Adamantium wrote:
I have all these weird and bad memories of being rejected or shut out or treated strangely - four decades worth - and now I have this diagnosis which finally makes the whole thing comprehensible.
So what?
If they had known I was autistic, would those people have liked me more? Rejected me less? Would I have been able to avoid doing whatever it was that alienated them?
It doesn't make any difference. I am still not able to connect the way I would like. Other will still find me odd in an off-putting way.
I have these moments of keen recall of these particular moments, and now I realize what was going on, but it doesn't make it less painful.
I guess I can use the knowledge to forgive the people who were particularly sh***y to me, but it really doesn't help.
Does anyone wrestle with the same moments of recognition/realization and come up with something more positive?
These thoughts are depressing me this morning.
Kids knew I was in speech therapy and my mom told these neighborhood bullies I couldn't talk when I was little and I was deaf, that still didn't change anything so I doubt if they knew I had AS would also change anything, same as knowing I have a disability than just being stupid and not a nice person. I went to speech, was in OT, went to special ed and that still didn't make a difference. Lot of kids went to OT in my school anyway and there were some kids that looked normal that also went to special ed. an lot of kids did speech therapy in my school so why would they think any different of me?
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.