Ann2011
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2011
Posts: 1533
Location: Ontario, Canada
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 Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 8:30 pm Post subject: Jonesing - A Rant |
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Why do I have to be dependent on drugs to be happy? Not just marijuana, I take a lot of prescription drugs to function. Not all aspies have to do this. I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm tired of chasing dreams just to get up in the morning.
I love someone, but I can't be with him. I wanted a relationship with my father, but he's dead now, so that's not going to happen. Do I ever get to feel content, or is this the carrot that will be forever out of my reach.
Does anyone else have these feelings? Sometimes I feel I should be dead already. I can't succeed at anything; I get by by accepting failure and pretending I'm worthwhile anyway.
I'm tired of trying to make the best of things. I'm tired of memories that give me pain. I'm tired of pretending.
Oh well, I'm sure to score eventually and then everything will be alright again. I wish I could just be content with myself, but I can't get past my anger. |
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cathylynn
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2011
Posts: 2042
Location: northeastern US
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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| you ARE worthwhile anyway because you are a thinking, feeling human being. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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I once had these feelings. My prescription was alcohol and anti depressants.
What made me stop relying on them was taking a break and noticing that people still treated me the same regardless if I took medicine, beer, mairjuana, or other drugs or not.
No matter what you take or don't take, you are still you. Some of what you take might have an influence on you but what is really you is still part of your core. Do you ever feel you can't be a certain way without your medicine or your vices? Don't. Try taking a big step and being that other person without them. See what happens. See how you feel. This is the first major step in discovering who you really are, and what you really need to be happy.
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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Ann2011
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2011
Posts: 1533
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 10:44 am Post subject: |
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cathylynn - Thanks, I appreciate it. I'm feeling better today. Just had to get it out of my system.
JanuaryMan - I do feel a detachment from myself. I have for a long time. I think it may be a survival mechanism. I was severely depressed as a child and I developed a lot of bad habits to cope. I have to learn to trust myself. |
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