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Kiriae
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27 Sep 2014, 6:21 pm

I'm an as*hole.
I'm feeling the best when I am home alone. I get angry when my parents are home because they turn on TV, walk around, talk and make mess that I have to clean up.
I need their money, I don't work myself. I am not even looking for a job anymore because I fail on job interviews.
I need parents to give me a ride to school and back because I'm not comfortable using public transport and I am afraid to drive by myself.
I'm spending whole says playing my favorite game and staying up late, watching anime till 3am because my focus is the best then. I forget my chores.
I complain about noises. I'm picky eater. I'm being blunt about my likes and dislikes.
I treat all people equally, family or not, friend or stranger, young or elderly. I make people angry and don't realize why.
And worst of the worst - I'm thinking about breaking with boyfriend because I am feeling guilty that he wants to ride a bike for 2h just to see me and accepts me despite knowing my problems. He knows I can't figure out his needs and I can't even casually kiss him but he still likes me. Right now I feel nothing but guilt.
Last time we met I was forcing myself to keep him company and trying to be worth his travel and ended up sick due to lack of energy. I recovered a few weeks.

I feel bad. I'm evil person and I don't know what to do.

I should leave my parents house, rent a flat in a huge city, find a job and live alone forever. But I don't know how to move and I have noone to help me. My parents tell me I should deal with it myself and I am not good enough person to ask anybody else to help me with something that hard and complicated. I also don't know how to get a job and if I would be able to keep one. But apparently I have to. I won't be able to live with my parents much longer and apparently I can't be happy with a caring boyfriend that would take care of me because guilt wouldn't let me be happy.



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27 Sep 2014, 7:51 pm

You're not a bad person. Life's tough, so just take it one day at a time. You're going to school and helping your parents out at home, so that's good. What are you majoring in? In regards to your job interviews, how do you prep for them? Are you able to effectively answer the interviewer's questions? What jobs are you applying for? I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but I'm just trying to figure out what's happening during your interviews.

About your boyfriend, I understand the guilt you're feeling, but try not to push good things out of your life. There are a ton of reasons why he wants to be with you, so if you need affirmation, then ask him what qualities he likes about you. I know this is easier said than done, but focus on the positives in your life, and when life gets overwhelming, then take a deep breath and go out for a walk or talk to your bf. BTW, when I was reading your post, I thought of a song by NeYo called "let me love you"; it may or may not be applicable.

Moving out is a big deal, and it's stressful. Are there social services in your area that may be able to provide you with some guidance?

Hope you feel better!



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27 Sep 2014, 10:09 pm

ur one for putting extremely-vulgar words in the subject line



Kiriae
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28 Sep 2014, 8:42 am

Beau wrote:
You're not a bad person. Life's tough, so just take it one day at a time. You're going to school and helping your parents out at home, so that's good. What are you majoring in?

I'm not really majoring since it is not a college, more like weekend cram school. If I finish it I will have the title of IT technician. The school is 3 parts. I already finished one so I can repair computers and install programs. Currently I am attending 2nd part - programming. I am not good in it (I am top of my class, but its not like I am good, its just that they are bad in it) but I think I am going to pass the government exam and get the qualification this winter. And thats it. I heard there are some problems with 3rd part - LAN administration - the school doesn't have enough routers etc. and we will have to attend another school in another city. My parents won't give me a ride there because it is too far and I won't be able to use public transport because even if I could there is no direct connection to my city(I am the only one from this city, my classmates live in city with direct public transport connection to the 2nd school).
Beau wrote:
In regards to your job interviews, how do you prep for them? Are you able to effectively answer the interviewer's questions? What jobs are you applying for? I know I'm asking a lot of questions, but I'm just trying to figure out what's happening during your interviews.

