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Is Aspergers an excuse for bad behavior? Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next  
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Should AS be an excuse for bad behavior?
Yes
18%
 18%  [ 26 ]
no
81%
 81%  [ 116 ]
Total Votes : 142

Joe90
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 2:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

No. It's a bit like having a cold and coughing and sneezing literally over people and saying, ''I can cough and sneeze everywhere all I want, I have a cold.'' You still have to have some respect, like using a tissue or coughing or sneezing into your hand then washing your hands more regularly, if you can help it. But if you say ''I have a cold so this is why I keep coughing and sneezing'' is acceptable. (Well you don't have to literally say it in those words but you know what I mean).

Whenever I'm bad, I never say ''I have Asperger's, I can act like that when I want.'' That is just being disrespectful.

Using AS as a reason for some non-typical behaviour is OK because it's being open and honest. But I never use it as an excuse.
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pokerface
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 2:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Joe90 wrote:
No. It's a bit like having a cold and coughing and sneezing literally over people and saying, ''I can cough and sneeze everywhere all I want, I have a cold.'' You still have to have some respect, like using a tissue or coughing or sneezing into your hand then washing your hands more regularly, if you can help it. But if you say ''I have a cold so this is why I keep coughing and sneezing'' is acceptable. (Well you don't have to literally say it in those words but you know what I mean).

Whenever I'm bad, I never say ''I have Asperger's, I can act like that when I want.'' That is just being disrespectful.

Using AS as a reason for some non-typical behaviour is OK because it's being open and honest. But I never use it as an excuse.


What is the excuse of NT's for their misbehaviour?
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League_Girl
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 9:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

daydreamer84 wrote:
^^^
I know that people use it that way, "excuses, excuses, excuses". That;'s the stigma. I'm just saying that there are good excuses. So bad weather is a bad excuse for being late for work but getting in a car accident and having two broken legs and a concussion and being in the hospital because of it is a good excuse for not coming in to work. It's still technically an excuse because it's an explanation that lessens how much you're at fault for being late for work.


My husband once lost his job for getting in a car accident and being in the hospital and couldn't call them because he didn't know the number for work.
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daydreamer84
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 1:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

League_Girl wrote:
daydreamer84 wrote:
^^^
I know that people use it that way, "excuses, excuses, excuses". That;'s the stigma. I'm just saying that there are good excuses. So bad weather is a bad excuse for being late for work but getting in a car accident and having two broken legs and a concussion and being in the hospital because of it is a good excuse for not coming in to work. It's still technically an excuse because it's an explanation that lessens how much you're at fault for being late for work.


My husband once lost his job for getting in a car accident and being in the hospital and couldn't call them because he didn't know the number for work.


Sad Well, I guess your husband was partially at fault for not knowing his work phone number. Still, I'd say being in hospital due to a car accident is a pretty good excuse. Sometimes no matter how good an excuse you have, if you're not at work when you need to be you get fired. I'd still say that him being in the car accident lessened the amount that he was at fault for not showing up for work and therefore losing his job.
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Sweetleaf
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 10:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

By fit do we mean a meltdown they can't control or deliberately causing a scene, as for the insulting people I don't see AS as an excuse for that though it is possible for someone with autism to say something that is taken wrong. So I guess it really depends on what the situation is and what happened.
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dunya
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like the discussion on "reason" or "explanation" rather than "excuse".
Not knowing an action is offensive or hurtful can be given as a reason. But if that person continues to give offense it might be because they have been unable to learn the lesson or because they want to do it again despite being told it's considered offensive.
One is about lack of comprehension the other about not taking responsibility. This applies to all people not just Autism/AS.

An example to consider. A man gets into a relationship and promises to remain faithful. He is unfaithful and says "It's because I'm Aspergers. I didn't know I was Aspergers before, so I'm not responsible to live up to promises an Aspie is unable to keep" as his explanation.
He is asking her to believe that being Aspergers means a person cannot be expected to remain faithful.

I tend to the opinion he is using Aspergers as an excuse. He might not be able to see why she is upset because he doesn't understand other people's feelings, but he did decide to lie to her in order to get her to commit to the relationship in the first place.
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Mirror21
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
If accidental. Though steps need to be taken to make it less likely to occur again.

Depends on many things factors though.
^ that
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Verdandi
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In my experience, I've found that people who are being jerks tend to find other excuses for it. They blame someone else for provoking them, or the say they had a bad day (I think this can be legitimate - sometimes people do transfer negative emotions to something other than the cause), or they claim that because they didn't intend any insult then what they said could not possibly be insulting (this happens on this forum occasionally).
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Tomzy95
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 9:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Definitely not! A kid in my class last year was the biggest brat! And he was intentionally doing it aswell because he hated the subject. This happened all year and when finally the teacher threatened to call his parents he pulled up the Aspie card as an excuse, then everything was okay after that, people like that agitate me.
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Wandering_Stranger
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 10:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do know someone who blames his Autism (as well as me Mad ) for his behaviour. He's high functioning enough to know right from wrong.
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League_Girl
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 10:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I knew an aspie online who used it to pray on minors and women to see their penises and naked pictures of them and all and boobs and their pelvis areas and not take no for an answer. He also liked to hear them pee. He said his AS was that bad. Rolling Eyes
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DredWolf
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2014 5:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I looked up this thread following having a bit of a mood drop and causing some bit of trouble..

