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boom68
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02 Aug 2014, 7:27 pm

Ok so here it goes ...
Hi guys, I'm a 46 year old man and I'm thinking I've got some form of autism.... I'm actually thinking of seeing my MP next week to see if I can have an official diagnosis.
I basically 'used' my son to come to this conclusion: he's 10 and has been diagnosed with Asperger and since I recognize so much in him (honestly, it's painful sometimes!) I thought I'd have a long hard look at my own life.
I hardly have any memories of primary school and some, mainly bad, memories of high school in which I always was the ugly duckling and I never fit in. I've done the university experience and I had a lot of friends, but I always struggled to find the right 'mask' ... I never really knew who I was: every inch of me was defined by what I thought others would want me to be. I never succeeded in keeping friends: it's hard work to foster friendship and at some point I always let them drift off... I can only go so deep for my, relatively well thought out, social play book to cover. There always seems to come a point where I don't really know how to go forward and all of my friends complained that they didn't get enough from me, not enough depth, enough engagement, or whatever.
I just went on a holiday with my latest best friend and again, she wanted to get to know the 'real me' and I just didn't know what to say ... for some reason I don't know the required response! I just kept silent and knew that whatever I said would elicit a reaction that I couldn't deal with.
Ironically, I'm a highschool teacher and I'm doing really well with the kids, albeit that I have trouble being the strict teacher: I value every kid's opinion too much and I still have a tendency to want to be liked and accepted ... quite the pitfall for a teacher!

Anyway, I just wanted to know if there's anyone that can relate to this story and make me feel a bit more sure about my choice to confront my MP with this almost ridiculous request to see if I could indeed have some form of autism...

Thanx!
Marc



cathylynn
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02 Aug 2014, 8:02 pm

i figured out i have autism when my nephew was diagnosed. i read about him and found myself reading about me. i didn't need a formal diagnosis, but if you do, be confident that you are the expert on you. never hurts to ask.



emtyeye
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03 Aug 2014, 12:26 am

I self-diagnosed four years ago in early 50s. I finally went to an MD for a formal diagnosis. It was very useful and helpful and now is official. Still don't know what I will do with that information now. But it sounds like you are questioning this and should follow up.



Jensen
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03 Aug 2014, 5:53 am

Oh, yes. I can indeed relate to your story, - and cannot count the times, when I have been subjected to people, who would "find me out" and "help" me, or "find the real me". It is really a kind of abuse. You are made the "vehicle" for their self-confirmation.
An understanding teacher is not the worst thing in the world. I myself could never be bossy to a music student, who didn´t work enough. There is alway an issue to take care of, when that happens.

When you get the dx, you will change you setting, so to speak. You´ll go through a very analytical, sensing, remembering period and understand your past experiences in a completely new light, - even though, you´ve had your suspicions for many years.
You can enjoy the sense of being right about yourself for once, and throw out the memories of all the speculative manipulaters, who have tried to define you according to their own experience over the years.

Good luck.


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12 Aug 2014, 2:58 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


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katiesBoyfriend
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16 Aug 2014, 8:42 pm

I'm not sure if I am an Aspie, but if I was, it would explain a lot of things about me.

It actually started many years ago when, at the place where I was teaching, I attended a 2-day course. Among other things, it had an exercise by which those in attendance determined whether they tended to be more left-brained or right-brained. I was the second-highest in the former category. Something went "click" for me when I saw that.

I then bought an IQ self-test book and exceeded even my expectations after going through it. A few weeks later, I purchased a sample test from the national Mensa office. After I wrote and submitted it, my score confirmed the previous results. I then arranged for a formal exam session and took out membership a few months later. After I heard about Intertel, I sat a GRE session at my university alma mater and scored well to become a member, which I did. By the way, my math score was much higher than the one for the English/verbal component.

The fact that I have an IQ well in the upper 1% explained why I often didn't see things the same way as other people. I tended to be more logical and analytical than they were. But there were still a few pieces in my life that didn't quite fit, such as my preference to be by myself.

Oddly enough, it was the show "Sherlock" that inspired me to investigate that aspect. I am, like him, somewhat abrasive with other people, but I can be quite focused on whatever I'm working on and enjoy doing things which require a great deal of mental activity. Some writer suggested that the character portrayed in that TV series might have Asperger's Syndrome, so I decided to look further.

I took a number of on-line tests and, though hardly a valid set of diagnoses, the results indicated that I had a number of characteristics often associated with Aspies. I've never had a formal examination for it, and I'm not sure I really want to. Just knowing that I might be is enough for me.

Last week, I saw the documentary "Neurotypical" on PBS once again. I was reminded that perhaps I'm not so strange as certain people have suggested.



salvey
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19 Aug 2014, 2:41 pm

The serendipity of LIFE! Here I am reading posts on a site called Wrong Planet. Something, only 24 hours ago, I never would have been able to imagine existed, let alone decided to participate in! And here I am discovering yet another world, another community, rich with creativity.
I appear to be an 'old' Aspie here (61 years so far). I survived a 'nightmare' childhood of being from another planet, trying to fit in, and relying on my intelligence and 'insane' curiosity and focus to get me by in a world populated by aliens. This inspired me to know about how things work, and while I sought formal education, I'm largely self-taught in many fields that interest me. Finding that I could not work under direction or supervision, I was forced to make my own way and I've had a successful entrepreneurial career, leading to adventures all over the globe and connections with people of all races and status; from serfs to knights to bishops to Kings and Queens (literally). I've had two beautiful wives, and one daughter, my second grandchild soon, and have contributed significantly to my communities over many years. While daily living with too many 'normal' people has always been a challenge for me, the experiences and relationships with unusually gifted (Aspie?) people around the world I am deeply grateful for and would never exchange for a more normal life.

