Hello I'm new here & need help

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I am in a 13year relationship with my fiancée who has Aspergers. Ok, fine. I respect him and that he is different. In a lot of ways he freaking amazes me. I always knew there was something different about him, even from the very first meeting. He would say I'm not like most men you've dated before. Ok. Questions. Then what makes you different. His answer. I frustrate people, I don't argue. Well he was telling me something then and I didn't know what he was saying. We never lived together for 11 yrs. until now. We bought a home together almost 2 yrs. ago. I had no idea how, wait a minute don't attack me, difficult things are for him. Hey I always support and love him more than he knows. BUT he doesn't give a crap or has no idea that he is destroying our relationship. I've tried and tried to talk about this with him and he shuts down or once he had a meltdown and started screaming and it sacred the heck out of me. He also is OCD. Not going to say on what. He lost 3 marriages before me and he is very
codependent on me. I'm really starting to resent him, I don't want to but he is making me resent him. We went to counseling once and he will not go back. He says I want him to conform. Oh man. We have a real problem here. He wants me to conform to him and his ways and not say anything else about it.
Do relationships last with Aspies and Neuros if he wants no communication about Aspergers.

[Moved from Getting to know each other to Love and Dating]

Also, welcome to WP.

It seems a pity to me to throw away a 13 year relationship that you've invested in. You don't say how old you are and whether it will be easy to walk away from this relationship into another one. The immediate problem you have is the house you bought together. Since you're unable to live in the house together is it possible to rent the house out and go back to living in separate residences again and renew the relationship you had before you started living together. As a male I can't see how this male is going to change unless he concedes to your authority to rein in his excesses, so that there is some semblance at least on the outside of a normal relationship where you can talk to each other and have friends over to your house. If he's not willing to compromise and hasn't learned at all from his previous three marriages, then I can't see how your relationship is going to succeed. Perhaps by laying it on the line and insisting that certain behaviour from him is either not tolerated or you walk. In return you give him the space to himself to have his meltdowns away from you where you won't interfere with him.

There is obviously a reason you have been in a relationship for 13 years. You also stated he 'fricken amazes you'
My advice is to try and remember the reason you love him and try to build upon that. If push comes to shove you can always put an ultimatum in place so that he tries to alter his behaviour as much as possible. Best of luck

I am confused. am I mising something. it doesn't seem you say much about what he does besides he has meltdowns.

some people can't control having melt downs. I don't have screaming ones. I just get quiet and depressed.

or is it being codependent and what does that mean.

Codependency in a nutshell is a need to be needed. You feel you depend on that person for the very air you breathe, and you demand that they need you in the same way. It is full dependence on another person with the expectation that they are fully dependent on you. There is no independence outside the relationship, and having any need met outside the relationship to include self-reliance for anything is viewed as a threat.