How do you cope with constant rejections

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Missing the point here. If you spend all your time pining away over one rejection, you're missing out on a lot of more positive opportunities. There's simply no reason to get overly emotional about it.

And very likely you'll care for them. I mean, that's the thing?you can't jump into a LTR situation if you don't even have any friends to even draw a dating pool from. If you don't care at all, then no, all women are going to be pretty worthless to you. I believe in looking at the opposite sex as fellow human beings, not as pieces of meat. If you don't relate to the human being first, you can't relate to the "woman" (or "man").

When I say leave emotion or feeeeeelings out of it, I just mean keep things on the friends level. You're GOING to get rejected a lot, and the right attitude about rejection means understanding you're not going to be compatible with everyone out there. Just because you get rejected by ONE PERSON doesn't mean you should have to spend your entire weekends alone. If one person doesn't want you to entertain her, move on to the next. We're looking at this too much from the heart and not at all in the head. I think we can make smarter choices, that's all.

I also suggest keeping a very non-specific definition of "date." I might not vocalize it as such, but getting together with a group of friends for coffee/beer counts as far as I'm concerned. The idea is to get to know as many people as you can and start a pattern of going out.

If you're only worried about sex and you're not worried about a long-term strategy, talk to a PUA. I've never had much success in that area, and I'm not the kind of person who finds that to be a worthwhile goal, anyway. I mean, if you figure out a way to have sex with 200+ women in a year, you're likely to end up diseased.

Not necessarily, though. It means you go to a grocery store once or twice a week, or you spend time on a fitness trail in a park, or you sing in a church choir, or you fill up your car with gas at least once every week or two, or you go to work, or you run work-related errands while on the job. Other people are hard to avoid 100%. You might as well get something out of it. For some people, saying "Hi! What's your name?" is all it takes.

I've kinda already answered that in other posts?but in short it's really everyone you meet. It's not about being "social" or anything, but more like you never pass up an opportunity to say hello. If you keep running into the same people all the time, why not ask for some personal info so you can talk another time or arrange to meet in a more informal context, i.e. non-work related or somewhere besides the grocery store?

I don't think you should limit yourself to only those you think you might be compatible with, simply because compatibility is more than just surface deep. I think you (we) take too much for granted.


If you've been on a lot of dates, then you don't really have a problem, then. If you want to get serious about dating, or you've been out of dating for a long time, or you are more relationship oriented, it will help. Sounds like you're having a dating pool issue. I'm really thinking more about those who don't even have a dating pool to begin with.

As to keeping track, I'd keep a journal. Nothing more than a medium-sized Moleskine you can keep locked up safely somewhere. Review info BEFORE going out with someone and you shouldn't have any issues. And I don't mean a dirty black book to keep score?just names, contact info, and relevant facts about that person. What I WOULD track is when and how many times I asked someone out and note consecutive rejections. If I get turned down three times or get an unequivocal NO, it's time to let that one go. If there's that ONE person I give a chance and it's not going to work on my end, I'll make a note not to ask her out again. The point is "keeping track" is only about taking a systematic, organized approach, which narrows your dating pool to those who are best relationship material for you and kicks out the crazies.

One thing I've found that is generally BAD that this avoids is simply jumping from gf to gf. You avoid serious relationships, which I understand is something PUAs do in principle. And it's not because avoiding serious relationships is a good thing on its own or guarantees you'll get laid, but because you cut a lot of stress and drama out of your life. Serious relationships are going to evolve with those you spend the most time with anyway, so there's no point in forcing it or rushing it. It's like you wake up one day and you're like, "wait, when exactly did I get a girlfriend?" It's unavoidable in the long term (but not in the short term), and then you're like, "I don't need this book anymore" and you consign it to the flames. When you find the right person, someone you already spend a lot of time with, it just makes sense to take the relationship another step.

I haven't read through the entire thread but this seems to be the best bit of advice right here. I think I have tried forcing and rushing relationships to avoid the friend zone and it has only resulted in me ending up there. With my last date, a relationship would likely have not have worked out long term anyway because even though on paper she was nearly perfect, our core personalities just could not mesh but forcing it did not help. If I were to end up in a relationship with her down the road, it would just develop naturally rather than trying to chase or change her.

