anomy
Blue Jay
Joined: May 23, 2012
Posts: 96
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 Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:16 pm Post subject: |
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| outofplace wrote: | I learned not to be too negative because people don't want to hear it.
I also learned that most people like to go on and on about themselves and so I have learned to shut up and listen.
I have worked on adding intonation to my voice and being less monotone.
I learned to be more open about my feelings but not too open. People want to see enough emotion to know that you are human, but not enough that they feel they have to do something about it.
I try not to talk about my obsession of the moment too much. Most of the times no one cares and some of the times people draw the wrong conclusions. I swear that I have to be in a government database somewhere because of the odd things I have spent inordinate amounts of time researching. (Why do these aerial drones keep following me everywhere?  )
I go out of my way to help others with their problems. |
A lot of this reminds of things I've also "learned" to do. I would also add just saying a friendly hello to neighbors, passerbyers, workers where you shop, etc seems to go a long ways. Also, asking people "how are you?" and genuinely meaning it seems to go a long ways too.
On the other hand, as I've gotten older, I also agree with others who have posted, I don't care as much if people "like" me and I'm much less "chameleon" (which never really worked for me anyway!!) than I used to be. |
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anneurysm
Who needs birds when you have Lena Dunham.
Joined: Mar 26, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 1881
Location: Barrie & Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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I've learned and applied the rule that social interactions aren't all about me...people like to talk about themselves, and I always tend to focus the conversation on the other person, especially when I'm meeting someone new or just getting to know them. With most people, I let them lead the conversations and I will add comments, ask questions and truly listen to what they are saying. I don't talk about myself unless I ask, since it can be tough for people to really become engaged with the things I'm interested in.
I've learned to only bring my interests up when the conversation is about them specifically. Mine are usually so specific that I just research them online and don't really reveal much about them in person.
Although I inhibit my interests and I'm hardly perfect when it comes to my friendships, I play upon my positive qualities that make me a good friend. I'm very witty when the mood calls for it, as I have a good sense of what people my age tend to find generally funny. I also smile and laugh a lot, but I adjust this depending who I'm talking to. Generally though, I like people who are positive, fun, intelligent, and creative in some way. I get along less well with those who tend to be stuck-up or focused on perfection in others. You have to know yourself and what kinds of groups work for you.
I'm generous with my compliments (not in an over the top or fake way) and always say and do things to show people I enjoy their company. I always say "Great to meet you" or "Nice seeing you again". I try to make people feel valued.
Around 6 months ago, I've also decided to get in better touch with what things the people in my main (NT) peer group enjoy so that we can find common ground and have topic-based discussions together. For example, they all seem to be into the latest geeky movies like The Avengers and Prometheus. Although I wouldn't say that they are the most fascinating or original types of media in the world, I will share their enthusiasm and at least take the time to research what they're about.
Lately, I've learned and used outlets for getting out my anxiety/negative feelings/self doubt so I don't bum out my friends with it...I write, meditate, and see my amazing psychologist weekly.
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It's gonna take a long time...it's gonna take it, but we'll make it one day. |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87175
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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LennytheWicked
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 23, 2011
Posts: 516
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| Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 12:19 am Post subject: |
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I stopped caring about what people might think of me, and started saying what I think.
The result is I play a really good Katherina from Taming of the Shrew.
Just kidding, sort of, but what I mean is that apparently even some of the people who I thought didn't like me actually respected me for being "creative and smart," and so I just stopped caring what they might think. I've no way of knowing, and people are weird in what they'll tell you and what they'll withhold from you. |
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Sagroth
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 27, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 590
Location: Kansas
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| Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 3:06 am Post subject: |
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Humor seems to be the key for me.
That, and always being there for friends in crisis.
I ain't got much else, truthfully.
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KWATZ! |
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outofplace
Geometrophile
Joined: Jun 11, 2012
Age: 39
Posts: 1771
Location: In A State of Quantum Flux
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| Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 4:45 am Post subject: |
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I'll also add that I have learned how to employ sarcasm (even though I can't read it all of the time). What is funny is that in the pizza place I work at there are two people with ADHD/borderline Aspergers and one other person I really suspect is on the spectrum. So, there is a lot of back and forth between us asking each other if we were being sarcastic or serious! Sometimes, we use the Sheldon Cooper "Hey! That was sarcasm!" quote to joke about it. No one thinks less of us for doing it (or at least they haven't let on that they do) and it makes it fun. The only problem lies when we end up on the same subjects and get completely sidetracked from work, preferring instead to talk about esoteric subjects that we may have studied instead of getting our work done.
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Uncertain of diagnosis, either ADHD or Aspergers.
Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic
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SomethingWitty
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jan 21, 2011
Posts: 74
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| Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 3:32 pm Post subject: |
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Ive totally reworked my personality so that not a trace of my old self remains  Im told that Ive come on leaps and bounds but if anything Ive regressed! Here are a few of my 'new' personality traits:
. Learning to say sorry even when you're not in the wrong
. Agreeing for the sake of social cohesion
. Not thinking too much about what you're saying, and just saying what you're thinking (this confused me for a while  )
. Using brute force to force yourself to be more spontaneous and relaxed
. Like others have said before, if you can be humorous you can mask other social difficulties
And many, many more! I've totally shunned the idea of 'just being yourself' obviously! Just call me a social scientist  |
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outofplace
Geometrophile
Joined: Jun 11, 2012
Age: 39
Posts: 1771
Location: In A State of Quantum Flux
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| Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I'll add another odd one to my list here. I got rid of a friend who was always hyper-critical of me. While he was one of the first to pick up on my autistic social traits, he was always nasty about it and went out of his way to make me feel like crap. It kept me from trying to find other friends for years and ruined the entirety of my 20's. Sometimes you are better off alone for a while rather than having someone around you always being critical. After that, I started to be more able to try some new things and not be constantly worried about criticism.
Another thing I did was two job changes. This put me around people who didn't know me and gave me a fresh start. I could tune out the things others had been expecting of me in the last place and work on being a better person in the new one. I did this a few times to let me slowly fix the issues I knew I had and become more functional.
_________________
Uncertain of diagnosis, either ADHD or Aspergers.
Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic
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