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mom with asperger's.. they took my kids away.
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jennajen34
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 5:25 pm    Post subject: mom with asperger's.. they took my kids away. Reply with quote

i am 34 years and only now starting to figure myself out... i had a 'meltdown' about a month ago...and in the middle of it had my kids put into foster homes against my will...i cannot explain it all here...i never hurt my kids i was only trying to figure me, and my son, out and i had a very selfish boyfriend at the time and no support...my emotions ran wild and the agency took my kids until i can get assessed, diagnosed, and put on the right medication or put threw the right therapies...i also have seizures and that's another reason they took them but yet again, that is an undiagnosed problem..

both of these problems i've tried to live with for 34 years without knowing WHAT was wrong with me!....i guess i just had it...i was done not knowing what was wrong with me..why couldn't i be normal..why couldn't i have a boyfriend...and what the hell were these 'attacks' i kept getting since i was a kid..

i started looking into the attacks in august of last year..no one took me seriously and i got sent to a shrink who i'm still seeing and who STILL can't figure me out..i didn't stop with just him, i was angry and knew i wasn't going in the right direction..i saw my family doctor and he got me a few eeg's and i still dont know the results..i see a neuro in april....he did put me on medication tho to test out if i was having real seizures or not and i'm still taking that medication coz it's actually working..i'm not getting the seizures (as bad or often) as before at all...
but that was the start of my kids being taken....people think i'm crazy because i dont act normally..i cannot for the life of me communicate 'normally', i can't react 'normally', my emotions get away from me so easily... BUT the medication was working so uhh i must be having seizures? the neuro who i'll see reviewed my eeg's and said he suspects temporal lobe epilepsy...but no i'm still just 'odd' and 'wierd' to everyone else.. the agency who took my kids only listen to the people who call me insane..they never hear the good stuff....

i have to go to court often to try and get my kids back...the agency says 'she is not mentally fit to be a mom' and i want to puke, they also say the kids aren't protected or safe with me..since they were taken from me i've been so sick...they're all i have..in this entire world...my two kids... and even with my older boy the doctors never took me seriously when i finally thought i figured out what was wrong with him...asperger's... i never ever get taken seriously.. it seems no one ever hears me... i know when i was having the seizures again real bad starting last august i was screaming out for someone to help me but no one did..it took months to even get put on medication...the anger and frustrations that were boiling inside me...and still are..i can't even describe them. i WAS worried about taking care of the kids all by myself at that time..and i let my doctor know about it and that's when he put me on the medication...its carbamazepine which is givin to ppl with seizures OR bi polar..it helped my seizures within days..it made me very very sick tho so i was stressed out from that as well..but the seizures were changing, becoming less n less..right now it's march and although i can feel them starting, they stop really quickly.... i am wondering however if this medication has made my moods worse!!? although it's a MOOD STABILIZER as well it sure hasnt help ME in that department!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was blind to my boys problems his whole life..to both our problems..i knew i was anti social, had no friends, preferred to be alone, had problems controlling my emotions, couldn't be around anyone for too long etc...but before all this i never put it all together... same with him... but now it's all so clear...we both have asperger's.
he is IDENTICAL to me.. but for some reason i never saw it??? i have been seeing a psychologist who's been assessing me...she didn't know what to think the first weeks of seeing me..i told her i had been researching and found asperger's to fit me and my boy perfectly but she kinda laughed at me too..she tested me for add/adhd instead and did a bunch of other tests, sensory and cognitive.. during that she was calling me a hypocondriach for self diagnosing me and my boy with asperger's until she started putting all my test results together...now she believes me..i laughed one of the last times she called me...stating she doesn't think it's add/adhd exactly but is a form of autism..i actually laughed coz FINALLY SOMEONE HEARD ME and saw it as well and she would continue to see it as she did more tests on me.. but is THIS what it takes to GET ANSWERS?!?!? my whole freaken world being flipped upside down? my kids being taken away from me? supervised visits only coz they think i'm crazy?? WHY why why did it have to happen like THIS.

