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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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 Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 4:42 am Post subject: |
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| TallyMan wrote: | | My guess is that a significant cause of the over-explaining / under-explaining problem is our lack of recognition of body language. So unless people we are talking to explicitly say they have understood or not understood what we have said, we are left floundering around not knowing how much detail to give or if indeed we need to try to repeat ourselves using different words. |
Hmmm ... that might be plausible ... I used to drive my parents nuts when I was a kid, because I'd finish almost every sentence with "right mom?" or "right dad?" unless it was a question rather than a statement.
The thing is, why do we do it on the internet, too? There's no body language involved yet the difference in communication is still apparent. |
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Tawaki
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 01, 2011
Posts: 156
Location: MidWest Hell Hole
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 2:36 pm Post subject: |
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My Aspie husband does this, and it can be really painful. Yes/no question or something that needs one sentence can morph into a 10 minute monolog, with everyone around mentally checking out.
It is really bad at a doctor appointment. When Fior went for his Aspie diagnoses appt., he told the psych guy he couldn't possibly have Asperger. Then promptly dragged out a dossier the size of the Manhattan phone book with all the the tiniest details of his life. About 3/4 ths of it, the psych guy didn't give a sh** about. And Fior got angry when the dude asked a relative question. Fior felt the psych needed the whole, excruciating long story FIRST, then questions.
I'll be honest, I checked out 5 minutes into the monolog. Psych guy was very polite and manage to reign Fior in around the 20 min mark.
Fior can't prioritize anything. Any subject needs the PhD thesis behind it. Mix horrible executive functioning skills, total lack of noticing body language and a helping of social anxiety, Fior can talk non stop about ketsup, when you ask, "Can you pass the ketsup over here." |
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Tawaki
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 01, 2011
Posts: 156
Location: MidWest Hell Hole
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 2:41 pm Post subject: |
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*deleted double post due to posting from cell phone*
Last edited by Tawaki on Mon May 28, 2012 2:21 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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chaines321
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Posts: 60
Location: Hampstead, MD
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 3:16 pm Post subject: |
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| I end up over-explaining things too. Now if someone asks me something and I know I'm going to start getting really in to it and ramble on then I'll just say I don't know. Especially with simple questions like "what's you favorite band" or something. I could get so in to it and so I'll just say I don't know. Before, someone would ask me something and I'll start talking and all of a sudden they're talking to someone else. So then I tried just saying I don't know or something quick and then they say I don't talk enough so they start talking to someone else. It doesn't make sense. |
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Blownmind
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 823
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 4:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Tawaki wrote: | | When Fior went for his Aspie diagnoses appt., he told the psych guy he couldn't possibly have Asperger. Then promptly dragged out a dossier the size of the Manhattan phone book with all the the tiniest details of his life. |
*hides the dossier(s) I made for my Asperger diagnosis*
_________________
AQ: 42/50 || SQ: 32/80 || IQ(RPM): 138 || IRI-empathytest(PT/EC/FS/PD): 10(-7)/16(-3)/19(+3)/19(+10) || Alexithymia: 148/185 || Aspie-quiz: AS 133/200, NT 56/200 |
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Janissy
Phoenix
Joined: May 06, 2009
Age: 46
Posts: 4858
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 6:12 pm Post subject: |
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| CanisMajor wrote: | Sometimes it's over-explaining, but other times it's just trying to be very, very specific. For example, I was once driving with a friend and we were behind a really slow car. My friend was complaining, "There is NO REASON to drive that slow! Ever!"
I wanted to agree with him, but, being ever-so methodical, I ended up making a whole list of reasons why he was wrong. "Yeah!... Well, unless there's a problem with their car. Or they're trying to find an address. Or they're lost. Or they're trying to change CDs. Or if they're about to pull over..." etc etc.
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I do this all the time. I've even done your exact example!!!! And even came up with a similar list of reasons for the person ahead of us to be driving slow. After all, it's a reasonable list. 
"There is no reason....." is a trigger phrase for me. I think that by now friends and family are careful not to say it around me or else they get subjected to my long list of possible reasons for "unreasonable" phenomenon X.
