EstherJ
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 05, 2012
Posts: 1039
Location: The long-lost library at Alexandria
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 Posted: Fri May 25, 2012 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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Hey, I can't say a whole lot that will help...I'm going through stuff myself.
But I can say this right now. When I first posted here on WP, I was depressed and you were the first person to respond.
I didn't want to share stuff. I was suicidal and didn't really think anyone would care. You were encouraging, and I felt like someone did care. I've always appreciated that and looked up to you for it.
I've wanted to thank you, because I really didn't think anyone would respond. It meant a lot, and I wish I could be more encouraging.
I just want to let you know that you helped me then. You did me some good. I've also read other threads where you have been just as encouraging to others. I can tell it means a lot to them.
I know how it feels to feel like you've failed at life. But, I don't think life is "fail-able." I think there are expectations out there that are too much, making us feel like we failed because the effort to be "normal" and "happy" and "successful" is a big pain most of the time, and pretty much impossible because everyone's definition of those things is different. This makes us feel dead and worthless, when really, we are alive and worth a lot, just because we exist.
So now as my post is approaching stream-of-consciousness quality, I want to end by saying that we're here for you and we do care. |
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Senath
Deinonychus
Joined: May 17, 2012
Posts: 357
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 10:10 am Post subject: |
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I like what EstherJ had to say, and I agree. I've only been on here a short time but I've enjoyed reading some of your posts and they add to my knowledge base from which I draw on when I'm trying to figure out life. Even just reading about your struggles is comforting because it helps me see that there are other people out there who's lives are fraught with difficulty and are being mislabeled as lazy or stupid or uncaring even though they're doing their damnedest.
I'm certain that there are other people on this site who have for whatever reason not been "vocal" about their similar problems but who have garnished wisdom and/or comfort by reading what you have typed and what others have responded to you with. I am one of those people.
And knowing that I'm not alone in some of my big struggles helps me open up here, too. |
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kirayng
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 13, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 745
Location: Maine, USA
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 10:18 am Post subject: Re: I don't know what to do. |
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Last edited by kirayng on Sat May 26, 2012 2:30 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 10:46 am Post subject: |
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| Senath wrote: | I like what EstherJ had to say, and I agree. I've only been on here a short time but I've enjoyed reading some of your posts and they add to my knowledge base from which I draw on when I'm trying to figure out life. Even just reading about your struggles is comforting because it helps me see that there are other people out there who's lives are fraught with difficulty and are being mislabeled as lazy or stupid or uncaring even though they're doing their damnedest.
I'm certain that there are other people on this site who have for whatever reason not been "vocal" about their similar problems but who have garnished wisdom and/or comfort by reading what you have typed and what others have responded to you with. I am one of those people.
And knowing that I'm not alone in some of my big struggles helps me open up here, too. |
Yeah I guess its hard enough not getting down on myself as is, but then having the impression that I basically deserve to die because I can't make a living since I can't function on a job makes it harder. I mean I admit that sort of the thing comes up more with political discussions but that doesn't make it any less painful for me. I hate having to avoid expressing opinions just to avoid getting triggered by the 'if you need welfare or are on it you're unintelligent garbage' rhetoric.
I am glad you get some comfort from reading my posts though, I like when I can have a good effect on people even if I feel like crap myself.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 11:16 am Post subject: |
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| People who judge in terms of how much you earn have already failed. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 11:27 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | People who judge in terms of how much you earn have already failed. |
Yeah, but that doesn't make them any less dangerous...at least the ones that would act on such judgement anyways, I doubt everyone with that perspective is dangerous though.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 11:39 am Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | Yeah I guess its hard enough not getting down on myself as is, but then having the impression that I basically deserve to die because I can't make a living since I can't function on a job |
I don't think that's your own idea. I can't see you applying this sort of standard to anyone else. I do this too, apply a much harsher standard to myself than I would ever dare to apply to anyone else. But it shouldn't be so different, really. I think ideas like this come from other people who are morally retarded (I mean that in the exact literal sense of the term, their development is slowed or stunted so they function, morally, at the level of a small child), they put the ideas on us, and when we're weak we accept them, at least in regards to ourselves. This is pure poison.
