruments by ear and with precision. but as i've grown decades older, my pitch sense has distressingly deteriorated to where everything sounds 1&1/2 semitones sharp to me now. i can correct for this somewhat but no longer within a discrete few cycles per second, but still good enough for people to play their instruments in tune to the satisfaction of everybody 'cept for people with the hearing acuity/pitch sense that i used to have. as far as musical talent goes, i can't play much beyond a kazoo. my fingers would not callous sufficient to play the acoustic guitar, and i suppose i should've tried a classical guitar with gut strings, maybe one day. i wonder how hard it is for a no-talent to learn how to play a uke? such a friendly little instrument. in any case it took me forever to move my fingers on the fretboard and i lacked the muscletone in my arms/wrists/hands to hold down the chords. i lack the ability to multitask which is necessary for playing things like organs [with multiple manuals and pedalboard] and pianos [with damper pedals] and drumsets with all the toys. i never was able to sight-read fluently. i can read music mind you, but i can't follow along with it in real time, my brain is too slow. 
so i must content myself with being able to play the boombox 
