OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6783
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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 Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 6:39 am Post subject: |
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I'd put a note in here that says this isn't to be published by anyone if I were you. You don't want this one to end up getting stolen too you know. 
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Frances
I can be a little much sometimes. |
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Yoshie777
Paragon
Joined: Apr 30, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 2545
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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I would say to just be yourself no matter what and don't try too hard. The spark should be a natural occurence with each partner enjoying each other's company and vice versa.
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Joshua
We all deal with problems and strife, but it's how we deal with them that makes all the difference in the world.
"You are no accident!"
-Rick Warren |
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minervx
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 14, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 1101
Location: United States
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| Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:24 pm Post subject: |
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One thing, in dating, and in general, is that people respect challenge.
This is why the "nice guy" who gives the girl flowers, compliments her all the time and calls her up whenever she posts an upsetting facebook status gets in the friend-zone.
Relationships are supposed to be 50-50, and if you give the other person all the power, they lose respect for you. They either leave/ignore you or they use you.
You don't have to be a jerk, but you can't be desperate. You can't be too accommodating, live around their schedule, or be willing to make huge changes just to impress that other person.
You can't suffocate them with attention or affection. Give the other person just enough to keep them wanting more. No woman feels special knowing that she is being treated like a queen, when you two barely know each other. Only because she is a woman and she's talking to you.
People like challenges. What is too easily attained isn't valued. But if something is harder to obtain; it is worth a little more. This doesn't mean play hard to get by artificially making yourself unavailable. By challenge I mean, through your intellect, wit and humor. Challenge her to reciprocate. It means living your life normally and making the other person something on the side, rather than a top priority, until you two are exclusive.
Bottom line:
Your philosophy should not be "I'd be really lucky if she talked to me or went out with me."
It should be "I'm a person with a lot to offer. I've met a lot of great beautiful women before. I'm able to meet plenty of great women again too. But for now, maybe I could give this one person a chance to see how it works out". |
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jamesblocker
Emu Egg
Joined: May 03, 2012
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:03 am Post subject: |
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| i agree with Hopegrows and his advice.. |
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AspieOtaku
Leader of the Otaku Legion
Joined: Feb 18, 2012
Age: 30
Posts: 5906
Location: Mountain View, California, United States
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| Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 2:17 am Post subject: |
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Been a week and not one reply yet maybe I shoulnt have mentioned my aspieness or I should make the first move I am kinda shy about that though  .Might be both I don't know.
_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? http://www.anime44.com/anime-list |
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bizboy1
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 24, 2012
Posts: 945
Location: California, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Don't spend more than $40 dollars on a date. Try to be as cheap as possible. |
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darkfoxkyoko
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 22, 2012
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 1:12 am Post subject: |
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| Aharon wrote: | First off, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was there too. So remember everything I say applies to me too!
You feel so alone now, and you are, but there are worse kinds of alone then what you're feeling. Being with someone doesn't guarantee companionship and joy. You can be with someone and be 10 times more alone and miserable then you were by yourself. You can be in bed next to the love of your life, and she shrugs away from you even in her sleep, because she's that hurt.
I used to hate myself all the time. I got fixated on this idea that if I could just find someone to love me, then my whole life would change. And it did change! It got WORSE! Trust me when I say this; if you don't love yourself, there's no woman who ever lived that can change that. You have got to accept yourself and love yourself, or you'll just be a bottomless well some poor woman pours her life into, and gets nothing back for it.
Many men have walked the same path in life before I walked it. Many men have walked it since. You are walking it now. This is not like in the movies, where they find love in the end and run off into the rainbows together. This is LIFE. And it's more real, more work. and more disappointing then anyone can imagine. And you can't fool life.
Getting into a relationship doesn't solve problems. It creates problems. All the way from where do I put toothbrush now to there's some things about this person i just can't stand. And it creates people too. Little kids who grow up in their parent's shattered delusions.There's so much more at stake then one man's lonliness.
Do yourself a favor. Don't do ANYTHING you are not totally at ease with doing the rest of your life. Because the trend is the courtship ends after marriage, even in an NT/NT relationship. Don't make it where "normal" ends after marriage begins.
Just be you. And if you want to work on yourself, by all means do so. Just remember to be honest. If she doesn't pick you because of that, it's better that way, I assure you.
I wish you success! |
That was very insightful and extremely good advice. Thank you for sharing it. |
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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2049
Location: Canada
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ozman
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 18, 2012
Posts: 161
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 9:50 am Post subject: |
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| Aharon wrote: | [mod edit: this post and the next one were copied over from another thread as i think the advice is brilliant. original thread is here:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt194745.html ]
I just want to say this. If you think dating is hard work, it's nothing compared to a marriage.
If you really want a relationship that will last and grow, you need to find someone who will accept you and love you for you. After all, dating is the proving ground for a lifelong, intimate relationship; not some interview process where you bs your way into a dream job you're not qualified for.
