Am i the only one who feels this way

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Siamese
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07 Apr 2014, 1:22 am

It's like I'm the only person who I know who hates it when someone blows me off. Like I have avoid socializing outside of school for a year and a half now since an aspie blew me off. I'm still very pissed about it. Even before from time to time when someone would blow me off I'd get so upset, have a meltdown, beat myself to a pulp and end up hospitalized for 4 days or so until I get a new medication. I have been in trouble with the college and almost kicked dout of school twice. Since the past year or so I have managed to stay out of the hospital and not beat myself up and have so many meltdowns but that is only because I stopped talking about the subject. But it still makes me ache inside.
Everyone else and mean EVERYONE, ignores peoples texts messages and those same people who do it, it doesn't bother them when someone does it to them. I have literally watched people say "well those people are wrong for ignoring you, they are a-holes, F them", and the they'd turn around and do it to me or someone else I know. Everyone I know says they don't ignore people, but everyone I know, including the people who say that, does it to other people and I know for a fact, and the people that they do it to do it to other people and so on.

It's like everyone elses' minds work something like this:

"It's all about me me me. That person ignored me, F them, they arent worth my time, they are a pice of junk.", then when someone contacts them that they dont want to talk to, instead of telling them they don't want to talk they just go "I don't want to talk to them, I'm just going to blow them off either for the time being or forever and if they feel bad that's their problem".

People have actually told me that if I want to stop being so mad about this that I have to have that mindset. people have literally told me to start blowing people off in order to stop being so mad when it happens to me. I don't know a single person who gets as mad about this thing as me. So I simply stopped socializing, I cancelled my phone service and I only use email for school. I am much more calmer now after doing this, but it still kinda makes me mad.


Am I the only person like this?
Are these people right? is this how I should start treating peopel to get over this? Even another aspie told me I should start ignoring people, he does.

Do you think the fact that I gave up all the talking about the issue, facebook, texting and calling is why I haven't had so many outburst, hospitalizations, and stayed out of less trouble?



Autinger
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07 Apr 2014, 5:36 am

I have the same thing, except that I don't physically hurt myself leading to hospitalisation.

Only advice I can give you is to let people know that's something you care about, and only deal with people who try and respect it.



I've started treating autism (the "quirks") as something part of me that people will have to respect if there's any option of being friends, rather than it being something -I- have to try and hide or mold and fix into making it working with -their- desires.

Just like someone who chooses to be a vegetarian will not be friends with people who never think about it and put bacon bits in everything and only go to spareribs restaurants.
Just like someone with any kind of religious "preferences" won't be friends with people who don't respect those.
Just like how someone in a wheelchair won't go looking for friends at the local mountain climbing enthusiast club.
etc.

Everyone has "quirks" and they look for people who respect those.. and we don't really get to choose, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't look for people who respect us.


All you have to trust and believe from me is that there -are- people out there who will respect you. But you can't expect them to know how what and how to show this respect if you put it within yourself to "fix it". And that will make it easier and easier.


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em_tsuj
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07 Apr 2014, 6:20 am

I feel the same way. I have learned to let it go. I do not use text messaging very often because I don't like it. If someone does not return my call or my text message, I don't message them again. I let them get back to me (unless it is an emergency or something). It is wrong but can't change people. It's not my fault.

I have come to this conclusion because a few months ago, everybody I relied on emotionally stopped returning my phone calls and texts. I got really, really angry and also thought that I did something to make them angry. I am never going to get emotionally dependent on anyone again, even if that means never having a close friend again ever. You can't rely on a person 100% of the time, so it is best to cast a wide net, relying on many people for small things. When one person flakes out on you, you don't get upset that way because you can get your needs met by contacting someone else.



syzygyish
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07 Apr 2014, 7:01 am

Siamese wrote:

Do you think the fact that I gave up all the talking about the issue, facebook, texting and calling is why I haven't had so many outburst, hospitalizations, and stayed out of less trouble?



YES!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

We are quiet people!

ssh

we think a lot and drama

ssh

is annoying

ssh

and distracting

ssh

and demanding

ssh

and painfull!

ssh


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kraftiekortie
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07 Apr 2014, 8:33 am

Hi Siamese,

I'm sorry you've had to go through this!

I've been blown off so many times that I would be dead now if I pursued your course of action.

I sometimes hit myself when I'm frustrated.

My view is: if you don't want to hang out with me--it's your loss! There are 7 billion other people in this world.

Sometimes, one "blows someone off" because of many competing sensory impulses. Many people could be talking at once; maybe the person "blowing you off" didn't hear you. Aspies are even more prone to this than NT's.



MjrMajorMajor
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07 Apr 2014, 8:50 am

em_tsuj wrote:
I am never going to get emotionally dependent on anyone again, even if that means never having a close friend again ever. You can't rely on a person 100% of the time, so it is best to cast a wide net, relying on many people for small things. When one person flakes out on you, you don't get upset that way because you can get your needs met by contacting someone else.


There's a lot of wisdom to this approach, but not to taking it to such an extreme. 8O Emotional dependency isn't good, but neither is walling yourself off. I'm guilty of both myself.