| Do you feel lonely without social interaction with peers? |
| yes |
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59% |
[ 92 ] |
| no |
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14% |
[ 23 ] |
| family interaction is enough |
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16% |
[ 25 ] |
| other (please specify) |
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9% |
[ 14 ] |
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| Total Votes : 154 |
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silbel
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 07, 2010
Posts: 9
Location: Europe
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 Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 2:43 pm Post subject: |
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I just had a meltdown...
A friend sent me a photo of her newborn baby. I just lost it. She mocks me. I kicked the door so hard that frame broke.
My life is hard enough without humiliation.
_________________
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. (Fyodor Dostoevsky) |
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Tuttle
Not a bird, a turtle.
Joined: Mar 27, 2006
Age: 24
Posts: 2591
Location: Massachusetts
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| Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm lonely even with social interaction with peers. Only real, very close, friends make me feel less lonely. |
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tentoedsloth
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 20, 2011
Posts: 43
Location: South Carolina, USA
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| Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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With me, as with some others here, it comes and goes.
This thread has reminded me of a Charlie Brown cartoon. It's night, and Woodstock (the little yellow bird) comes up to Snoopy (the dog) and says, "I'm lonely."
Snoopy says "Everybody's lonely. Now go to sleep." |
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MsMarginalized
Species 5618
Joined: Jul 19, 2011
Posts: 1830
Location: Lost in the Delta Quadrant
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| Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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Relationships are double-edged swords to me.
I've so pissed off my family (a very late in life AS diagnoses & abso-f@#$ing-lutly NO compassion on my siblings parts) that I have decided to cut them out of my life (WHO wants to go to a "family function" only to be ostracized & ignored by everyone there??? I COULD GET THAT AT THE CLUBS but I don't go there, either). {I actually started a thread over in the adult issues forum about cutting family off/out}
Then there's "friends"....it's easier for people to avoid ya' if they're not related....at least that's what I've found in my life.
I am married & he is trying to grasp me (not in some kind of physical/restraint way; but "get" me) my Aspergers diagnosis made complete sense to him & he's accepted it (it's me & my behaviors that cause us friction....and some of HIS behaviors; just 'cause he is NT don't make him perfect!)
Lately I've just been sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo depressed & tired of "working" at it all. I was fired from soooooo many jobs for doing "things" less than buffoons & idiots do to me these days.....I find myself exploding in public & it just ain't a pretty sight!
Sometimes I feel like I just need to get done with it & get my name changed to OSCAR THE GROUCH. |
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MsMarginalized
Species 5618
Joined: Jul 19, 2011
Posts: 1830
Location: Lost in the Delta Quadrant
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| Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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| silbel wrote: | | My life is hard enough without humiliation. |
You've got THAT right....no one (not any NT or anyone on the spectrum) is in such a position that they have the "right" to humiliate anyone.
That just pisses me off & I feel for ya' in this one! |
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silbel
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 07, 2010
Posts: 9
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 8:41 am Post subject: |
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I'm still holding on. 
I cut off everybody, I even deleted Facebook account, I still feel lousy, but manage to get through the day...
How are you doing?
Greetings from Croatia 
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To love someone means to see him as God intended him. (Fyodor Dostoevsky) |
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umenneske
Butterfly
Joined: Apr 21, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:10 am Post subject: |
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I often feel lonely, especially during summer holidays. There are 5 people who I can invite to go for a walk, but they always have their own ways of spending free time and I'm not a part of those ways. I think I'm just too boring.
I tried to understand why I need to be with my peers, but I couldn't find a single reason for that. If I'm alone I can study things, learn to do something useful, read an interesting book, draw etc. and I enjoy these activities. But I still want to be with people instead of that.
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I'm still learning English and I can make mistakes. |
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dreamy
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 29, 2006
Posts: 72
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:13 am Post subject: |
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I have internal conflict about it. I am very lonely but I also am uncomfortable around most people.
Even if I have known a person for months or years, it's hard for me. I have social anxiety. I also have disabilities so it is hard for me to get out and I don't have most of the same interests and hobbies.
One reason is males are likely to want more from me (romantic/sexual) and NT females I do not have enough in common with. I have not yet met any Aspie females in person. They might be able to be friends with me.
Another reason is I get bothered when people don't understand some things about me. I don't get angry but I get a little hurt when people tease me about some Aspie trait, or ask me questions like I'm an alien. Most people won't know I am AS, and if I tell them, they mostly ignore it. Same with other mental health and disabilities. It makes me want to withdraw because it's tiring going through the same patterns with everyone. And they don't realize it's so hard for me.
To be blunt, most people are not worth it. Even NTs have this problem. Most adults rarely make a new friend. It's easier when you are in school. Otherwise you have to have kids and meet other parents, or meet coworkers, but most adults only make casual friends, not close friends. I don't have coworkers or kids. I don't go to church or the gym. I don't think I will make a new friend at the grocery store 
I am very sad about not having people in my life. Even if I have someone understanding and caring, I have problems connecting to others. It would be nice to hang out with them, but it would not cure the loneliness. You could be surrounded by many people, but be lonely and isolated feeling. What I would love is a few really close people I could be comfortable with, where we are like a family. |
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silbel
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 07, 2010
Posts: 9
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 2:29 pm Post subject: |
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| dreamy wrote: | | I have internal conflict about it. I am very lonely but I also am uncomfortable around most people. |
Yes, me too. I don't know how to deal with that anymore.
| dreamy wrote: | | Another reason is I get bothered when people don't understand some things about me. I don't get angry but I get a little hurt when people tease me about some Aspie trait, or ask me questions like I'm an alien. Most people won't know I am AS, and if I tell them, they mostly ignore it. |
I said to a friend from elementary school that I'm dyslexic. She said something like "oh, yeah", and that was it, like I never said it.
| dreamy wrote: | | I am very sad about not having people in my life. Even if I have someone understanding and caring, I have problems connecting to others. It would be nice to hang out with them, but it would not cure the loneliness. You could be surrounded by many people, but be lonely and isolated feeling. What I would love is a few really close people I could be comfortable with, where we are like a family. |
Same here. I didn't think much about my loneliness when I went to a school, college. When I finished college my colleagues "disappeared" and then I finally stopped with that self-deception that I was a part of their college lives.
