Can NT's tell were faking it?
I definitely feel like they can. All the time. Which is why I get so jittery when it comes to "professional" type settings, where I'm expected to act in a way that I normally don't (more smiley, speaking formally, trying to meet the expectations of customers or bosses). I'm pretty much putting on a performance, and I break out in heavy anxiety attacks because of the fear that someone might realize I'm being fake and humiliate/punish me for it.
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Your Aspie score: 183 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 27 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
looking at the nose between the eyes should be perfectly fine. You just need to be looking around that area. I find I look at several things, mouth when they speak, eyes when I speak and sometimes forehead randomly. Once I was willing to look someone straight in the face it was a lot easier to do and I've never had any NT ever make a comment on it since then. For me around 18~
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I have a couple of acqaintances who I know are faking it. They say things to me that I know that they know they are meant to say to be polite and it comes over awkward because they aren't saying it spontaneously. I can tell they are saying what they've been told is polite, but it seems fake.
This is something I struggle with. I think I notice it in others because I am conscious of doing it myself. Most of the time I just keep my mouth shut, which isn't a good solution because I feel like most of the people I know don't really know me and who wants to be friends with someone they don't know. Catch22, If I did talk they would sense the awkwardness of my words.
I do much of this as well. Mostly I look at people's mouths when I am in conversation with them. Most of the NT's I have dealt with are so wrapped up in themselves and telling you about themselves that they have never noticed that I am watching their mouth. But then to my eyes are a very dark brown so one really can not see my pupils unless you are literally inches away form me. So most just see these two black orbs looking at them, but are not sure where I am looking.
It's not just Aspies that have issues with eye contact, many NTs do too. NTs suggest that you triangulate when speaking with someone (look at one eye for 5 seconds, shift focus to other eye for 5 seconds, look at mouth for 5 secs, and repeat). You can also look slightly above the eyes or bridge of nose too. When you break eye contact do not look down, either look to the side or to the side and up.
http://changingminds.org/techniques/bod ... nguage.htm
http://www.psychologistworld.com/bodylanguage/eyes.php
http://www.simplybodylanguage.com/eye-b ... guage.html
http://www.study-body-language.com/body ... MPJKq.dpbs
KWifler
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Joined: 11 Aug 2011
Age: 36
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Hmm... I wonder if that's why everyone tells me I roll my eyes a lot at their jokes.
People tend to watch for eye movements when they are lacking in self confidence. Sorry to generalize, but women are extra good at determining and expecting proper eye contact. People with very good self confidence almost never notice that you aren't making eye contact, and they could care less, unless they notice that you are staring at something and not paying attention to them.
A study was done in women some time ago that basically proved that women are so good at tracking eye movements, they know if you are looking between their eyes, they know if you are staring at a mole, or at their forehead wrinkles, or their crow's feet. It is a common subconscious mating ritual for males to stare at a woman's lips a bit before initiating a kiss. Women in the study stated that it made the kiss more sensual and meaningful.
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Yeah well, NTs have a built-in "weirdness radar" and can spot us easily.
But if we just mind our own business and don't come across as annoying, our condition won't cause society to reject or discriminate us, I can tell from my own experience.
We anyway can't conceal our unusual traits, since body language and speech are ultra-complex.
Well, women are more self conscious about their appearance, but I can't tell if a guy is staring at my zit or my feet because I avoid looking at his face. I actually prefer that they don't make eye contact, but maybe that's because I know how they feel. I never understood why I always rolled my eyes, even when I feel content. It's very hard to control, but it definitely doesn't help me make a good first impression. I've noticed that I tend to feel like I'm rolling my eyes around a lot of confident chatty types, but you're right, they don't seem to care.
Do they know your faking it? No probably not, most NTs aren't even aware that people go to such lengths to fit in. They do know that something about you is different from a young age though. As another poster pointed out, children become aware of differences, they may not know the extent of the differences, or care to know or question why, they just recognise difference without any real critical thought.
I have very mild autism and people can still tell. That is what gets me. I think I am just like everyone else. There was a lady who teaches autistic children and she asked my friend if I were autistic. I guess its because of my gait, hand gestures, and lack of eye contact. I thought I was really good at faking it. I am actually an Actor and I guess not a very good one in that case. Although maybe in character, I can "fake it" much better. I guess tone of voice , gives it a way as well. My oldest sister is severely autistic, and so growing up that was my parents idea of what autism was. They had no idea there was a "spectrum". I used to rock back and forth to music growing up, and so did she. They thought I would out grow it
So my take is- there must be nuances that are so subtle that regular folk pick up on when you're not just like that. I think most people won't say anything, though. Most people actually seem to be nice, at least in my neck of the woods.
I think some people do notice. One coworker will try to stand taller or move side to side to try to get direct eye-contact with me. As if eye-contact wasn't distracting enough, try talking to a person who's bobbing their head around to force direct eye contact. I haven't noticed others doing something similar. The appearance of eye-contact could likely be improved with some experimentation or practice, but it isn't something I've tried.
wow, that struck me as really rude, your coworker doing that. if it were a friend i would probably think they were just joking around with me, but with someone i didn't already know well--is it possible they are doing it in a jocular sort of way? if not i would take that as rude, physically insisting on eye-contact like that in casual conversation. it's kind of weird.
Sweetleaf
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Ive heard most ASD individuals focus on the mouth I used to be utterly abominable at even looking into the face of people I talk to. Do people actually notice if you dont stare them squarely in the eye or can they trell that we're "faking it">
I don't use much eye contact...if I try to focus on eye contact I cannot focus on what the person is saying, weird because supposedly you look at people when taking info from them. but I still have difficulties with that. Have had cops ask me what my issue is but I don't want to tell them due to fear of unlawful abuse and such. But yeah with me if I am looking away its more likely I am paying attention than if I look at you...if I look at someone chances are I am more focused on their mood than what they say....it is very annoying sometimes.
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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 20 Apr 2014, 12:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
^this is i think the greatest contributing factor to my social anxiety, in a nutshell.