spacebrain
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 04, 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 159
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 Posted: Thu May 31, 2012 8:11 pm Post subject: |
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I'm reactive.
I never initiate conversations or even social gestures such as eye contact. I assume most people think I don't want to be bothered by them, this is only half true if they seem atypical, as I enjoy strange conversations. |
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GrantingtheRant
Phoenix
Joined: May 12, 2012
Age: 18
Posts: 574
Location: Cali4nia
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| Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:05 am Post subject: |
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I'm completely oblivious to love. Whenever I do figure out the girl likes me, she's already moved on and friendzoned me. There are other reasons, but that's the main one.
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Rule 63 of the inetrnet: If it exists, there is a female version of it and vice versa, no exceptions. |
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metaldanielle
Bottom of the totem pole
Joined: Mar 02, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 2290
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| Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:26 am Post subject: |
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| spacebrain wrote: | I'm reactive.
I never initiate conversations or even social gestures such as eye contact. I assume most people think I don't want to be bothered by them, this is only half true if they seem atypical, as I enjoy strange conversations. |
Omg This! I never had the words to describe it. This is my problem. I can't intiate anything. I always feel like I am intruding. |
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Lexa
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 30, 2012
Posts: 43
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| Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 3:18 am Post subject: |
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| metaldanielle wrote: | | spacebrain wrote: | I'm reactive.
I never initiate conversations or even social gestures such as eye contact. I assume most people think I don't want to be bothered by them, this is only half true if they seem atypical, as I enjoy strange conversations. |
Omg This! I never had the words to describe it. This is my problem. I can't intiate anything. I always feel like I am intruding. |
I find a good way to learn when this is actually intruding versus when it seems like intruding but isn't, is to exactly copy what someone else does, several times until it becomes a skill you no longer have to consciously employ. (It is a damned hard road but worth it, I think).
In a social situation, watch the person who everyone reacts well to. Watch how they approach another person they want to talk to, what they say/do first (wave or hand-shake or smile etc) then what they say first (do they start by asking a question about the other person?) and then how they proceed further in to the conversation (not saying a lot at first, smiling a lot, letting the conversation gradually get started like a car on an icy morning - be gentle!)  .
The trick is to make the "initiation" you referred to as seemless as possible. Rather than going from complete silence to instant intense conversation, start with smiling or just saying 'hi'. Pause longer than feels natural between comments. Wait for the other person so say something small (small-talk type of small!) and notice their speed of getting in to the conversation and match it.
I suppose you could use the analogy of mixing cake batter. If you dump the flour in on top of the wet ingredients in a bowl and then suddenly start the electric mixer at high speed, flour will be flung out all over the bench and you will be engulfed by a cloud of flour dust! (This would be clear evidence you "intruded"  ) Mix it slowly with a wooden spoon first until the ingredients start to combine to form a homogeneous mixture. Then you can go on to high speed and mix what will now be a smooth, lovely cake batter. Remember though: you only mix cake batter for short time, otherwise you will 'over-beat' it. |
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Silvervarg
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 26, 2009
Posts: 773
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 3:59 am Post subject: |
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I guess I just wait for her (basicly anyone) to tell me she's in to me, then I'll evaluate the situation.
| NicoleG wrote: | | If you stop being so presumptuous and attacking, I'll stop calling you names. |
I like you. 
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Amicus Triarius.
Res ad triarios venit. |
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AussieMatty
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 22, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 404
Location: Townsville, Queensland
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1000Knives
It's not difficult if you know how.
Joined: Jul 09, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 4609
Location: CT, USA
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| Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 5:59 pm Post subject: |
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Well, because I see myself as inadequate, and thus think I would pretty much make any partner's life worse by being apart of their life, due to my problems. So even though they would potentially make me happy, I figure in the longrun, I'd make them unhappy, so I just don't pursue. I've failed too much in my life and don't want them to be apart of my series of failures.
I mean, I guess there are girls who would claim they'd love me as I am, but I myself don't believe it. I don't love me as I am, and so one day I hope to improve enough to do so. As validating or whatever as it'd be to have a female love me, it's not her job to be my confidence, fix my emotional problems with love or whatever, though I'd love that, but I realize it'd be selfish to want that.
So for the future, I see myself alone.
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Too sugoi to die! |
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spacebrain
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 04, 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 159
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| Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 6:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Lexa wrote: | | metaldanielle wrote: |
Omg This! I never had the words to describe it. This is my problem. I can't intiate anything. I always feel like I am intruding. |
I find a good way to learn when this is actually intruding versus when it seems like intruding but isn't, is to exactly copy what someone else does, several times until it becomes a skill you no longer have to consciously employ. (It is a damned hard road but worth it, I think).
In a social situation, watch the person who everyone reacts well to. Watch how they approach another person they want to talk to, what they say/do first (wave or hand-shake or smile etc) then what they say first (do they start by asking a question about the other person?) and then how they proceed further in to the conversation (not saying a lot at first, smiling a lot, letting the conversation gradually get started like a car on an icy morning - be gentle!) .
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I've done this so long it's become a bad habit. I ner took it to the next level your describing. Like if someone says "hi" I repeat hi back, if they say "hello" I say hello. It gets awkward when they say "what'r you working on" and I just repeat then stand there not even realizing it was a question. I also have a bad habit of just expecting platitudes, so when someone asks me a specific question I always have to get them to ask twice. |
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Cad
Deinonychus
Joined: May 18, 2009
Posts: 367
Location: Away from the acids and alkaline hydroxides
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| Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2012 9:54 pm Post subject: |
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Until I find someone who's as crazy as me, who doesn't need my company all the time, who doesn't tell me what to do, who doesn't have to know why I do things or where I am all the time, and who understands that my art and music are my first loves and no human can ever give me the same emotional fulfillment, single I shall stay  |
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