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To love someone means to see him as God intended him. (Fyodor Dostoevsky) |
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Skilpadde
Honorary Chelonian
Joined: Dec 08, 2008
Posts: 1649
Location: In my mind
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| Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 4:24 am Post subject: Re: loneliness |
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| Moopants wrote: | | Regardless, I'm still lonely and I'm told that if you have AS you shouldn't be lonely as social interaction isn't that important. |
That really depends on the individual.
I'm one of those aloof ones who are just about as asocial as it gets. I love my family dearly, but I still need a lot of alone time, and I never long for people beyond family IRL. My parents, grandparents and pets have always been the world to me.
I have seldom met a person that truly interested me; the two or three times in my life when I did, they moved away soon after and I didn't get close to them.
I've never longed for friends or someone to hang with just to have someone to be with. I've only longed for specific individuals, but even at times when someone caught my interest, I never felt lonely for not being their friend. My family, my pets (when I had them) and my interests have always been enough for me. People just dont generally interest me.
I'd be very lonely without my family though. I have to have someone in my life I love and who love me back. I would dreadfully lonely if I didn't have them in my life.
I enjoy going on forums, but that's enough for me. It fills my needs plenty, and never leaves me hungry for more.
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http://turtleforum.freeforums.org/index.php
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Nereid
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 06, 2011
Posts: 154
Location: San Francisco
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| Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:38 pm Post subject: |
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| I have a social paradox. I want to be around people and have close relationships, but very few people even appeal to me enough to make that effort, and those I do it either backfires or they aren't interested in forming a close friendship. With my family in a different state my only close "friends" are my boyfriend and dog. Could be worse, I guess. |
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Nonperson
Unbeatable Pterodactyl
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Joined: Jun 13, 2012
Posts: 1046
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| Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Family interaction is enough, if you don't count the socializing I do on the internet. Occasionally I'll spend time with mostly online friends IRL, but that's kind of draining and I often find myself avoiding it. |
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Moondust
Phoenix
Joined: May 30, 2012
Age: 51
Posts: 1158
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 5:50 pm Post subject: |
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My friendships never last. I'm not sure why, although I've spent a lifetime trying to decipher the mystery.
I don't so much suffer from loneliness because I'm always very busy with my special interests, plus work, and housekeeping. But I do suffer very much from lack of help (I don't have any contact with family either). It's very hard to survive when you absolutely never have anyone to help out with anything, not even so much as being able to call to ask a quick question. I love giving too, so I yearn for a friendship of give and take. But because people aren't interested in keeping our friendship, with me they are just takers.
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There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats - Albert Schweitzer |
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poppyfields
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 24, 2010
Posts: 328
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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I'm lonely. 10 years since I made a friend. It would be nice just to have someone to talk to. Not someone to spend time with me because they feel bad or pressured to, but because they enjoy my company. I feel like when I do hang out with people I'm always the third wheel, always the odd man out. And no one ever invites me anywhere, it is always me. So I feel like there's no mutual friendship, just me trying and no effort by them.
Most people make friends in college, even if they are a bit weird, but not me. I just have me. I don't want it that way. I wish more than anything someone would call and want to do anything. |
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Moondust
Phoenix
Joined: May 30, 2012
Age: 51
Posts: 1158
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 8:21 pm Post subject: |
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A couple years ago the superintendent of the building asked me if I would help him feed the stray cats around. I didn't know or care at all about animals then, so I was reluctant. But soon it filled the void, it was wonderful having a bunch of souls always ecstatic to see me, whenever I felt lonely, 24/7 and so appreciative of anything I did for them, so starved for love, even more than food.
Nowadays it's a way of life. They're my family and my friends. I finally can say that I have "loved ones". I have 3 of them living with me (because they just felt so miserable without a home) and about 20 in the public garden downstairs whom I devote my life to as well, but I can't take them all home because the landlord doesn't allow cats and he knows about only 1 of them.
I celebrate holidays by giving the strays a special dinner. When the streets are deserted because everyone is dining with their families or friends, we feast. These strays have been immensely fortunate to find a compassionate, loving, efficient, intelligent human that gives them her all. I don't have a social budget as I never go out (except on occasional solo trips) nor have to buy presents for anyone and don't have a phone bill (no one to call), no kids to support, no makeup to buy, so these strays have won the lottery.
I like cats because they don't grasp or care for pack mentality and strict hierarchies - just like me, so there's no need to assert myself as the alpha, unlike with dogs, who lose respect for me because I can't play the hierarchy game, just like NTs do.
My 3 house cats fill my life completely, at long last I have a functional family. We are 4 society rejects that now are loved and are not alone anymore.
People think I'm crazy for giving so much to stray cats instead of humans, it bothers them, I think they're envious of the love I lavish on the cats. And I feel huge satisfaction rubbing it in their faces. It's my "revenge" for the total rejection I've always gotten from humans. Nowadays I treat humans like they treat stray cats* and stray cats like one is taught to treat humans.
(*) cruelly, or with indifference at best.
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There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats - Albert Schweitzer |
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