OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6990
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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 Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:05 pm Post subject: . |
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_________________
Frances
I can be a little much sometimes.
Last edited by OliveOilMom on Fri May 25, 2012 4:46 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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redrobin62
Doppelgänger
Joined: Apr 03, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 4069
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:19 pm Post subject: |
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Was your oldest son also planning to skip his sister's graduation? They don't talk to each other?  |
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OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6990
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:27 pm Post subject: |
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_________________
Frances
I can be a little much sometimes.
Last edited by OliveOilMom on Fri May 25, 2012 4:50 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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questor
Hermit
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 1983
Location: Twilight Zone
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:05 pm Post subject: Toxic relatives/friends |
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| You are absolutely right to be fed up, and your solution is absolutely correct, too! She burned up her mom and granny cards by her own choice! |
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Lene
born to lurk
Joined: Nov 28, 2007
Posts: 3543
Location: East China Sea
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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I know you're disappointed, and it's a bit weird that she was so shifty about it, but is this day really that important in the long run? I've never seen why people place so much importance in high school graduation, especially if they plan on going to college. It may be one of the biggest days of your daughter's life so far, but she's young; it won't be her last, nor her most important by far.. Maybe your mother doesn't realise or understand exactly how big a deal this is to you.
My grandmother didn't attend my university graduation; she sent flowers, and congratulated me the next time we met. which I felt was plenty. I think as you get older, it does get harder to attend formal occasions and people do get more easily tired; navigating walmart wouldn't require the same amount of energy, so I can see why she may be up for one, and not the other. But it is a shame she didn't let you know sooner.
Please don't be offended, but perhaps part of the reason your daughter is so upset is because she sees how much it affects you? Or is she very close to her grandmother normally? |
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OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6990
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:47 pm Post subject: |
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_________________
Frances
I can be a little much sometimes.
Last edited by OliveOilMom on Fri May 25, 2012 4:50 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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2wheels4ever
Just Another Weirdo From L.A.
Joined: May 04, 2012
Age: 41
Posts: 1370
Location: Losing status at the high school
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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| OliveOilMom wrote: |
No, she does understand. She's been planning it with my daughter for months. We live across the main road from each other and usually see each other a lot. It's not just about this, it's about a whole lifetime of manipulation, lies, playing the victim, etc. She has borderline personality disorder and she has always been horrible. I'm not going into the back story but it's pretty bad. No physical abuse or anything like that, but after some of the soap opera-esque things she's done to me and to my life, I'd much rather she had just beat me with wire hangers or something.
This sh*t with my son has been going on for two years now. My mother has been playing both ends against the middle the entire time. It's not that she didn't want to go, I could understand that. It's that she refused because of my son. She did that to gain his sympathy and support because she throws it up in my face that he talks to her and not me. My only "crime" was yelling at his "baby mama" after I got fed up with how she kicked him in the balls, and threatened him. Two years ago. Now I'm dead to them.
My mother has crossed the line because of that. Not because she didn't go. It's the reason WHY she didn't go. She knows that my son hates his siblings at the moment and her especially because she told him at the beginning that he was being ridiculous and immature. She was the first one he cut out of his life after me. My mother knows that he would love nothing more than to see her special night ruined, and she went along with it.
My mother has put me in jail for defending myself against her attack as an adult, has taken my kids away from me and lied to the judge about me (her best friend at the time had just gotten custody of her grandkids and my mother envied her the drama) and then when she got tired of having them, agreed to let me have them back if she could move in with us. She moved in and took over and almost drove me to suicide. She has kept this family at each others throats, and she plays every single thing that happens like its some personal sleight against her. I've had it. She's toxic and she's not ruining our lives any longer. My kids and husband all agree. |
I've been manipulated in a similar way by my mother threatening to file false domestic charges even though I was 20 feet away, kept trying to remain distant and she would keep following me. Very "you'll be going to that place you always told me I'd be going if I didn't start going to church" unfair, as well as an affront to my aspie sense of justice. Carrying a Y chromosome as I do yields an extremely unsavory can of worms if her brand of evil brings the cops around
As long as all of you vs oldest son have seen what's true, be EXTREMELY vigilant on her kissy-make-up hoovering attempts. Probably don't really need me to say it at this point but BPDs are seriously warped and will have everyone feeding the troll again in short order. Let those 2 continue triangulating and proxy recruiting, they'll nuke all their bridges soon enough. Good call on walking away from the Liars' Poker table
Hopefully the graduation party had everyone else having a good time and daughter can put it all behind her. Still better than spilling good soda |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14869
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 10:38 pm Post subject: |
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I'm confused how do you know your oldest son is to blame for your mothers actions?
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 10:44 pm Post subject: |
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good thoughts and feelings being broadcast your way OliveOilMom
_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don’t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth. |
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OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6990
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 12:03 am Post subject: |
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_________________
Frances
I can be a little much sometimes.
Last edited by OliveOilMom on Fri May 25, 2012 4:49 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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RazorEddie
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 19, 2012
Age: 42
Posts: 608
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 5:49 am Post subject: |
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Walk away. This situation is bad for you and in the long term probably bad for her. Being your mother doesn't automatically give her the right to treat you and your family like that.
| Quote: | | I've never seen why people make such a fuss over high school graduation, especially if they plan on going to college. |
It would not affect me in the slightest but it was important for the daughter and she knew that.
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I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. |
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pezar
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 06, 2008
Age: 38
Posts: 1647
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 7:25 am Post subject: |
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| Now that your daughter is 18 and out of HS, I would recommend telling her to run FAR AWAY from all this drama, even if she has to take a bus to Birmingham with just some clothes and her diploma in a suitcase and stay at a homeless shelter until she can find a job. She needs to get out of that town and away from your family. You'll miss her, but it's for the best. |
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OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6990
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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_________________
Frances
I can be a little much sometimes.
Last edited by OliveOilMom on Fri May 25, 2012 4:49 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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jhighl
Raven
Joined: Apr 19, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 121
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 3:57 pm Post subject: |
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| I would say either reconcile or move on. I tend to think if i was a mom i would do whats best for my kid. But then again i am not a mom or dad. |
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Lene
born to lurk
Joined: Nov 28, 2007
Posts: 3543
Location: East China Sea
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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| OliveOilMom wrote: |
My mother has crossed the line because of that. Not because she didn't go. It's the reason WHY she didn't go. She knows that my son hates his siblings at the moment and her especially because she told him at the beginning that he was being ridiculous and immature. She was the first one he cut out of his life after me. My mother knows that he would love nothing more than to see her special night ruined, and she went along with it. |
I'm sorry, that does sound like a very difficult situation, and if she upsets you this much, maybe she is best avoided for the moment. I hope you and your daughter had a nice day anyway.
RazorEddie, I see your point; I never denied it was important to Oliveoilmum, just that her own mother may not have realised, as not everyone attaches the same importance to the event. Clearly though there is more to the story than just this incident. I apologise if I seemed unsympathetic. |
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