what are my chances of getting my kids back...they are out of foster homes and with their dad now but it's been a month and i dont know how much more i can take of this....my lawyer said prepare to fight for at least a year!!!! jesus....he knows nothing about me tho...only my psychologist is being 'nice' to me and not treating me like a complete psycho...she seems very sure that i'll get my kids back...
but she's the only one

i dont know how to cope without my kids..i only see them a few hours a week under supervision at the agency..i hate HATE HATE HATE being treated like i'm insane!!!!! they have no idea how much i love them and have cared for them their whole lives....the 'abuse' i feel i'm getting from the agency has beaten me down..i feel dead inside, numb.. i'm all alone now..i have absolutely no one in my life..and the only things i ever cared about are gone...

i have no idea how to keep going .... i can't handle this... i miss them so much...

i have realized so much tho since august about myself... i have realized for the first time in my life that the attacks are simple and complex seizures and that i might actually have epilepsy...i have learned that i do not portray myself in the way that i think i am....i have realized WHY everyone has always claimed i'm a drug user all my life...because of the way i'm acting...i never knew i was acting soooo 'odd'..i just thought i FELT different..but i had no idea i was portraying all those differences...i had NO CLUE i never made eye contact with people.. i had no clue why all my ex boyfriends called me 'emotionless' 'heartless' 'cruel'.... i had no idea just how bad i am in social situations..just how 'odd' i am acting.. i did not realize AT ALL that the wierd stuff i feel is being shown on the outside as well...

i'm kinda in shock....with all of this..how could this be .. i'm 34... i feel like i'm being reborn again but it feels bad...it hurts a lot...i dont even know who i am anymore sometimes, honestly i feel like a huge huge mess, a mistake, someone whos just wrong.... i dont know how to feel or what i'm suppose to do i'm all alone now..

i'll just end this now it's enough of a novel.. i guess i'm reaching out to ppl who are maybe like me.. i've always had a hard time connecting with people... and right now i am more alone than i have been since i was a depressed teenager...
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the_beautiful_mess
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 5:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Hey,' from a teenager with Asperger's who's also prone to depression.

I don't think I can really offer you any real help (I'm only thirteen) even though I really wish I could.

I'll be thinking of you and praying for you to get your kids back, because from the way you talk about how you miss them, you must really love them, and love makes a good mother.

Hold on.
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Roman
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think it is very unfair to take away your kids against your will based on SUBJECTIVE observation of other people who don't know you nearly as much as you know yourself. The same is true for psychiatric treatment against person's will. Both should be stoped.

I really hope you get your kids back. You need to file a court case or something. Of course it SHOULD BE none of their business, they should just let you have kids without court or anything. But since they won't, filing a court case would be second best option.
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mntn13
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe you've already set this up, but could your psychologist talk or consult with the lawyer? When my ex was trying to take the kid away, that is what helped me win the battle.

I am very sorry this is happening to you. You can PM me if you want/need. I went through something similar, and it took about a year to get through all the filing, testing, more filing, then the court made us go together to talk to a psychiatrist, she filed papers about that, then mediation which was also forced on us, then, finally, I won Very Happy. My family didn't want to have anything to do with it, so I was basically on my own in the biggest fight of my life.

It was horrendously stressful and made me sick, but now the kid is an adult and doing pretty well.
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League_Girl
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope this never happens to me. I have Asperger's and anxiety and I have gone through periods in my life where I was unstable. I wonder if having a supportive family and husband will keep my son from being taken from me if I ever go through a time I am having it rough.
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momsparky
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

While I am well aware that autism is not a mental illness, it would appear that there are other issues going on here that caused the removal of your children (for instance, depression may be a co-morbidity of autism but it's not always present.)

I found this really good article on Child Custody and Mental Health issues: http://www.nmha.org/go/information/get-info/strengthening-families/when-a-parent-has-a-mental-illness-child-custody-issues It contains a good outline of the reasons why children may be removed from the home, and some resources on what needs to happen to have them returned, and if you click the "find an affiliate" button or go here http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/find_therapy you can be directed towards resources in your state (I assume you're in the US.)

