Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Age: 38
Posts: 9107
Location: Hants, Uk
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 Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:36 pm Post subject: Communication Issues... |
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Wasn't sure of an appropriate title for this, so anyway... I have noticed that when I have gone for some period without speaking to anyone beyond the internet, when I do talk to someone, I seem to talk very fast and my hands just start gesturing wildly which I am sure I never used to do so much before! I don't really understand why, it just seems to happen. And I always seem to have to keep a distance from the person I am talking to and stand oddly... I find that when I do get talking to someone, I do not know how I should stand, where I should stand, where I should look... maybe the gesturing is connected to anxiety or something, I don't know?
But I find that I do not tend to just hone in on one topic in these instances, but rather swing from one thing to another, but keep bringing up my obsession of the time...What I mean is that I have had an obsession with a man who goes to the art gallery like I do, and a worker there sat down near me in one of the rooms so I started talking, but I somehow managed to bring him into the conversation and ended up telling her the whole situation with him, even knowing he talks to her also. I keep doing this. Anyone I get talking to, usually ends up knowing about him too. Yet part of me realises this isn't normal behaviour and I maybe shouldn't be sharing such things with virtual strangers... it is the same with the whole aspergers thing, I tell random people I have aspergers, and then wonder why I did that?
Does anyone else do this sort of thing...gesture, talk too much, speak of things that maybe they shouldn't be sharing?? |
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ZanneMarie
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 28, 2007
Posts: 2302
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| Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:46 pm Post subject: |
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I gesture alot, but I've always done that. That might be just something I picked up while living in Italy and I liked. I rarely talk to people at work and when someone "shows" up as a man did just now that I normally work with remotely, I get the deer in the headlights look, then he froze and said, "You don't remember me, do you?" The fact is, I generally don't remember people by sight, just by practical application. I'll remember them if I know what project they are on and if I am on that project. So, I didn't remember him, which I know upset him because last month when he was in FL, he made a point of calling me so he could come meet me in person. That is something I always find odd. People are mostly like disembodied text to me at work and frankly, they are easier to deal with in that context because I get into less trouble.
Then, he sits down and acting quite like a high school coach might, asks me how I feel about an incident that happened last month at his daily meeting. Basically, he was teasing this man in our group (I'm new to this group) who I'm pretty sure is AS from dealing with him lately and ended up in trouble. So now, he sits in here and is asking me how I feel. So, I tell him what I think (I didn't understanding the teasing then, nor do I now.). He says, "But how do you feel?" Needless to say, he left feeling frustrated.
I hope he's over this need for face to face contact and goes back to being disembodied text.
Besides, he interrupted my fascination with Mordy's fractals so we could talk about my "feelings." |
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BeautyWithin
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 07, 2007
Posts: 381
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| Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:51 pm Post subject: |
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Yup!
When I was pregnant, I was put on bedrest... that meant that other than the month of being in the hospital, the only people I saw were my hubby and my doctor for about 6 months of the pregnancy. I couldn't even form a proper sentence or organize my thoughts if I had to speak out loud.
I really don't know IF I could go back to work full time again... I still haven't gotten the hang of expressing myself verbally again- at least when talking to adults. (I have no problems talking with my son or other young kids.) |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 49
Posts: 5106
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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I know for me,the longer the gap in my interaction with people,the more difficult it is and the more awkward I feel.I also get the sense of, not knowing what to do with my body(an awkward appendage to my mouth and brain).My natural instinct when conversing would be to crouch down in a squat using a wall as back support.Standing just feels...wrong,harder to focus.I know this looks funny in this country but I would fit in fine in India and other places who dont waste resources on chairs.
Gesturing....Cant relate on that.I lack animation in all but the safest(boyfriend,bestfriend)situations.I tend to have three general "characters" that I can play.......I perfected the "tough,jaded,cynical,punk-rocker pose".....but that is a little off,now that I quit smoking and am 43 and now have "normal hair and clothes".......
Mature Adult I can only maintain this for a few minutes at a time by recalling all the rules I have learned(look engaged by cocking head like you are listening,stand straight,shake your head like you agree or empathize with the other person and dont talk about your thoughts...keep it simple and never forget that very few people actually care about you or any thing you have to say).........
Myself...Complete lack of "self-consciousness",unconcerned about how others might perceive or judge me because their opinions of me are irrelevant to my own sense of self.I actually find this easier to do ,when in the company of one person who I know likes me...it's like they provide a safety buffer that repels any weird stares or over heard comments.
