ThinkingMonkey
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 24, 2012
Posts: 149
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 Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 4:49 am Post subject: How to recognize when a girl is flirting with you? |
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I "think" 2 girls (at separate instances, 1.5 years ago and 2 years ago) were flirting with me. Which I realised some weeks ago when I was browsing the internet for how to tell when a girl is flirting?. I was looking this up as, I had my doubts. Because, their behaviour seemed a bit changed. But I still cannot instantly recognize when a girl is flirting. All the on-line reading does not help me.
Can anyone give some advice on how to recognize when a girl is flirting with you?
Also if I succeed in recognizing what steps should I take next?
Last edited by ThinkingMonkey on Thu May 24, 2012 6:30 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Greb
Phoenix
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Age: 41
Posts: 640
Location: Under the sea [level]
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:34 am Post subject: |
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If you're posting here I suppose you have big troubles to recognize non-verbal language. Flirting involves a lot of non-verbal language. In my experience, you can improve your skills (recognizing flirting), but you will never be good at it.
I have accepted that I just can't. So I can tell how I deal with it. Perhaps you find it useful. If I suspect that a girl is interested (and I'm interested too, of course) I use the following steps.
1. Trying to get one or two dates. If she is interested in you, she'll agree. But that doesn't mean that she wants something more: she could just want to enjoy some time with a friend.
During the date, if you're not good at flirting, then just have fun. If both of you are having a good time, well, at least you won't screw it up (that is important).
2. Trying to take the situation to a 'kiss situation'. The easiest way I have found is to date during the weekend, so you can stay awake until late. Then show your will to continue even if it's late, but don't force her. If she likes you, she'll probably agree.
3. Then, when it comes to a situation like "It's one or two in the morning, after midnight, we're sitting in the couch and talking, or we're in a pub sitting close and talking" then I consider that the probabilities of she wanting something more are high and I make advancements (and here you have to take risks and jump, there's no easier way).
Good luck. |
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TechnoDog
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Joined: Feb 17, 2012
Posts: 869
Location: Thornaby, UK
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:41 am Post subject: |
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Actually females tease people for the fun of it.
Without actually having any feelings towards you.
Ask her what she thinks of a quiet person.
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ToughDiamond
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Age: 60
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 5:57 am Post subject: |
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My favourite definiton of flirting is that it's the same thing as playing. There are loads of definitons and examples out there.
It's also important to know whether your question is really about flirting or about whether or not she's seriously interested in you. There's a lot of overlap but they're not the same.
I can't usually tell flirting until afterwards, so if they expect me to respond quickly then they don't stand much chance with me. Which is probably good, because I have no use for an impatient girlfriend.
Sometimes I've noticed it quickly, and then I've tended to respond back with a slightly more blatant flirt, like a game of chicken. |
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vanhalenkurtz
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Joined: May 10, 2012
Posts: 519
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:09 am Post subject: |
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I think I've been the world's biggest sucker for bait & switch. That said, the question, as I see it, isn't is she flirting w/ you but what is her intention in so doing? Some flirting is affectionate, some flirting is hostile & sometimes it's difficult to tell them apart. So hey here's another pointless post. It's person by person, minute to minute.
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Chris71
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 25, 2011
Posts: 196
Location: Netherlands
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:16 am Post subject: |
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Yes of course many would tease people for the fun of it, without having any feelings. Especially those in large groups, in their early 20s, in bars or clubs.
That's more prevalent in certain age groups, and certain countries more than others.
I've noticed that once you get past 30, they suddenly seem to 'grow up', don't go into teasing much and some become more interested in the quiet types of guys,
You have to remember most people cannot control what generates a feeling of attraction inside them. How many times have you heard a group of girls chatting with each other on a bus or train mentioning to one girl, "you should go out with him, he's a really nice guy". So yes of course, Nice Guys, in general aren't very successful, and many are not even nice guys.
I read the book "No more Mr Nice Guy" back in my earlier years and it changed me for the better. Instead of coming across as a pushover, you need to come over as someone with your own mind, your own presence, and not being a pushover you gain respect. In fact, being an arrogant a-hole creates a feeling of attraction in many young women, less so when they're above 30, but still everyone is different. I wouldn't recommend being an arrogant a-hole because although you might attract good-looking girls they aren't likely to be so nice on the inside. You need to come across as having a presence, a look of confidence, not showing too much interest in any particular girl (or you'll be a pushover). If you really like someone then you need to mention something to her, stay for max 1-2 minutes, act like you are a busy man, and make excuses to move on (ensuring that you can come back later). Then she thinks "does he find me attractive or not?".