I have the general knowledge and can answer any question related to my specialization (I got bachelors grade in accounting) so I just read a bit about the company, put my formal clothes on (I got a feeling that my red blouse and black cardigan might affect the interview result but I just can't wear anything else since I have obsession with red and black and if I have not enough red on me I feel as if I was wearing pajamas and just can't focus on anything) and go to the interview.
Then I just answer the questions honestly. It's easy for me. I don't see a point in preparing for the possible questions because it doesn't take much time for me to figure out an answer when I hear the question.
The biggest problem I guess is my body language. I am smiling and my mood is not bad at all but some interviewers told me already that apparently I am very stressed and I should calm down because they won't bite me. "I am not stressed..." - I answer then. Really, its not that stressing. I actually like answering questions, its thrilling. I feel more excited than stressed. Even after a failed interview I leave the room with smile on my face. I got nothing against interview itself. But it just take too much afford to get invited for one. I have to make a phone call, then leave my safe zone, ask my parents for a ride or use public transport, go to an unknown place... its overwhelming. And pointless since I don't get the job anyway.

I got a job once - just because the interview was a knowledge test and I got the best score. I worked there for 5 months. They wanted me to stay but I was tired of going there (I was taking me 1 hour to get there using train+bus combination everyday, then return the same way) and they wanted to add making phone calls to my responsibilities so I left. I hate phone calls.
I used to apply for accounting jobs but after the job I got I decided I do better in assistant and technical jobs. Despite the fact I was "younger accountant" there I was not only working with archives and putting data to computer but also taking care of computers, electronics and even furniture (they bought Ikea furniture and I was the one putting it together, it was fun). So currently I would love to work as a technician. But the problem is I am a weak, slim female and I couldn't hold a job requiring physical strength therefore I can't work with furniture. The only choice is IT. Thats why I am attending the cram school.

Beau wrote:
About your boyfriend, I understand the guilt you're feeling, but try not to push good things out of your life. There are a ton of reasons why he wants to be with you, so if you need affirmation, then ask him what qualities he likes about you. I know this is easier said than done, but focus on the positives in your life, and when life gets overwhelming, then take a deep breath and go out for a walk or talk to your bf. BTW, when I was reading your post, I thought of a song by NeYo called "let me love you"; it may or may not be applicable.

It's not good. It hurts. He takes my time and I feel quilty for preferring to play my favorite game than going out with him. But I am more happy in my game... After meeting with him I always need a few days to recover because its tiring. Its a routine break. I have to go to loud places such as cinema or city center, eventually a hill full of wind and sounds of nature. Even the sound of flies and cicadas is overwhelming for me. I can't really see anything positive in it right now. The only thing is that I might learn how to be close to someone but he is not the best teacher. He asks me if I want him to kiss me and I have no idea what to answer because I just don't know how it feels. So I just answer "I don't want to." because thats the only honest answer. I can't possibly want something I don't know the feeling of and that seems unpleasant.
There is also no chemistry. I used to be in love once. I was going out and breaking my routine to see the girl I liked without her forcing me to. I was paying for her, giving her my clothes although I was cold myself. And I dreamed about kissing her although we never did it in reality. In fact she was clueless all the time. She was considering me a friend and when I told her how I feel she told me she can't possibly love me more than she would love a sister. We are still friends and I eventually got rid of the feeling. In fact I could ask her for help because she lives in a apartment with some other girls and they sometimes have free room to rent but I am afraid to move to her because I am afraid if I seen her everyday my feeling would return. It would be unfair towards her.
So I do know how to love and I can make effort myself. Its just I don't feel this way towards this boy.
In fact I felt more towards a clingy former classmate than my current boyfriend. I honestly hated him - he was always telling me I am wrong, lazy, talking to me is a pain (then why did he talk to me in the first place? I ignored him all the time.), he was always smelling cigarettes and he was generally intolerant to any differences so he was absolutely not my type. But for some reason I liked it when he was was ragging me by touching my hair although it was a gesture one would use to pet an animal or a kid.
I don't like being touched my boyfriend. His hand is heavy and stiff. And he never touches my hair. He can't understand how possibly it could feel nice because "hair doesn't even have nerves so there is nothing to feel the touch".