Your children deserve to be in the best possible home for them. I completely understand your struggle, and sympathize with your plight - but please put your focus on providing a safe, stable home for your children. I think if you ask for the support you need to do that, and take the steps outlined by the court to prove that you can provide it, you will have a good chance of getting them back.
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jennajen34
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i am in nova scotia canada..
i wasn't necessarily depressed at the time just extremely frustration and emotional...and if i don't come off as 'normal' when i'm feeling fine..i sure didn't come off as 'normal' at this time. and people are going to try and figure me out within a few minutes and make up their minds about me with whatever it is they think is wrong..the intake worker who took my kids was convinced i was crazy.. when what was really going on with me was i was stressed from lack of support, stressed from a bad boyfriend, and stressed from lack of doctors...for me and my son.
a doctor i took my lil boy to a few times called social services because she convinced herself that he is the way he is because i'm a bad parent.. there is all this speculation and assumptions!!! because i don't come off as 'normal', they assume otherwise.. she didn't even want to test my boy for anything because in her mind she had made the assumption that i was just a bad mother... how dare they ...that's all i can say... whenever i went to try n find help for my son i got an intake protection worker called to my home... that makes it very very hard for me to want to even seek help after that but i did not want to give up this time...

i didn't have any support...
my ex was out west working...now he's back tho n has the kids.. my parents here don't really give a crap about me or know what to do with me so they stay away...i really needed the kids dad back...and he finally did that.. my family that actually cares is in a different province but we're hoping to move there when this is all done with...

the agency just needs me diagnosed and in proper treatment... but i'm so scared that having asperger's will make it even harder for me to get my kids back.....and seizures too....

i'm so scared...
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momsparky
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The most of the same rules listed in the article apply. You should look here for support and help: http://www.novascotia.cmha.ca/bins/site2.asp?cid=284-682

Here's the Child and Family Services law in Nova Scotia: http://www.gov.ns.ca/coms/families/documents/child_welfare_brochure.pdf It looks like you have the right to a lawyer, even if you can't afford one.

Here's info on mental health patient's rights there, they may also be able to direct you to an advocate: http://www.gov.ns.ca/health/mhs/patient_rights.asp

And from here, last updated in 2006 so be aware it may not be up to date: http://www.legalinfo.org/family-law/child-protection-process.html
Quote:
Q - Do I need a lawyer if my child is removed my child protection?

A - Yes, you should get legal advice and have a lawyer if you are suspected of child abuse. If you can't afford a lawyer, you may qualify for Nova Scotia Legal aid. To find out if you qualify, you can contact Nova Scotia Legal Aid. Look in the government section of your telephone book under Legal Aid.

If you don't qualify for Legal Aid and cannot afford to hire a lawyer, you may have to represent yourself in court. Even if you are representing yourself you should make sure that you get some legal advice from a lawyer. You can call the Legal Information Society's Lawyer Referral Service at 1.800.665.9779 or 455.3135 for a referral to a lawyer.

Q - How long does the child protection process take?

A - The court process lasts between one month and 18 months, generally.

Q - What is the court process for child protection?

A - There are three stages to the process: the interim, the protection and the disposition hearings.

Q - What is the court process for child protection?

A - There are three stages to the process: the interim, the protection and the disposition hearings.

Stage 1: the interim hearing
This interim hearing is held within five days of the agency bringing an application claiming that the child is in need of protective services. Usually this first court appearance lasts for less than 30 minutes. At this hearing if the judge makes a finding that there are reasonable and probable grounds to believe that a child is in need of protective services. the court can order that the child be in the temporary care of the agency or be returned home under the supervision of the agency. If the judge finds that the agency did not have reasonable and probable grounds for the application then the proceeding will be dismissed.

