Why am I feeling this way?

MomofThree1975 · Deinonychus Joined: Mar 14, 2012 Posts: 367 Location: NYC

It's been a month since my 3 yo has been receiving services (he has a special ed teacher who comes to our house for 2 hours a day, 5 days a week). His teacher thinks that he is very smart (she does not think that he has a learning disability) and she says he is showing signs of emerging skills such as imaginative play and initiating converstations. She says his delays are communication (not speech) and poor social skills. He is now almost fully potty trained (won't ask to go, but won't have an accident). He did once initiate going to the bathroom but that was because he REALLY needed to go. He also doen't currently have any behavior problems or major sensory issues.

However, 2 days ago, he was drinking his juice from a juice box and his sister squeezed the box and wet him up and the floor (she is 1 yo). He got upset and hit his tummy twice and cried, saying, "Don't do that!!". I used a paper towel and dried him off (his shirt was still a little damp) and told him to tell his sister "Don't do that!" (while wagging his finger at her). Apparently that made him happy and he and her kept saying "Don't do that!", while wagging their fingers, at each other. Then, 15 minutes later, he went to throw his juice box in the garbage and slid on the wet floor DH was wiping and started crying and hit himself in the tummy once. He stopped crying after a few minutes but that was because I snuggled up with him on the sofa. About 15 mins later, his teacher was here and he was back to his happy self.

Then, the teacher comes up, after their session and after quizzing her, she admitted that she thinks he has either very high functioning autism or mild aspergers.

For some reason, that episode has made me feel so sad. I feel really emotional and ready to cry. I want to protect my son so bad and I know there will be a million things I wont be able to protect him from. My son wasn't diagnose when we took him a few months ago to the neurologist and so I was hoping that maybe he was just developmentally delayed and will catch up. But now, I fell like this is really happening to him. We didn't have time to focus on the emotional side of this because we have just been so focused on getting him help. Now that I have everything lined up, school, therapists, etc, maybe things are sinking in now and I am hurting for him. He has had such a hard time in his short life with his asthma and now that the asthma has improved, now this. As much as I know there are worse things out there (like cancer) I can't help but feel like it is not fair that he will have to work twice as hard as everyone else. I am grateful that it isn't worse, but I don't know how to shake this sadness I feel in my heart. I don't show my son any of this sadness, but when I am by myself, if comes over me.

I don't know if anyone has any words of wisdom, but if you have any, I would really love to hear it. I love my kids with all my heart and when they hurt, I hurt for them.