About how he feels about me: I know he finds me attractive and interesting. That's what he told me. I also think he somehow likes the fact that I need help and he also sees it as an experience. He is almost as clueless as me, he only had 1 girlfriend before - one that dumped him in a really unpleasant way. He was depressed for a long time. I think he might be in slightly in the spectrum as well, although he is more aware of social cues than I am and seems just shy while I am not really shy despite of my problems. In fact I can be quite outgoing, even though I have to rest a lot afterwards.

Beau wrote:
Moving out is a big deal, and it's stressful. Are there social services in your area that may be able to provide you with some guidance?

No, nothing like that as far I know. I was attending some social service before but I got no help there. The helper was forcing me to talk about my problems instead of telling me what I should do.
The good thing is I have some money collected so if I had a place to go I would go there right away without worrying about not having a job for first a few months. The problem is I have no clue how to do it, where to start. And I have no idea who could possibly tell me.


About using vulgar words - sorry but English is not my national language and I had no idea it is extremely vulgar one. I was thinking it is just a unpleasant word you use to accurately name an evil person.



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28 Sep 2014, 12:25 pm

Hey.

Kiriae wrote:
I'm not really majoring since it is not a college, more like weekend cram school. If I finish it I will have the title of IT technician. The school is 3 parts. I already finished one so I can repair computers and install programs. Currently I am attending 2nd part - programming. I am not good in it (I am top of my class, but its not like I am good, its just that they are bad in it) but I think I am going to pass the government exam and get the qualification this winter. And thats it. I heard there are some problems with 3rd part - LAN administration - the school doesn't have enough routers etc. and we will have to attend another school in another city. My parents won't give me a ride there because it is too far and I won't be able to use public transport because even if I could there is no direct connection to my city(I am the only one from this city, my classmates live in city with direct public transport connection to the 2nd school).


Even though the program has 3 parts, can you graduate/get a certificate without completing the LAN course? If the LAN is required, then I don't really know how else you can get to class other than finding a flat near the site.

Kiriae wrote:
I have the general knowledge and can answer any question related to my specialization (I got bachelors grade in accounting) so I just read a bit about the company, put my formal clothes on (I got a feeling that my red blouse and black cardigan might affect the interview result but I just can't wear anything else since I have obsession with red and black and if I have not enough red on me I feel as if I was wearing pajamas and just can't focus on anything) and go to the interview.
Then I just answer the questions honestly. It's easy for me. I don't see a point in preparing for the possible questions because it doesn't take much time for me to figure out an answer when I hear the question.
The biggest problem I guess is my body language. I am smiling and my mood is not bad at all but some interviewers told me already that apparently I am very stressed and I should calm down because they won't bite me. "I am not stressed..." - I answer then. Really, its not that stressing. I actually like answering questions, its thrilling. I feel more excited than stressed. Even after a failed interview I leave the room with smile on my face. I got nothing against interview itself. But it just take too much afford to get invited for one. I have to make a phone call, then leave my safe zone, ask my parents for a ride or use public transport, go to an unknown place... its overwhelming. And pointless since I don't get the job anyway.


I think your interviewing clothes and colors are fine. If you do wear jewelry, then make sure it's not too much/too flashy because it'll distract your interviewer. During the interview portion, how do you answer the questions? It's good that you're answering honestly, but do you provide examples/stories that support your answers? Eg: they ask you what your strengths are, and when you respond, you tell them the strengths, but also wove in a specific story of how you've demonstrated that strength. Does that make sense?

Kiriae wrote:
I got a job once - just because the interview was a knowledge test and I got the best score. I worked there for 5 months. They wanted me to stay but I was tired of going there (I was taking me 1 hour to get there using train+bus combination everyday, then return the same way) and they wanted to add making phone calls to my responsibilities so I left. I hate phone calls.
I used to apply for accounting jobs but after the job I got I decided I do better in assistant and technical jobs. Despite the fact I was "younger accountant" there I was not only working with archives and putting data to computer but also taking care of computers, electronics and even furniture (they bought Ikea furniture and I was the one putting it together, it was fun). So currently I would love to work as a technician. But the problem is I am a weak, slim female and I couldn't hold a job requiring physical strength therefore I can't work with furniture. The only choice is IT. Thats why I am attending the cram school.


