TO BE or not TO BE an Aspie...

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TO BE or not TO BE an Aspie
The serendipity of LIFE! Here I am reading posts on a site called Wrong Planet. Something, only 24 hours ago, I never would have been able to imagine existed, let alone decided to participate in! And here I am discovering yet another world, another community, rich with creativity.
I appear to be an 'old' Aspie here (61 years so far). I survived a 'nightmare' childhood of being from another planet, trying to fit in, and relying on my intelligence and 'insane' curiosity and focus to get me by in a world populated by aliens. This inspired me to know about how things work, and while I sought formal education, I'm largely self-taught in many fields that interest me. Finding that I could not work under direction or supervision, I was forced to make my own way and I've had a successful entrepreneurial career, leading to adventures all over the globe and connections with people of all races and status; from serfs to knights to bishops to Kings and Queens (literally). I've had two beautiful wives, and one daughter, my second grandchild soon, and have contributed significantly to my communities over many years. While daily living with too many 'normal' people has always been a challenge for me, the experiences and relationships with unusually gifted (Aspie?) people around the world I am deeply grateful for and would never exchange for a more normal life.

Along the way, all of this took tremendous effort and coping. As I approach my senior years, I long more and more to be alone, to live in isolation, quite contentedly, with my books and obsessions - I expect that many of you know what I mean. But I know that living this way is sterile and I was compelled to make myself available to be partnered once again. I've lived alone since 2004, and have attracted a beautiful, capable and independent woman "God-only-knows" how. She has a Masters degree in Neuroscience and, as serendipity would have it, my 'diagnosis' was made two evenings ago: While admonishing me for not picking up on her non-verbal queues to respond to her emotional needs, she was GOOGLEing 'Asperger's Syndrome' and I was dictating the symptoms, my behaviours to her, line by line, in defense of my 'position' of course. She cautiously wrote to me afterwards. I read her references and took an on-line test and, yes, I have lived with Asperger's Syndrome my entire life.

So - today I am pondering what it is to BE a 61 year old, undiagnosed Aspie? First, I am certain that my lack of diagnosis has played a vital role. From necessity, I have chosen to use my Aspie focus and capacity to concentrate on matters of interest to me and my world of work and my community, as ways to pursue things at a depth and with a single-minded passion that few would. I am a 'nutcase' when I take something on and people around me rely heavily on my capacity to get any job done. In my teens, my friends were being 'programmed' to fit into our survival-of-the-fittest, ecologically destructive, consumer world. My Aspie gifts gave me the courage to be skeptical, to ask 'why?', to question everything and, combined with a curiosity for 'how things work' I have relentlessly pursued the TRUTH - the TRUTH of what it is to be alive, to find within oneself one's highest expression, your "A" Game. First for me as a young man, then those around me, and for all of us. I have been a lifelong student of comparative religion and philosophy, seeking an understanding of what has been true throughout the millennia; ancient 'knowing' and wisdom. This is an infinitely vast subject that can't be approached by anyone that's not an Aspie as far as I can tell! I have contributed stability and creativity to my family and community through my 'nutcase' perspective on life, and the example that I provide to others, my employees, the young people in my life, now including my grandchildren. I'm out of the closet (I didn't know I was in...) and I am blessed; I am grateful for my Aspieness.

I have always been a slow, plodding reader, but through my Aspie curiosity and obsessiveness, I've read thousands of books and have no less than 20 going at one time; they're stacked and stashed everywhere, on a wide range of topics (NO FICTION!): dozens by Noam Chomsky's, Cuban revolutionary history (MUST read for Aspies), the Zeitgeist Movement, Sacred Geometry, books on Impressionist Art movement, Jed McKenna's Spiritual Warfare (MUST READ), maritime history of Britain, classic wooden yacht construction, adventure motorcycle travel, Tantric Love-making, Newfie humour and biographies, Hemmingway, Walt Whitman, H.L.Mencken's rants, In the Footsteps of the Bible, The Hero's Journey, books on aboriginal art, religion, rites and practices, Peter Kingsley's REALITY (MUST READ). THESE GUYS AND GALS HAVE GOT TO BE ASPIES! The 'soul mates' that I have met and engaged through my varied interests over my years of living and travel are likely (undiagnosed?) Aspies! At this point, I cannot imagine a life without these gifts; what else is there? Aspies are EVERYWHERE there is anything creative occurring.

