Endinglignt
Blue Jay
Joined: Jan 19, 2012
Age: 25
Posts: 78
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 Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 4:34 pm Post subject: Friendship and losing you |
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How do you do?
For the first time in my life I have decieded to be me.no more faking interest in things that boor me(horror movies, spots, music etc) and have found it imposable to make any friends.as soon as they hear"I don't like music" or "I am not really into that" everyone kinda smiles and walks off. A good view of this is at my new job, I got there an hour early (someone misread my hours and would not let me punch in when I got there) so I sat in the back room listening to everyone talk,trying to get a insight on when they like or how they handle topics that bore them. They everyone in the back room were talking about why they don't smoke pot AND drink at the same time anymore. After each gave a story that ended with A: rape B: cops or C: rehab they asked me to tell them mine. Since I have never done any drug in my life and told them that, they got quite and said "well....that's good of you I wish I had a friend like you" they all left.
How do I make friends and stay me? |
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goodwitchy
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 29, 2011
Posts: 785
Location: Interplanetary
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| Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 12:35 am Post subject: |
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There's a user on here (Cookiemobsta?, I think is his user name) who also has a website that may help with some tips:
http://improveyoursocialskills.com/
_________________
Aspie score: 161 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
Autistic/BAP -123 aloof, 124 rigid and 108 pragmatic
Autism Spectrum quotient: 41, Empathy Quotient: 19
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NicoleG
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:06 pm Post subject: Re: Friendship and losing you |
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Why would you want friends like that?
Be yourself and understand that the kind of person that's going to be your friend might be hard to find, but will be much more worth it.
Be patient
(I can't figure out the image html, so I made a url link instead.) |
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Cookiemobsta
Blue Jay
Joined: Dec 06, 2004
Posts: 98
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| Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 12:29 pm Post subject: |
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If you don't want to fake interest, then find people who are interested in things that you are interested in. Use meetup.com to find groups based around your interests, or google around for "your interest" plus "your city." I guarantee you that whatever you're interested in, someone else is interested in too--and most likely, some of those people who are also interested live near you.
It's possible to make great connections with people with whom you don't share common interests, but it's harder. You'll have a much easier time trying to make friendships and build your social skills with people that share your interests--so seek those people out. They're out there, you just have to find them 
EDIT: Whoops, I realized just after posting that I did some hardcore thread necromancy (this thread was from January.) I saw that I was getting some traffic from this post to my site so I just assumed it was a current post; guess that's not the case. Sorry guys.
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http://www.improveyoursocialskills.com |
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Nereid
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 06, 2011
Posts: 154
Location: San Francisco
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| Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:57 pm Post subject: |
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| I can relate. Not so much about rape/cops but certainly about drugs and alcohol and other debaucherous activities. So many people like to wear their bad deeds like a badge of honor. Seems so contrary and unappealing. The best you can try to do is change your environment if you can, either like a commentator said try to meet people on something like meetup.com, or perhaps work at a new place? Sounds like you're surrounded by bad seeds. |
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Siddhi
Raven
Joined: Jan 23, 2012
Posts: 100
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| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:45 am Post subject: |
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Generally in situations like that i just listen or move out if it is dumb. I dont know why they do that but since i dont understand why people do harmful things knowingly, i dont like to waste my mental energy on it.
Oh and to the question how do you make friends with them. Well, it depends on why you want to be friends with them. Also, are they the kind of people who you would want around you? May be they cannot be your friend but you can learn something interesting about these group of people. That is what my brother always says when i come across people who seem to (according to me) do odd stuff. He says, just watch them. They are an interesting minority. For me they are not friends but interesting specimens.
By the way. What is | Quote: | | hardcore thread necromancy |
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Sorry for dumb question but i am new to a lot of this stuff.
_________________
Disclaimer: Not diagnosed but have traits. |
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NicoleG
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:27 am Post subject: |
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| Siddhi wrote: | | May be they cannot be your friend but you can learn something interesting about these group of people. That is what my brother always says when i come across people who seem to (according to me) do odd stuff. He says, just watch them. They are an interesting minority. For me they are not friends but interesting specimens. |
Temple Grandin likes to call those behaviors ISPs, or Interesting Sociological Phenomena. I think in her case, she's learned quite a lot about people so that she now knows why people do a lot of those things, but it took her watching and learning to get to that point.
| Siddhi wrote: | By the way. What is | Quote: | | hardcore thread necromancy |
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Sorry for dumb question but i am new to a lot of this stuff. |
Necromancy is the term given for "talking" to the dead, but I think Cookiemobsta meant it more as "raising" the dead. This thread was kind of old and further down in the forum in the list of threads (read: it was a dead thread, because people had stopped posting to it). By posting to it, that brought the thread back up to the top as though it was a current thread. There's no rules against doing that, but some people prefer that an old, "dead" thread remain that way and not be brought back up again. |
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Siddhi
Raven
Joined: Jan 23, 2012
Posts: 100
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| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Temple Grandin likes to call those behaviors ISPs, or Interesting Sociological Phenomena. I think in her case, she's learned quite a lot about people so that she now knows why people do a lot of those things, but it took her watching and learning to get to that point.
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This is exactly what i have been doing all my life. Whatever i have learned about people is by watching and reading. It is fun and mostly people dont even notice me as i would be sitting in one place and just watching. Then i go and talk about it with my mom or brother or sister in law about it and try to figure out why they do it. It is also the reason why i love psychology, neurology and biology. It is fun to read about why people do things and to study it. If someone is agreeable i can even ask questions, which is the best form of information for me.
Thanks NicoleG for answering my question.
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Disclaimer: Not diagnosed but have traits. |
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SpiritBlooms
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Posts: 1024
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| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 2:30 pm Post subject: |
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I don't have many friends, so maybe I'm the last person you should listen to about this.  But why don't you look for friends in places where you find people with the same interests as you?
If you have special interests, look for people who share them. |
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