My fantasy is coming true

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I'm not sure what you mean by 'comfort spending.' Spending money on things that make me feel good? Spending time doing things that make me feel good?

I know right now that I plan on spending time on myself for now. Re-finding things that interest me, developing routines, even therapy/counseling.

Sorry FDM, that sucks - especially the blindside.
I think you are taking positive steps to deal with the situation, even by posting here. And certainly living close to your children will make it easier for both them and you.
It's important to get out on a daily basis and I suggest doing so early in the day as it gets things off to a positive start. Have you considered getting a dog? This gives you reason to go for walks and will provide opportunity to chat with neighbours.
It seems you were unaware of your wife's concerns about "verbal abuse," well it's a heck of a way to tell you, but you can still use it as a learning experience. If you can ask her (and I'm not suggesting trying to get her back, as she seems quite decided, but you will have to continue to have a relationship with her as she's your kids' mother) try to figure out what it is about your behaviour that is verbally abusive and work on it. You mentioned counseling and that's great.
Cheers and hugs.

So one thing I have realized is that none of my special interests ever really goes away. Sometimes they lie dormant for long periods because it's impractical to feed/focus on them.

But the stuff that I was into when I was 10 and 20 I am still into today.

When with depression or whatever I have been a bit alienated from my own interests, I have found that recalling things I was enthusiastic about in the past will tend to rekindle those fires. For instance, if I think I might be losing my interest in Astronomy, I can always read a Sagan book again--and probably find I am on fire for science in general.

I think maybe it's like coaxing a flame from a bed of coals. You need to feed it and stoke it, but you will find the thing is still there, no matter how much you have neglected it. Because, let's face it, it is the most interesting thing in the world...

Good luck.

Think of all the things that you may have wanted to have a go at (like living alone) and see if you can get yourself out to try and do some of those things.

Volunteering is a really good idea. Walking dogs in a dog shelter or just spending time with cats in cat shelter, if you are not keen on hanging out with people too much (you still get to chat to the staff at these places and the general public that goes there)

I live alone, and hide out because it's impossible not to be approached by people for a chat about something. The loneliest I ever feel is when I am surrounded by people none of whom understand me in the least nor have any conversation that I am remotely interested in.

Just remember NT people are very chatty, and all you have to do in order to have a conversation is let someone have one with you by appearing approachable.

An ipod helps, as does something to be absorbed in. So a sketch book and pencil and an iPod or radio is a socially acceptable way of avoiding most chat in a park or street

You can sketch the thing in front of you or just doodle. You can have the headphones/earbuds in, but nothing on the device --- or no device at all and the cord just going to a pocket. The thing is that you have a socially acceptable excuse for ignoring the attempts by other people to be social.

Very few people will still approach you in these circumstances. If someone does, it's OK to say, "listen, I'm sorry--it's nothing personal, but I am not in the mood to talk." And it's good to get out.

I do this at work. I wear very visible headphones and then people come up to me and say - can we sit down or do you want to be alone? I am usually VERY sociable when I am being sociable so it makes me feel bad when I have to say that I want to be alone. I did it once when I was in a bad mood and the lady in question seems to have a PTSD from that experience because she is all freaking out when around me now when she didn't used to do that before. I don't want people to feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me but also, I want to not be bothered AT ALL when I feel like not being bothered. It seems the only way to do this is to not go out.

I have a very approachable countenance so it's just one of those things that's a blessing and a curse at the same time.

Well, I've moved out. Now I'm trying to remember how I lived life before I met my ex. Forcing myself into a routine and leave it flexible enough for this to fit in. Funny thing is that now that I am living alone, I don't feel as alone as I did.

The most frustrating thing in life to me is being in a room full of people by myself. You may have hit it the nail on the head when you said that you feel loneliest in this situation. I need to look closer at myself next time and see if it is loneliness that is causing my frustrations.

Thanks everybody for the words of encouragement, and suggestions.

That is an extremely cruel thing to say to another human being. Do NOT listen to this person. I got angry just reading this comment, and had I been moderator I would have been tempted to suspend your account.

I'm not here to make enemies, I don't want to offend anyone and I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I just really disagree with that statement and hope to God that the OP doesn't take that advice to heart. I'm sure your advice was well meant, but are you absolutely sure that it's good advice?

FallingDownMan - congrats on the move! I was in a relationship for many years, and now very much enjoy living alone. Best wishes.

I'd amend it. Because OnPorpoise is right, people who require very little emotional attachment and yearn to be alone after a little together time can seriously hurt others if they show up saying they "want a relationship", or that they love someone, or do anything else that signals "I want to spend a lot of my time with you and am there for you emotionally whenever you need me." To most people in the world, that's what dating leads to, unless the "dating" guy is really just looking for a f**kbuddy or it turns out that you're incompatible.

I'd say date once things are finalized (meaning "once you're divorced"), but make it very plain, very much up front from the very beginning -- including on dating sites, if that's where you go --that you don't enjoy family life and aren't looking for any such arrangement again. Make it plain too that it wasn't about who your wife was, that you didn't like living with your kids either, and really just wanted to be alone. Otherwise the woman will think you just had a bad marriage and that she's going to show you the joy of living with someone you really get along with.

That's the ethical thing to do. Because yes, otherwise OnPorpoise is right, he'll lead people on, hurt them, and waste their time. Which is a terrible thing to do even if it's unintentional.

That makes sense. Don't trick people into thinking you want more from a relationship than you really do. Sorry for being inconsiderate and rude in my previous post, OnPorpoise, I read too much into your post.

That's okay, Odd2k, I maybe was too blunt and didn't explain myself. Some people just need very little emotionally from other people. Even if they want connections with people, a little bit goes a long way. When they date, they can be a really good companion and fun and it might seem to people that they're dating that they want to be close. But dates don't last that long. If things turn into a full-blown relationship -- living together, married -- it quickly becomes too much contact, they need a lot of alone time and withdraw emotionally. FallingDownMan sounds from his posts like someone who needs to have a place to be by himself.