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Butterfly
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12 Aug 2014, 8:33 am

I hope this isn't an offensive thing to ask.
I need to know how passable my peers are in comparison to myself. People seem to view me a NT (I think) but they are always asking me if I am sick or upset. I guess when I am just making my normal face, I look like I am about to vomit or cry.. I don't know, but its constant from people. I am constantly monitoring my own behavior and attempting to say appropriate things. When really I just want to swear a lot a make dirty jokes. Anyway...

I have been separately diagnosed...

with Asperger's/GAD by a therapist who works with only high functioning clients on the spectrum (she told me only clinicians with extensive experience would recognize my AS "symptoms") And not to expect many to agree

I then Paid the big bucks for a comprehensive evaluation and was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder/Bi-polar II/Severe GAD/inattentive ADHD by a clinical psychologist (a doctor) through a comprehensive evaluation. I guess my sensory sensitivities. my lone wolf mantra, and my deep lack of the ability to bond with people are just collateral damage to these problems - or coincidences.

The doctor said that the reason he didn't agree either the AS diagnosis was because I picked up on his social cues, I was good with conversation and eye contact. Now I'm left wondering. .. am I just that passable? Is he right? Do other women experience this? help!



kraftiekortie
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12 Aug 2014, 9:43 am

I'm not seen as being autistic; I'm seen as being an "amiable weirdo"--rather like Robin Williams (alas!)

I'm a "court jester" within my worldly existence.

I don't pass too well as a "normal" person.



BioBird
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12 Aug 2014, 1:24 pm

For most of my life I was misdiagnosed and was given a whole spectrum (oho how fitting) of labels, none of which fit except for my most recent of "Aspergers". I suppose this was due to how "against the books" I am, or at least that's what I've been told. Idek, tbh.
But I definitely know how frustrating possible misdiagnoses are. If you feel the first doctor was more informed and trustworthy, then I'd suggest working with them, as they seem to want to understand you and your situation with more accuracy and care than the other that just flung a bunch of labels everywhere. I had some of those same diagnoses given to me when I was younger, and they turned out to be 100% disproved, over time. Then again, it's you and your life, and I definitely don't want to impose on it. Just go with whatever diagnosis/es you feel most comfortable with, I guess. Whatever works for you!

In terms of how well I pass, though, I'd have to second kraftiekortie. I always have a much easier time having people accept and enjoy my strangeness whenever I wear makeup and take time to "preen", though. I'd have to say I pass with 30-45% more efficiency and effectiveness whenever I look good. It could be perceived as gender-based "cheating" (ugh), but I've found that men can have much of the same help if they smell good, are well-groomed, and have good posture and vocal tonalities.
For me, "passing" has always been a game to me, even before I knew about AS, and I tend to do well with the process due to the fact that it can be one of my more favored pastimes. Also, I've found that I can choose when to let reveal some of my more "genuine" parts of myself, and people sometimes seem to accept these just as me being "unique" or "of more special value" or something. I have no clue.
I do admit that I'm constantly monitoring myself nowadays, though. Far more than before I knew of my AS diagnosis, and although I believe myself to be making positive strides, it can be far more stressful for me to "pass" than it's been in the past. I'm hoping that when I get back to a good structured environment like school and labs it'll be better; I find that it's so much easier for me when I'm just allowed to be my overly-enthused Mad Scientist self. I've even had people humorously ask if they can video-tape me during my more pleased moments (this has only been from close acquaintances in the past, and so therefore I don't believe it to be a form of well-concealed bullying or ill-wills). Apparently my excitement+rants are YouTube worthy?? who knows
Humor definitely helps all of my processes, though. And now I just thought of R.W. ah. I second the alas, as well.



Cafeaulait
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12 Aug 2014, 1:25 pm

I think I pass quite well as a normal person. I am able to play the game very well. People don´t see that psychological distress that goes behind te image.



SameStars
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12 Aug 2014, 1:46 pm

I think I'm doing okay. Though I've been called weird in an affectionate manner. Someone did ask a friend of mine if I was autistic in high school once, but I think I've improved with the years.



