Ria1989
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Posts: 336
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 Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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I would discuss expectations from the start. Ask them what they expect of you, and definitely pay attention to warning signals. For example, if the woman says she wants a big house, but doesn't have a lot of money, then you can deduce that you're paying for it.
I would say you let people treat you the way you act toward them. If you're open to financially supporting them, and don't tell them you want it to be equal from the start, then they'll assume it doesn't bother you and therefore take advantage of your generosity. Did you pay for all the dates? Did you let your date look at the bill too (if you went to a restaurant, for example)? These are signs women look for. I can tell what man wants to take charge by how he handles the bill. I read somewhere that it's nice for the man to pay for the first date, but thereafter it should be about equal... unless you want to pay for everything. |
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Blownmind
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 823
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:23 pm Post subject: |
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If you feel it's unfair, then keep your economies semi-seperated. Each keep their own accounts where they get their pay, and each transfer a fixed percentage into a shared billing account. Perhaps 65% of each wage would be enough to pay all the shared bills(food/car/house/kids clothes/etc). Then you would each have 35% of your pay on your personal accounts to use for food at work, or shopping clothes to yourself, or makeup. Two cards on the shared account, one for each to use for groceryshopping, is good if your bank provides a service like that. If your "better half" is not so good, and shop makeup with the food money, smack her with a printout from the account, and tell her thats not ok. 
If you make 10000 of some valuta, and she only makes 5000 in the same timeframe(lets say a month), you will have 3500 left to spend, and she will have 1750 to spend.
..thats one way of doing it. There are many more.
Somewhat more on topic than the first part;
If you tend to end up with only one kind of women, I agree with the theory that you might be drawn to that type unconsciously. Sometimes we follow patterns without even knowing it ourselves, infact, most times we follow patterns.
_________________
AQ: 42/50 || SQ: 32/80 || IQ(RPM): 138 || IRI-empathytest(PT/EC/FS/PD): 10(-7)/16(-3)/19(+3)/19(+10) || Alexithymia: 148/185 || Aspie-quiz: AS 133/200, NT 56/200 |
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AspergianMutantt
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 23, 2011
Age: 50
Posts: 368
Location: North Idaho. USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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See, my issues are basically this, My parents and my grandparents both started out with nothing and built their lives together.
So for me love and a partnership should have little to do with money provided its all for whats best for the family unit. therefore I do not look at someones income when choosing a mate.
I am more then happy to care for and provide for those I love the best I can, but in return I do not want to be taken for granted, thats a disrespect for how hard I try and my own feelings as well. and Just like I offer my mates I expect the same in return, if I run across hard times I would like to feel they will be there for me as well. not abandon me if I suddenly got sick or lost a job, and we build our own future together, not on my shoulders alone, nor should it be about who makes the most money.
My last relationship quit her job right after moving in with me, and I thought I was being smart to at least make sure she had a job first. then once I complained she got a part time job only to spend it all on her self. thats not being a partner. she did not have to match my income, or make more or less then me, all I cared about is that she tried to be that partner.
Thank you for your replies, its good to know there are a few good women in the world who believe in what it takes. many times I get sick of feeling that thats all females thinks I am good for, a provider, someone to support "them". that "princess" syndrome. and it hardens me when I see females think its OK to expect guys to be interested in them when their broke and on hard times, where if the reverse was true many wont even look a mans way, when you never know what tomorrow will bring, and the point is in that of finding out together. |
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DonkeyBuster
Phoenix
Joined: May 12, 2009
Age: 55
Posts: 1306
Location: New Mexico, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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I agree, it is a team effort. A partnership. I think we live in a time when a lot of people, male & female, don't know how to create & maintain a mutual effort. Too much 'me' generation.  So I hope you have gotten some good ideas here, how to look into your way of courtship to see what might not be serving you so well, some ideas for what to look for in a partner. Good luck! |
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AspergianMutantt
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 23, 2011
Age: 50
Posts: 368
Location: North Idaho. USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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| DonkeyBuster wrote: | | I agree, it is a team effort. A partnership. I think we live in a time when a lot of people, male & female, don't know how to create & maintain a mutual effort. Too much 'me' generation. So I hope you have gotten some good ideas here, how to look into your way of courtship to see what might not be serving you so well, some ideas for what to look for in a partner. Good luck! |
I can not help that I was born a male. I do not wish I was a female, but I am sure if I was female I would feel the same. I just wanted to understand for sure the expectations of my role in relationships. what I should expect to be taken for granted, and what others considered love and true partnership to be in todays society.
Even though many on this thread has given me their answers, answers which I feel is right and true, this does not mean what modern females still want or expect from their males enough for them to accept us males enough for us to have that peace of mind of having that love of our lives in our lives. I am sure what females felt otherwise did not respond knowing they would get jilted for it.
many seem angry that they can not have that princess life. when we men have the same problem in our own ways. we want to be what our love of our lives wants, but fail with the changing times and tides.
Even though I got the answers I wanted to hear, I am sure if many of those same females (not all, but some) ended up with males that made less income then them for much of a time they would abandon them if they did not strive to become better. where the same is not expected of the females. that is not a partnership, but a contest.
Woman should not strive to become independent of man, nor that of man to woman. but that of becoming true to each other as partners in life, a unity.
