Metal_Man
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 04, 2007
Age: 45
Posts: 921
Location: The Gates of Babylon
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 Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 12:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Space wrote: | | Metal_Man wrote: | | Married once, divorced once and will never do it again. I married an emotional basket case of an NT who only wanted social status at the expense of all else. All of her friends were married and she desperatley married me thinking that her friends would want to hang out with her again. They took one look at me and said no way. They wouldn't come to the wedding. When our son was born they wouldn't even acknowledge that. I only date older women who have no real desire to get married and have kids. |
I like this.
I think that marriage with the male half having AS is very different than if the female side has it. Just an acknowledgment of different gender roles/expectations, and how AS interferes with that.
I would like to get married sometimes, but then I think of all the bad stories I hear from AS men who do it. I guess it doesn't matter anyways because I've never had a serious relationship and don't see it in my future. |
I have found that a lot of NT women as they get older get tired of the beer and sports mentality that most NT men have. They like my uniqueness, intelligence and my somewhat childlike view of some things. They get tired of the lies and BS that most NT men engage in also. Plus NT women lose social status amongst NT men as they age so it puts us on more equal terms.
_________________
Can't get it right, no matter what I do, guess I'll just be me and keep F!@#$%G up for you!
It goes on and on and on, it's Heaven and Hell! Ronnie James Dio - He was simply the greatest R.I.P. |
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GuyTypingOnComputer
Toucan
Joined: Jun 10, 2008
Posts: 283
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 2:43 pm Post subject: |
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I have been in my first marriage for more than 15 years.
Like every girl I dated, my wife has driven the relationship from the beginning. My wife is very sociable and will go out on her own without me when I am not up for it. She likes to talk and probably sees me as a good listener even though she know I am probably not paying attention.
We have two kids. The kids (and often times my wife) view me as one of them and see their mother as being in charge.
The key to the relationship from my point of view is not having set expectations and being so opposite that we fill each other's needs. My wife is sociable and likes to nurture, but is not very good at thinking things through. She can feel down because of social/friend/gossip/neighbor issues, but I provide a "who cares about that" perspective. |
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poopylungstuffing
Lolliwink Slayer
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 37
Posts: 7618
Location: Snapdragon Ridge
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| Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 11:31 am Post subject: |
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I am not married. I will probably never get married as I am unable to reproduce...I don't even understand why people get married.
I am in a polyamorous long term relationship. Flakey was married once and it ended really badly. It is his belief that marriage is the worst thing two people can do for their relationship.
I complain a lot about him on the forum because I am devoid of tact...but he is really a decent, creative, patient and magnanimous person. My feelings for him got badly jarred by his repeated infidelities a long time ago, and I have a hard time feeling intimate towards him.
It is nice not always having to feel threatened by other girls all the time, and fun giving him the thumbs up when he gets to flirt with any of the hundreds of pretty girls who tromp through our venue every month now.
I take our friendship for granted. He is a really good guy.
I have also been seeing my very good friend now for 8 months.
I care a lot for him and respect him for who he is. He is difficult and moody and stubborn and extremely ASish..I try to look after him as best as I can. He has extreme difficulty with girls, and has been celibate for most of his life. I am like his all-accepting friend with benefits...thought I can be a bit covetous at times... 
i would not mind being an old person sitting on the front porch in rocking chairs with both of them...though I guess it won't work out that way....a big stumbling block is my extreme lack of emotional maturity and theory of mind.
_________________
http://www.youtube.com/user/MsPuppetrina
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http://www.superhappyfunland.com
"Ifthefoolwouldpersistinhisfolly,hewouldbecomewise" |
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Space
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2006
Age: 29
Posts: 2256
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| Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2009 12:50 am Post subject: |
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| Metal_Man wrote: | | I have found that a lot of NT women as they get older get tired of the beer and sports mentality that most NT men have. They like my uniqueness, intelligence and my somewhat childlike view of some things. They get tired of the lies and BS that most NT men engage in also. Plus NT women lose social status amongst NT men as they age so it puts us on more equal terms. |
This gives me hope. The women in my age range (I am 25) definitely want the flashy popular guys right now, and I am last in line in that respect. |
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nolan1971
Toucan
Joined: May 13, 2012
Age: 41
Posts: 290
Location: Gainesville FL
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| Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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| I had a very happy 13yr marriage and even when we broke up it was on good terms. We still love each other. I really want to get married again. |
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CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Age: 53
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 12:49 am Post subject: |
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My first marriage lasted almost 10 years -- it took 5 years before I realized that the vertical head motion did not signify agreement -- it meant he had no clue what I was yammering about.