MindBlind
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12 Aug 2014, 4:07 pm

I think most people think I am just a bit eccentric at first glance. Few of my colleagues have actually seen the full extent of my aspergers, but many of them have picked up on my symptoms. I gave up on hiding it a long time ago and that seems to work fine for me as everyone at my uni and at work are also either mentally disordered or generally eccentric arty types anyway.

I do remember, however, having a few people find my weirdness to be unpalatable. For example, a neighbor of mine (he was also a student studying biochemistry, I think) who asked my flatmate if I was a weirdo (implying that I may have "problems"). Well he's very self conscious of his image and how he is perceived by others, so I think it's a matter of projecting his own self consciousness than anything else.



Eureka13
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12 Aug 2014, 4:13 pm

I pass just fine so long as I am not under major stress. Add any kind of major stress to the picture, and the carefully constructed façade evaporates. I expend a lot of time and energy keeping the façade in place (because there's ALWAYS some kind of stress involved with being around people who I am not utterly comfortable with - which includes everyone on the planet except about 3 people who I know really well), and adding stressors to the mix means I have less energy to devote to the façade.



starvingartist
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12 Aug 2014, 4:54 pm

i don't think i pass for normal very well anymore, if i ever really did. i believe i used to have more aptitude for "passing" when i was younger, i had access to a bit more charm due to less social anxiety. i'm more wary and guarded with people than i used to be, and that puts some people off too, i know.

i think most of the people that encounter me are left with the impression that something is "off" or "different" with me, but are unable to place just what it is. they can usually tell that i am odd and i am typically awkward around other people (especially if i don't already know them), though i have learned to smile apologetically a lot and i try to be extra polite to compensate; it seems to smooth things over with most people, or at the very least makes my awkwardness more generally tolerable. there is the occasional person that will take an instant dislike to me or be immediately suspicious of me, but they are (thankfully) the exception and not the rule, in most circumstances. i often get looks and sometimes questions from cops--until they see my record, or rather lack thereof, when i give them my information. any decently observant person can tell within a few minutes of talking to me that i'm not a troublemaker in the sense that a police officer would need to be concerned about, despite my somewhat prickly initial outer appearance (*edit to add: i have visible piercings and tattoos, and those are still "red flags" to some).

i have to say though, that i think passing for normal is highly overrated. :wink:



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12 Aug 2014, 7:21 pm

I dont really know. I pass pretty well as a neurotypical whos antisocial and has bad anxiety issues. Thats how a lot of people that dont know perceive me as. Although, I've had horrible anxiety issues last year at school. The new school will be starting soon so I will see what its like to have my peers back again. But its kinda weird cause I can hold pretty coherant one on one conversations with people but have trouble in groups. The discrepancy in my abilities is pretty large. Larger then what people are used to, even when perceiving shy people.



Buttercup
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14 Aug 2014, 6:01 pm

The older I get and the more stressors I have to cope with limits my ability to "pass", but lately I am also finding "normal" not so positive to try to blend in with...too much riff raff, as they say. I do my best not to tell lies or be cruel intentionally or thoughtlessly. I find few NT's this way and it's disappointing me more than I can express.
I have been diagnosed on the spectrum five times now. I was given some advice by the first Doctor, who gave me subjects to study to hopefully "cure" me. (Hey, it was the early 80's!) It did help but it didn't cure me. When a medication struck me near totally mute several years ago, I felt as autistic and overwhelmed as I was as a child, but I still had the skills I learned well into adulthood. Manners, politeness (as much as I can manage), body and facial language of others, different thinking styles, self control, my creative ways of coping with my stims.
In a way, I did not do myself a favor trying to "pass" for NT when I am actually on the spectrum.
NT's expect so much from me. Trying to keep up with them has truly exhausted me. I can't play any of their head games. I have zero interest in the rat race (lemmings they be?).
I despise the cruelty and the senseless lying. I really stand out when people laugh at another's harm (see "not!" Funniest videos).
Blending in with NT's is not for the faint of heart.