I think the bottom line for me is my visual and audio sensitivity. It's actually really quiet right now in the wee hours of the night, so naturally I am rather calm now.

I just don't understand it though..

No matter what I will have light and sound issues. So what can that result in? Probably getting into issues. It is always not an excuse, but then it happens. Another bad behavior is probably my overspending. And of course with light and sound issues comes struggling and failing to some degree at work and school. I would be very lucky if more if not all lighting was LED at least. Anything else is just less comfortable. I remember getting into a scuffle at a hospital years ago and it would not surprise me if the noise and flourescent lights were to blame, or the underfeeding they subjected me to. Even in many photos of me over the years, the sunlight would hurt. Even a few days ago I was riding my bike and this fire truck came up from behind and blared it's siren, I nearly flew off my bike from that. : (

Having my mood drop/meltdown tonight, by chance I decided to wear a pair of sunglasses, and amazingly it helped me calm down. For someone with light and hearing sensitivities who might be in danger of about to have a meltdown, it might work to put on darkly tinted sunglasses and a pair of headphones with some relaxing sounds. For me I am almost tempted to get some tinted goggles, mind you I have noticed getting some stylish looking sunglasses or goggles might do it. ; )

And having light and hearing sensitivities as a child with autism can be an issue for sure in potentially causing a meltdown. Now, admittedly if the conditions are ok, then the eye and ear provisions might not be needed, but are definitely good to keep handy just in case. And in the event of some noises in the class causing an issue, it I would consider stuffing some bit of a cotton ball or tissue paper to help muffle the sound a little. I would also urge considering how food and taste sensitivities can cause mood/behavior issues, perticularly when it comes to sugar, and ironically some food allergies can cause cravings for the problem food, like dairy.

But still the occurence of making a social etticate error can still seem to happen with me. One of the worst from me was when I was with my family at a family gathering and I was saying about an older uncle that it is a shame he was in some health trouble, but at least he had lived a good long life. Luckily the uncle and his wife/one of my aunts did not hear me say it but my mom did and she couldn't believe it and was quite angry with me.

In a way I don't know what to say. I've had a long time of relative social isolation and even being aware of saying or doing things that I'm sure have shooed off friends or potential friends. It makes me want to say something demeaning to myself. Still though I find that one thing can only be compared to another, and many people will compare themselves to others to make some determination.

And of course I talk way better through text than verbally.
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Charloz
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2014 6:20 am    Post subject: Re: Is Aspergers an excuse for bad behavior? Reply with quote

Zabriski wrote:
Should kids in class be excused from insulting someone or throwing a fit because of AS syndrome?


No, never.

You can make a mistake once and be told not to do it anymore; you learn from this. Attaching consequences to your actions ensures you learn proper, acceptable behaviour. Not attaching consequence to misbehaving does nothing to solve the problem.

Yes I have AS, yes I am not entirely normal. But it doesn't mean I get to throw tantrums and cry and act like a little b***h because of it. It never did and it never will. Yes I am on the spectrum but it doesn't make me a toddler, so there's no excuse for me acting like one. And neither should anybody else. It's called self-control and Asperger's isn't an excuse for lacking it.
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Mainichi
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wandering_Stranger wrote:
I do know someone who blames his Autism (as well as me Mad ) for his behaviour. He's high functioning enough to know right from wrong.



I also know a guy like this as well. He is 21 and acts like he is around 9-12 year old range. He never wants to get a Job Ever, He thinks he is
"to handicap to work", which he can. He is very high functioning with high IQ and no learning disabilities at all. He demands that one his brother or sister should have to take him to live with them after his parents are no longer able to do so. I've talked to his younger brother a lot
about how he grew up. He was never ever punished as a kid or teenager. He has very poor hygiene and his room he shares is a total mess. He treats family and others like crap and if the cross him or tell him what to do. He also has a personality disorder but I forget which one its one the ones in cluster c (avoidant I think) mixed in with Narcissistic personality or Histrionic one.
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Sweetleaf
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2014 4:54 am    Post subject: Re: Is Aspergers an excuse for bad behavior? Reply with quote

Zabriski wrote:
Should kids in class be excused from insulting someone or throwing a fit because of AS syndrome?


Well AS does not cause people with it to insult people or throw fits..if they know they are doing something wrong and do it anyways then no I don't think AS can be an excuse. Now if its something like they finally insulted someone who's been picking on them initially then I don't really think they should be punished or if they say something not meant offensively that the other person takes that way...but if they are provoking it and insulting and picking on people on purpose then its no excuse.

Also with the fit thing, autistic people can have melt-downs due to being overwhelmed and it can look like 'throwing a fit' but its not quite the same thing.
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