This is good; you have relevant work experience. When you can, tie in your work experience to the interview questions. The purpose of the interview is for them to learn more about you and your relevant experiences, such as details and stories that aren't on your CV/resume. In regards to your 5 month job, have you ever been asked by a future employer why you chose to quit? The reason is that I don't think it would be wise for you to mention your issue with making phone calls; just tell them that distance was a major factor and leave it at that.

Kiriae wrote:
It's not good. It hurts. He takes my time and I feel quilty for preferring to play my favorite game than going out with him. But I am more happy in my game... After meeting with him I always need a few days to recover because its tiring. Its a routine break. I have to go to loud places such as cinema or city center, eventually a hill full of wind and sounds of nature. Even the sound of flies and cicadas is overwhelming for me. I can't really see anything positive in it right now. The only thing is that I might learn how to be close to someone but he is not the best teacher. He asks me if I want him to kiss me and I have no idea what to answer because I just don't know how it feels. So I just answer "I don't want to." because thats the only honest answer. I can't possibly want something I don't know the feeling of and that seems unpleasant.
There is also no chemistry. I used to be in love once. I was going out and breaking my routine to see the girl I liked without her forcing me to. I was paying for her, giving her my clothes although I was cold myself. And I dreamed about kissing her although we never did it in reality. In fact she was clueless all the time. She was considering me a friend and when I told her how I feel she told me she can't possibly love me more than she would love a sister. We are still friends and I eventually got rid of the feeling. In fact I could ask her for help because she lives in a apartment with some other girls and they sometimes have free room to rent but I am afraid to move to her because I am afraid if I seen her everyday my feeling would return. It would be unfair towards her.
So I do know how to love and I can make effort myself. Its just I don't feel this way towards this boy.


If this is how you feel about him, then what has prevented you from breaking up with him thus far? Apathy? Hope that your feelings for him might change/deepen? I think that if you don't see any sort of future for this relationship, then it's best to end it. A bit off topic, but I think the honest answer to the kissing question would have been 'I don't know' rather than an outright no because you haven't actually determined whether or not you liked it.

Kiriae wrote:
In fact I felt more towards a clingy former classmate than my current boyfriend. I honestly hated him - he was always telling me I am wrong, lazy, talking to me is a pain (then why did he talk to me in the first place? I ignored him all the time.), he was always smelling cigarettes and he was generally intolerant to any differences so he was absolutely not my type. But for some reason I liked it when he was was ragging me by touching my hair although it was a gesture one would use to pet an animal or a kid.


Yeah, that's ruffling your hair.

Kiriae wrote:
No, nothing like that as far I know. I was attending some social service before but I got no help there. The helper was forcing me to talk about my problems instead of telling me what I should do.
The good thing is I have some money collected so if I had a place to go I would go there right away without worrying about not having a job for first a few months. The problem is I have no clue how to do it, where to start. And I have no idea who could possibly tell me.


Maybe the helper was trying to understand your problems a bit more, so he/she could give you better advice tailored to your needs. Honestly, I think living with your friends might be a good start, and later, when you have a job and enough in savings, you could live independently, if you want to. Living with friends gives you that support system and provides a smoother transition than if you were to rent a flat, live by yourself, and be overwhelmed by everything. Oh, and like you said, I don't think it'll be a good idea to live with the girl you used to like because it could get awkward if your feelings do come back.

Again, you're not an evil person.



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28 Sep 2014, 3:42 pm

Beau wrote:
Even though the program has 3 parts, can you graduate/get a certificate without completing the LAN course? If the LAN is required, then I don't really know how else you can get to class other than finding a flat near the site.

