Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 4:15 pm Post subject: So many talented people, and I fear I'm a hack!
I was just reading about a girl from Yale who died, and was marveling at all she did, and hating myself by comparison.
This girl went to Yale, had a film that's about to play in a major film fest, and did some stellar writing. She had gotten a dream job at the New Yorker, for which she had already been writing in the past.
And an essay she wrote before her tragic death has gone viral. And all this and she was only 22 when she died.
Jesus some people just drip talent, and I despise myself in comparison. Average grades, average athlete, went to an average non-prestige school. I make films too, worked my ass off, and I've made 5 features by the time I was 25, and as many shorts. I've worked on a miniseries, and another feature as writer, and I'm in process on two more.
Yet why have I gotten nowhere? My films play for tiny audiences. No one gives a damn about them. And I see all these younger people finding success who are so talented, and I fear, "What if I'm mediocre, average. What if I have nothing worth saying? What if no one cares?" What if I spend my whole life doing this, to no point, because no one cares, and no one remembers.
If I died right now, who would care? Not many. Not as many as this girl who it seems has already achieved more.
I feel this incredible urge that I have something important to do, to give back to the world, but I fear it is a sad trick, that I'm fortune's fool, blessed with the desire, denied the talent, to paraphrase Salieri.
At what point do I give up and just end it all, rather than continuing on in mediocrity? I just don't think I can bear the thought of a life wasted in a pursuit of something beyond my feeble talents to achieve it. I fear I'm utterly worthless compared to all these great, talented people who've done so much, while I'm a 28 year OLD MAN. What right do I have to live at all, when so many others have died who were better, and had more to offer? I wish I could trade my life for theirs. They deserve to live, because they have talent to make the world a much better place. I'm just filing space.
Joined: Nov 15, 2010 Age: 24 Posts: 1818 Location: Where the wild things wish they were
Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 4:30 pm Post subject:
You know, I used to think the same thing about myself, that I had no talent, until I realized that I do have a great talent that sets me apart from just about everybody. The only problem is that it won't make me money, which is probably why it took me so long to realize it. I'm sure you have talents too, but maybe they won't help you roll in the dough.
Dude, I don't care about the money. I care about making something really special to give back to the world. But I fear I haven't the talent to make good on my aspirations, and it sickens me that my life's work, that the next sixty years of labors will all be for nothing because I'm not good enough, and when I die, no one will care to preserve my work, or ever show it to anyone.
To make sure you are remembered beyond your mortal life, get people to talk about you and your productions - any attentions is remembrance. Getting your legacy prepared and collected help also with staying preserved.
Do the best you can, learn from successes and failures of others and yourself, develop - What more can you do?
I don't know the story from the Yale girl but I do think connections and lot a luck are elements that do play a major role.
Oh yeah, on the "What if..."'s you are never gonna get answers now, since the future isn't visible.
Now a little song which explains it all:
_________________ "It all start with Hoborg, a being who had to create, because... he had to. He make the world full of beauty and wonder. This world, the Neverhood, a world where he could live forever and ever more!"
I think there are literally thousands of people who are in your situation, Aspie and NT. Fame is a fickle business. I do photography and I photos I think are wonderful, get almost no hits, but some photos I"m like "ehh" get a lot of hits.
You never know if your next one will be a hit; just have to keep trying.
Joined: Nov 15, 2010 Age: 24 Posts: 1818 Location: Where the wild things wish they were
Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 9:19 pm Post subject:
Brianruns10 wrote:
Dude, I don't care about the money. I care about making something really special to give back to the world. But I fear I haven't the talent to make good on my aspirations, and it sickens me that my life's work, that the next sixty years of labors will all be for nothing because I'm not good enough, and when I die, no one will care to preserve my work, or ever show it to anyone.
I know you don't. I never did either, but I thought about it in terms of potential employment, and I didn't realize it. It turned out that the talent I did have I hadn't fully developed yet, so that's why I didn't know I had it. Success doesn't come in a vacuum. I kind of just fell into what I'm doing now, which is part psychology, part science, part journal, part narrative.
What's wrong with being mediocre...?
As far as I can see, mediocre people have better chances at a comfortable life than both geniuses and misfits.
Whatever you create doesn't have to be perfect to be appreciated, in fact, really good stuff will often go unnoticed, for example because it doesn't appeal to the instincts of the masses and would require too much attention.
There's a huge gap between famous and good. Tons of people are famous without being exceptional at anything. And so many people who have done amazing things go unnoticed.
If it's any consolation, the 22 year old girl who died was not aware if the outpouring of grief exhibited over her dying. And hey, you quoted from the Patron Saint of Mediocrity so you can't be that bad. I think a lot of folks did have hit novels or songs or movies or plays or paintings or poems or patents at a later age. _________________ If you think he's eloquent now just wait till he's sober!
His blog: http://seattlewordsmith.wordpress.com/
Dude, I don't care about the money. I care about making something really special to give back to the world. But I fear I haven't the talent to make good on my aspirations, and it sickens me that my life's work, that the next sixty years of labors will all be for nothing because I'm not good enough, and when I die, no one will care to preserve my work, or ever show it to anyone.
Was she famous before she died or BECAUSE she died?
You’ve made 5 features by the time I was 25, and as many shorts. You’ve worked on a miniseries, and another feature as writer, and you’re in the process of two more? Wow impressive all I do is Teach am I famous nope but I am having fun. Is dead girl having fun? Nope she’s pushing up daises. Are you having fun? You love making films or you wouldn’t have that big of a resume by 25 are they on youtube? And we the wrongplanetians see them? So what if dead girl is famous she had to die for anyone to notice her or care, I’d rather be mediocre and alive and having fun then dead and unaware. But that’s just me.
