Long-distance friendship with Aspie

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On my first day of high school, I met a girl who would become one of my best friends. I found out pretty early on that she had Asperger's, but I was never bothered by it or felt like it got in the way of our friendship. We were both socially awkward misfits and so we got along really well, and as I mentioned, she became one of my best friends.

This fall I moved away to college and she stayed at home, attending college in our home town. I worked hard on keeping in touch with her, as I did with all my close friends, but inevitably I found that I sometimes forgot to email her back or reply to her comments (this happened with my other friends too, simply because I had so much college stuff going on). She always writes me really, really long emails with a lot of detail about her life and asking me about all the detail of mine. I appreciated the communication and always enjoy reading her messages, but I don't always have time to write back to her in the same level of detail. She is an anxious person, and she has always been insecure in our friendship, worried that she is bothering me or being too clingy (although she doesn't bother me at all, and I've told her so, and how much I value our friendship).

I am not sure how she feels about how much we keep in touch (or not). When I write her long emails, she always responds quickly, which makes me think that maybe my messages make her feel pressured or obligated to respond, or else I'll be offended. On the other hand when I don't respond I worry that she thinks I've abandoned her or think she is bothering me, or that I don't like her.

So, I'm wondering how other Aspies feel about long-distance communication. I don't want my friend to think I'm ignoring her, but I also don't want to pressure her or get into her personal space. I've asked her how she feels, but she just got anxious about it.

Thank you!

She obviously likes you.

She sounds a lot like me with a situation I have with a family member who moved away. This is just a guess based on what I would like or be okay with in my situation.

I doubt she feels pressured to reply to you quickly, she probably just likes writing to you and is happy to respond when she gets your emails. That's how I feel anyway. Also keep in mind that she may not have as many other friends to occupy her time as you do, plus she doesn't have all the dorm and after school stuff going on, so she probably has plenty of time to write back to you without feeling pressured or overwhelmed by it.

Personally, I would prefer my relative to write me much longer letters than she currently does, even if she sends them less often than she currently does (we do snail mail). If you worry that your friend might be upset that you don't reply right away, just explain that you feel bad that you don't always have enough time to send replies to her and your other friends right away because of school. If you want to cut down on how much you email her, tell her you would prefer to start exchanging longer and more interesting emails rather than short ones that don't say much except the same old thing. Then you can say that to do that, you would need to cut down your emails to once a week (or however often would be good for you) but tell her she can email you anytime she wants and you'll read it right away but only respond once a week unless it's something really important. Also let her know that you don't mind if she ever wants to change how much she emails you or when she replies. If you also keep in touch with her by talking on the phone, maybe you could agree to call her more often to make up for less emails (if this would work for you).

I hope some of this helps. You sound like a really good friend.

I had a long distance relationship with an Aspie male I met a few years ago. I used to write long emails and he used to reply with one liners when he felt like it. After a while it didn't seem worth the effort.

Yeah to the OP it's clear she likes you to share her feelings.

Hi sblei714
I suggest you use a better/easier way to communicate. You could either whatsapp each other during the day or skype each other during the evening while you're relaxing. Long emails are time consuming. And people with asperger often focus on the details and it could be easier for you to provide them through video chat. Let me know if this works out for you guys. Have a nice day