As far as revealing more then you should?I never know I have done this until I get the "look",most people are good at covering up their shock,so they just look interested or empathetic and then probably run and tell their friends what a freak I am.Thats OK,really,as I need to tell them more then I need them to care or "help".I used to tell "strangers" about liking someone because ....
1)The obsession is circling in my brain and "draining out a little" lessens the build up a little.I have a lot of problems with getting thoughts stuck in my head(intrusive thoughts) and saying it out loud helps.
2)There is always a hope that they will tell the person I like them in some "magical way",which will make the person I like...like me back....somewhere inside,I have a small spark of hope that if the person really understood the depth of my feeling for them,they would realize that we should be together...."hope burns eternal"
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Just because one plane is flying out of formation, doesn't mean the formation is on course....R.D.Lang
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http://eyesoftime.blogspot.com/ |
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sepia
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 29, 2004
Age: 36
Posts: 361
Location: N.London
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| Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:28 pm Post subject: Re: Communication Issues... |
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| Graelwyn wrote: | | I have noticed that when I have gone for some period without speaking to anyone beyond the internet, when I do talk to someone, I seem to talk very fast and my hands just start gesturing wildly... |
hello,
yes i know exactly what you mean. i think that just because we have difficulties with communication does not mean that we lose the desire for the cerebral and emotional closenesses that are achieved thus. I suspect that some AS guys can detach themselves slightly better from this desire, whilst a more emotional AS (such as myself) is left floundering a little.
i never quite know how sociably capable i am going to find myself at any given time (tho since i found out about my wheat and diary intolerances and changed my diet, i am more constant). i think that little and often is probably the best way to handle social stimulation.
anyway, i like the idea of you gesticulating wildly. |
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Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Age: 38
Posts: 9107
Location: Hants, Uk
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| Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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| krex wrote: |
1)The obsession is circling in my brain and "draining out a little" lessens the build up a little.I have a lot of problems with getting thoughts stuck in my head(intrusive thoughts) and saying it out loud helps.
2)There is always a hope that they will tell the person I like them in some "magical way",which will make the person I like...like me back....somewhere inside,I have a small spark of hope that if the person really understood the depth of my feeling for them,they would realize that we should be together...."hope burns eternal" |
Ah, now that sounds familiar, yes, though I sure hope she doesn't mention it to him, as the last letter I sent him was rather annoyed and harsh and he would get totally confused haha. But before, with some, yes, I had hoped maybe they might say something that would make him think again and magically see how we would do well together.
And the former, yes, yes, totally. It builds up inside until you feel as if you will just explode with the need to talk about it. |
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Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Age: 38
Posts: 9107
Location: Hants, Uk
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| Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:38 pm Post subject: Re: Communication Issues... |
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| sepia wrote: | | Graelwyn wrote: | | I have noticed that when I have gone for some period without speaking to anyone beyond the internet, when I do talk to someone, I seem to talk very fast and my hands just start gesturing wildly... |
hello,
yes i know exactly what you mean. i think that just because we have difficulties with communication does not mean that we lose the desire for the cerebral and emotional closenesses that are achieved thus. I suspect that some AS guys can detach themselves slightly better from this desire, whilst a more emotional AS (such as myself) is left floundering a little.
i never quite know how sociably capable i am going to find myself at any given time (tho since i found out about my wheat and diary intolerances and changed my diet, i am more constant). i think that little and often is probably the best way to handle social stimulation.