Now that I have been 'diagnosed' by my new lover, we're not certain where our relationship goes from here. In our short time together, I am most grateful to her for the caring she has shown me and the love we have shared. It is a difficult decision to choose to live with me. I have assured her that it will be an adventure! C'est la vie for an Aspie.

I am pleased to be an 'old fart' in this vigorous Aspie community. And I wish all Aspies your most creative LIFE. Honour and use your gifts, pursue with passion that which is revealed to your 'special' mind and capacities, create and bring these things which only you can, into form, and benefit your world. I know that you come from another planet, but you are now HERE for that reason.

Postscript: for 15 years, I have been invited by soul mates to participate in Burning Man. When I went to the website, aside from the incredibly creative art installations, I cowered at the thought of choosing to be in the midst of 60,000 extroverted people, in a sea of chaos, 24/7. And I have made excuses for being 'unable to work it in' for each of those 15 years. This year, I was caught in my own B.S. They said: "no more specious excuses - you're BOOKED". So I am going OUTSIDE-THE-ASPIE-BOX. Wish me luck!

Welcome, Salvey!

Wow, 20 books at a time; I thought I was obligated with six or seven at a time! I haven't been to Burning Man, but I have been to Utah's version of it (Element 11) on the shores of the Great Salt Lake. Luckily, I wasn't there this year when a participant danced his way into the fire and died. A person should stay sober if the person plans to go near the fire.

You are certainly not the only senior Aspie here. I am in my 50s, as are several others.

As for your undiagnosed status, do you wish to change that by completing a screening or diagnostic test? I found that completing several of the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre screening tests gave me the benefit of confirming my characteristics without the downside of having a diagnosis. At my age, there was no need for a diagnosis. Besides, the screening-test results were very interesting for me.

Enjoy Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome. Hope you enjoy your time here.

That is an amazing story! You should consider writing an autobiography.

Do you feel like there were any ways that Aspergers has held you back in your life?

Similar age here. Can't boast of reading 20 books at a time. However often have two open books on the lounge room table while the stereo system is playing and the TV set is switched on without the sound. I tend to read very fast and have a two week rule that any book I can't finish in that time is chucked. My wife is also an avid reader. She has been ribbing me for some time about my lack of interest in reading fiction. To placate her I started reading fiction. I used my Amazon.com account to download the daily special offer e-book. The result now is that I deliberately read one book of fiction for every book of non-fiction. I must admit that my wife was right. You are definitely missing out by not reading works of fiction.

Hi!, and welcome.

Last summer I was a 59 years old undiagnosed aspie.

I am pleased to meet other 'experienced' Aspies here already. Thank you for your welcome. When I say that I have 20 books on the go at any one time, I DO (probably more). I am just a slow, plodding reader so most sit for months with a marker in them, but I do get back to them! I expect that I can be diagnosed with some other sort of syndrome (Reading Deficit Disorder). With this disorder, I'm not sure about taking on fiction... I am obsessive so I may have 40 books on the go before I know it. I kind of don't give a s**t if there are books stacked all over the place any more, so it's embarrassing enough now when I allow people into my home.

Come to think of it, I have enjoyed several historical novels this year, by Wayne Johnston, an eclectic author from Newfoundland. The first was a (fictitious) account of the life of Joey Smallwood, the S.O.B. that 'sold Newfoundland out' to those fast talkers from Ottawa, in 1949. It was this historical context that fooled me into reading fiction, and it's a great book; immediately bought two more of Johnston's - great style. After meeting Johnston briefly this spring, I am sure that he's an Aspie!

As I am trying to engage in a new relationship right now, I've spent an hour this afternoon reading a thread about 'loving an Aspie man' and I'm pretty much choking. I don't have a great track record with lasting relationships but I have shared my life with two beautiful wives that I am still close to (as close as an Aspie can be). We would say that we still love each other, but that we do not wish to live together; which is the case. But as I read posts here, the predictability of Aspie men (and women?) hurts right now. Reading some of you Aspie men describe your behavior to women that want to know if they should go forward with an Aspie man ! !!@#!?##**! ! You have opened my eyes and my mind to becoming more tolerant, more 'open' in my views of what's acceptable behaviour. I am grateful to you for sharing. And I do LOVE the GRACE of LIFE, and continuing to learn, most often just when I need it the most.