Virgofall
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16 Aug 2014, 5:18 pm

BioBird wrote:
I always have a much easier time having people accept and enjoy my strangeness whenever I wear makeup and take time to "preen", though. I'd have to say I pass with 30-45% more efficiency and effectiveness whenever I look good. It could be perceived as gender-based "cheating" (ugh), but I've found that men can have much of the same help if they smell good, are well-groomed, and have good posture and vocal tonalities.

I notice this in myself as well; the more "done" I feel like I am in a given day (hygiene, clothes and accessories I like, etc.), the better I feel I pass. Then again, I don't really actively attempt TO pass nowadays either, and I think, oddly enough, this also helps - I just accept myself as I am. If I come off as a little odd, then so what as long as I haven't caused issue with someone? (I do worry about social niceties and being polite in terms of social interaction, but otherwise I don't really try to hide some of my odder aspects.)
I don't go out too often nor do I really attempt to make friends, but I think that I'd probably come off as just a little strange, but an "acceptable" sort of strange.

I had a MUCH harder time passing when I was younger, but it was because of constant meltdowns. Between being forced to hold in my emotions, and later being able to leave the negative housing situation that sourced many of these meltdowns, passing is much easier. (Not to say I don't get temperamental and angry anymore, but it occurs much less often and is BY FAR much less overblown.)



Cvulgaris
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17 Aug 2014, 9:03 pm

Buttercup, I relate to so many things you said. Don't understand at all why most things are considered humorous. Most people think I'm witty, but I'm just sarcastic and make light of my own situations--it's a coping mechanism, I think.

I pass so well that most people have no idea. My stimming (if you can call it that) is very subtle. I don't like big crowds. 3-4 extra people is about my limit. I am quiet around people I don't know. I don't like people to touch me, except for my husband and a few others. I can't read people. I don't know what to say most of the time. Small talk is pointless and irritating. I guess most people just see these things as my personal quirks and don't think anything of it.

The exception is my sister. She has a psych degree and took a class on autism last year. When I first thought I was on the spectrum, I talked to her about it because of her degree. She told me she figured it out a year ago. A year ago! I wish she had told me, but she thought I would take it badly. So I guess I pass so well that only people who have spent time studying autism can tell. It's good and bad.


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19 Aug 2014, 12:42 am

I am very very weird and strange, or odd, or whatever. I strongly radiate eccentricity, and find it very difficult to seem normal.

If I ever pass as NT, it is only through very intense effort with acting, and hard work covering up and limiting my me-ness.



SockySockington
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19 Aug 2014, 7:45 pm

I pass as an odd/weird NT person, I think it's because I like to use makeup and dress nicely and enjoy talking to people, even when I'm not good at it and come off as an odd awkward person.
People seem to have this stereotype in their head of every Aspie girl not being interested in her looks, often overweight for some reason, and despising things like makeup and fancy clothes. So when it comes into discussion, they usually say something along the lines of "What? I had no idea, I thought you were just a weird chick!" or "You don't look Aspie..." *suspicious glare* (the latter was actually said to me in an Aspie chat room, after I made the mistake of showing a picture of me, the one in my avatar) Passing isn't always an asset, especially when your fellow ASD folks don't believe you because of it.

I didn't pass at all when I was younger, though, because that was before I learned to not be inappropriate all the time.



kraftiekortie
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20 Aug 2014, 10:41 am

There are LOTS AND LOTS of pretty Aspies!



Kiprobalhato
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20 Aug 2014, 2:24 pm

i always put 150% in my efforts to not appear autistic.

it doesn't always work. i've only disclosed to a couple of people but somehow everyone at my school know's i have it, or at least that's what i've been told. "half the school thinks you're ret*d", said someone. to everyone, except one person, i appear weird unusual or at least off, and they're very clear about it.
people fall for the stereotype of me being some sort of math genius, which isn't true at all, then they treat me like a idiot then they don't need me.


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