Along the way, all of this took tremendous effort and coping. As I approach my senior years, I long more and more to be alone, to live in isolation, quite contentedly, with my books and obsessions - I expect that many of you know what I mean. But I know that living this way is sterile and I was compelled to make myself available to be partnered once again. I've lived alone since 2004, and have attracted a beautiful, capable and independent woman "God-only-knows" how. She has a Masters degree in Neuroscience and, as serendipity would have it, my 'diagnosis' was made two evenings ago: While admonishing me for not picking up on her non-verbal queues to respond to her emotional needs, she was GOOGLEing 'Asperger's Syndrome' and I was dictating the symptoms, my behaviours to her, line by line, in defense of my 'position' of course. She cautiously wrote to me afterwards. I read her references and took an on-line test and, yes, I have lived with Asperger's Syndrome my entire life.

So - today I am pondering what it is to BE a 61 year old, undiagnosed Aspie? First, I am certain that my lack of diagnosis has played a vital role. From necessity, I have chosen to use my Aspie focus and capacity to concentrate on matters of interest to me and my world of work and my community, as ways to pursue things at a depth and with a single-minded passion that few would. I am a 'nutcase' when I take something on and people around me rely heavily on my capacity to get any job done. In my teens, my friends were being 'programmed' to fit into our survival-of-the-fittest, ecologically destructive, consumer world. My Aspie gifts gave me the courage to be skeptical, to ask 'why?', to question everything and, combined with a curiosity for 'how things work' I have relentlessly pursued the TRUTH - the TRUTH of what it is to be alive, to find within oneself one's highest expression, your "A" Game. First for me as a young man, then those around me, and for all of us. I have been a lifelong student of comparative religion and philosophy, seeking an understanding of what has been true throughout the millennia; ancient 'knowing' and wisdom. This is an infinitely vast subject that can't be approached by anyone that's not an Aspie as far as I can tell! I have contributed stability and creativity to my family and community through my 'nutcase' perspective on life, and the example that I provide to others, my employees, the young people in my life, now including my grandchildren. I'm out of the closet (I didn't know I was in...) and I am blessed; I am grateful for my Aspieness.

I have always been a slow, plodding reader, but through my Aspie curiosity and obsessiveness, I've read thousands of books and have no less than 20 going at one time; they're stacked and stashed everywhere, on a wide range of topics (NO FICTION!): dozens by Noam Chomsky's, Cuban revolutionary history (MUST read for Aspies), the Zeitgeist Movement, Sacred Geometry, books on Impressionist Art movement, Jed McKenna's Spiritual Warfare (MUST READ), maritime history of Britain, classic wooden yacht construction, adventure motorcycle travel, Tantric Love-making, Newfie humour and biographies, Hemmingway, Walt Whitman, H.L.Mencken's rants, In the Footsteps of the Bible, The Hero's Journey and many on aboriginal art, religion, rites and practices, Peter Kingsley's REALITY (MUST READ). THESE GUYS AND GALS HAVE ALL GOT TO BE ASPIES! The 'soul mates' that I have met and engaged through my varied interests over my years of living and travel are likely (undiagnosed?) Aspies! At this point, I cannot imagine a life without these gifts; what else is there? Aspies are EVERYWHERE there is anything creative occurring.

Now that I have been 'diagnosed' by my new lover, we're not certain where our relationship goes from here. In our short time together, I am most grateful to her for the caring she has shown me and the love we have shared. It is a difficult decision to choose to live with me. I have assured her that it will be an adventure! C'est la vie for an Aspie.

I am pleased to be an 'old fart' in this vigorous Aspie community. And I wish all Aspies your most creative LIFE. Honour and use your gifts, pursue with passion that which is revealed to your 'special' mind and capacities, create and bring these things which only you can, into form, and benefit your world. I know that you come from another planet, but you are now HERE for that reason.



katiesBoyfriend
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19 Aug 2014, 3:56 pm

salvey wrote:

<snip>

I am pleased to be an 'old fart' in this vigorous Aspie community. And I wish all Aspies your most creative LIFE. Honour and use your gifts, pursue with passion that which is revealed to your 'special' mind and capacities, create and bring these things which only you can, into form, and benefit your world. I know that you come from another planet, but you are now HERE for that reason.


I'm glad I'm not the only old coot on this site (58 years old).

When I was younger, I couldn't figure out why most people did things in what appeared to me to be a completely illogical manner. I mean, 2 + 3 = 5, so why turn it into a discussion about kids, house payments, or sports teams? By being focused and straightforward got me into a lot of trouble at the first place I worked after I got my B. Sc. and I was fired after a few months. Apparently, the "right" kind of socializing (leading to promotions, of course) was the whole objective of being there rather than actually accomplishing anything tangible. (If you've ever seen the earlier episodes of the TV series "Mad Men", you'll have an idea of the kind of outfit that was.)

It wasn't until I determined that I have an IQ significantly higher than most people and, later, I appear to have characteristics often associated with Asperger's Syndrome, a lot of things about my past started making sense.

So I might be an Aspie. So what? Why should I worry about it? I earned 4 degrees in 2 different engineering disciplines. I've worked in a variety of fields, including oil and gas, alternate power generation, and spacecraft design. I'm a member of 2 high-IQ societies. Is any of that something I should apologize for? I hardly think so.