What is this I don't even...

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WilliamTheConqueror
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21 Apr 2014, 1:19 pm

I have a problem here and I don’t know how many here have it. It might even sound like I’m bragging somewhat, but it has caused more torment than happiness. The problem is that a lot of females seem to like me, but like many people with this condition, I can’t do anything about it. And after a while of me not going after them they start getting upset and even say negative things about me behind my back.

And that would have made sense if all of them were single, but not all of them are. Some are even married, and some are married and have children! And they still expect and want me to go after them like it’s no big deal. It would be understandable for single females to be upset with me, and it would be understandable for females that are already taken to be attracted to me (because you can’t control who you’re attracted to). But what’s really weird is the combination of the two: married females start hating me because they like me and I’m not trying to screw them.

What is going on here? Does anybody know? Because the only thing I can come up with is this:
What is this I don’t even…



Stargazer43
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21 Apr 2014, 4:36 pm

Are you sure that's the reason they don't like you?



Klowglas
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21 Apr 2014, 4:58 pm

You seem to be attracting scum, tell yourself, do you look evil or are you in fact... evil? Do you have a mustache? Do you wring your hands a lot? Are you good at sulking in dark corners? All signs of being evil.



Hopper
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21 Apr 2014, 6:56 pm

There's a lot of people - men and women - who pin a lot on being found attractive. When someone doesn't find them attractive, their ego is offended. So, they attack. You can substitute 'attractive' for whatever someone very particularly builds their identity around, or hopes to bolster their identity through. It's because you are making them doubt their very identity, and the worth of the thing they themselves think important.

People are weird.


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em_tsuj
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22 Apr 2014, 1:32 am

Hopper wrote:
There's a lot of people - men and women - who pin a lot on being found attractive. When someone doesn't find them attractive, their ego is offended. So, they attack. You can substitute 'attractive' for whatever someone very particularly builds their identity around, or hopes to bolster their identity through. It's because you are making them doubt their very identity, and the worth of the thing they themselves think important.

People are weird.


this.



Vomelche
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22 Apr 2014, 1:43 pm

Thirded. Also, you must be attractive yourself, so your opinion is valued by them.



diniesaur
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23 Apr 2014, 10:08 pm

Klowglas wrote:
You seem to be attracting scum, tell yourself, do you look evil or are you in fact... evil? Do you have a mustache? Do you wring your hands a lot? Are you good at sulking in dark corners? All signs of being evil.


The goatee! Don't forget the goatee...or evil laughter. Also, if you make regular use of virgins' blood, try not to broadcast it to these women. And don't talk about how insufferable your minions are...


But in all seriousness, who cares that they've started being mad at you because you're not attracted to them? They're obviously people you don't want to be associating with anyway, so it doesn't really matter that they hate you, as long as they stay away from you and don't do anything to harm you. Also, if you're that worried about looking attractive, try wearing baggier clothes. It makes your body look a lot less attractive than if your clothes fit you.



WilliamTheConqueror
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24 Apr 2014, 1:15 pm

Hopper wrote:
There's a lot of people - men and women - who pin a lot on being found attractive. When someone doesn't find them attractive, their ego is offended. So, they attack. You can substitute 'attractive' for whatever someone very particularly builds their identity around, or hopes to bolster their identity through. It's because you are making them doubt their very identity, and the worth of the thing they themselves think important.

People are weird.


This seems like an accurate analysis. But it's still odd that married/taken females get upset. What, do they not like the guy they're with?

Quote:
Thirded. Also, you must be attractive yourself, so your opinion is valued by them.


Yes, that is what they think of me. I vaguely hear that from time to time from a distance.

Quote:
But in all seriousness, who cares that they've started being mad at you because you're not attracted to them?


I am attracted to quite a lot of them. Like Hopper said, these girls consider themselves attractive, and they are.



RICKY5
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24 Apr 2014, 5:56 pm

WilliamTheConqueror wrote:
I have a problem here and I don’t know how many here have it. It might even sound like I’m bragging somewhat, but it has caused more torment than happiness. The problem is that a lot of females seem to like me, but like many people with this condition, I can’t do anything about it. And after a while of me not going after them they start getting upset and even say negative things about me behind my back.

And that would have made sense if all of them were single, but not all of them are. Some are even married, and some are married and have children! And they still expect and want me to go after them like it’s no big deal. It would be understandable for single females to be upset with me, and it would be understandable for females that are already taken to be attracted to me (because you can’t control who you’re attracted to). But what’s really weird is the combination of the two: married females start hating me because they like me and I’m not trying to screw them.

What is going on here? Does anybody know? Because the only thing I can come up with is this:
What is this I don’t even…


How old are they and would you say they are attractive for their age?

They've grown bored with their husbands and want male attention to feel attractive again. Not much else to it.



hale_bopp
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24 Apr 2014, 6:12 pm

Klowglas wrote:
You seem to be attracting scum, tell yourself, do you look evil or are you in fact... evil? Do you have a mustache? Do you wring your hands a lot? Are you good at sulking in dark corners? All signs of being evil.


HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

You certainly seem to attract a type.. personally there is nothing worth bragging about attracting sluts with kids who are married.

Maybe it's the vibes you give off.. maybe you're flirting with them without knowing it.



aspiemike
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24 Apr 2014, 6:59 pm

I remember a bible story that became a broadway play called "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." I do remember hearing a story about how Joseph was a slave in his adult life and how he obeyed his Master because it was the right thing to do for that time period. Besides that, his master treated him with respect. The master's wife tried to tempt Joseph plenty of times only to be rejected each time. Eventually, she threw herself at him and he ran from the house. She then screamed at whoever would listen and told them that Joseph attempted to rape her. The moral of this story: some people simply can't handle a polite and respectful rejection without blowing things out of proportion.

However, for your scenario, there are many valid points already brought up. The problem I see is that you are still young at 23 and are maturing so your hormones might be more active. You might be having a more difficult time processing what is going on for that reason, and you have also admitted to us that you find these girls attractive.

Perhaps an explanation for that is they are playing the game so to speak. The game is played in th dating stages, not the relationship stage. Why someone who is married is willing to do this... well, they are pretty selfish IMO.


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Hopper
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24 Apr 2014, 7:43 pm

I think hale_bopp raises a good point - you find them attractive, so perhaps you're giving signals back without realising or intending? If they're interested in you, get signals that you're interested in them, then you don't follow through, they might think you're messing with them.

As to those with steady partners - could be all sorts. Could be the relationship isn't all that, could be a loose commitment to monogamy, could be ego stuff - I imagine that, if you go through life generally being found attractive, and being told so through words or/and actions, some people will let that be a way of building their self and self-image/worth. And such a self is very fragile and needs constant reinforcement.

If people value something greatly but don't get it, they will often defensively denigrate it, that they might believe they never really wanted it in the first place.


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Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.