Hi from a possible subclinical Aspie

drgoodietwoshoes · Tufted Titmouse Joined: May 17, 2012 Age: 33 Posts: 49

ok. . .I've been lurking here for the last week or so (I actually posted a really long post, but nobody responded so I deleted it. . .I decided to try again without so much detail). I'm a girl, i'm 32, i have a hubby and 4 year-old daughter, and a job, but I frequently get myself into situations at work where i upset someone... (or some people maybe) without realizing it at ALL. I estimated it to be at least once a year, but my coworker suggested it was a lot more frequently than that. This time it took me two days to figure out that someone was mad at me. . .so this upsets me quite a bit. I really do try to not upset people and i really do try to follow the "rules" but I guess I don't get it (well that is what i keep hearing). i usually try to guess what I might have done, but am completely shocked when I find out what it was. This also happened a LOT in my family as a kid and with my husband (although i think he has started to accept who I am and I have started to be able to apply some of the things he needs me to do). . .
well this time one of the counselors I work with suggested that I might want to consider the possibility that I might have Asperger's. . .which would explain, well, my life really, better than the various other things i've come up with when I am trying to figure out how I've managed to mess up something so bad. Well, i'm pretty sure he mentioned this possibility the last time i had a situation and I just shrugged it off. So I got home and told my husband, and he was like, "Duh, I've been saying that for the last 5 years." I tell my sister and she was like, "Duh I've been telling you that for the last 10 years." So I start really digging into my research ('cause that is how I role. . .I start obsessing--actually I started obsessing before I told my sister and husband really). I found the Aspie Quiz and I scored a 137/200 on the aspie scale and a 68 on the "normal" scale. . .the readout says, "you are probably an Aspie." I retake the other AQ test and i score a 38, then i take a scientific survey looking at the Broader Autistic Phenotype (i like to be thorough), and I scored above the threshold on all three measures. . .I still don't feel comfortable calling myself an Aspie, because because I can obviously function in society. I have a job (although I am fairly certain I am on my way to being labeled "not a team player" no matter how hard i try to be one). And I don't want people to think I'm making up an excuse to be lazy, rude, self-centered, uncaring, etc. I also don't want to take away from the people who really do need help.
But the more research I do the more I start to realize some very interesting things. . .my inability to smell. . .that could be related. Many times I think I smell something, that nobody else can smell. . .I think i must be imagining it b/c as far as I can tell I can't smell anything when other people say they can. . .I realize that I frequently hear things that other people can't. . .but apparently this happens to me more than most people. . .it is like hearing sounds inside of sounds. . .I could go on and on. But man, the whole smelling thing? an actual reason why I can't smell (but sometimes think I am smelling)!! An explanation for why I had trouble with making/keeping friends in school and at work?! this actually explains a LOT of the things I get teased for as being "weird."
After mulling this over for the last week or so I'm starting to feel relief. . .a real answer! I am fairly certain my psychiatrist will not diagnose me with it. But I would feel better if someone said, yeah, it sounds like you are on the spectrum (someone other than the counselor i work with Smile

). I like to label and box things to explain them. I've read some things that say a lot of people don't get an official diagnosis, they figure it out by studying and don't feel the point of a diagnoses unless they need help. But it also helps some people to accept themselves and understand themselves and you know what, now that I am starting to accept this as a possibility I am starting to really get comfortable in my own skin. Whenever I start to doubt and think there is nothing wrong with me, that I am just self-centered, rude, uncaring, I just tell myself I'm just wired differently.
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Aspie score: 137of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 68of 200
Very likely an Aspie
EQ=16/SQ=94 Extremely Systemizing
AQ=38