samtoo
Sam the eccentric Beluga whale
Joined: May 13, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 3038
Location: England
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 Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:50 am Post subject: |
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-7 I just hate it when I lose sight of my structure, especially if I had started doing well on the structure... makes me feel like an immense failure... but I guess I'm too hard on myself.
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Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared. |
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NeueZiel
Seņorita Gamera
Joined: Apr 29, 2012
Posts: 1246
Location: Kapustin Yar
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| Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:55 am Post subject: |
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-6.8
Sister has had a temp of 102+ since last night, finally went to the hospital (taking our car) with her boyfriend. A fever that high this early in pregnancy is very, very bad. Sister and her boyfriend can't go home due to circumstances for awhile so if she ends up miscarrying there's going to be a horrible storm brewing in the house. My parents will be crushed, most importantly, they've had to suffer the most because of my sister's bullshit in the past and while a miscarriage is traumatic and not her fault it would still make me feel angry. Also take into account her boyfriend has been very taciturn for the past week+ and if she does miscarry he's going to be very abusive and violent toward all of us.
I know I sound VERY selfish, in fact I am. I have a very strained relationship with my sister due to stuff she has done to all of us, I do not wish a miscarriage on anyone, but this house does not need a horrible tragedy. We've had to endure my sister, literally, since coming over went from visit to semi-permanent lodging. I'm honestly scared of her boyfriend now, I think if something happens to his baby he'll lash out against me, attack me and of course nothing will be done. He could get violent, knock over sh** and my parents would do nothing.
I'm crossing my fingers, hoping everything turns out okay. For everyone. I can't concentrate at all on anything. |
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Quantum_Immortal
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 13, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 319
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| Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 1:46 pm Post subject: |
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| -10 |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 2:51 pm Post subject: |
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+5, I had a revelation that throwing away that jar of prozac was probably one of the best things I did for myself. Plain and simple it was making me more 'docile' by breaking down my barriers so I was nakedly exposed to everything I built that barrier to protect me from. I was making progress with not worrying so much what people think and trying to accept myself for who I am and its like the prozac threw me back a few steps. I hate to think how much worse off I would be mentally if I kept taking that drug. Anyways it wasn't till a little earlier I finally connected the peices because I knew it did something i hadn't yet recovered from...and now I think I've figured it out.
So I am back, well at least who I was after the PTSD and before the prozac....I will never be who I was before the PTSD but hey why dwell on it.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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johnny77
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 27, 2011
Age: 35
Posts: 2066
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| Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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| -9 still don't want to go on but must keep going. |
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NeueZiel
Seņorita Gamera
Joined: Apr 29, 2012
Posts: 1246
Location: Kapustin Yar
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| Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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-3.4
Sister turned out fine, put on antibiotics. Still wish they'd leave. Haven't spoken to either in a week despite us all being under the same roof in a small house. |
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RadicalDreamers
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 14, 2012
Age: 31
Posts: 579
Location: presently, Earth
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| Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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| NeueZiel wrote: | -3.4
Sister turned out fine, put on antibiotics. Still wish they'd leave. Haven't spoken to either in a week despite us all being under the same roof in a small house. |
That's good news that she is going to be fine. It must be a terrible feeling to be on such bad terms and having to be in close proximity for an extended duration. Hopefully it will work out.  |
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NeueZiel
Seņorita Gamera
Joined: Apr 29, 2012
Posts: 1246
Location: Kapustin Yar
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| Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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| RadicalDreamers wrote: | | NeueZiel wrote: | -3.4
Sister turned out fine, put on antibiotics. Still wish they'd leave. Haven't spoken to either in a week despite us all being under the same roof in a small house. |
That's good news that she is going to be fine. It must be a terrible feeling to be on such bad terms and having to be in close proximity for an extended duration. Hopefully it will work out. |
Yeah, thanks. Its pretty awful, I've been able to restrain myself and act normal but now I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to just being openly aggressive. My parents just stay in their room all the time and lock the door.
I'm really sick of her boyfriend. He actually goes out into the living room at night and argues loudly on his cellphone with either his parents or someone who owes him money. Its very annoying and I wish he'd just go outside. |
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DiscardedWhisper
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 17, 2011
Posts: 371
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| Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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-11.
Sorry if people think I'm exaggerating. But honestly, numbers don't properly represent what one goes through when your life keeps getting geometrically worse and you catch yourself starting at sharp knives. |
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RadicalDreamers
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 14, 2012
Age: 31
Posts: 579
Location: presently, Earth
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| Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:20 pm Post subject: |
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| johnny77 wrote: | | -9 still don't want to go on but must keep going. |
Keep going no matter what. |
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Moonhawk
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 1596
Location: Hidden :o
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 6:24 am Post subject: |
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This morning i felt -5, now i feel about a +6 because i was writing a rant in my journal about my doubts and how confused i sometimes get about what life really is and because i'm in the part of accepting and finally dealing with things instead of avoiding them which makes me feel really bad even with my new meds that work great, and therapists don't let me of the hook that easily, with all the hard questions that i have to think about eventually anyway :/
And i agree, we all need to keep going anyway :) |
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sagan
Rrraaa
Joined: Jan 21, 2011
Age: 100
Posts: 1787
Location: Land of the Lost
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 10:49 am Post subject: |
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-10. Being so ridiculously angry and depressed lately. I can not figure out why, I need to do something.
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The stars look very different today. |
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ProfessorX
A. W.
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Joined: Feb 09, 2007
Posts: 16911
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 10:50 am Post subject: |
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| +1 trying to reach a higher numerical scale as time moves on... |
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johnny77
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 27, 2011
Age: 35
Posts: 2066
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 7:47 pm Post subject: |
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| RadicalDreamers wrote: | | johnny77 wrote: | | -9 still don't want to go on but must keep going. |
Keep going no matter what. |
I will because I must.
-7 a little better but still not right. |
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NeueZiel
Seņorita Gamera
Joined: Apr 29, 2012
Posts: 1246
Location: Kapustin Yar
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| Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 1:18 am Post subject: |
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-8.5
Just had A HUGE fight with my parents. Lots of yelling and arguing and my dad finally got sick of me and punched me in the eye. There was no mark, he's not that strong and just lays around all anymore. Next my folks threatened to put me in a group home, because I fit the "criteria" and that I would not be happy. After punching me my dad said "You gonna start hitting yourself and throwing a tantrum? I'll beat you to it!" and for about 10 seconds or so he beat his neck weakly against a wall, then complained about pain where he had surgery and said it was my fault. I told my parents I wasn't scared of my sister and her boyfriend and yelled really loud and dad said if her boyfriend attacked me I deserved it and would get my little ass "walloped" . Said I was being a huge brat about everything and just needed to go to my room.
This whole argument started because I wanted to go out to run and they said I couldn't because of low gas and I brought up how my sister and her bf use their car all the time, buy cigs and food.
Mom said there would be a "talk" in the morning. |
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