I get a certificate for each of the parts. I already have one. Each lets me do jobs required skills it states, for example with the one I already got I can work in computer repair service or a computer shop. But without all 3 I can't call myself a IT Technician so I can't put it the name on my CV and the names of each part doesn't sound familiar to people who don't know the IT specification so they won't have a clue I can work with computers when they just see my CV. My mom says I can put "IT Technician" instead of "E.12. Installation and operation of personal computers and peripherals." and noone will make a fuss about it but in my opinion it isn't right because technically E.12. is just "Installation and operation of personal computers and peripherals" and IT Technician is E.12 +E.13+E14. In order to be honest I can't call myself an IT Technician till I finish all 3 of them.

BTW. That sounds like an idea! I can't ask my parents or use public communication from my home but I could live nearby! My aunt has a house near the 2nd school (just 2 bus stops away) and she doesn't live there for some reason - she rents a flat in another city instead, closer to her work. The house stands by itself without anybody living there most of the time. I could live in there if she lets me. The only problem is that she is not a close aunt - she is a cousin of my grandma and she doesn't really like me. But it still sounds like an idea. My dad was helping her renovate the house so she can't really say no, can she? The kitchen there is also red-black just like my room so I could feel home there.

Beau wrote:
I think your interviewing clothes and colors are fine. If you do wear jewelry, then make sure it's not too much/too flashy because it'll distract your interviewer. During the interview portion, how do you answer the questions? It's good that you're answering honestly, but do you provide examples/stories that support your answers? Eg: they ask you what your strengths are, and when you respond, you tell them the strengths, but also wove in a specific story of how you've demonstrated that strength. Does that make sense?

I don't wear jewelry. At all. I also don't wear make up(but I am not bad looking so I don't have to).
I answer the questions pretty much as I answer them here. I just say what I mean and give examples when I can think about an interesting detail that sounds accurate.

Beau wrote:
This is good; you have relevant work experience. When you can, tie in your work experience to the interview questions. The purpose of the interview is for them to learn more about you and your relevant experiences, such as details and stories that aren't on your CV/resume. In regards to your 5 month job, have you ever been asked by a future employer why you chose to quit? The reason is that I don't think it would be wise for you to mention your issue with making phone calls; just tell them that distance was a major factor and leave it at that.

I do this. I keep the phone calls thing to myself as I find it irrelevant. I look for jobs where the possibility of me picking up phones is slim. Thats why I don't answer the secretary job offers although I wouldn't be bad in writing and taking care of documents. I know it has too much to do with phones and people.

Beau wrote:
If this is how you feel about him, then what has prevented you from breaking up with him thus far? Apathy? Hope that your feelings for him might change/deepen? I think that if you don't see any sort of future for this relationship, then it's best to end it. A bit off topic, but I think the honest answer to the kissing question would have been 'I don't know' rather than an outright no because you haven't actually determined whether or not you liked it.

My parents like him. They seem so happy that I found someone. They say I should keep him by my side because I will never find a guy like him again.
I also don't want to hurt him. I told me about his depression after his last break up and I don't want to make him fell that way.
I was also thinking my feelings would change over time. But it didn't happen. And at the moment I doubt they will because it hurts too much. I believe my feelings reached a point of no return because I got scared last time we met. But at the same time I think it is all just in my mind and I can change if I try hard enough.
And a stupid thing: I read that some girls want a guy who was dumped more than once. It would be 2nd time for him. I don't believe the statement but I don't want to give him a stigma in case it is some real rule I just don't understand such a classic "How are you?", "I'm fine."(when you really are not).

Beau wrote:
Maybe the helper was trying to understand your problems a bit more, so he/she could give you better advice tailored to your needs. Honestly, I think living with your friends might be a good start, and later, when you have a job and enough in savings, you could live independently, if you want to. Living with friends gives you that support system and provides a smoother transition than if you were to rent a flat, live by yourself, and be overwhelmed by everything. Oh, and like you said, I don't think it'll be a good idea to live with the girl you used to like because it could get awkward if your feelings do come back

I was going there every week for a few months and the helper still had no advice for me. I didn't even get advice to go to a psychiatrist to get me tested or anything (it was before I was diagnosed with AS). Social workers are just doing junk job. They get money no matter what they do so they don't care if they help people or not. They just care to have enough customers so government won't fire them for being needless.

