Reaction to strangers comment

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Yesterday I was walking with my sister and one of my guy friends. We were crossing the street and I heard this guy say something. I didn't hear what he said or if he was talking to me, so I gave him a confused look. He had said to me "you are very pretty". I didn't know whether he was making an observation out loud, or if he was trying to be creepy. I just glanced, kinda half smiled, and tried to keep walking, but my guy friend stepped in and told him off for it. I didn't hear exactly what he said to the stranger, but he said something like, "oh you shouldn't be saying that to strangers cuz its creepy". I hate drawing attention to myself like that and I don't know if it was the right thing for him to do or not. I don't know how I should have reacted to the strangers comment either. I didn't know if thats creepy, because he just said "your pretty". He didn't catcall or make any rude sexual remarks either.

This is the guy friend who I am talking about: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6151320.html
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt261172.html
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt261828.html

My reaction:

It could be creepy, or it could be sincere, not taking your age into account. It's hard to tell, not having "been there."

It would definitely be inappropriate/creepy if the person was an adult, and you were your age. If the person definitely knew how old you were, then it would be much worse.

I've had moments when I've seen an especially pretty woman (always an adult, by the way)--and I felt inspired to compliment her. It activates some "social instinct" aspect of me which is usually dormant.

I guess, within the context of the 2010s, that it's probably better to restrain yourself from offering the compliment. However, when I feel this way, I do not have a "creepy" intent at all. My intent is to convey my aesthetic appreciation.

If I happen to offer the compliment, I would feel that if the lady takes it well, and starts a conversation with me, I would feel great. I probably wouldn't "take it any further," unless she expressed more than just cursory interest in me.

If she finds me "creepy," I would withdraw, feeling somewhat guilty and disconcerted that the lady found me "creepy."

I see. The person was an adult, but I'm not sure if they knew how old I was. I'm 15, but I usually get mistaken for 16, 17 and sometimes 18, because I am slightly more developed than most girls my age that I know. When my guy friend confronted him, he apologized, and he seemed a bit guilty too, and that kinda thing always throws me off....

Truthfully, I wouldn't let it bother me. I would move on, and continue to live life to its fullest.

I was also thinking: your friend was probably jealous of the guy who made the compliment. I get the feeling the guy sensed that your friend has feelings for you. It's good that the guy respected that.

you probably wouldn't have thought anything of it if you were nt. Exchanges like that are nowhere near as bad when just talking to random strangers comes as easy as it comes to nts.

It's probably not creepy but you wont get a very balanced opinion on a site like this because it's frequented by mostly all introverts and things like that, while nothing to most people, mean a lot more to us.

Me personally, things like that i just always take in knowing that give it a day or two and it will slip from my mind. I'd be kinda embarrassed thinking about it but knowing it'll soon be gone from my thoughts makes it lots easier. I doubt you'll ever think about it ever again after a few days.

Just dont take the world so seriously and you'll be ok. I mean, dont take it as seriously as a lot would. We're just living in a time when things like that are under the microscope but at the end of the day it was a compliment that the first things that came to the guys head was to say that you were pretty. He didnt expect anything from it, it was just a honest spur of the moment compliment and nothing more needs to be made of it.

btw, i skimmed your other threads about the guy friend, his behaviour was far closer to being creepy. You're not his possession and he has no right to treat you that way.

Last edited by Roobot on 19 Aug 2014, 9:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well sometimes an older person might say a younger person is pretty, but that is all it means. I might say to a 5 year old "you are a pretty little girl" but that doesn't mean I have some sort of physical attraction the that 5 year old. I was just simply giving her a compliment. Maybe that is what the stranger was doing with you. There was no need for a confrontation unless it had gone beyond that.

Saying "You're pretty" is straightforward. There really isn't anything to read into beyond that. I would take it as a compliment from someone who maybe is just a little forward or confident enough to say that to a stranger.

It's the whistles, catcalls, and such that are rude and inappropriate, or looks that make someone look like they're trying to visually take your clothes off that are creepy and inappropriate. If a comment or a look makes you feel gross inside, you know it crossed a line.

I matured early and unfortunately got the horn honking and whistles as I walked down the street in my home town at age 13. NOT FUN. I wouldn't be bothered by a "You're pretty" compliment. Smile and say thanks, and let it help you feel more confident through the rest of the day.

Yeah, since he has HFA like me, he has a hard time knowing when he is making someone uncomfortable, he comes off as a creep to most people unfortunately. It actually made me more uncomfortable when he confronted the guy then the actual comment itself. I was confused whether this is an expected thing for guys to do when they are with a girl(girlfriend or not), and she gets a comment like that from a random stranger, cuz I get offended at things that most NTs wouldn't get offended by. This is good advice, I don't like feeling like a boys 'posession', or 'property' but unfortunately many women still get treated that way.

Personally, I think it is creepy and that a lot of my NT friends would too. People don't cross the street to meet someone new. There are places and venues for that. Why should you be subjected to someone's analysis of your aesthetic appeal on the street? If they are smitten, let them give you a nice smile and a proper greeting. If you're feeling sociable and receptive in that moment, you can say something back that reflects your own enthusiasm. If it's meant to be, possibly a longer exchange will follow. A female friend recently told me that "you're pretty" is not a great compliment anyway because women are so much more than their looks. For too long, women have been valued based on how well they measure up to the male standard of beauty. Right now, you are young, but unless you decide to pursue a career in modeling, you will eventually get tired of hearing such things around every corner.

It becomes even creepier if you are much younger than he is. Or, if you were on a secluded street where a level of threat could be implied. This is just what every woman doesn't need- someone objectifying her on an isolated street- possibly even intentionally trying to intimidate her. Honestly, how would you feel if your friend hadn't been there and the guy had said that? You said you "tried to keep walking." I don't blame you!! ! Trust your instincts and maybe next time don't even give so much as a smile. Look so they know that you are aware of their presence and are assessing the situation for your own security. Don't do automatic smiles that could be misinterpreted. It's been said that people are actually more deeply affected when you hesitate before smiling. Automatic smiles just say "I'm trying to come across as friendly." A delayed smile says to someone "I have gotten an impression of you, and I have deemed you worthy of my appreciation."

It's quite possible your friend did a noble thing, and maybe the creep will be deterred in the future. Just my 2cents.

Also, going back to the age difference. I admire the beauty of young people. When my Facebook friend post pictures of their kids (I'm 43), I sometimes remark how handsome or lovely they are, especially if they are dressed up for a special occasion or something like that. I say this to their parents! I wouldn't give the kid a ride somewhere and mention how pretty they are. CREEPY! I wouldn't PM them and tell them that I think they are gorgeous. CREEPY! I wouldn't tell them how pretty they are as I crossed them on the street. CREEEEEEEPPPPYYYY!