Rants

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I was worried that I would sound like I'm dumping, but I don't care at this point. My life has SUCKED up to this point. Firstly, my parents divorced while I was still
young, so I was basically yanked around for a good amount of my life going from house to house and never having a sense of solidarity. They were two different environments: My mom and her abrasive way of speaking made it hard to distinguish whether she was scolding or instructing me as well as her quick temper, her insistence that "you're not listening", and my stepdad and his mostly placid exterior that was occasionally broken when he was especially irked with someone or something, sometimes leading to loud fights between mom and stepdad because mom's so damn confrontational and defensive. Dad's house wasn't much better. Dad also had a bad temper which he'd often show by talking sternly towards me and often yelling. He (and barely anyone in my family for that matter) showed very little interest in my hobbies or interests, often casually dismissing me when I was in the middle of talking about it (back then I didn't understand how to talk to people, and even TODAY he still does it even when I'm not going in depth like I used to!). My stepmom was very self-righteous and white-bread as well kind of vindictive on some occasions. Her sister and family are the same way, and I feel sorry for all my cousins and the miserable, unhappy people called their parents who raised them. I tended to live in fear of Dad or Mom losing their temper at me when I accidentally screwed up either by having an outburst at school or messing up at home, because I knew someone was gonna get yelled at, and that was usually me. Dad and Stepmom would criticize me for my interests, saying that the reason why I was so NEGATIVE and sad and self-pitying and thought everyone hated me was because I was PROJECTING onto everyone. (Like when I read the Hunger Games and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep because I was INTERESTED. And they accused me of wanted to read "Dark, post-apocalyptic stuff" because I was NEGATIVE. WTF?!) OH, YOU'RE BEING SO NEGATIVE CONNOR! Mom would also do that, telling me to LET GO of things that happened years ago when I bring it up even I still have moments where I remember incidents that really hurt to watch. My sister, while not overtly mean, has a tendency to act like she owns everything and has tendency to be a control freak about it. When she's not doing that, she, like the rest of my family, takes no note of my hobbies or any attempts at sharing them and instead likes to dismiss things that I like as "stupid". Seriously, she thought Guardians of the Galaxy was stupid because it was science fiction, but when she saw a trailer, she was all "oh, this looks interesting!" Whaaa?! I also had to fight with my Dad a bit to NOT GO TO CHURCH WHEN I WANTED TO. Seriously. Why is it so hard? And what's worse is that my sis acts all apprehensive about how I don't really go to church anymore! What, is not really believing in God all that bad? Is having faith forced down your throat all your life all that awesome? Honestly, I'd say that I'm angry with God. Angry that I've had to live this sh***y life where I've been so alone throughout my school days (except for my best friend Sam, love him to death), have a family that doesn't understand me, have them catastrophize my condition (it's really just mild Aspergers. In fact, I'm quite high-functioning), and then watch as their youngest grows up to be an emotional WRECK. I hated grade school, hated middle school, hated high school, and afraid I'm gonna hate college. I'm just so ANGRY!! ! And you know what? I want to find someone who loves me! I want to STOP feeling like the world owes ME something! I don't want to live my life and die a bitter, lonely old man! But no matter what, I still remember the pain! THE PAIN NEVER STOPS!! ! ALL I WANT IS TO STOP FEELING THE PAIN OF MY sh***y CHILDHOOD AND LIVE A HAPPY LIFE WHERE I HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO DO WHAT I WANT!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK, GOD?! ! HUH??! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?! !!

i swear to god if you cut ANYTHING i am going to smack you across the head and give you a lousy review.

Tinnitus is treatable with Chinese meds. Not sure how off the top of my head but I know it is. My brain is zonked but will do an attempt at a google for ya

http://maciociaonline.blogspot.be/2011/ ... -yang.html

Very technical if you know little or nothing of chinese meds but one of the most repected practitioners and has been for years. I know he has formula medicine in pill form although probably not on the blog page but a little more googling should get you to a site that sells them .

I'm sick of of feeling inferior to everyone else?him in particular. I'm sick of my dependence on others and knowing that I'm not good enough. I'm sick of being dragged through hell and having to go about it quietly. I'm sick of life and I really don't care to experience anymore. I didn't ask for this life and I won't ask to keep it. Not anymore. Not that there's a way out, anyway.