The problem is I don't have many friends. In fact the girl is the only one. Well. There is also a boy that I am a friend with but I don't think he likes me enough to do me such a favor. Our personalities clutch too much. We can't understand each other at all and it looks like we are friends only because we used to be in the same group of friends in high school (it was something like a RPG/anime club, not real friendship) and we both think it is good to keep the tradition of yearly group meetings.
I don't want to be a nuisance for him. But come to think of it I could learn a lot from him since he is a real social, party animal... however in order to ask him to let me live with him I would have to answer why I don't want to live with my best friend instead. He has no idea about my feelings and I am too ashamed to tell him I was in love with her. Even though he is gay himself and says it openly... (Yeah, I know: stupid, stupid, stupid me! :lol: But I just can't do it.)



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28 Sep 2014, 4:25 pm

I sense that you'll have a fine career in computers once you get your first job. It's hard for any inexperienced person, no matter how NT or autistic one is. I believe your certificates will benefit you eventually.

I sense that you like woman better than guys. Are they tolerant of homosexuality in Poland? If so, I would pursue women as well as guys.

I think you have the same fears as most people as far as moving away from your parents is concerned. I would have as my goal moving out eventually.



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28 Sep 2014, 5:03 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I sense that you like woman better than guys. Are they tolerant of homosexuality in Poland? If so, I would pursue women as well as guys.

Most people are just clueless. There is nothing but male+female they can imagine when it comes to people they see everyday. If 2 females are affective towards each other in general opinion they are nothing but very good friends or do it as a joke. Gay boys are nearly invisible. I know my friend is gay but I never seen him with a guy. Perhaps he meets with them in the huge city he lives in (200kms away, I never visited him, we met when he visits his family in our hometown). But there are some gay people in media that everyone knows about and there are gay clubs in huge cities.

I considered getting a girlfriend but it is just way easier to date guys. They find me attractive, they get in love themselves. There was already 5 boys that confessed love to me (and I think some more liked me but gave up) so all I had to do was saying yes or no. If I try to find a woman I would have to make the move myself and they would think I am making fun of them at first. Besides - most girls I know are already taken (not as I know many girls, I study IT after all and my social life is nearly nonexistent...) and I am not good in guessing if one is dating someone or not. I don't want to fell in love with a girl that already has a boyfriend.

Btw. I told my parents about moving out because my mom got a crazy idea of totally renovating my bathroom while the bathroom isn't bad at all and there is no need to waste money(and then reminding me how I don't respect what they do for me and how I can never thank properly), especially since I am not planning to live there much longer. They made fun of me... They told me I have nowhere to go, that this is my home, and that they dare me to move out so they can see how fast I return home...



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29 Sep 2014, 1:11 am

Kiriae wrote:
I get a certificate for each of the parts. I already have one. Each lets me do jobs required skills it states, for example with the one I already got I can work in computer repair service or a computer shop. But without all 3 I can't call myself a IT Technician so I can't put it the name on my CV and the names of each part doesn't sound familiar to people who don't know the IT specification so they won't have a clue I can work with computers when they just see my CV. My mom says I can put "IT Technician" instead of "E.12. Installation and operation of personal computers and peripherals." and noone will make a fuss about it but in my opinion it isn't right because technically E.12. is just "Installation and operation of personal computers and peripherals" and IT Technician is E.12 +E.13+E14. In order to be honest I can't call myself an IT Technician till I finish all 3 of them.


Yeah, your reasoning makes sense; your mom's advice could be a bit misleading. Under your education level in your CV, you could put "IT Technician Program-In Progress" and the estimated month and year you expect to receive your last certificate.

Kiriae wrote:
BTW. That sounds like an idea! I can't ask my parents or use public communication from my home but I could live nearby! My aunt has a house near the 2nd school (just 2 bus stops away) and she doesn't live there for some reason - she rents a flat in another city instead, closer to her work. The house stands by itself without anybody living there most of the time. I could live in there if she lets me. The only problem is that she is not a close aunt - she is a cousin of my grandma and she doesn't really like me. But it still sounds like an idea. My dad was helping her renovate the house so she can't really say no, can she? The kitchen there is also red-black just like my room so I could feel home there.


