Married- co-worker is flirting with me at work

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I've been married for 18 years, with the same wife since we were married in 1996. It's been an okay marriage, we had the kids, the house, the bankruptcy a few years back, and the usual problems.

A young woman at work is constantly coming to see me at my desk, and is making flirtatious comments to me at work. The woman is at least 20 years younger than me, and although she is attractive, she is almost young enough to be my daughter. The woman knows that I'm married, yet she is still after me; like a conquest perhaps? Someone who is unavailable presents a challenge that other single men don't offer?

As an Aspie I'm no good at socializing. I've told her that I'm married, she's seen that I wear a wedding ring. I don't know what would be a socially acceptable way to tell her 'No', and still be able to function and continue to work with her normally every day in the work place?

At the same time, my marriage is stale, nothing new for as long as I can remember. I find the situation tempting, The woman at work is young in her prime, and I'm a 40's something old fat guy with no other prospects. I know that NT's often have casual sexual relationships on the side while married. I deeply love my wife, she's my best friend, I wouldn't want to betray her.

I told my wife my concerns, and even asked her if she would consider a sexual threesome. (You can imagine her response) I've openly told my wife of the situation without secrecy.

I feel in a bind- I've been a faithful husband, but before now, never presented with a situation of temptation. I'm bored at home, I thought if I was open with my wife, she'd be interested in some extra fun on the side as well; I feel somewhat rejected that she passed on the opportunity to experience something new? What am I missing here? Various porn sites show threesomes as being relatively common, why would my wife say flat out no? Also, how do I overcome personal sexual temptation from this younger woman?

I also don't want to stir up problems at work with a sexual harassment complaint. I actually feel flattered that I'm still considered attractive at my age, and I don't mind the extra attention. Neither do I want to hurt the woman at work or see her get disciplined, or fired.

Any help or advise would be appreciated.

Thank you,

Just say no, imho. Everyone has those temptations sometimes, but you've discussed it with your wife, and it's a no go. It is very flattering to be an object of desire, but it's one dimensional. Perhaps you can think of ways to spice up the marital bed?

as an introvert, i would find a threesome very uncomfortable. i prefer my conversations one on one, much more so intimacy. please don't think poorly of your wife over her choices. perhaps she is protecting herself, perhaps even feels she is protecting your marriage.

you will risk hurting your wife deeply if you cheat. probably not worth it for a temporary thrill. ask yourself what kind of person would flirt with a married man. is that really the kind of person you want to be intimate with? she sounds like trouble.

I think you have to consider other possibilities as well:
Are you misinterpreting this younger woman? Did she explicitly say she wanted a physical relationship with you? She may think that flirting with you is fun simply because there is no way it will turn into anything else.
She may be too young to see the negative repercussions of an office romance. The inevitable awkwardness if things don't work out well between you and her. The possibility others will find out.
You are unhappy your wife declined to have a threesome. Were there other "new" options? Is a two men, one woman(your wife) threesome something you would consider? Would you mind if she brought a man home for you both to share? An open marriage? Please don't think online porn or television is an accurate portrayal of real lives and feelings.
Why would someone's attention to you alter your faithfulness to your wife? Or were you just faithful because you had no temptation? What may start out as just sex may evolve into deeper feelings. Your wife naturally feels threatened. If you are seriously considering inviting someone into your relationship, it may not be the best idea to find that third party at your job.

You say, "I don't know what would be a socially acceptable way to tell her 'No', and still be able to function and continue to work with her normally every day in the work place?"
It is not "socially acceptable" for her to be putting you in this position.
Do you think saying, "Yes," would mean you will "still be able to function and continue to work with her normally every day in the work place"?
It sounds as if this situation is getting out of your control. Simply talk less and less and less, be more busy when she approaches, and be less happy to see her.
If you truly wish to stay in a committed relationship with your "best friend" then start working on the stale aspect - together, with your wife.

I would be careful not to wreck the good thing you have going with your wife, I think that you should work on your relationship with your wife instead of making any moves towards the young woman at work.

Has your wife got AS also ? or she a NT ? It may change the way that she views the world.

My advice is to think of the things you used to do with your wife when you first meet her, it does not have to be anything sexual. It would be a good idea if you made a point of doing fun things together with your wife, such as going to the park for a picnic or going to a art gallery with her. Consider

Try to do things which make the two of you happy together, maybe it will improve your relationship and make the two of you more happy together.

I would warn you that the porn industry produces a product which is very misleading, it shows sex as the perfect way to enjoy yourself something which has no lasting ill effect on you no matter what you do and with whoever. Bear in mind that real life is not like that, if you sleep with this young lady if your wife finds out then it will ruin your relationship with her, even if she does not divorce you she will never be able to trust you again. If she does not find out then you may spend the rest of your time on earth frightened that she will find out and/or feeling guilty.

In short do yourself a favour and leave the young woman alone.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Another vote no.

If something goes wrong with the relationship, she could turn it into sexual harassment charge. The company would have to can you.

But besides that, at one of my early jobs, a co-worker (NT) married a girl much younger than her and said it was a big mistake. He couldn't keep up with her.

I would have to ask what the hell is her motivation? No other guy at work she couldn't turn to? Is she pregnant and looking for a sugar daddy?

And like somebody else said, are you reading her wrong? It is a very Aspie thing to do, you would have to admit.

Just seems like there are so many ways it could go wrong all for the pleasure of emptying your prostrate gland a few times.