Ria1989
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Posts: 336
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 Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 2:49 pm Post subject: |
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I feel like extroverted men are okay with introverted women, because they are less likely to cheat or meet a potential partner outside of marriage. That's my take on it, though studies might show just as many introverted women straying from marriage. I've had a guy say that he likes me because I'm introverted and less likely to flirt and cheat on him; he's been cheated on in the past.
I could see the opposite being difficult because an introverted man is less likely to be alpha male, which an alpha female (an extroverted one) would likely talk to. Plus, the introverted man would have a hard time controlling the extroverted woman since he has less social connections and social power. Jealousy might interfere with the stability of the relationship. |
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mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1948
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 2:50 pm Post subject: |
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I think the first type, which is the kind of relationship I'm in right now, is considered challenging because, for that type of relationship to happen in the first place, both partners must either go against gender roles or against their own personalities in order for the relationship to happen in the first place.
I mean, if you have an extroverted man going after an introverted woman, no problem. He does what's socially expected of him and what he, as an extrovert has no problem with, he approaches the girl. And she, the introvert, fills her accepted gender role, passively allowing him to make all the moves.
But if it's an introverted man, he must either go against his appointed gender role and wait for her to approach, or go against his usual inclinations and make the approach. And the extroverted woman must either make the approach and fear what people will think of her, or passively and impatiently wait for this guy to make his move.
And these differences in gender expectations don't stop once the relationship is established. |
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Candles15
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 31, 2011
Posts: 175
Location: United Kingdom
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 2:52 pm Post subject: |
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Could it be due to traditional roles within a family?
Traditionally a man is expected to set the rules within the house and the women to obey them..
I don't see why a relationship between an introvert guy and an extrovert girl can't work in the modern society though. |
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Briana_Lopez
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 07, 2012
Age: 16
Posts: 326
Location: Tyngsboro, MA
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:04 pm Post subject: |
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In my relationship, my boyfriend's introverted and I'm extroverted. I think his shyness actually turns me on heheh! But he's still the dominant one in the relationship, the roles haven't changed for us. I don't know how that works, but it has for the past 2 years.  |
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deltafunction
Cool cool cool
Joined: Jun 05, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 1088
Location: Lost
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:15 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know how my situation could fit into any of those molds, since I'm not sure if I count as an extroverted aspie. Most people call me introverted, though I like to go out and meet new people more often than my NT boyfriend. But I don't go out and meet people as often as I like since I have some sort of social anxiety.
There should be some sort of definition of extrovert and introvert in the AS population.
Plus, to make things even more complicated, my bf seems to come across as extroverted to me, because he seems comfortable with his close friends. But he tells me that he is not as social as I think he is.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 93 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 109 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits |
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:38 pm Post subject: |
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I'm extremely introverted. And dominant. And single.  |
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IlovemyAspie
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Posts: 874
Location: On the brink....
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Briana_Lopez wrote: | | In my relationship, my boyfriend's introverted and I'm extroverted. I think his shyness actually turns me on heheh! But he's still the dominant one in the relationship, the roles haven't changed for us. I don't know how that works, but it has for the past 2 years. |
I'm extroverted and I have no problems with a guy being introverted. If I love,trust and respect him, then he can still be the "alpha male" in the relationship. I can be very opinonated but when it comes to him, if he says "x" is best, then that's what I go with. If I didn't love, trust and respect him, Introverted doesn't necessarily have to equate to being a spineless jellyfish. would just run over him. It's not right, but it has happened before. I feel terrible about but it is what it is. Or was what it was! lol |
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Yuzu
Deinonychus
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Joined: Dec 29, 2011
Age: 42
Posts: 374
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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| mv wrote: | | I'm extremely introverted. And dominant. And single. :lol: |
Same here.
I wonder how Introvert man + Introvert woman is described. |
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IlovemyAspie
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Posts: 874
Location: On the brink....
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| Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 2:58 am Post subject: |
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| AspieRogue wrote: | I'm fairly introverted, but I am totally not shy or inhibited. In fact, I'm extremely aggressive and domineering(I can be quite controlling if I feel uncertain about a partners intentions).