I used to beat myself up and get depressed over rejections but I am trying to see the positives out of this one. Not only did I gain a friend (who might end up more down the road: who knows?) but I have become friends with her friends as well. As a result, I was invited on an out-of-town group outing by one of her married friends along with a woman who her friends think might be a good match for me. None of this would have happened if I wasn't "rejected". I would have NEVER met this other girl otherwise and she seems like a highly compatible personality to mine. Who knows but at least I am getting the chance to find out!

Rejection hurts a lot though you feel like nobody wants you and you have no purpose.

I've been rejected a few times now, and done a bit of rejecting myself. I tell myself I have no business rejecting anyone if I can't handle the rejection back, then if I really care about the person I try to be the best friend I can while moving on to someone else.

This has worked twice so far, the two people who did the rejecting are now happily in other relationships and think I'm a really good friend. I just get happiness from knowing they're happy and I helped. Plus, other guys and girls are noticing that I'm a good friend and I tend to get a few more offers.

thought we were talking meeting women as in romantic sense. if you mean just meeting women then i meet thousands of them. none will I see again outside of checking them out at the cash register though. none will lead to anything romantic.

where as the past post mentioned two dates a week, not just meeting two women. meeting is just bumping into people and saying hi, a date is spending 10mins-2 hours with a person pre arranged.

How do I cope with constant rejections?

Better than ever.

I've done a fair bit of rejecting others I'm not interested in, but have certainly been rejected by others I'm interested in.

Today was a big one. I'll spare the personal details, but the basics are that I had a conversation with my long time crush about my long time crush and the bottom line is that a romantic relationship is never going to happen between us. As much as that sucks, it is what it is and I can't change it nor the reasons for it. I can only accept it and roll with it, so, I will. We will remain close friends, and possibly closer now that this stuff is out in the open again and being discussed. Actually, I'm looking forward to talking about some related things.

Anyways.. I've learned to just accept situations as they are vs. react to them in any negative way. Sure, today was a bit of an emotional roller coaster.. but I held my s**t together and got through the day. I believe everything happens for a reason and that there will be a silver lining from this situation as well as many lessons learned. I'm also looking forward to how our friendship may advance in terms of things we discuss about our personal/love lives etc from here on in now that I'm forced to accept that we will never be together as a couple. I'm single & not really looking, but looking forward to moving forward from my crush on my friend in order to be free and open to the possibility of meeting someone I'm even more compatible with - someone who's as into me as I am into them. Without the rejection (and a wonderfully worded rejection at that, I must say - I thanked him for the conversation as I truly was appreciative of it.) I experienced today, I wouldn't be able to begin moving on and moving forward to a place in my head that I can be open to meeting someone else who isn't my crush. I'm sure everything will work out just fine for me in the long run.. it has so far with every other rough patch I've overcome!

There's also the fact that I haven't had much difficulty in meeting people & have had many opportunities/offers for dating/a relationship - but I haven't wanted those things with any of those people so I've been the one to decline. I'll likely carry on being just as picky, as we all should be according to our own relationship criteria & attractions, until eventually I meet someone that I click with on every level. I believe it will happen for me someday. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for another several years - who knows? But someday it's bound to happen. I believe the same holds true for my crush & I truly do hope he finds someone he's compatible with as more than close friends. We're both very picky when it comes to potential relationships, but I think eventually we'll both find (romantic/relationship) love when we're meant to. It's the only way to look at it, IMO. Stress/depression/anxiety over it is a waste of time & energy. So much healthier & better all around to keep a positive outlook on love and just keep moving forward in all areas of life/health/work/other goals etc and then eventually the right person will come into our lives.

How do you think you'd even GET two "date-dates" a week? If you don't know any women or you aren't known by women, you're not going to get a "real date."

Same thing with the romantic side of it. The trouble is going for romance for the sake of romance. That's conventional, "normal" dating, and I've said elsewhere I think that "dating" is dead. "Normal" is you ask the girl at the gas station out, she says "yes," sparks fly, you get laid, MAYBE have an ongoing relationship, you obsess over her night and day, lose sleep because you're "in love," and she drives a stake through your heart when you see her leaving the gas station with another guy. Or, to summarize: You meet; you fall in love; someone reveals they aren't perfect; fights; messy breakup; extended 5-year-long rebound period for one person while the other moves on. Who needs that?

My point is just meet folks, the largest number you can realistically handle. Get into a long-term FRIENDSHIP. Ask them to "hang out" in places you both like. Don't lay emotions on the line until you're pretty "steady" with one of those.

If you don't actually know a lot of women to begin with, you're not going to have 1-2 dates a week. That's something you have to build up to, and it takes time. More time for some than others, but still...