I've noticed a trend (I did this also) where aspies think they can make someone love them. That's a hard thing to do, but it's easy compared to the discovery you don't know how to love them, and then spend the rest your lives ( yes lives, yours and hers) trying and failing to become the man she fell in love with, but you
Real chemistry. You can't make someone's mind up for them. |
Yes your partner needs to understand and support your as. If they can't help u it's disappointing. My wife and I re Seperated at the moment and I think she is working out whether she can support me any more. That being said i am working on improving myself. IMHO if you as an aspie work to improve yourself and your partner can't see this and stay in the relationship, then shame on them for not offering supprt |
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BrenJB
Toucan
Joined: Mar 17, 2012
Posts: 253
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:26 pm Post subject: |
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| bizboy1 wrote: | | Don't spend more than $40 dollars on a date. Try to be as cheap as possible. |
LOL Actually some of the best dates I have had have cost little to know money. A hike in the mountains with a picnic lunch is amazing! |
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Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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TwoHandsTony
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 19, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 14
Location: Somewhere and no where
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| Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 9:46 am Post subject: |
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I've recently been diagnosed with AS (I'm nearly 50 yrs old) and am confused as to whether what I feel is a result of AS or is just me being an idiot.
I recently split up with a long term NT partner of 7 years. One day she announced that she had strong feelings for a man she met at work. This man was described as an “Adonis” type (big, strong, good looking, charming, sociable, well liked and respected etc) everything I was not.
This Adonis also had strong feelings for my partner and they shared many common interest, most of which were interests that I struggle with (social events, pubs, clubs, music, restaurants, theatre, concerts etc).
Rather confusingly I gave my partner my blessing for her to date this man rather than fight for her (which is what she expected of me). My thought process was simple (to me anyway), if these two people are suited to each other then who am I to stand in the way of true love.
We are now about 4 months on since I left our apartment. During all this time my ex and I have stayed in regular contact, often emailing, phoning and sometimes meeting (much to the annoyance of the Adonis).
I might be wrong (and I often am it seems) but I get the distinct impression my ex and I are talking about getting back together again. There are subtle hints and probing (NT language that is mostly lost on me) but I get the feeling that we are both thinking the same thing. The Adonis it seems is not all that he appeared to be.
The problem I need help with is that during a long phone chat today the subject of how we split up was raised. I am troubled because I seem to know that if we got back together and if the same thing happened again (she is attracted to someone new) then I would simply give her my approval to date him again.
Why is this. Do I love this woman too much, not love her enough or am I just not bothered ?
Is this an Aspie trait or am I just an arsehole ??
Any thoughts please |
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Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 6:41 am Post subject: |
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| TwoHandsTony wrote: | I've recently been diagnosed with AS (I'm nearly 50 yrs old) and am confused as to whether what I feel is a result of AS or is just me being an idiot.
I recently split up with a long term NT partner of 7 years. One day she announced that she had strong feelings for a man she met at work. This man was described as an “Adonis” type (big, strong, good looking, charming, sociable, well liked and respected etc) everything I was not.
This Adonis also had strong feelings for my partner and they shared many common interest, most of which were interests that I struggle with (social events, pubs, clubs, music, restaurants, theatre, concerts etc).
Rather confusingly I gave my partner my blessing for her to date this man rather than fight for her (which is what she expected of me). My thought process was simple (to me anyway), if these two people are suited to each other then who am I to stand in the way of true love.
We are now about 4 months on since I left our apartment. During all this time my ex and I have stayed in regular contact, often emailing, phoning and sometimes meeting (much to the annoyance of the Adonis).
I might be wrong (and I often am it seems) but I get the distinct impression my ex and I are talking about getting back together again. There are subtle hints and probing (NT language that is mostly lost on me) but I get the feeling that we are both thinking the same thing. The Adonis it seems is not all that he appeared to be.
The problem I need help with is that during a long phone chat today the subject of how we split up was raised. I am troubled because I seem to know that if we got back together and if the same thing happened again (she is attracted to someone new) then I would simply give her my approval to date him again.
Why is this. Do I love this woman too much, not love her enough or am I just not bothered ?
Is this an Aspie trait or am I just an arsehole ??
Any thoughts please |
You would be better off making an individual topic related to this situation as I'm sure it would get more responses. She threw away your relationship with you and put you on the back burner because she thought her chances would be better with someone else, I think you should find someone who is truly deserving of you and wants to be with you.
In other words, show her the door and move on. She kept you around in case it didn't work out with this other guy, what's to say she won't do the same again? You definitely can't trust her. She betrayed seven years of devotion and commitment to be with someone else? she betrayed your trust and feelings, you should find someone you can trust securely as this relationship or bond between you both will never be secure. |
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kristiyana
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 13, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 3:39 am Post subject: |
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Love can be a tough journey but i assure you that its an amazing one..people should not hesitate to fall in love.Being in love is an unmatchable feeling.
I would like to share a few cute and romantic love quotes with the readers..
“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.” |
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Rocky
This dude is one hoopy frood!
Joined: May 02, 2008
Posts: 2096
Location: Uhhh...Not Remulak
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| Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 5:08 am Post subject: |
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Sometimes, not doing something is a mistake. For example: If the first date went well, and you don't kiss goodnight.
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"Reality is not made of if. Reality is made of is."
-Author prefers to be anonymous. |
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