I've noticed that women tend to be particularly afraid and uncomfortable around aggressive, introverted men as opposed to aggressive men who are extroverted or more restrained, shy introverted guys. |
Aggressive and controlling in what ways? |
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yellowtamarin
Elephant Shrew
Joined: Sep 06, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 1517
Location: Victoria, Australia
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| Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:04 am Post subject: |
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| Hmm...I'm an introverted female and I tried out a relationship with an extroverted male and it just didn't work out, mostly because he is extroverted. I couldn't keep up with his social schedule, and the fact that we had no real "alone time" because he was always connected to his friends, if not in person then with beeping and ringing phones and computers. I decided I am much more suited to an introvert-introvert relationship. |
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ToughDiamond
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 4751
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| Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 7:08 am Post subject: |
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| yellowtamarin wrote: | | Hmm...I'm an introverted female and I tried out a relationship with an extroverted male and it just didn't work out, mostly because he is extroverted. I couldn't keep up with his social schedule, and the fact that we had no real "alone time" because he was always connected to his friends, if not in person then with beeping and ringing phones and computers. I decided I am much more suited to an introvert-introvert relationship. |
That's the way it would be for me if I had an extraverted partner. I'm sure I'd feel threatened, envious and resentful that they were gallivanting about partying and doing all this social stuff while I didn't dare go near most of it. In fact when my last gf said her ambition was to become the life and soul of the party, I told her that if she wanted to do that and leave me behind, she could damn well paddle her own canoe. I admit that was a very mean way to put it, but I felt it was mean of her to ignore me in her ambitions like that. Not that she was an extravert, or ever likely to become one. I could have quite safely lied and told her she had my total support, but I preferred to be honest.
I can't see how it would ever work, introvert with extravert. The introvert would feel left behind and neglected, surely? And the extravert would feel like a hare chained to a tortoise. How would it be possible for the usual marriage conditions to apply - the thing about socialising as a couple to avoid emotional infidelity?
Maybe there's still some of this old sexist attitude about, that the woman likes "experience" in a man, and feels that her place is in the home? Each to his own, I guess.  |
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2165
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| Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 9:42 am Post subject: Re: Introvert-Extrovert couples |
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| AspieRogue wrote: | I once was reading a book about introversion and it described the 2 types of (straight)couples with a simple summarizing sentence. Here is what it said
1)Introvert Man + Extrovert Woman : The challenging couple
2)Extrovert Man + Introvert Woman: When opposites attract
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Our social conventions usually require the man be the one to make the first move.
Also; a highly extroverted woman is likely going to be very go-go social and will expect the man to keep up to show off her man; whereas an extroverted male may be more likely to hang out with the guys and leave the women to their own. |
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IlovemyAspie
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Posts: 874
Location: On the brink....
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| Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 10:28 am Post subject: Re: Introvert-Extrovert couples |
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| thewhitrbbit wrote: | | AspieRogue wrote: | I once was reading a book about introversion and it described the 2 types of (straight)couples with a simple summarizing sentence. Here is what it said
1)Introvert Man + Extrovert Woman : The challenging couple
2)Extrovert Man + Introvert Woman: When opposites attract
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Our social conventions usually require the man be the one to make the first move.
Also; a highly extroverted woman is likely going to be very go-go social and will expect the man to keep up to show off her man; whereas an extroverted male may be more likely to hang out with the guys and leave the women to their own. |
I'm a highly extroverted woman. I like to socialize. I do have 2 children so I'm not at clubs and bars. I like parties (mostly the kind I can bring my kids to). I wouldn't expect my bf to go to every party or event. I wouldn't mind if he wanted to stay home and play video games (the guys I like all seem to be into video games, even at 35). I have an older sister and a few close friends. I don't mind hanging out with them to get my social fix then coming home and taking care of my man. It doesn't bother me that he may need hours of alone time. If we are in the same house that's good enough for me. At least I know where he is. Lol |
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