hvtitan08
Blue Jay
Joined: Nov 27, 2011
Posts: 92
Location: Virginia
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 Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 5:18 pm Post subject: Relating to women in college and in the workforce... |
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I am an individual with Asperger Syndrome, and may not have very good social skills, but I have poor social skills. I just lost a friend I met here on WP because I judged her about her political/religious beliefs. And in the past, I also have called women - let alone the female cousins in my dad's family - whores, sluts, and skanks. And if I get a job and/or go off to college, and I call a co-worker/fellow female classmate either one of those derogatory names, I could go to jail and have a sexual harrasment charge filed against me.
I also don't have appropriate topic skills. Again, I have lost a dear friend of mine because I offended her because I judged her of her religious/political beliefs. Today, my family and I went to the grocery store, and I had a wonderful conversation with the cashier about the nice day outside, and what it's supposed to be like this evening. I hardly ever get to socialize with any person - male or female - during the week since I stay at home and I'm not working or going to school. I was with Mental Health Support Services with my healthcare provider - Blue Ridge Behavioral Healthcare-Adult and Family Services - but I cancelled their services.
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Who_Am_I
almost human
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 10508
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 5:26 pm Post subject: |
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1. Don't call women derogatory names. It's quite simple: every time you find yourself thinking them, close your mouth and don't let any sounds out. Or change your attitude.
2. Don't bring up religion or politics unless you are already good friends with the person and know they won't be offended by debate on such issues.
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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I !!!!
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
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Jaydee
Snowy Owl
Joined: Aug 05, 2009
Posts: 130
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 5:27 pm Post subject: |
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Ok,so you may have poor social skills, but I'm sure you have a decent ability to learn stuff.  A good thing to learn is to learn not to call women sluts, skanks, whores, or any other derogatory name (even though you believe that they deserve it). It brings nothing good, neither to you nor to any of the people around you. If you refrain from calling people bad names, suddenly your social skills will improve noticeably. |
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lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6250
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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Well it's good that you want to change.
For one you have to get those terms out of your head. They're sexist and nasty. You have to look at a person as an individual and don't judge them. For example, just because a woman is wearing a short skirt doesn't mean she's a _______. It's almost like judging someone because they're on welfare or disability when you don't know the whole story. If a woman is acting in a certain way doesn't mean she's automatically a whatever _______. Maybe she didn't have a nice childhood.
The main point is try not to judge people because everybody is different. Everybody is free to be who they want to be regarding clothes and hobbies and even personality. Treat people like you'd want to be treated in return. Treat everybody as an individual and give them a chance because you don't know their story. |
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again_with_this
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 14, 2012
Age: 30
Posts: 780
Location: New Jersey, USA
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:39 pm Post subject: |
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Did you call them those names in sort of a matter-of-fact manner, or was it deliberately to degrade them?
If it's the latter, then you probably know what you're doing wrong. If it's the former, remember, the average NT woman is not an intellectual by any means and will take offense to her shortcomings being pointed out, even if it's with the best intentions. |
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SilkySifaka
Lemur
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 1396
Location: UK
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:49 pm Post subject: |
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1. Treat all women the way you would like and expect your mother or sister to be treated. Calling women derogatory names is never a good idea even if those people make you angry.
2. Some topics are best avoided until you know someone very well. Questions about someone's religion, politics, income or number of sexual partners should not be asked.
I used to think that for me to be friends with someone we would have to share political and religious views, but I've learned to be a bit more tolerant. I've realised that most people are decent people who want to make the world a better place but they might have very different ideas from me on how to go about doing that. Obviously if someone has extremist views (a fondness for Hitler or Al Qaeda, for example) then they should be avoided at all costs. Perhaps you could apologise to your friend on WP and agree to avoid those subjects in the future and focus on all the things you do agree on. |
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runfromcheney
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 19, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 21
Location: Metro Detroit
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 8:54 pm Post subject: |
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If you go around judging everyone you meet to their face, then you will never make any friends. The basic rule here is elementary: treat others the way you want to be treated. I think the main source of your problem is that you don't present yourself as a pleasant person, so they want to have nothing to do with you. Or, more to the point, it sounds like you are just a complete as*hole to anyone you meet if you have some kind of disagreement with them. And that gives people the idea that you don't want them around. For example, If you meet a nice girl and then call her a "slut", she will both be offended and think that you don't like her and thus don't want to be around her.
Handing out insults and derogatory comments like candy is a sure fire way to ensure that nobody would ever want to spend time with you. |
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2138
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:19 am Post subject: |
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"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
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"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything"
Would be sage advice. As with everything else here. If you judge everyone bad, you won't make friends. No one is perfect, I have friends who have very different views on things than I, but we don't focus on those issues.
For example, I love guns, my friend hates guns.
She doesn't send me Brady Campaign fliers, and I don't try to take her shooting.
Try to look at each individual person as a whole. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:33 am Post subject: |
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| Sounds like you get yourself into problems mainly by being too judgemental. |
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