Living day to day in an endless sea of normal people has always been a challenge for me, but I have a lot of miles on me now and just take care of business as best I can. Most of my friends are 'slowing down' and retiring and playing golf - I cannot imagine doing any of these - so I still don't fit in! I am always restless and the number of things that I'm interested in internally just seems to grow. For the past 6 years, I have become obsessed with exploring far away lands and cultures on the back of a small motorcycle (my mule). I most enjoy riding solo and I am radically self-reliant at the top of the Andes (17,000 feet) - this is a meditation for me. My family and friends have always known that I am pretty much nuts, so no news here. But I find that - in just a few hours - I am wondering how I'll engage in a REAL relationship while riding down the Andes for six months... LIFE for me has always been - and continues to be an ADVENTURE.

So what do you 'experienced' Aspies work with now? Can we start a thread for 'experienced' Aspies? (maybe there is one...)

My best regards to you all.

Experienced Aspie here. Only 53 years old, though.

There's some guy named Adrianesq, who's also an interesting guy (I'm not sure I'm spelling the screen name correctly). He's pretty vociferous in his opinions. He's about 69, if I'm not mistaken.

Then there's this person named Tall-p, who is 72 years old.

There are actually quite a few posters here who are over 50.

TO BE or not TO BE an Aspie

Please BE!

I am 48, and only realized what it was that was different about my Dad about 5 years ago and still did not realize it was me until this past year. Now I can't fathom that missed connection, but...

In any event, reading your post and others above about life before you recognized you were just met to be different, and afterward, is so reassuringly relatable for me. If we all opted 'Not to be' what good would that do? As I ponder the past ramifications of not knowing I was just built differently I for one am very grateful to hear from the more experienced Be-ers. Thank you for your posts.

Thank you NolaK and kraftiekortie. Now reading posts on this site, you spend a lot of time here and share a lot. I'm curious - why is that? Is it an obsessive, Aspie thing, or...

NolaK, I really don't have any choice but to BE; I have lived a while now, and with passion as I am able. What were once nightmares have become entertainment of a sort. I just don't see things the way most people do and that is what it is. That nightmare has become a gift, that I share with others around me. Our chaotic and destructive human world appears to lack order, purpose, synergy, coherency, PEACE of any kind. But in my struggle to experience these things in my own world, both outer and inner, I have come to know that all of these still exist - they've never gone away and are all around us all of the time. I acknowledge that that is the irony and the GRACE of LIFE. Men(women) have lost their way through the millennia and then they can return if they choose; that's the cycle for each of us as individual human beings.

The present challenge for me, my Aspie being, is relating with my new lover (I have lived alone since 2004) . She is intelligent and well educated, independent woman with a beautiful family and grandchildren (these things make me very HORNY - sick, I know, but am an Aspie). Then she diagnosed me (this week) as an Aspie, in a compassionate way. And upon review, I thanked her for this expression of LOVE and came out of the closet, one I didn't know I was in. But she seems to be withholding now, her intellectual 'box' sees my Asperger's behavioral patterns as a sickness, as abnormal, as something that she might be able to 'save' me from. In the last few days, I have reviewed this site and some others and meditated on some of my most rigid views and they are up for review, in the light of this new day. And I imagine what it would take, what it would be like to pretend to live an NT lifestyle any more than I do now (I have a pretty well developed set of coping skills) and I stop. At 61, I am OK, I live an effective, authentic life - even in this world - and this is reflected by the blessings around me. Through seeking and effort and in spite of rejection by more 'normal' people, I've developed keen awareness of human beings, through my intuition, paying attention. I am often more aware of others' inner SELVES than they are. When invited, I can always bring perspective to any situation, a perspective that may 'bust things open', create a space for resolution, for creation, for union. These are the gifts that Asperger's has allowed me to develop through my living. So I am most carefully paying attention to what is intended for us, what we may create together through our union. Part of that journey will be to accept each other, as we are. I stand as a mature male with Asperger's Syndrome. And now that there are more of you hanging around here, I want to know where you are, who you are, what is your BEING as an Aspie? This is exciting.