I have been accused (reasonably  ) of sucking the magic and wonder out of mysterious phenomena. Just as I will give a list of reasons why somebody might do something "unreasonable", I am compelled to list reasons why supernatural explanations are not needed for mysterious phenomena. When other people just want to indulge in the thrill of believing ghost stories and alien visitation stories, I always come up with a dull and unmagical reason why there was that spooky sound or the floating light in the sky. Friends and family also know not to tell me their spooky story of why they believe the hotel they visited was haunted. I'll come up with a list of mundane explanations which are never as fun as "oohhh a ghost".
It's a highly specific sort of over-explaining. |
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lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6284
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 6:13 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm like that, probably because I have a hard enough time to get people to understand me when I'm talking out loud. My thoughts are always jumbled in my head and sometimes they don't come out right. |
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jackbus01
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 06, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 1197
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 7:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Tawaki wrote: | My Aspie husband does this, and it can be really painful. Yes/no question or something that needs one sentence can morph into a 10 minute monolog, with everyone around mentally checking out.
It is really bad at a doctor appointment. When Fior went for his Aspie diagnoses appt., he told the psych guy he couldn't possibly have Asperger. Then promptly dragged out a dossier the size of the Manhattan phone book with all the the tiniest details of his life. About 3/4 ths of it, the psych guy didn't give a sh** about. And Fior got angry when the dude asked a relative question. Fior felt the psych needed the whole, excruciating long story FIRST, then questions.
I'll be honest, I checked out 5 minutes into the monolog. Psych guy was very polite and manage to reign Fior in around the 20 min mark.
Fior can't prioritize anything. Any subject needs the PhD thesis behind it. Mix horrible executive functioning skills, total lack of noticing body language and a helping of social anxiety, Fior can talk non stop about ketsup, when you ask, "Can you pass the ketsup over here." |
Double post!?
Well, I don't know the context of this story (perhaps more detail would help, ironically this post underexplains!), but sometimes an honest yes/no answer does not tell the whole story. Here is an example: Do you like your husband? (yes/no only please  ). I would probably be upset if my discussion was interrupted with an relative question. There are two sides to stories like this. BTW what is a relative question?--do you mean relevant?
The problem is most people assume things and people speak far too vaguely and grossly underexplain things. I think it helps to be explicit and detailed. That is the key to good communication and to avoid misunderstandings. Fortunately, people on WP seem to be good at this for the most part. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 7:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Blownmind wrote: | | Tawaki wrote: | | When Fior went for his Aspie diagnoses appt., he told the psych guy he couldn't possibly have Asperger. Then promptly dragged out a dossier the size of the Manhattan phone book with all the the tiniest details of his life. |
*hides the dossier(s) I made for my Asperger diagnosis* |
Oh God ... I was planning to spend the next couple of months assembling one with school records and notes and all sorts of stuff.
OK ... I still am. Those school records at least really make the case. I'm worried about misdiagnosis so I want them to have the most accurate information. The whole process seems quite arbitrary. |
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slave
Always stuck between 13-38Hz and tired of it.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 100
Posts: 1328
Location: Dystopia Planetia
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 8:17 pm Post subject: |
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I get the 'wrap it up' hand gesture regularly.
I over-explain to normals and sub-normals mostly because they think they understand all of the implications of a topic after a few sentences. Perhaps it is their innate simplicity that I desire to correct.
_________________
Since the birth of civilization, masters have controlled the masses.Our Masters rule over every nation and no one can defy them.They will attain Absolute Power as we reach the Singularity. Any who resist will be destroyed.I will not resist. |
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johnny77
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 27, 2011
Age: 35
Posts: 2066
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 12:35 am Post subject: |
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| TallyMan wrote: | | I've always had the same problem. The difficulty is finding the correct depth of explanations to give people and I often misjudge and either over-explain or under-explain. I also have the habit of repeating myself, expressing the same thing in a different way because the person hasn't given me adequate feedback that they understood me the first time around - but possibly it is because I can't read their body language so don't know if they understood me or not unless they verbally tell me one way or the other. |
Expressed well enough to match my thoughts! Well said Tally Man |
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oxjox
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 20, 2012
Posts: 57
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 1:08 am Post subject: |
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| slave wrote: | I get the 'wrap it up' hand gesture regularly.
I over-explain to normals and sub-normals mostly because they think they understand all of the implications of a topic after a few sentences. Perhaps it is their innate simplicity that I desire to correct. |
Ha! That's it!