For better or worse, through think and thin.
till death do we part. |
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DonkeyBuster
Phoenix
Joined: May 12, 2009
Age: 55
Posts: 1306
Location: New Mexico, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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That was a bit incoherent. 
I think a lot of people find themselves in relationships w/someone who bails when the times get tough... look at all the single mothers who believed the man when he said thru thick & thin. So, fidelity is a rare quality anymore.
Best...
DB |
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AspergianMutantt
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 23, 2011
Age: 50
Posts: 368
Location: North Idaho. USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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| DonkeyBuster wrote: | That was a bit incoherent.
I think a lot of people find themselves in relationships w/someone who bails when the times get tough... look at all the single mothers who believed the man when he said thru thick & thin. So, fidelity is a rare quality anymore.
Best...
DB |
Stop it, your starting to make me like you!    |
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DonkeyBuster
Phoenix
Joined: May 12, 2009
Age: 55
Posts: 1306
Location: New Mexico, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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| AspergianMutantt wrote: | | DonkeyBuster wrote: | That was a bit incoherent.
I think a lot of people find themselves in relationships w/someone who bails when the times get tough... look at all the single mothers who believed the man when he said thru thick & thin. So, fidelity is a rare quality anymore.
Best...
DB |
Stop it, your starting to make me like you! |
Oh, that'd be plain tragic!
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AspergianMutantt
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 23, 2011
Age: 50
Posts: 368
Location: North Idaho. USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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| DonkeyBuster wrote: | | AspergianMutantt wrote: | | DonkeyBuster wrote: | That was a bit incoherent.
I think a lot of people find themselves in relationships w/someone who bails when the times get tough... look at all the single mothers who believed the man when he said thru thick & thin. So, fidelity is a rare quality anymore.
Best...
DB |
Stop it, your starting to make me like you! |
Oh, that'd be plain tragic!
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ROFL, but its a good start! |
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BlueMax
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot...
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 5281
Location: Alberta, Canada
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 10:18 pm Post subject: |
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[Betty and Wilma:] OOoooooooo... MEN!
[Barney:] So I'm a man... what am I going to do - resign?? |
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DonkeyBuster
Phoenix
Joined: May 12, 2009
Age: 55
Posts: 1306
Location: New Mexico, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 10:59 pm Post subject: |
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| AspergianMutantt wrote: | | DonkeyBuster wrote: | | AspergianMutantt wrote: | | DonkeyBuster wrote: | That was a bit incoherent.
I think a lot of people find themselves in relationships w/someone who bails when the times get tough... look at all the single mothers who believed the man when he said thru thick & thin. So, fidelity is a rare quality anymore.
Best...
DB |
Stop it, your starting to make me like you! |
Oh, that'd be plain tragic!
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ROFL, but its a good start! |
Well, I am a financially independent female.
Unfortunately for you, I'm a lesbian in a long term relationship. Whose partner pays her own way.
It would definitely be a new pattern for you! LMAO |
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AspergianMutantt
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 23, 2011
Age: 50
Posts: 368
Location: North Idaho. USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 11:05 pm Post subject: |
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| DonkeyBuster wrote: | | AspergianMutantt wrote: | | DonkeyBuster wrote: | | AspergianMutantt wrote: | | DonkeyBuster wrote: | That was a bit incoherent.
I think a lot of people find themselves in relationships w/someone who bails when the times get tough... look at all the single mothers who believed the man when he said thru thick & thin. So, fidelity is a rare quality anymore.
Best...
DB |
Stop it, your starting to make me like you! |
Oh, that'd be plain tragic!
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ROFL, but its a good start! |
Well, I am a financially independent female.
Unfortunately for you, I'm a lesbian in a long term relationship. Whose partner pays her own way.
It would definitely be a new pattern for you! LMAO |
Oh the good ones are always lost to man.
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DonkeyBuster
Phoenix
Joined: May 12, 2009
Age: 55
Posts: 1306
Location: New Mexico, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 11:15 pm Post subject: |
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LOL... I had a straight friend in college who used to lament the good guys were either gay or taken. At least you'll still respect me in the morning.
While you're waiting for your team mate to show up, try taking the little quiz here to find your 'love language' & maybe it'll help.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
We found that we were very similar in our scores, which could partly explain why we communicate so well.  |
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12494
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 11:23 pm Post subject: |
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| DonkeyBuster wrote: | LOL... I had a straight friend in college who used to lament the good guys were either gay or taken. At least you'll still respect me in the morning.
While you're waiting for your team mate to show up, try taking the little quiz here to find your 'love language' & maybe it'll help.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
We found that we were very similar in our scores, which could partly explain why we communicate so well. |
hmm, i got words of affirmation with physical touch/quality time close behind. |
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AspergianMutantt
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 23, 2011
Age: 50
Posts: 368
Location: North Idaho. USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 11:32 pm Post subject: |
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| DonkeyBuster wrote: | LOL... I had a straight friend in college who used to lament the good guys were either gay or taken. At least you'll still respect me in the morning.
While you're waiting for your team mate to show up, try taking the little quiz here to find your 'love language' & maybe it'll help.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
We found that we were very similar in our scores, which could partly explain why we communicate so well. |
Shadows play...
I found someone who was almost the same in interests and desire of life. but it was not enough. I glorify you in your attainments, but I wonder if its in the end enough... that desert rose. |
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