Senath
Deinonychus
Joined: May 17, 2012
Posts: 357
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 Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 8:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Mirror21 wrote: | Things can get rough for a woman with AS. My female roommate told me she was disgusted with me coming to this site and "pretending" to have a problem. I am too smart and act well in public. My problems are willingness to be rude and being self-centered she says. She will not help me go get a diagnosis test, or anything and she is my only ride. Plus I love her and I try hard not to make her mad since she is my only friend.
I can definitely relate. Sometimes it feels there is no place to hide and be at peace, except alone. I wish it wasn't so. |
This makes me sad. |
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Ashariel
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 17, 2012
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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My friends seem to be annoyed by my diagnosis. I don't understand their reaction. But they all pretty much disappeared after I was diagnosed, and didn't want to be friends with me any more  |
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AckTivity
Emu Egg
Joined: Feb 22, 2012
Age: 42
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Yes, almost all of my IRL friends have responded this way. At least the ones I've told. My online friends have been much more supportive. I just don't tell people any more, it just doesn't feel worth it. |
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justanothermonkey
Hummingbird
Joined: Dec 29, 2011
Posts: 23
Location: other end of the wires
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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Yes. What humanoid1point0 said.
I have friends and acquaintances I can very easily spot as Aspies now that I know what it is, and they and everybody around them would deny it because they appear to get along well enough. I think it is the way of the world. We just have a very punitive culture.
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All things considered, there is only Matisse. ~ Pablo Picasso
RAADS-R: 156, HSP 18, AQ 29, AS 150 of 200, NT 43 of 200, eq 20, sq 111, rq 20, pq 14 |
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FLBear
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 10, 2009
Age: 55
Posts: 43
Location: NW Florida USA
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| Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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I have no real friends, only acquaintances, and a roommate. My roommate says there's no way that I'm an Aspie or autistic or anything.
My co-workers however say, "Oh, so that's what's wrong with you  "
_________________
Great Spirits Have Always Encountered Violent Opposition From Mediocre Minds - Albert Einstein
Never Try To Teach A Pig To Sing, It Wastes Your Time and Annoys The Pig - unknown
Aspie Score: 170 of 200
NT Score 42 of 200
Very Likely an Aspie |
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Moonpenny
Raven
Joined: May 06, 2012
Posts: 121
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:32 am Post subject: |
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After reading this thread (and remembering similar comments from others) and hearing about how painful this issue is for people, I'm going to write to the National Autistic Society in the UK and ask them if they'd consider adding something to their description of Asperger syndrome. They already say that it's often a hidden disability, but I think it would be really helpful to add a sentence to say that some people even encounter disbelief and dismissal about their AS, especially those diagnosed in adulthood.
Their description is here:
http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/what-is-asperger-syndrome.aspx
Is there anything else anyone would suggest adding?
Thanks. |
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AspieSW
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 29, 2012
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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I have one friend who explains for me, she starts with I have aspergers, they say what's that, she says she's not very good in social situations and hates crowds.... then they cut her off and say oh im like that blah blah completely dismissive whilst they're stood there with their group of 6 friends, wish I had 6 friends!
They really have NO idea the lifelong impact, isolation and torment we go through, drives me nuts!
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Dx ASD & ADHD 26/06/12 |
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humanoid1point0
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 26, 2012
Age: 38
Posts: 18
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 11:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Moonpenny wrote: | | Is there anything else anyone would suggest adding? |
Personally I don't understand why there's so much emphasis on the social awkwardness. To me this is the easiest part to overcome because it is a learned behavior. Over time (I've had a fair amount of it), you can develop strategies and routines that make social interaction less awkward.
However, I don't think there's any hope of transforming social interaction from a cognitive function into an intuitive one. For me the mental tax is not something that goes away. Nor does the anxiety that comes with anticipating the interaction with new people (particularly in situations where you're not sure if you can trust them). I don't know how many people appreciate the difference between intuition and cognition, but to me that is a key element of Asperger's. |
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Scottinoz
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 26, 2012
Age: 29
Posts: 249
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2012 1:02 am Post subject: |
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| No they aren't real friends then, Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't seem to mind. |
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peterd
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2006
Age: 60
Posts: 1167
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:51 pm Post subject: |
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| What are these friends of which you speak? The ones my partner used to have before she took up with me? |
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Cash__
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 07, 2010
Age: 44
Posts: 665
Location: Missouri, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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I have no friends outside of my spouse. My spouse accepted it and never dismissed it.