If the parents or guardian do not agree with the order from the first appearance, the matter may be set down for a fuller hearing within 30 days of the date of the original application. At the hearing, the judge can dismiss the application if, after hearing further evidence, the judge finds that there are no reasonable and probable grounds to believe the child is in need of protective services. If the court finds reasonable and probable grounds to believe that the child is in need of protective services, the court can order one or more of the following:

the child be returned home, or should stay in the home, with or without conditions and under the supervision of the agency;
a parent, guardian, or other person will not live with or have contact with the child;
the child be placed with someone other than the parent or guardian (for example, a relative), with conditions and supervision by the agency;
the child remain in the care of the agency (for example, foster care);
if the child is not returned home, that the parent or guardian shall have access according to conditions set down by the court, unless access would not be in the child's best interests;
the child, parent, or guardian has a medical or psychiatric examination or assessment or that other services be put in place such as parent education or counselling.
Stage 2: the protection hearing
This stage must take place no later than 90 days from the date of the application. At the protection hearing, the court has to determine if the child is, in fact, in need of protective services as defined by the Children and Family Services Act. If the court finds that the child is not in need of protective services then the court shall dismiss the application. If the court finds that the child is in need of protective services then the matter is set over to the third stage.

Stage 3: the disposition hearing
The disposition is the final stage and will be held within 90 days of the Stage 2 protection hearing. At the disposition hearing, the court looks at what is the future plan for the child. The court has a number of options including:

dismissing the agency's application;
ordering the child be in the care and custody of a parent or guardian under the supervision of the agency;
ordering the child be returned to the care or custody of a person other than the parent or guardian, usually a relative, subject to the supervision of the agency. The relative would have to agree to have the child placed with him or her. placing the child into temporary care and custody of the agency; or placing the child in permanent care of the agency,
The court's decision is called the disposition. The disposition will generally be reviewed regularly unless at the Stage 1 interim hearing the application of the agency was dismissed or the child was placed in the permanent care of the agency. These reviews can continue for 12 to 18 months depending on the age of the child. Generally, at the end of the review time frame the court must either dismiss the agency's application or place the child in the permanent care and custody of the agency.


From the same page:
Quote:
Q - Where can I get more information?

A - For further information about child protection you can contact

The Nova Scotia Department of Community Services at 1.877.424.1177 or visit www.gov.ns.ca/coms/
Nova Scotia Legal Aid under 'Legal Aid' in the white pages or government section of your telephone book, or visit nslegalaid.ca;
Legal Information Society of Nova Scotia's Legal Information Line & Lawyer Referral Service at 1.800 665.9779 or 902.455.3135;
A lawyer in private practice, listed in the Yellow Pages of the telephone book. Look for a lawyer who does family law (including child protection).
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angelalala
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. . .it's difficult enough to navigate the system without multiple issues to juggle.

I have no idea how Child Protective Services work in Canada; in the US they vary from county to county. Where I live, it's pretty difficult to get a child removed from his/her biological parents (sometimes to a ridiculous degree--I've worked with kids who've been pretty obviously severely abused and the goal was always family unification, if the county even removed the kids. . .there's just no where to place them). Do you have a family member who would be willing to assume temporary guardianship? At least here, courts are more than willing to work with that type of situation until you can get stuff worked out.

I also have a seizure disorder (never started until I had my son). I felt, for a while, like I was a "bad parent" because I was so medicated and couldn't do anything. You probably know that a lot of types of seizures don't even show up on EEGs; mine didn't initially until I had a 48-hour EEG (and even then I was already on meds so the eeg only showed "spikes" of seizure-like activity while I was sleeping). I'd encourage you to get second, even third opinions, if that's an option for you. I'm lucky that there are pretty renowned specialists where I live.

Hopefully, if the court sees that you are making progress (taking steps to take care of your mental and physical health) that should be enough to start the process of getting your kids back at home.
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jennajen34
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 6:37 am    Post subject: thanks Reply with quote

thank you everyone for responding ..

i am hoping the neurologist can do a 48 hour EEG on me. but just knowing that my medication for seizures works gives me a lot of hope that in department!
i remember a few as a child but they really started bad as a teenager.. i'm good at keeping things secret..and would run and hide whenever a big one was hitting..
i shoudn't have done that though...

as far as everything else (aspergers)...the agency demands i get asssessed/diagnosed and treated..before they will make any changes
which i'm in the middle of...
they just make it seem like no matter what i do nothing will ever be good enough..

