invisibubble
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 16, 2012
Posts: 84
Location: Australia
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 Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 3:21 am Post subject: Do platonic friendships really exist? |
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Can anyone help me out with this - what is the appropriate way to behave with and what should you expect of people of the opposite gender when you are no longer single? Looking back, I've missed a lot of things going on. Like, I used to have a plenty of guy friends until I started going out with my boyfriend, then all my guy friends disappeared. I think now, some might have been interested in me but just admitted defeat when I started going out with someone else. I think the rest avoided me because they didn't want to step on what they perceived as my boyfriend's turf. It all surprised me because I thought all the friendships were platonic and couldn't see something wrong with having guy friends even if I did have a boyfriend.
In workplaces I've found women didn't like me because I didn't experience the world the same way as them and they didn't like that. I found the men tended not to make assumptions about how I'd experience the world - the polite and decent guys kept me at arm's length though and then there was one that was pretty sleazy (that I didn't realise at the time) and sometimes hugged me or kissed me on the cheek but I didn't really get what he was like until he started saying sexual things that made me really uncomfortable (and I was already with my boyfriend at that time).
So it all just makes me wonder - once you're older and "taken" is it possible to have healthy, truly platonic friendships with people of the opposite gender? I was once told by a man that guys have no interest in females if they can't have (now or in the future) a sexual relationship. Whilst I don't believe that's true for all guys is it true for most NTs? I'll be heading into a new line of work soon that's really male-dominated and am starting to think about how I'll get on with co-workers and am feeling really nervous. |
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redrobin62
Doppelgänger
Joined: Apr 03, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 4077
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 3:31 am Post subject: |
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Sorry. A straight male and straight female at the age of sexual exploration and ability could NEVER be platonic friends. It's a societal impossibility.
Last edited by redrobin62 on Tue May 22, 2012 3:53 am; edited 1 time in total |
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invisibubble
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 16, 2012
Posts: 84
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 3:38 am Post subject: |
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| What is that "age"? I would have thought I was well past it - I'm in my 30s now. |
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BMctav
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Posts: 144
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| Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 9:06 am Post subject: |
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It's definitely possible to have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite gender. I'm an NT male and almost every woman I know is married or in a relationship. I get on fine with them.
If a woman is not available for a relationship (maybe she's married, gay or whatever), I just don't entertain any thought of a romantic relationship with them and can easily be friends with them.
If I fancied a single woman and we were being friendly, I don't think it's realistic or possible to maintain a friendship with them if they find a partner as it hurts too much. Ah, unrequited love.  |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2624
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 11:15 am Post subject: |
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As said, two straight male and female people that find each other attractive, not really. At least, not without pretences.
I have platonic friendships with women but they are taken and/or I wouldn't consider "going there" so that makes it all the more possible.
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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RightGalaxy
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 22, 2008
Posts: 1497
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| Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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All of my platonic relationships are with gay men. In my opinion, you can't have a platonic relationship when you are married or if a male friend has gotten married. I believe it to be a FACT that when a man sees NO CHANCE of sex with a woman, he is no longer available to her.
Gay men don't want sex with a woman, so they stick around. Once someone told me a really filthy joke but this joke is much more than just a joke. Here, I'll make it a bit cleaner: Why do men talk to women? Answer: Because they have vaginas. Guys get along fine with each other. They don't need us for platonic relationships. Seriously, would you keep on putting money into an empty vending machine waiting for some sort of treat to come out?? Generally speaking, guys really don't think that much of us. The women that guys rate the best are the ones that give them the strongest orgasms. I'm going to get bashed for this but I don't care.
If they want good food, they go to mama's. If they like sports, they get with other guys. When you possess female parts, what do you think that want to do?! See that guy that you complained about. If he were able, he would have liked to put you right on a desk and you know what! Some friend huh? If a male friend sticks around even after you're married, either he's gay, or he's hoping that you set him up someday with a girlfriend, or he's rather sick/desparate or lonely because he's sick and desparate. A decent guy will back off when a gal is officially taken. A decent girl will back off once a guy is officially taken as well. That's how it goes. |
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DaBeef2112
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 19, 2011
Age: 42
Posts: 144
Location: Toronto
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| Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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Possible yes, likely no. Most men I know don't befriend women unless they hope that one day it will become something more. Basically the stay friends with a women just waiting for the chance to move it to the next step.
Conversely women seem to be able to have male friends that to them are just friends and seem blind to the fact the man really wants more. Despite me not being that good at reading people I usually pick up on this and when my soon to be ex-wife doesn't. Like I tell her, if a man goes out of his way to talk to you then he is almost certainly interested in you romantically.