Technically, your aunt could say no, but you can try to convince her. Tell her that since it's currently empty, you would actually be helping her out by maintaining the property. I don't know if you're willing to pay rent, but that might be an incentive for her to say yes. Tell her that you're respectful, so she doesn't have to worry about any noise complaints from neighbors, and you'll keep her place clean and tidy. About your parents' reaction to you moving out, they might've said those hurtful things because that was their gut instinct; they still see you as their child and they're not ready for you to leave. Maybe in their minds, they had always hoped that you would stick around. In terms of communicating with them, I think when your parents or just anyone in general wants to do something nice for you, your response should begin with a thanks/appreciation followed by what your thoughts are. Eg: Thanks mom and dad for wanting to renovate the bathroom, but at this time, considering our income and how the economy is going, I think it might be best if we hold off on it. Try acknowledging/appreciating their thoughts next time before you immediately jump to why it's a bad idea, and see how they react. Also, I don't know if you would be willing to do this, but your parents, especially your dad since he helped fix the house, might have some leeway in getting your aunt to say yes...but that means first you'll have to get your parents' support in moving out and then rely on them to talk to your aunt.




Kiriae wrote:
My parents like him. They seem so happy that I found someone. They say I should keep him by my side because I will never find a guy like him again.
I also don't want to hurt him. I told me about his depression after his last break up and I don't want to make him fell that way.
I was also thinking my feelings would change over time. But it didn't happen. And at the moment I doubt they will because it hurts too much. I believe my feelings reached a point of no return because I got scared last time we met. But at the same time I think it is all just in my mind and I can change if I try hard enough.
And a stupid thing: I read that some girls want a guy who was dumped more than once. It would be 2nd time for him. I don't believe the statement but I don't want to give him a stigma in case it is some real rule I just don't understand such a classic "How are you?", "I'm fine."(when you really are not).


Take your time thinking about your relationship. Do you see a bright and joyous future with him? It's great that your parents like him, but ultimately, this is a relationship between you and him. If you don't have any romantic feelings for him, then don't force yourself to continue this relationship. Your pity might end up hurting him even more in the long run. On the other hand, if you do have romantic feelings for him, but you're acting out of fear, then that's a different story.

I haven't heard about the girls wanting guys who've been dumped multiple times.

Kiriae wrote:
The problem is I don't have many friends. In fact the girl is the only one. Well. There is also a boy that I am a friend with but I don't think he likes me enough to do me such a favor. Our personalities clutch too much. We can't understand each other at all and it looks like we are friends only because we used to be in the same group of friends in high school (it was something like a RPG/anime club, not real friendship) and we both think it is good to keep the tradition of yearly group meetings.
I don't want to be a nuisance for him. But come to think of it I could learn a lot from him since he is a real social, party animal... however in order to ask him to let me live with him I would have to answer why I don't want to live with my best friend instead. He has no idea about my feelings and I am too ashamed to tell him I was in love with her. Even though he is gay himself and says it openly... (Yeah, I know: stupid, stupid, stupid me! :lol: But I just can't do it.)


Living with your guy friend might not work out because of the personality clash. You don't have to be best friends with your flatmate, but getting along with him/her is somewhat essential.



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Sep 2014, 1:55 am

I personally find it fascinating that someone like you has a boyfriend.



Kiriae
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29 Sep 2014, 6:25 am

Beau
Thanks for advice.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I personally find it fascinating that someone like you has a boyfriend.

I find it weird too.
Guys probably like my look and the fact I am nothing like my female peers. I just stand out in crowd. I'm noticeable. And I am a mystery to most people. Guys just can't figure me out so they think there is something to discover in me. And considering how I talk with my boyfriends (I had 2 real ones so far and a short crush) it sounds right. They are always surprised how I see the world. I must be an interesting girl to be with. Something new to discover all the time.