My sister-in-law, who has a son on the spectrum, response was, "duh, I could have told you that 10 years ago!"
So I have never had anyone dismiss it, but I have very limited contacts. |
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Lemert
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 09, 2012
Posts: 45
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| Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:41 pm Post subject: |
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| humanoid1point0 wrote: | | Moonpenny wrote: | | Is there anything else anyone would suggest adding? |
I don't know how many people appreciate the difference between intuition and cognition, but to me that is a key element of Asperger's. |
I appreciate it. A lot. Being around others drains me. Even people that I am close, like my parents, leave me drained at the end of the day because I have spent the entire day trying to mimic NT behavior. I wish that they had a desire to understand my diagnosis a lot more and to allow me some leeway to be my autistic self so that I would not have such a tired brain at the end of the day. I have told VERY FEW people so far about my diagnosis, which is recent, and each one of them has reacted differently. I tried to only tell people who I knew would be supportive-- but I am a terrible judge of character. I did have one person tell me they were honored to have me tell them. I had another who completely dismissed it and left me feeling like crap. I will probably never talk to her again.
I think that the act of telling someone reveals the integrity of the relationship that I have with whom has been told. If they are dismissive or say something along the lines of me getting "fixed" or "treated"-- then, I know that that relationship is not one I want to continue. I want to have friends, don't get me wrong, but those friends need to like me FOR my autistic traits. I do not want to be friends with someone who thinks I need to be NT... because I will never be NT and will always disappoint them in that regard. There's not an autism switch that I can just flip off, but it seems like people think there "must" be because I am so smart. I don't want someone who is "willing to put up with me" because there is something "wrong" with me, and I don't want friends who try to make me defend my diagnosis. Hahaha, maybe I don't really want friends? No, that's not the case. I do. Desperately... and that desire is its own little Pandora's Box. |
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richwendt
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 08, 2012
Age: 66
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 3:06 am Post subject: |
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Just to add a typical response; which happened to come from my ex wife (emphasis on ex). After years of “fixing me” via ther rape y and various meds she jubilantly pulled out a magazine article consisting of an entire third of a page on how to eradicate depression by denial. There are a lot of people out there with very tiny minds who would be better off seeking our help rather than we seek theirs. 
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That's Dick stein! |
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Projectile
Raven
Joined: Jun 27, 2012
Age: 29
Posts: 123
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
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| Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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It is generally because there is a huge stigma about being retarded or mentally ill or having something wrong with you, people don't want to be thought of as such. When you tell someone who cares about you that you have Aspergers and they do not totally understand the condition (I suspect no one fully understands it unless they have it) they instantly and often quite subconsciously want to deny it on your behalf, for your benefit. NTs have a twisted sense of Empathy, ours is much more natural I would argue.
It is their own insecurity that propels them to deny it.
There could be many other reasons though so do not jump to any conclusion without analyzing it carefully.
(Not sure how much sense the following is going to make to someone reading it, but you might find the proposition useful)
Also worth considering; most people think of themselves as weird. It is natural because YOU know how complicated YOU really are.
Everyone is f***ing weird, trust me. If someone you think is relatively normal, perhaps more 'normal' than you, is saying that they are abnormal in some way, then that could trigger your insecurities too because in effect they saying you are weird by association. |
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Echo1030
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 16, 2012
Posts: 53
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| Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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I can totally relate. I like to think that I've gotten a lot better at "pretending" to be normal. Looking back at my high school years, it was so painfully obvious I wonder often how it was missed. When I received the diagnosis a few months ago, my mother was not at all surprised. It explained my intense, unusual interests as a child, my inability to read other people, my sensory aversions, etc. My husband was very skeptical...though I think it makes sense to him when I start rambling about my brain being like a computer, or the Meisophonia, or other such thing. I do agree with people maybe "not knowing what to say" because of the associated stigma, but also keep in mind that people don't see what goes on in my head. Sure, I can pass for normal, but I live in my own head and I know that my thought process internally is very different.
Projectile- I think everthing you've said has hit the nail on the head...the empathy sentiment especially resonates with me, as this causes a lot of friction between myself and others... I'm not especially good at "reading" empathy from others. Pardon the n00b question-- what does NT stand for?
I've come to notice that a lot of the people I've felt the closest to over the years-- like my graduate school advisor and lab mate-- also have Aspies. It seems to be a radar of sorts... they both said "well, I could have told you that" when I told them of the diagnosis.  |
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