I made one self-deprecating joke about my weight, (it was in context of a conversation, I didn't bring up the topic of weight) and my mother takes it as a invitation to tell me everything I'm doing wrong (In HER opinion. Most of it is stuff I can't can't control, like my sleep issues.), what I should be doing instead (stuff I'm not capable of, and stuff I don't have the spoons for) and generally make me feel like sh*t. It's useless to standup for myself, though I tried my best. She doesn't want to listen. She has no idea how vile she is.

I'm sorry to hear this difficulty. Have you tried writing her a letter about your issues and how hurtful her behavior is? I find many subjects easier to write out than to speak.
Best wishes

I'm no good at reading maps or giving directions. If I'm in the car with someone and I know the destination well I can guide well. I just got back from an outing where I was asked to navigate even though my family knows I can't read a map. They insist its easy but I don't see it.

No, but I've told her over and over. She doesn't care. She thinks she does no wrong. It's the type of situation where there is no hope but to cut off contact, but I have no where to go, so I'm stuck here.

I JUST FREAKING HATE IT THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE ME.
I've been crying for 15 minutes now. He's got his arrows pointed at someone else.

Unrequited love can be rather painful. *offers virtual hug*
It may be that he will come to like you in time; if not, then know that better things and brighter days await you.


*offers virtual hug*
I hope that you can find somewhere to go or someone else to depend on soon. You deserve better than to be consistently put down and made to feel worthless, and some people are just so rooted in their style of communication, however cruel it may be to others, that changing how they interact with you can be like changing how a Category 5 hurricane interacts with a mobile home.
But I know how it is: my father is somewhat similar to your mother in terms of how vicious he can be (I was just crying a few minutes ago, in fact, because he cursed me out for having my glasses folded beside me on my bed instead of on the counter or in their case. I can see his concern--he didn't want me to roll over the glasses and break them, and he is the one who pays for the glasses--but I get near-narcoleptic when I get tired, and, like your mother, saying "Hey, you yelling at me makes me deeply frazzled and afraid" is of no avail). Leaving a parent, both physically and emotionally, can be much harder than one would anticipate: I swore that I would almost never see my father after I went to college, but I still visited him nearly every single weekend, and I stayed at his house this entire summer.

I don't understand all these f#cking awareness campaigns. ALS, autism, breast cancer..
Okay, we're now aware but to what point??? To what benefit to anyone??? I guess I feel that you should put your money where your mouth is, or STFU. Awareness is meaningless without a corresponding action.
These campaigns make me mad. On a personal note for autism awareness, the f# ck you are in truth.

Rant over.

I feel the same way, usually. My mom's been breast cancer-free for five few years and I lost my grandma to ALS about three years ago. I don't believe my mom is bothered by 'breast cancer awareness', but you can find rants all over the Internet about how overly-commercialized it is and how little help certain 'non-profit' organizations really offer. I personally think I lot of companies manufacture pink products just because everyone else is doing it and they want to look good. "Oh, see, our Coke cans have pink on them now! Yeah, breast cancer awareness all the way! For every five million cans sold, we'll donate one cent to some non-profit organization, which may or may not use our donation to actually further cancer research!"

Last year, my high school football team wore pink socks to one game, the cheerleaders used pink pom-poms, and those of us in the band were forced to wear pink gloves in the stands. What does this do for breast cancer? Heck if I know. Apparently the whole 'awareness' campaign is supposed to remind women to get mammograms regularly, though I didn't know that until last October; none of the helpful advice mixed into the campaign reached me because it was drowned out by all the pretentious pink slacktivism going on. Buying a pink lanyard or an 'I love boobies' bracelet is not going to save anyone from breast cancer.

As for the ice water challenge, I definitely thought it was another stupid slacktivist trend, but then I found out that it actually was raising a lot of money. That's great and all, but I still wish more people would choose the money option. My dad did, and if someone challenged me, I'd probably give my parents my money and tell them to donate it for me, since I'm not sure how to personally go through with that.

But then of course Autism $peaks ruined the whole 'autism awareness' thing, so now everyone thinks autistics are tragic and helpless.

am fed up of this f*****g mental distress, am taking a break from the internet.

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He is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute. And he didn't even like her!! !! But then that 19 year old tramp started talking to him and he started liking her.

I'm afraid I will never fall in love again