Current marriage is going on 14 years, and still going strong. He's mostly NT, but is a bit of a recluse and does like to monologue.
The more you have in common, the better. It is also important to communicate, however you are able. |
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ChangelingGirl
Brazilian Wandering Spider
Joined: Sep 19, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 1612
Location: Netherlands
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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| I am married (as of September 2011). We married to prove our love to each other, as we dont'live together. He is mostly NT while I'm very Aspie. Our marriage is great I'd say. |
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Lahmacun
Blue Jay
Joined: May 04, 2011
Posts: 85
Location: Nahariya, Israel
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| Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:23 am Post subject: |
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I am in my second marriage now, and it's going just fine. My NT husband understands me better now that I have figured out my own condition of having A.S. At first, it was more a case of him calling me a nerd, a dork, a geek, etc., and my response of "yeah, I KNOW I'm like that, but at this point in my life I'm tired of trying to be anything other than what I am." Now he's laid off on the name-calling and is a little bit more understanding. I still wish I were more party-loving and more of a social butterfly, and a lot less goddamned SENSITIVE, but that's the way it is. I embarrass him by wearing earplugs at functions and on public transport, and am always running away from situations that are too crowded or too noisy. I am clumsy and often drop things or bump into him when we walk places together. He doesn't like my table manners and in the early days of our "courtship," often had to remind me to wash and floss my teeth!
On the other hand, these days, he now picks out clothes for me to buy so I'm not such a fashion disaster anymore. I'm fine with that...I detest shopping and never got compliments about my clothes, but now I do!
I was married to my first husband for seven years. I should not have married him, and we both contributed to the downfall of the marriage, even though I was the one who fianlly pulled the plug and left. He is a good man at heart and I wish him well, but we had very different agendas for our lives that were not compatible. I also received the same type of name-calling from him, but it was done lovingly. In this marriage, I think my present husband called me those names out of frustration and anger. But like I said, he's gotten better about it now that he knows there's a real cause behind why I act the way I do.
If anyone is contemplating marriage, I do recommend having the big arguments and discussions about core life values and goals BEFORE getting married! I would also truly ask people you love AND trust to give their feedback about your potential spouse. I always thought I knew better than everyone else about people, but I realize I was wrong...I was far too trusting and gullible with regard to my first husband, and I wouldn't listen to the many people who warned me that it was a disaster in the making. Both he and I had some wonderful times in the marriage, but the ending of it was so painful and traumatic for the both of us that it really wasn't worth it. I also let go of some extremely important goals I'd had because of that marriage, and those mistakes have had a very real and detrimental effect on my life, my career, and my financial standing. |
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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 55
Posts: 6905
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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| Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 4:21 pm Post subject: |
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Married for 21 years now.
When it goes well, it's wonderful to have someone who's caring and loving right beside me.
When it goes sour, it's good to know she's dedicated to making things work out.
I only wish she was more supportive of my AS problems like forgetting something we have scheduled, like getting her Mum to the doctor.
Definitely do not plunge into it, make very sure the two of you are compatible before talking about marriage.
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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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Longshanks
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 03, 2012
Posts: 513
Location: At an undisclosed airbase at Shangri-la
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| Posted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 1:01 am Post subject: |
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Been married 3 times. There are bumper stickers out there that say. "If You've Been Married to Longshanks, HONK!" Seriously, I'm the one afflicted with AS. My first 2 marriages stunk because the first two wives only married me for money and prestige - marriage to a military officer isn't a bad deal in the US. They both cheated on me - the second one did it while I was in Afghanistan. But I've been married to my soulmate now for going on the ninth year. The most glorious days of my life have been spent with her. But we have a Christ-centered marriage and that is the key - at least for us. I can honestly say that I love my wife 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more now than I did the day I married her. So, yes, there's hope!
