Men asking before kissing on First Date (again this topic)

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Geekonychus
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19 Sep 2014, 9:32 am

Stargazer43 wrote:

Anyways, one thing that confuses me is how some people equate asking with not being confident. In my opinion, it takes equal amounts of confidence to either ask or to just go for a kiss...you make your intentions known either way, and both take major courage unless the person you're with is giving extremely obvious signals (most people are far more subtle). The only difference is that asking ensures that both people want the same thing, while just going for it can be much more of a gray area.

This^^^


Boo, I think you are way too obsessed with figuring out what the majority of women believe. You're going to have a hard time figure anything out about dating by treating it like a Macrocosmic process. You need to be narrowing your focus and find your Microcosm. That is to say, find your niche. Why waste your time sifting through the 99% when you can focus on attracting the 1% that you're actually compatible with.

I can guarantee you, that if she's the right person for you, she wont care whether you ask or not (or say or do anything else weird or awkward for that matter.) If the girl does make a big deal out of it, she's probably high maintenance and not a good fit in the first place and you're better off not wasting your time.

Consider this:
Since you're not the type to manipulate a girl to get into her pants anyway, asking (not always necessary but good when you feel some uncertainty) is a win-win situation when you actually think about it logically. There's really only two outcomes:
She doesn't have an issue with it and its a win because you've found a girl that's not upset by the occasional social feux-pas (and may be tolerant or even compatible with Aspie traits.)
-or-
She rejects you because of it, it's a win because you now know to move on and take your focus elsewhere.
Why not do some field research :wink: with this in mind?



Jono
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19 Sep 2014, 9:50 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I have been spamming the internet with this question, trying to know what the majority of women think.

Two other users here claimed that the majority of women want to be verbally asked for kiss permission, well this is not what I am seeing so far, not at all:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16273858.aspx
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general ... ost5892688

Too bad the second thread was closed.

Where else do you think I should ask that? :lol:


Face of Boette? Really Boo? And you've pretended to be female too.



Shau
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19 Sep 2014, 9:57 am

Hmm...

Asking. Tricky thing, that. Can be a mood killer. However...there's a useful tidbit that helps. You don't ask it in the form of a question. "Can I kiss you?"...ugh. Don't do that. You'll seem like a little boy. Instead, put it forward as a statement. Make it clear just how much you'd like to kiss her. "I'd love to kiss you right now" said in a sensual way that isn't cheesy doubles as both smooth operating and gaining consent. Numerous other ways to do it. Look for lip licking, biting, smiling. That's the ticket.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Sep 2014, 10:59 am

Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I have been spamming the internet with this question, trying to know what the majority of women think.

Two other users here claimed that the majority of women want to be verbally asked for kiss permission, well this is not what I am seeing so far, not at all:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16273858.aspx
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general ... ost5892688

Too bad the second thread was closed.

Where else do you think I should ask that? :lol:


Face of Boette? Really Boo? And you've pretended to be female too.



Yes, Booette! No one would find it suspicious :lol:.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Sep 2014, 11:01 am

Geekonychus wrote:
Stargazer43 wrote:

Anyways, one thing that confuses me is how some people equate asking with not being confident. In my opinion, it takes equal amounts of confidence to either ask or to just go for a kiss...you make your intentions known either way, and both take major courage unless the person you're with is giving extremely obvious signals (most people are far more subtle). The only difference is that asking ensures that both people want the same thing, while just going for it can be much more of a gray area.

This^^^


Boo, I think you are way too obsessed with figuring out what the majority of women believe. You're going to have a hard time figure anything out about dating by treating it like a Macrocosmic process. You need to be narrowing your focus and find your Microcosm. That is to say, find your niche. Why waste your time sifting through the 99% when you can focus on attracting the 1% that you're actually compatible with.

I can guarantee you, that if she's the right person for you, she wont care whether you ask or not (or say or do anything else weird or awkward for that matter.) If the girl does make a big deal out of it, she's probably high maintenance and not a good fit in the first place and you're better off not wasting your time.

Consider this:
Since you're not the type to manipulate a girl to get into her pants anyway, asking (not always necessary but good when you feel some uncertainty) is a win-win situation when you actually think about it logically. There's really only two outcomes:
She doesn't have an issue with it and its a win because you've found a girl that's not upset by the occasional social feux-pas (and may be tolerant or even compatible with Aspie traits.)
-or-
She rejects you because of it, it's a win because you now know to move on and take your focus elsewhere.
Why not do some field research :wink: with this in mind?



I am not even dating anymore, Geeko. No more in the mood for now.



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19 Sep 2014, 11:56 am

Oh, stop trolling already, Boo! Even tarantella is onto you now and is not taking the bait.


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19 Sep 2014, 12:29 pm

What about Science? :idea:

Here's a theory. If a person is interested in you, their body temperature should be slightly raised. If they are not interested it will be normal and if they don't like you it will be slightly lower then normal.

So... carry one of those thermometers around and prior to deciding to venture a kiss, stick it in their ear. I think you are supposed to shake it first but I don't know why.

No. Wait, I have a much better idea. When you get towards the end of your date, like when you are having coffee together or something, just casually slip them a short 'Date Satisfaction Survey'. Nothing too long, just one page at most, and you may get more candid answers if you tell them they do not have to put their name on it, etc.

Anyway, have one of the questions be: 'Was your date the kind of guy you would like getting a kiss from on the first date?'

:lol:



metalab
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19 Sep 2014, 1:39 pm

Toy_Soldier wrote:
What about Science? :idea:

Here's a theory. If a person is interested in you, their body temperature should be slightly raised. If they are not interested it will be normal and if they don't like you it will be slightly lower then normal.

So... carry one of those thermometers around and prior to deciding to venture a kiss, stick it in their ear. I think you are supposed to shake it first but I don't know why.

