Khyrean
Blue Jay
Joined: May 08, 2012
Posts: 92
Location: London
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 Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 8:47 am Post subject: |
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I took a long time to notice. My parents never complained - to be honest, I don't remember if I did look people in the eye when I was very little but as long as I can remember I looked somewhere else when talking or listening.
I only started to practice eye contact when I went to therapy (for other reasons than AS, as I am not - yet - officially diagnosed). I know of the importance and I became better in maintaining "natural" looking/not-looking intervals but it still feels odd, uncomfortable and occupies part of my mind.
Quite recently I decided to not force myself into doing that if it doesn't serve an immediate purpose other than making someone I don't care about feel better. I certainly feel better since then, although for most people around me I probably seem distracted, nervous or anxious.
I look at their mouth instead if it is a noisy environment; that helps me understand what they're saying by reading their lips and isn't totally away from them so they still feel listened to. |
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Pipilo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 19, 2012
Age: 43
Posts: 56
Location: Secret hide-out
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 9:23 am Post subject: |
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I do the lip reading thing, too, which seems to work OK for whoever I'm talking to, they only begin to appear concerned if I start looking someplace other than their face. It also helps me understand what they are saying, which can be hard if I'm not looking at their lips-- auditory processing issues. I became aware of this long before I knew about asperger's, and I thought it was weird, and I tried to make myself look in people's eyes, but I couldn't figure out how to do it properly. If I just stare at their eyes, they seem to get distressed. I read once that most people look each other in the eye, with brief glances away from the eyes several times at minute. So I tried that, which really didn't work, I couldn't even hear what they were saying, I was too focused on trying to get the eye contact right, and they would start to get that look they get when they think I'm extremely weird. So I went back to my usual lip reading, with no further problems.
I can't look at people at all sometimes if I don't like them, or if I'm upset at them. This has gotten a lot of comments from folks. NT's hate this. It really freaks them out, but it is so hard to look at someone if I don't like them.
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"The measure of a man's estimate of your strength is the kind of weapons he feels that he must use in order to hold you fast in a prescribed place." Howard Thurman |
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coolies
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 24, 2012
Posts: 197
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 9:27 am Post subject: |
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| I'm 22 and massively struggle with eye contact, I don't look at people when I talk to them and if I'm with somebody who I'm around a lot I can occasionally look at them but it's just a glance. If I focus on looking into people's eyes I miss conversations |
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outofplace
Geometrophile
Joined: Jun 11, 2012
Age: 39
Posts: 1771
Location: In A State of Quantum Flux
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 1:33 pm Post subject: |
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When i was in 1st grade, the principal of my school scolded me for not making eye contact with him. Ever since then, I have tried to do it better. However, I still have difficulty with it. I usually either look at someone occasionally during a conversation or make a conscious effort to do it throughout the conversation. In fact, I hadn't really thought about it too much until I started researching Aspergers in earnest a few weeks ago. Since then I have made a bigger effort to do it and try to see what the other person's eyes were telling me. I still come up blank most of the time but it will be entertaining to see if I can crack this code about human behavior.
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Uncertain of diagnosis, either ADHD or Aspergers.
Aspie quiz: 143/200 AS, 81/200 NT; AQ 43; "eyes" 17/39, EQ/SQ 21/51 BAPQ: Autistic/BAP- You scored 92 aloof, 111 rigid and 103 pragmatic
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Erminetheawkward
Raven
Joined: May 24, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 106
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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Luckily no one's given me any trouble for lack of eye contact. I started working on eye contact when I was in school, since I heard/read that eye contact makes people feel listened to and valued. If I have any social strengths at all, it's listening, so I decided to try that. I think it's made a difference in my first impressions. However, it's a struggle processing and figuring out what I'm going to say when the other person is finished. I definitely find eye contact a little overwhelming, as if eyes really are the window to the soul.
But on the bright side, the closer I get to a person, the less eye contact I can get away with. With my family, I don't give them much eye contact at all when we're talking. They're totally ok with that. But I sense that my family is different than most. I'd say we all have aspie traits to some extent or other. |
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poppyfields
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 24, 2010
Posts: 328
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 11:14 pm Post subject: |
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| I have several eye disorders so not only do I find eye contact uncomfortable but it is physically impossible for me to hold it before my eyes start doing their own thing. |
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fleurdelily
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 04, 2011
Age: 46
Posts: 362
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| Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 2:20 am Post subject: |
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my adoptive "mother" (I think of her as that woman I as randomly assigned to...) used to scream at me to "look at her" when she was in full drama mode. Best I could manage was her mouth. That seemed to satisfy her, she would continue on with whatever had set her off, as long as I stared at her mouth.
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*since I get asked fairly often, the avatar is a Claude Monet, it's lovely, isn't it? .... 127% Aloof, 99% Rigid, 86% Pragmatic, I am above the cutoff on all three scales. AQ 38 |
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