anyway, i like the idea of you gesticulating wildly. |
I would not have spoken had this woman not come and sat down on the same bench. She moves between rooms while watching the galleries to stop herself getting bored. I did not say anything at first, but continued staring at the painting I had been staring at for 30 minutes already. Then I wondered whether to just leave or to try talking...then I tried to work out what I should say and ran through a series of possiblities in my mind...then I turned off my music, stood up as if tto leave and said something about the painting I had been looking at lol. It is a painting depicting a major flood, full of round bottomed ladies and muscular men in flowing drapey clothes, obviously set many centuries ago...and I said to her how you wouldn't believe there was a flood on its way from the way they looked so serene... I believe I also stated that it looks like they are having some sort of orgy.. maybe inappropriate but it is true! I then proceeded to state how I liked the quiet of the gallery but didnt come when THAT man is there as he and I dont get on...and out spilled a shortened version of my issues with him. Predictably, it turned out that he talks to her. He talks to all the staff in the gallery. Anyway... haha I am glad you like the idea of me gesticulating madly... I realised I was doing it in the midst, and was astonished at how madly my hands were flapping about everywhere. Incredibly, I have not broken anyone's nose yet. |
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sepia
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 29, 2004
Age: 36
Posts: 361
Location: N.London
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| Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:41 pm Post subject: communication difficulties... |
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| well, if i was that woman i might not have responded because you may have taken me by suprise. it's the whole quiet loud thing we do so well. it doesn't mean that she didn't enjoy or agree with what you said. it sounds amusing to me and people in galleries often wouldn't say something like that because they are worried that they might not sound cool. |
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Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Age: 38
Posts: 9107
Location: Hants, Uk
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| Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 6:49 pm Post subject: Re: communication difficulties... |
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| sepia wrote: | | well, if i was that woman i might not have responded because you may have taken me by suprise. it's the whole quiet loud thing we do so well. it doesn't mean that she didn't enjoy or agree with what you said. it sounds amusing to me and people in galleries often wouldn't say something like that because they are worried that they might not sound cool. |
Oddly, I think she liked me as she said that I am welcome to come and chat to her again on the days she works there....Tuesdays and thursdays. I probably shall, when I am in a mood for conversation and as long as the guy I like and mentioned isn't there at the time I turn up. Today I was ok as he was on his way out as I arrived lol. I was hovering at the bottom of the stairs when he came down them so I scooted away to the ladies bathroom. |
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maldoror
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 19, 2007
Posts: 955
Location: Denver
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| Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 12:12 am Post subject: |
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I would think that a staff member at an art gallery would be more receptive to stuff like that than the average person.
I've always had a tendency to speak to much about personal things that most people don't want to hear, but rather than getting reactions I just picked up on the fact that nobody seemed interested. It's tragic; how will the story live on?  |
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maldoror
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 19, 2007
Posts: 955
Location: Denver
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| Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 7:01 am Post subject: |
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| Graelwyn, do you think that a tendency to talk about personal things that are really nobody's business to relative strangers, and "time sickness" maybe have something to do with each other? For example, sometimes when I find myself describing a situation or story to a person, I realize that it isn't actually very interesting, at least from a conventional perspective, and that it doesn't really go anywhere. But the reason I wanted to tell it in the first place is that it had significance to me that can't be described in words, because something about it just stood out to me, for some reason. |
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Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Age: 38
Posts: 9107
Location: Hants, Uk
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| Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 10:09 am Post subject: |
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| maldoror wrote: | | Graelwyn, do you think that a tendency to talk about personal things that are really nobody's business to relative strangers, and "time sickness" maybe have something to do with each other? For example, sometimes when I find myself describing a situation or story to a person, I realize that it isn't actually very interesting, at least from a conventional perspective, and that it doesn't really go anywhere. But the reason I wanted to tell it in the first place is that it had significance to me that can't be described in words, because something about it just stood out to me, for some reason. |
Yes, very much so in some cases with me. I do not know how to describe it really... I just know that some things I talk about have had great relevance to me. I only tend to speak of things that are running through my mind at the time. I seem to go into these great streams of consciousness that run from one thing to another. But by personal, I mean, I seem to have no qualms about mentioning the aspergers or about mentioning my feelings for the man I have come to love and obsess over, even though I am aware 'normal' people simply do not do this. Can you explain more what you mean by Time Sickness? Do you mean a sort of nostalgia? I very much dwell in imagery of my past a lot of the time. A smell...a painting...a song will bring images from my past, complete with the feelings of the time flooding back to me. I only really recently noticed that. |
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maldoror
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 19, 2007
Posts: 955
Location: Denver
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| Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 10:24 am Post subject: |
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You made a thread a while ago called Time Sickness where you described something similar to what I experience. For me, not only do I get moments of sudden reflection like that, but I get moments of almost deja vu; not that I feel like I've lived the moment before exactly, but that I've lived the essence before, even though I can remember specifically where. Well, I tend to sometimes talk about this, completely alienating whoever it is that I'm talking to. I didn't mean to imply that you talking to a worker at an art gallery about AS and another worker there was overly personal, I just meant that I tend to talk to people about things that are overly personal, and when you said this:
| Quote: | | Anyone I get talking to, usually ends up knowing about him too. Yet part of me realises this isn't normal behaviour and I maybe shouldn't be sharing such things with virtual strangers... |
.. it sounded like me. |
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