No. Wait, I have a much better idea. When you get towards the end of your date, like when you are having coffee together or something, just casually slip them a short 'Date Satisfaction Survey'. Nothing too long, just one page at most, and you may get more candid answers if you tell them they do not have to put their name on it, etc.

Anyway, have one of the questions be: 'Was your date the kind of guy you would like getting a kiss from on the first date?'

:lol:


I just want to interject and say, this is the mentality that I have found to be unsustainable. To me this is the difference between neurotypical girls, and more intelligent autistic women, between the 'unconscious' women and the 'conscious' women.

When dealing with the unconscious women you begin to perceive them like series of incomprehensible chemical mixes completely disconnected from their mind and you start to look for these physical cues at the disregard of their mind. For the 'unconscious' more neurotypical women, this is really what you have to do and how it works. But notice how weird this is? To view them as a set of 'temperatures' and 'body responses' not connected to mind and that its these body signals more than their mind that makes them decide? For you to have sex with women like this is to really disregard your value. Its low level s**t. The women who are really worth the effort, they have their mind connected, they are conscious, they are here. You can ask them 'do you find me attractive, can I kiss you, can we get naked?" and their body responses will be in it, as well as their mind, their full consciousness. This is ultimately the better experience.



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19 Sep 2014, 2:06 pm

I guess I will have to find a more renewable mentality. 8O Something that doesn't contribute to brain warming.



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19 Sep 2014, 2:54 pm

Toy_Soldier wrote:
What about Science? :idea:

Here's a theory. If a person is interested in you, their body temperature should be slightly raised. If they are not interested it will be normal and if they don't like you it will be slightly lower then normal.

So... carry one of those thermometers around and prior to deciding to venture a kiss, stick it in their ear. I think you are supposed to shake it first but I don't know why.


Oh, no need to stick anything in her ear! There are non-contact infrared thermometers that work up to 15 cm away. :)

Still, if you point one of those at her... whether with or without an explanation... you probably won't be sticking anything else anywhere in her body either, even if her temperature was raised before!


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Dox47
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19 Sep 2014, 4:06 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
Boo, I think you are way too obsessed with figuring out what the majority of women believe. You're going to have a hard time figure anything out about dating by treating it like a Macrocosmic process. You need to be narrowing your focus and find your Microcosm. That is to say, find your niche. Why waste your time sifting through the 99% when you can focus on attracting the 1% that you're actually compatible with.


I don't actually think it's about Boo at this point, I think it's more about the very heated and judgmental way that the subject was argued previously, basically 'if you don't ask, you're a rapist', and demonstrating how out of step with the vast majority of women that position actually is.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Sep 2014, 6:03 pm

Dox47 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Boo, I think you are way too obsessed with figuring out what the majority of women believe. You're going to have a hard time figure anything out about dating by treating it like a Macrocosmic process. You need to be narrowing your focus and find your Microcosm. That is to say, find your niche. Why waste your time sifting through the 99% when you can focus on attracting the 1% that you're actually compatible with.


I don't actually think it's about Boo at this point, I think it's more about the very heated and judgmental way that the subject was argued previously, basically 'if you don't ask, you're a rapist', and demonstrating how out of step with the vast majority of women that position actually is.


And it's not like that this majority are all clones (who have this specific opinion regarding this specific subject, they aren't necessarily a majority regarding all other matters) and all have the same mold of personality, for example there are some aspie women here who think that asking first is awkward.

With quantity you have a better chance to find quality as well; too narrowing down as down as to 1% might cost you a lifetime of no luck.



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19 Sep 2014, 6:43 pm

People don't exact kiss without other touching do they? Unless their arms are tied behind their backs.

I think just make the approach slow, maybe pause for a nano second. If they turn their head to avoid or grimaced don't kiss. If they are receptive, and/or move toward you then safer bet.

I think it grey area, becuase technically entering personal space, in a forceful/abrupt matter is technically assault. But some people still like to be swept off their feet.

Personally I think it is possible to make a mistake, so long as stop as soon as you realize. Though to be honest maybe just avoid just going in fast, and trying to snog them. I think if they just stand they and make no attempt to embrace you, they might be scared. You wouldn't kiss a statue, so if you are doing all the work it is not ok.

Kissing is actually a greeting, ok not normally on the lips. But probably need to be comfortable being close to you.

This is just to common sense ideas.



0_equals_true
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19 Sep 2014, 6:50 pm

I also think people are not perfect. Give them a break.

Yes the law has to be clear, and can't always be flexible.

But really I don't think this purely a female issue. Unwanted approached are uncomfortable to men too.

Kissing is two way, that should be the clue.



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19 Sep 2014, 7:13 pm

Just some random thoughts on the subject of kissing...

Kids think kissing is Yucky.

What does nature have to show us?

I can't think of any animals that do it off the top of my head except dogs. Now if you kiss your own dog they may not like it, but they will tolerate the attempt. But its dangerous to do with strange dogs and they might bite your lips off. No more kissing for Johnny. :cry:

Never try to French Kiss a live electrical outlet!

Kissing is kind of yucky if you actually think about it too much. Who invented it anyway? And why?

The Eskimos do not kiss but rub noses instead. Was that so their lips did not freeze together in the cold? That would be funny! :lol:

What would someone think if you tried to rub noses on the first date?

What would someone think if you asked if you could rub noses on the first date?



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20 Sep 2014, 6:38 am

Nights_Like_These wrote:
I feel the need to point out that the 2 posters you're referring to never claimed that a "majority of women" anything, only that some women want to be asked so that their personal space/bodies aren't invaded without their permission, which I'm pretty sure is within their rights, no?



The 2 posters did extremely sound talking in the name of all women.