I think I mentioned earlier that I sometimes get this sense that my life doesn't entirely belong to me, which wasn't exactly accurate. What it is, is that when I get this sort of problem, I get into the mindset that I'm not the owner of my life, I'm just the steward of a life that's been given to me. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 12:00 pm Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | Yeah I guess its hard enough not getting down on myself as is, but then having the impression that I basically deserve to die because I can't make a living since I can't function on a job |
I don't think that's your own idea. I can't see you applying this sort of standard to anyone else. I do this too, apply a much harsher standard to myself than I would ever dare to apply to anyone else. But it shouldn't be so different, really. I think ideas like this come from other people who are morally retarded (I mean that in the exact literal sense of the term, their development is slowed or stunted so they function, morally, at the level of a small child), they put the ideas on us, and when we're weak we accept them, at least in regards to ourselves. This is pure poison.
I think I mentioned earlier that I sometimes get this sense that my life doesn't entirely belong to me, which wasn't exactly accurate. What it is, is that when I get this sort of problem, I get into the mindset that I'm not the owner of my life, I'm just the steward of a life that's been given to me. |
Well of course its not my idea...I just hear it more than I'd like to. Also I suppose I certainly feel I own my life, well sort of...I guess sometimes I feel like its being ruled by my symptoms. I mean damn if what doesn't kill you makes you stronger where is the strength? I mean in my life it seems the opposite has kinda proved true...the more beat down I got the more it took out of me. And there's probably even people who would laugh at that 'oh ha ha, you can't handle things.' well I hope that was a fun childhood game for all those other kids who picked on me. Anyways getting a bit bitter there I guess, but yeah that seems to be the case...I mean I even have an issue internalizing things like I know I'm not 'retarded' but when I used to get called 'retarded' all the time it upset me because obviously Id get down on myself and start wondering if their right even though I knew for a fact they weren't. I guess it was just no matter what I said they still kept calling me that and could still make me feel bad for picking on me over that judgement...just made me feel powerless and that is what I had to go to school and deal with most of the time.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 8:18 pm Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | Yeah I guess its hard enough not getting down on myself as is, but then having the impression that I basically deserve to die because I can't make a living since I can't function on a job |
I don't think that's your own idea. I can't see you applying this sort of standard to anyone else. I do this too, apply a much harsher standard to myself than I would ever dare to apply to anyone else. But it shouldn't be so different, really. I think ideas like this come from other people who are morally retarded (I mean that in the exact literal sense of the term, their development is slowed or stunted so they function, morally, at the level of a small child), they put the ideas on us, and when we're weak we accept them, at least in regards to ourselves. This is pure poison.
I think I mentioned earlier that I sometimes get this sense that my life doesn't entirely belong to me, which wasn't exactly accurate. What it is, is that when I get this sort of problem, I get into the mindset that I'm not the owner of my life, I'm just the steward of a life that's been given to me. |
I really like this idea of "Moral retardation". It does seem as if a lot of people's moral compass boils down to some variation of that line from Hook: "...And your mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a potty! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, now! " |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 8:41 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | edgewaters wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | Yeah I guess its hard enough not getting down on myself as is, but then having the impression that I basically deserve to die because I can't make a living since I can't function on a job |
I don't think that's your own idea. I can't see you applying this sort of standard to anyone else. I do this too, apply a much harsher standard to myself than I would ever dare to apply to anyone else. But it shouldn't be so different, really. I think ideas like this come from other people who are morally retarded (I mean that in the exact literal sense of the term, their development is slowed or stunted so they function, morally, at the level of a small child), they put the ideas on us, and when we're weak we accept them, at least in regards to ourselves. This is pure poison.