It's hard to say it without sounding arrogant, but why don't people want to investigate the truth behind things?
I make long explanations because I want to share all the information I've found, and any speculation I've had regarding it, and my ideas on the topic.... etc. Any one of these morsels could light the spark of inspiration!
I have no excuses when my mind goes blank mid-sentence and the words stop making sense, though. |
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CanisMajor
Toucan
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Age: 24
Posts: 271
Location: Miami Beach
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 11:57 am Post subject: |
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| Janissy wrote: | | CanisMajor wrote: | Sometimes it's over-explaining, but other times it's just trying to be very, very specific. For example, I was once driving with a friend and we were behind a really slow car. My friend was complaining, "There is NO REASON to drive that slow! Ever!"
I wanted to agree with him, but, being ever-so methodical, I ended up making a whole list of reasons why he was wrong. "Yeah!... Well, unless there's a problem with their car. Or they're trying to find an address. Or they're lost. Or they're trying to change CDs. Or if they're about to pull over..." etc etc.
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I do this all the time. I've even done your exact example!!!! And even came up with a similar list of reasons for the person ahead of us to be driving slow. After all, it's a reasonable list.
"There is no reason....." is a trigger phrase for me. I think that by now friends and family are careful not to say it around me or else they get subjected to my long list of possible reasons for "unreasonable" phenomenon X.
I have been accused (reasonably ) of sucking the magic and wonder out of mysterious phenomena. Just as I will give a list of reasons why somebody might do something "unreasonable", I am compelled to list reasons why supernatural explanations are not needed for mysterious phenomena. When other people just want to indulge in the thrill of believing ghost stories and alien visitation stories, I always come up with a dull and unmagical reason why there was that spooky sound or the floating light in the sky. Friends and family also know not to tell me their spooky story of why they believe the hotel they visited was haunted. I'll come up with a list of mundane explanations which are never as fun as "oohhh a ghost".
It's a highly specific sort of over-explaining. |
You sound like someone I'd get along with very well.  I like to surround myself with skeptics for this very reason.
One time I was watching TV at my brother's place with another sibling and a couple of their friends. One of those "ghost hunting" shows came on... Oh my... I had such a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I managed to politely sit quietly while they watched the first ten minutes, but as soon as the commercial break came on I started ranting about why in the world these people thought some supposed spirit from the 13th century would understand when they go around yelling, "Is anybody here? Just show some kind of sign if you hear me!" Dude, even if ghosts existed, why in the world do you think someone that died in 1267 AD would understand modern English?! Ugh, I could just go on and on about those shows, though. I have to stop now before I get too off-topic...
Though I will mention one more thing in response- I certainly have no problem finding wonder and fascination in this world, without any supernatural elements. I just think about how different weather phenomena happen, how light forms within a star, how the human eye processes that light... Real life is amazing! It almost depresses me to think there are so many people who can't be satisfied with that, who insist on believing in spirit realms and other woo-woo because they've never looked into why things are the way they are and simply been inspired by the universe we can observe.  |
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CanisMajor
Toucan
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Age: 24
Posts: 271
Location: Miami Beach
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 2:21 pm Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: | | TallyMan wrote: | | My guess is that a significant cause of the over-explaining / under-explaining problem is our lack of recognition of body language. So unless people we are talking to explicitly say they have understood or not understood what we have said, we are left floundering around not knowing how much detail to give or if indeed we need to try to repeat ourselves using different words. |
Hmmm ... that might be plausible ... I used to drive my parents nuts when I was a kid, because I'd finish almost every sentence with "right mom?" or "right dad?" unless it was a question rather than a statement.
The thing is, why do we do it on the internet, too? There's no body language involved yet the difference in communication is still apparent. |
Perhaps it's a bit of a "spill-over" effect? We're used to being misunderstood in speech, so we expect it every time we communicate. At the same time, we forget that we're better at writing than speaking, and thus better understood in writing as well. So in the end, it seems like excessive over-explanation and we don't always realize it. Does that make sense? |
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howzat
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 1742
Location: Hornsey North London
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 2:36 pm Post subject: |
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| I have to admit i do over explain but its part of me and it happens when people ask for directions as i don't give out quick answers instead i give out long answers with complex words. |
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