i hope, with the help of my psychologist who will be diagnosing me, that i will be able to prove myself to them....
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Tokiodarling21
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's not you. it's them! CPS/DHS is biased and discriminates against those of us they view as unfit to be parents. I'm not a parent myself, but during my parents' custody battle somewhere along the line, the state of Arkansas decided that my mom was unfit to take care of us.
the only mistakes she made were leaving three children alone in her parents' house while she went off to another town to see her 19-year-old boyfriend, then bringing this disgusting excuse of a man around to the house where we lived, riding in the same vehicle as us AND SMOKING IN IT! (might I also add she was still technically married to my dad at the time since the divorce was not yet final) And making out with this guy in a chair next to my bed while I'm in the hospital recovering from a shunt revision! Mad
My dad claims she has bipolar disorder (I say claims b/c her family says he's lying)
but she got some help and today she's fine!
But of course, My dad's no Father of the year either. During one of our visitations, I noticed he had a picture of this woman in his car. He said she was a childhood friend of his then one night, he drives to her house and my siblings and I are watching from the car my dad get rejected by this woman.
There was another moment concerning my sister where he told her he wasn't her real father!
His name's on the paperwork! He raised her from birth! As far as the law is concerned my sister was HIS CHILD!
This angers me b/c now I can't have a good relationship with my sister Evil or Very Mad
And most recently, he said to me over the phone that I betrayed him for telling MY FAMILY (the people I love) about the sterilization procedure I was pressured into getting back in 2008. He denied he was part of it and placed the blame on me!
But he offended me by almost using the R-word (he didn't use it, but he was painfully close. I was on the phone with him and could tell he was thinking it.)
Now I'm a Christian, most of the things that were said and done back then (and fairly recently) I'm not going to agree with because what I've been through is not love in my book!
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thewhitrbbit
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think that your loneliness can serve as a motivation for getting your kids back.

I am curious; you don't mention how their dad is? Is he caring for them ok? The first priority is their health and safety. Are you allowed to visit them? If not, your lawyer should be able to get you visitation. I can't imagine any judge who wouldn't let you see them if your on the right track.

Best of luck to you Smile
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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 12:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

In addition to your lawyer, might you be able to get an advocate?

Here in the states, we're getting started with ASAN and other organizations. As I'm sure you've read, being on the Asperger's-Autism Spectrum is just a human difference, just a different way of being normal. And I am very much in favor of us just as people expanding how 'normal' is conventionally defined. And people on the spectrum are capable of all kinds of things, including being good and fine parents.
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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 2:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There may also be a cross-advocacy opportunity. Even though you are not bipoloar or similar, officialdom is rather stating that you are bipolar or similar and using that as an excuse to take your children away. And that's not right either, and an advocate for the mentally ill might be happy to jump in and take your side. And I'm thinking advocates for the mentally ill might be further along politically with more experience.

Or, it's possible an advocate would say, our resources are already stretched thin for our target group, we're not able to help someone who has Asperger's.

For me, it would be at least medium energy-intensive go ask, especially with the very real possibility they'd say no. But this is one more possible avenue.
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McAnulty
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You didn't go into much detail about the meltdown that resulted in the removal of your children. What was it about this meltdown that led them to such an extreme reaction? If they are not being abused physically, the culprit is usually worry about the ability of a child to grow psychologically in their environment. The extreme nature of a meltdown could of course lead them to worry about this, as that is not a healthy environement for a child in the long term. Making babies is everyone's right, but keeping them is a privilege unfortunately. It is truly tragic that this is happening to you, but it is important to see this from the point of view of social services so that you can prove to them that you are a good mother. They are worried that your mental state is having a negative impact on your childrens development. It doesn't matter if they are right or not, do everything they say, get a diagnosis, get treatment, be on your best behaviour, always polite, and no outbursts. Ask them if there is anything else you could do that you aren't doing. Find out what their specific worries are and work on those things. Also make sure you are supporting your children as much as you can because this is awful for them too. All of this is so much easier said than done, this is a tragic experience, but if you can think of it as WHEN you will get your children back, not IF, and just fight like hell to make sure it happens. Don't give up, you can do it.
I was put into foster care. I know this is hell. My mother really struggled, we both struggled, but then she got me back and now 15 years later, it's as if it never happened.
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