_________________
Self Diagnosed Asperger's since 2010
Officially Diagnosed Asperger's and ADHD-PI March 2012
Your Aspie score: 152 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 42 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
AQ = 41 EQ = 9 |
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enrico_dandolo
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 21, 2011
Posts: 866
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| Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 1:25 pm Post subject: |
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| As a male, I would not seek a sexual relationship with a female friend. I do believe platonic relationships between sexes exist, because they are the only one I ever wanted and ever had with females. |
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Ai_Ling
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 16, 2010
Age: 24
Posts: 1845
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| Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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That I wonder myself quite a bit. I've never been in a serious relationship before so I dont quite know. I get along with guys better, I would like to think that once your taken and/or married, you can still have platonic friends with guys but I think its less common. It always seems the time when most cross-gender friendships occur is during the young, single period. When I think back to some of the good guy friends I have now, if I met them while they were in serious relationships, I would have never ended up good friends with them. I would have known subconsciously to stay away.
But Im sure its still possible to have friends of the opposite sex while your married. My lab mentor is married and he has friends of the opposite sex within the lab. I don't think there close friendships tho. I guess its possible to have platonic friends but there's impediments and them being close friends is rather slim. |
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Ai_Ling
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 16, 2010
Age: 24
Posts: 1845
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| Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 4:27 pm Post subject: |
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| RightGalaxy wrote: | Here, I'll make it a bit cleaner: Why do men talk to women? Answer: Because they have vaginas. Guys get along fine with each other. They don't need us for platonic relationships. Seriously, would you keep on putting money into an empty vending machine waiting for some sort of treat to come out?? Generally speaking, guys really don't think that much of us. The women that guys rate the best are the ones that give them the strongest orgasms. I'm going to get bashed for this but I don't care.
If they want good food, they go to mama's. If they like sports, they get with other guys. When you possess female parts, what do you think that want to do?! See that guy that you complained about. If he were able, he would have liked to put you right on a desk and you know what! Some friend huh? If a male friend sticks around even after you're married, either he's gay, or he's hoping that you set him up someday with a girlfriend, or he's rather sick/desparate or lonely because he's sick and desparate. |
Thats gotta be one of the most sexist things I have ever heard.  |
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UnLoser
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 29, 2012
Posts: 623
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| Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 12:02 am Post subject: |
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I'm a guy and I would be very happy to have a platonic friendship with an attractive(or unattractive) girl with a personality that I like. I don't see how being a girl should disqualify someone from being my friend, especially if I would get along with them well as a friend.
| RightGalaxy wrote: | All of my platonic relationships are with gay men. In my opinion, you can't have a platonic relationship when you are married or if a male friend has gotten married. I believe it to be a FACT that when a man sees NO CHANCE of sex with a woman, he is no longer available to her.
Gay men don't want sex with a woman, so they stick around. Once someone told me a really filthy joke but this joke is much more than just a joke. Here, I'll make it a bit cleaner: Why do men talk to women? Answer: Because they have vaginas. Guys get along fine with each other. They don't need us for platonic relationships. Seriously, would you keep on putting money into an empty vending machine waiting for some sort of treat to come out?? Generally speaking, guys really don't think that much of us. The women that guys rate the best are the ones that give them the strongest orgasms. I'm going to get bashed for this but I don't care.
If they want good food, they go to mama's. If they like sports, they get with other guys. When you possess female parts, what do you think that want to do?! See that guy that you complained about. If he were able, he would have liked to put you right on a desk and you know what! Some friend huh? If a male friend sticks around even after you're married, either he's gay, or he's hoping that you set him up someday with a girlfriend, or he's rather sick/desparate or lonely because he's sick and desparate. A decent guy will back off when a gal is officially taken. A decent girl will back off once a guy is officially taken as well. That's how it goes. |
This is stupid. I know several NT guys who have purely platonic friendships with girls who already have boyfriends. Your statement is almost as stupid and ignorant as saying "black people are criminals". |
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jackbus01
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 06, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 1197
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| Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 12:39 am Post subject: |
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| redrobin62 wrote: | | Sorry. A straight male and straight female at the age of sexual exploration and ability could NEVER be platonic friends. It's a societal impossibility. |
I strongly disagree. It is possible to have relationships that are non-sexual, regardless of gender. Also "age of sexual exploration"--what the heck is that? The vast majority of people are sexual beings throughout their entire lifespan. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2624
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 4:46 am Post subject: |
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RightGalaxy.. were you taken advantage of or something to think this way? I'm afraid your posts on this topic are very ignorant and sexist.
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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blue_bean
Buy me a Pony!
Joined: Apr 14, 2006
Age: 29
Posts: 8321
Location: sailing the accountancy
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| Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 9:44 am Post subject: |
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| They're possible but they take some maturity to have IMO. |
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Evinceo
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 14, 2012
Posts: 386
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| Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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| It's possible that your man friend is scaring them away/intimidating them on purpose out of jealousy. |
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