Could a guy ever fall in love with me? What makes a guy fall in love?

There probably already has been guys who have fallen in love with you, but you may not have noticed. In my memory, particularly in high school, there were definitely girls who loved me but I wasn't interested or was oblivious (usually because there would be one unattainable girl that I would be obsessing over-- history repeats, the snake bites its' own tail...)

What makes me fall in love? Not much it would seem
I kid, it's actually a pretty complex set of criteria, I just seem to have trouble being subtle about it when I do meet someone I like.

I fall for girls who I connect with on a philosophical level and who want to know about how I operate. Creativity and depression have been two common traits I have unconsciously sought out, oddly enough... Perhaps levelling out the playing field 'cus anyone who really gets to know me very quickly finds out that I'm, uhh... a bit weird

Now I'm trying to type it out the words have become stuck. All I can do is try and assure you that yes, there is someone out there for you. It's just a bit trickier to get past the initial meeting stage because... Well, awkwardness. But one day you'll be at some kind of social gathering that you've forced yourself to attend and there will be someone there who's just as weirded out by the people there as you. There's a good starting point.

TL;DR: Yes!! Many things!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZO6b_VGi0x8[/youtube]

....I might!

You seem like a pretty decent gal. You are the kind of person I would love to meet and answer that question in person but alas, traveling halfway around the globe isn't something I plan to do. In my case, I usually fall in love when I see how the girl treats children and "beneath" her socially. That is usually a good sign she is trustworthy and compassionate: the two qualities I consider most important. If I like what I see, I usually fall HARD. Sadly the feeling is rarely mutual.


In my case, that's exactly what I have been doing. I am even skipping a hockey game to go to a social event. I no longer go in thinking "relationship or bust" but to try to meet as many people I can. I suspect the right woman would develop feelings after finding out what a down to earth, genuine guy I am and that we share the same interests. I am not meeting women one on one right now but that just means no awkward pressure and no over thinking things and no trying to "force" her to see my positive qualities in a 1 hour date.


I totally agree with this as well. I regret how one time a girl at a take out restaurant randomly started a conversation with me while she was eating and I was waiting for my order. I politely engaged but instead of sitting with her wished her well and went on my way. I was too chicken to sit with her because I did not want to seem like a creep until it dawned on me months later that *if* she saw me as a creep or did not want me to join her she would NEVER have initiated a conversation. Thankfully, I got to know women outside of free dating sites and realize they are actually not all arrogant, entitled, stuck up bee-itches but in most cases are rather nervous starting up a conversation with a guy and above all else human. She probably thought "nice guy but he is taken and not interested in me at all" based on my reaction. Next time I WILL sit with her even if I was not interested in her romantically.

To use a hockey analogy, when I started playing goalie at 21, I spent hours putting up ads, calling people, worrying, etc about finding a group to play with. It all seemed a waste of time and effort and one time I filled in for 5 minutes while their regular guy got dressed. Turns out I got over 300 more ice times from that because my name got passed on again and again as a reliable person. All that from 5 minutes of "effort". If I didn't put the hours of effort in before that, I would have not ended up in that situation at all. I literally went from knowing NOBODY to knowing over half the adult hockey players in my city and had to turn down offers to play DAILY! That would have been unimaginable before that 5 minute fill in.

that might work for you and some others but not for everyone. I can't move from friends to romance.

aslo like i've said I've met thousands of people none of lead to friends. meeting people doesn't mean it'll lead to any kind of ongoing thing be it love or friends. for most it just means you bumped into each other end of story.

the only dates i've ever gotten have been romantic from the start met on dating sites. as some women have pointed out, a bunch don't like be approached in activities or on the street, same goes for just making friends. we are the tech generation and its onl getting worse. which is why we have meet up sites, friendship sites, dating sites, etc. where in the past most people meet randomly built a a relationship, now a days it's meet on site, then get together.

to be honest it sounds like you are seeing dating as a numbers game, just try to build a relationship with every woman you see in hopes one sticks eventually. I'd rather find compatible women and try one at a time. its how my mind works.

I used to get pissed off, primarily because I always thought I was a better choice "the hero" than the girl he chose over me "the zero". As I got older, I just stopped caring. I would be let down, sure, but I'd just chalk it up to it being his loss. There's no snot coming outta my nose over something that was likely not meant to be. However, I have been known to play "You'll Lose a Good Thing" by Barbara Lynn after a rejection.