The other thing to remember is that in places like clubs and bars, most of the good-looking girls will have their "b*tch-shield" raised so there's not much point approaching them. The typical 20-something girls in groups will typically play the "points game" (very important to know). They want to be seen in front of their girl friends to be attractive to lots of people so it gives the impression they could take their pick from anyone, but they choose not to take any of the guys because they want to be seen as (a) not an easy girl, and (b) being able to command high standards. It's competition between girls. Many dumbass guys with big muscles who think they are "god's gift" will approach them, but they end up by giving away all their points to the girl because the girl just thinks it's funny, she gets flattered in front of her friends and she has scored more points from him. But if the girl goes home with a guy, then she has lost all her points to him, so loses.
Your mission, is not to waste all your points by giving attention to one of those girls. That is why it is better to avoid approaching a girl who is in a large group. Girls who are in couples would be better, because she's likely to be just out with her very best friend, who is not going to judge her if she does end up exchanging phone numbers with you ( or going further ).
Better places are theatres (preferably not of the movie theatre or cinema kind) ; during the breaks around the bar area, the clientele is much more approachable, you won't have to shout over loud music. Art museums also good. You don't have to be into art. |
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OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2322
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:05 am Post subject: |
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| Greb wrote: |
3. Then, when it comes to a situation like "It's one or two in the morning, after midnight, we're sitting in the couch and talking, or we're in a pub sitting close and talking" then I consider that the probabilities of she wanting something more are high and I make advancements (and here you have to take risks and jump, there's no easier way). |
I'd like to add a little bit of my experience. Somehow when I notice that she looks at me with an expression of some positive apprehension, sooner or later I will get it. Like if they were children waiting for the apple-pie to get ready... Seriously! Then I'd say, shell we go for a walk (in the street or in a park)? You'll grab her hand (the left one!) and the rest is automatic...  |
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Greb
Phoenix
Joined: May 10, 2012
Age: 41
Posts: 640
Location: Under the sea [level]
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:25 am Post subject: |
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| OJani wrote: |
I'd like to add a little bit of my experience. Somehow when I notice that she looks at me with an expression of some positive apprehension, sooner or later I will get it. Like if they were children waiting for the apple-pie to get ready... Seriously! Then I'd say, shell we go for a walk (in the street or in a park)? You'll grab her hand (the left one!) and the rest is automatic... |
I usually say 'Geronimo' and go for the kiss. But I know this look you're talking about! It usually comes with some kind of 'What were you waiting for?' comment.  |
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Mummy_of_Peanut
Countess de Noir
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Age: 40
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Location: Bonnie Scotland
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:35 am Post subject: |
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| <<Moved from GAD to L&D>> |
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EstherJ
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Location: The long-lost library at Alexandria
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:42 am Post subject: |
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This is where I think an "inability" to flirt is better than the ability.
I gave up flirting. I can't flirt. If I want a guy to know I'm interested, I will go out of my way to
1. Make more eye contact than normal (both longer and more often), which is tough because I hate eye contact. If I can give it to you, I like you.
2. Try to be around the guy. Often. Showing interest in what he's saying (which is also really hard for me).
If you come across a girl that is just wanting to play a social game, she's not worth it. Its fickle. If she's worth your time, she will give you CLEAR signals that YOU will understand (she'll go out of her way to let you know, not make you guess).
By the same token, no guy is worth my time if he doesn't have the courage to let me know outright that he's interested. I don't play guessing games. Lots of girls just won't pursue at all, and wait for him to make a move first. Don't take it personal, just make the move and if you're wrong, move on. There are a lot of girls out there.
Hope that helped. Good luck! |
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Blownmind
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Age: 33
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Location: Norway
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 12:50 pm Post subject: Re: How to recognize when a girl is flirting with you? |
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| ThinkingMonkey wrote: | Can anyone give some advice on how to recognize when a girl is flirting with you?
Also if I succeed in recognizing what steps should I take next? |
Date online, and look for "  ". This might sound as a joke, but I had great success doing this, and after some "freakin' good friends" which never turn into anything serious, I found the love of my life and we've been living together for 7 years.
I have trouble keeping up in normal conversations, but MSN / SMS / email works well, and when you have gotten to know eachother you will have some leeway for the quirks she/he will discover.
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metaldanielle
Bottom of the totem pole
Joined: Mar 02, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 2372
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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| When I flirt, I either get really shy or really giggly. I tease a lot. Sometimes it is hard to tell if I am flirting or being rude. I tend to use the diss technique a lot. That usually backfires w/ aspies because of thier low self-esteem. But usually I will talk more about flirtatious things. I'll try to be around a person more if I like them. |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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| TechnoDog wrote: | Actually females tease people for the fun of it.
Without actually having any feelings towards you.
Ask her what she thinks of a quiet person. |
Female what? Elephants? Bonobos?
I think you meant to say "women"
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Homer_Bob
Bazinga!
Joined: Jan 06, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 1288
Location: New England
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 5:57 pm Post subject: |
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Flirting is very tough to decipher. General niceness and friendliness can easily be mistaken as such. Funny thing is some women will flirt with guys and not even be interested in them. I personally avoid it at all costs.
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 6:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Physical contact. |
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