Longshanks
_________________
Supporter of the Brian Terry Foundation @ www.honorbrianterry.com. Special Agent Brian Terry (1970-2010) was murdered as a direct result of Operation Fast & Furious - which Barry O won't discuss - wonder why? |
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barnabear
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 17, 2011
Posts: 174
Location: Hampshire, UK
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| Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 2:32 pm Post subject: 17 not out |
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Got married at 34, now 51, diagnosed AS a year ago.
We may not always agree with each other, but we are always a team. That's the bit that I enjoy the most I think (well, apart from .... )
I do have auditory hypersensitivity, and my wife has this odd habit of grinding her teeth, can't think why you'd think she'd do so a bit more quietly. |
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Mindsigh
Phoenix
Joined: May 30, 2012
Age: 46
Posts: 2553
Location: Ailleurs
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| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 2:10 pm Post subject: |
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| I am a married 45 year old AS female with a 3 year old son. I now wish I hadn't gotten married. My judgment was clouded by hormones when I was younger and now that they're clearing, I'd like some quality time alone with my knitting needles and yarn and the computer. But it hasn't ever been possible to get what I like, so I'll have to decide to like what I've got. "Love" is a choice, right? And I don't want them to be mad at me. |
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TalksToCats
Toucan
Joined: Jun 02, 2012
Posts: 255
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 5:29 am Post subject: |
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Generally good.
My SO, also on the spectrum somewhere, is my soulmate, and the person I've always found fascinating. I fell in love with his mind and his humour first. We share a number of special interests, and I'm inherently interested in almost everything sciency anyway, I have a knowledge thirst, so enjoy listening to him talk about many of his special interests.
It can be hard work but we can usually talk things through - intellectually not emotionally - but that works for us.
Will be 20 years together...8 years married later this year.
I think that we lived together a long time before marriage was good for us.
We jointly decided not to have children and on balance, though I've sometimes wondered about this, I think that was a good thing too. |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13493
Location: My house
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| Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 5:58 am Post subject: |
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I have been married for three years, Things are still good between us. We have had bumpy spots and then they would blow over. We both have a one year old son and right now he isn't living with us because of the bad health my husband is in and I can't take care of him always, not without my husband. He also understands me well and accept everything about me. He also takes stress off me and I think he babies me sometimes. He is also very flexible so it doesn't bother him if he doesn't get lot of affection or is unable to give me lot of it and has to ask me first before touching me or kissing me and having to wear clothes during sex or not being able to sleep together. We can't anymore anyway due to his back and he has to be alone now. In the past he didn't let it bother him when I always wanted to be alone. He also helps me with social situations. He also doesn't care for gifts or anything for his birthday or Christmas, or Father's day or Valentine's day so it takes the stress off me. I give him chocolates anyway for Valentine's day. I also never embarrass him because he doesn't get embarrassed by me. He has no problem telling people about my condition if he feels it's their business. Am I lot of work for him and very stressful? Of course and he feels like he has two kids instead of one. But my husband isn't lot of work. He isn't work at all. We both have our own advantages so it works out. He also doesn't like to be social so we don't ever go out much to social places. We also don't have friends to hang out with. In fact I seem to be more social than him because I go to my autism groups and he won't go to any gatherings. I don't make him go because I would not want to be forced to do things I don't want to do. Hopefully this will be my first and only marriage. I don't think I would find another guy like him. It be very hard to find one. I would have to luck out again.
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Titanic is a good diaper movie, lots of flooding |
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MjrMajorMajor
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2012
Age: 37
Posts: 3053
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| Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:48 am Post subject: |
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| I've been with my husband for ten years, and married for seven. I have AS, and my husband has a lot of traits in that direction so it has worked well. He's much more social than I am, but we try to compromise on that. He lets me be the bookworm hermit that I am for the most part, and I show up and mingle with family/friends when it's important to him for me to be there. He's an emotional anchor for me when I feel like I'm flying all over the place, and I tend to handle the day to day organizational/financial daily duties that aren't always his strong point. |
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