I think I mentioned earlier that I sometimes get this sense that my life doesn't entirely belong to me, which wasn't exactly accurate. What it is, is that when I get this sort of problem, I get into the mindset that I'm not the owner of my life, I'm just the steward of a life that's been given to me. |
I really like this idea of "Moral retardation". It does seem as if a lot of people's moral compass boils down to some variation of that line from Hook: "...And your mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a potty! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, now! " |
Well if that is what humanity strives for I want no part of it.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 9:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | edgewaters wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | Yeah I guess its hard enough not getting down on myself as is, but then having the impression that I basically deserve to die because I can't make a living since I can't function on a job |
I don't think that's your own idea. I can't see you applying this sort of standard to anyone else. I do this too, apply a much harsher standard to myself than I would ever dare to apply to anyone else. But it shouldn't be so different, really. I think ideas like this come from other people who are morally retarded (I mean that in the exact literal sense of the term, their development is slowed or stunted so they function, morally, at the level of a small child), they put the ideas on us, and when we're weak we accept them, at least in regards to ourselves. This is pure poison.
I think I mentioned earlier that I sometimes get this sense that my life doesn't entirely belong to me, which wasn't exactly accurate. What it is, is that when I get this sort of problem, I get into the mindset that I'm not the owner of my life, I'm just the steward of a life that's been given to me. |
I really like this idea of "Moral retardation". It does seem as if a lot of people's moral compass boils down to some variation of that line from Hook: "...And your mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a potty! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, now! " |
Well if that is what humanity strives for I want no part of it. |
I agree, paraphrasing a wiseman, it's not really up to us to decide what we are given, but to decide what to do with what we are given. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: |
I agree, paraphrasing a wiseman, it's not really up to us to decide what we are given, but to decide what to do with what we are given. |
Ha ha, not to be a nerd or anything but that kinda reminds me of a line in Lord of The Rings, when Gandalf was telling frodo it was not up to him the time he was given, but what to do with it or something to that effect. I guess I am trying to figure out how to work with what I was given.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 10:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: |
I agree, paraphrasing a wiseman, it's not really up to us to decide what we are given, but to decide what to do with what we are given. |
Ha ha, not to be a nerd or anything but that kinda reminds me of a line in Lord of The Rings, when Gandalf was telling frodo it was not up to him the time he was given, but what to do with it or something to that effect. I guess I am trying to figure out how to work with what I was given. |
Actually, That is the wise man I was paraphrasing, mainly because I am a nerd. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: |
I agree, paraphrasing a wiseman, it's not really up to us to decide what we are given, but to decide what to do with what we are given. |
Ha ha, not to be a nerd or anything but that kinda reminds me of a line in Lord of The Rings, when Gandalf was telling frodo it was not up to him the time he was given, but what to do with it or something to that effect. I guess I am trying to figure out how to work with what I was given. |
Actually, That is the wise man I was paraphrasing, mainly because I am a nerd. |
Right on Gandalf is a wise man indeed, but yeah I read all the books and I have all the movies and have watched them all the way through many times. Though I feel more like a loser than a nerd. Its weird though I love researching topics but on my own time.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: |
I agree, paraphrasing a wiseman, it's not really up to us to decide what we are given, but to decide what to do with what we are given. |
Ha ha, not to be a nerd or anything but that kinda reminds me of a line in Lord of The Rings, when Gandalf was telling frodo it was not up to him the time he was given, but what to do with it or something to that effect. I guess I am trying to figure out how to work with what I was given. |
Actually, That is the wise man I was paraphrasing, mainly because I am a nerd. |
Right on Gandalf is a wise man indeed, but yeah I read all the books and I have all the movies and have watched them all the way through many times. Though I feel more like a loser than a nerd. Its weird though I love researching topics but on my own time. |
Nerds have always been considered losers by society, but that's okay. They mock what they don't understand. |
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