What should I respond to this guy?

Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

csengeboda
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 3
Location: Hungary

18 Sep 2014, 3:14 pm

I have a, well, let's call him a friend, who's always teasing me. Lately he's been asking me whether I wanted to be his girlfriend or not, because he's such a great party. My first problem is that I don't understand his behavior: if he truly wants me to be his girlfriend or he's just joking. So, I'd like to give a neutral answer, so that for some time he'll stop asking it. The thing is, I actually like him, but I can't say "yes" as what if he's only joking? What is more, people just cant say yes to a question like this, I think (nothing happened between us). So I'd like to give an answer somewhere between, a smart answer but I'm hopeless at things like this! Please help me. (I'm 18 and he's 23.)



autismthinker21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2011
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 540
Location: illinois

18 Sep 2014, 3:56 pm

teasing, is basically simple, HE IS TESTING YOU OUT.


_________________
In order to be free, you must take your chances of letting your tortured self to be forgiven.


Ectryon
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jun 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,241
Location: Hundred Acre Wood

18 Sep 2014, 4:01 pm

Under one condition + Crazy outlandish condition:

"Under one condition: You buy me a house made of sweets in the heart of an ancient forest"

You'll accept his request on rece3ipt o the deeds to said house :D


_________________
IMPORTANT PLEASE READ ! !
My history on this forum preserves my old and unregenerate self. In the years since I posted here I have undergone many changes. I accept responsibility for my posts but I no longer stand behind them.
__________________
And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the word of His power When He had made purification of sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high Hebrews 1:3


AspE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,114

18 Sep 2014, 4:04 pm

Teasing or flirting?



csengeboda
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 3
Location: Hungary

19 Sep 2014, 12:15 am

He's flirting, I guess. But it's hard to tell, I'm an aspie.



FluttercordAspie93
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Sep 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,374
Location: San Antonio, TX

19 Sep 2014, 2:03 am

How to Tell If a Guy Likes You: 52 Signs Reveal His Feelings

This might help you out a bit. Teasing is on there.



Jono
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,606
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

19 Sep 2014, 3:30 am

csengeboda wrote:
I have a, well, let's call him a friend, who's always teasing me. Lately he's been asking me whether I wanted to be his girlfriend or not, because he's such a great party. My first problem is that I don't understand his behavior: if he truly wants me to be his girlfriend or he's just joking. So, I'd like to give a neutral answer, so that for some time he'll stop asking it. The thing is, I actually like him, but I can't say "yes" as what if he's only joking? What is more, people just cant say yes to a question like this, I think (nothing happened between us). So I'd like to give an answer somewhere between, a smart answer but I'm hopeless at things like this! Please help me. (I'm 18 and he's 23.)


Ask him on a date. Also, the "teasing" could be a form of flirting.



metalab
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jan 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 145
Location: Portland, Oregon

19 Sep 2014, 3:43 am

Tell him you don't like sex, but want to be friends and see if he hangs around.

Neurotypical males like easy targets for easy sex. I see them pick on autistic girls because they perceive them as weaker and more malleable due to their insecurities from growing up autistic. Someone who really likes you and cares for you will still want to be around you without sex. If he stays around for a while still and proves himself to be someone that can be trusted then continue on.

You know its something to always keep in mind that, a neurotypical male will essentially 'bully' an autistic male to break him down, remove him from the genetic pool in their game of survival. Whereas if that same neurotypical male perceives he could have sex with his target of bullying, as in its not an autistic male, but rather an autistic female. He won't bully her, but will try to coerce her into sex. But really the desire and advances of him trying to get sex is in essence the same expression he is doing when bullying an autistic male. Its a desire to build himself up at the expense of someone else he views as lesser.

Its hard to do at your age because your young, you will probably have to cry a handful times be heartbroken and all that. But the quicker you can figure out the true intentions of people, and hone in on what truly mutually beneficial relationships and habits of people look like, the faster you can avoid what may be unnecessary heartache.

He could be perfect though... just be aware of it all.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

20 Sep 2014, 4:35 pm

Ectryon wrote:
Under one condition + Crazy outlandish condition:

"Under one condition: You buy me a house made of sweets in the heart of an ancient forest"

You'll accept his request on rece3ipt o the deeds to said house :D


I like this idea. Whether the exact example of a house made of sweets ors one other crazy outlandish condition, it's a bit of a light hearted fun way to give a positive response as well as test the waters yourself and gauge his reaction. See how he responds.. watch his facial expressions etc. See if he says something along the lines of how he'll try or that it would be difficult etc.. or if he laughs it off and says it's a good thing he was just kidding with you because he could never pull that off.

But I do like the idea of a bit of a smartass response like this because you can then get a feel of his reaction w/o having to fully put yourself out there and be vulnerable if his response is negative.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

20 Sep 2014, 4:54 pm

metalab wrote:
Tell him you don't like sex, but want to be friends and see if he hangs around.

I dunno about that?comes across as being pretty hostile.

One of my most memorable gfs, when I asked her what she thought about me kissing her, laid this one on me: "I don't think." So I asked her if that meant I could kiss her, and she gave me this whole you-freakin-idiot answer, "I told you, I don't think. I'm just turning my brain off. What you do or don't do is your choice." Turns out she'd never been kissed before, which was crazy to me as enthusiastic as she was.

Personally, I'm not wild about non-answers. Puts everyone in compromising situations, second-guessing each other, and being really awkward. I'd say you'd want say some variation of "I could be your gf, but that's entirely up to you."

I'm a bigger fan of more evolving relationships. I dislike the whole idea of gf/bf. Do you spend a lot of time with this guy already? How well do you know each other? If you practically see each other every day, or at least talk on the phone every day and hang out on weekends or meet up for lunch or some such, and neither of you really care to see anyone else, you kinda are already gf/bf, so verbalizing it as such is only making it official. I'm not going to get in commitments with people I barely know, much less don't spend much time with. If you don't know how serious he is, I'd say you don't really know him all that well. So rather than jump into a commitment, you might do better at this stage to keep your options open. Without knowing more than that, all I can say otherwise is use your best judgment.



Yuzu
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,169
Location: Bay area, California

20 Sep 2014, 5:15 pm

I don't understand where you're coming from. Why can't you just ask him if he is being serious or not? You like him but you want him to stop asking you to be his girlfriend? Why?
Why do you think people can't just say yes to a question like that?

If you just want to play hard to get, tell him "Maybe."



metalab
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jan 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 145
Location: Portland, Oregon

20 Sep 2014, 5:41 pm

AngelRho wrote:
metalab wrote:
Tell him you don't like sex, but want to be friends and see if he hangs around.

I dunno about that?comes across as being pretty hostile.

One of my most memorable gfs, when I asked her what she thought about me kissing her, laid this one on me: "I don't think." So I asked her if that meant I could kiss her, and she gave me this whole you-freakin-idiot answer, "I told you, I don't think. I'm just turning my brain off. What you do or don't do is your choice." Turns out she'd never been kissed before, which was crazy to me as enthusiastic as she was.


I think neurotypical girls are like that, for autistic ones it isn't ideal. I made a long post about this at the bottom of this page:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt267213.html

for autistic people, opening the door to physical affection and sex means opening the door to letting a person into the deepest recesses and areas of their mind. Special scrutiny and hostility should be taken for the person to prove they actually carry good intention. This really goes for both males and females. Even as an autistic male getting used for sex and physical pleasure without it reinforcing your mental state is extremely disempowering and can cause extreme meltdown.