I've been remanded in jail twice, over my support workers!

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Yeah. You may recall I made threads about them before.

I'll just briefly explain what occurred, in the beginning.

I had a woman from Spain serving as my key worker (Sara). When we first worked together, she was nice, but she later changed once a male worker told her I admitted I liked her, in a romantic way, instead of just keeping it 'guy talk' between us.

The people she works for felt I was becoming 'too familiar' with her, or infatuated with her you could say, and another woman called Joanna as well. The seniors ended my working relationship with both women after I unintentionally messed up a few times from acting impulsive because I also feel they were lying about future support shifts and mucking up my rota, but I saw the latter sometimes on sleepovers. But please re-read my older threads for the full story.

The seniors lied about Sara starting from February and told me for weeks many months ago that she was still my key worker and gave me a story about how they had not "decided" what to do, while acting obviously quite sweet and suspect. They recently admitted lying to me was wrong.

Anyway, I pleaded for months to get them back on my support team, to redeem myself for being an idiot that did a few mistakes. The bosses refused and I spent the whole summer feeling low, because I wanted to ride my bike with Sara. I spent ALL my shifts with my core team of carers pretty much complaining about their absence, over and over again, getting nowhere. I later got to apologize to them two ladies in an arranged setting, but it was not enough and I wanted to work with them again. I loved working with them in the past, you see, and did not want to end things that way. But like I said, the boss just refused, because she KNEW how I was obsessed with them two women.

In July, I went to a charity band night and lots of service users, and support workers attended. Sara went too, with her partner. It made me feel awkward seeing her hop around like a bunny with this man. I then left my flat days later to show Sara a support plan, to perhaps make amends. She acted venomous however and I kicked off, got arrested for doing loads of bad stuff and wound up let go on bail.

A few nights later, I was having a lunatic meltdown of sorts and contacted Joanna through her Facebook profile, telling her I wanted to have sex with a model from England. She said she would call the police, so I freaked out and went to her home, or rather, I went to hang around in her area. I told her a while back I got her address on 192.com and like Sara, she turned against me after having been sort of okay towards me for a long time. Since I emailed people my plan and I sounded suicidal, they got the police. Officers found me in the Granton area of Edinburgh just yards from her flat. They pretended to help me, then detained me for an interview, but later arrested me for stalking. I was bailed in court the next day, but then sent Sara similar messages and also made racist comments. I wound up arrested and remanded in prison for 2 weeks from 29 July up to 12 August. I was held in Saughton, in Edinburgh.

Days later, I apologized to Sara and Joanna on Facebook. That was a breach of bail though and I got arrested again on 14 August, but bailed in spite of the fact I had contacted them. I continued to feel agitated and ended up contacting them on Facebook again at the end of August, being sincere and apologetic yet again, and my lawyer said I had never said anything horrible. I ran away from home knowing I would be questioned by the police, then I went to my parents' address late one night but refused to enter because I know sooner or later, I would be lifted. I was exhausted too, but I could not go inside out of fear and also they know where my friend Frank lives and my family members. I also refused to go to any places my mother recommended but I was tired as hell. So I was in the swing park opposite her house. Right? She bought me iced coffee to drink then shopped me. Police surrounded the park. They handcuffed me and my mother was like "I am sorry but I had to..." and I was feeling betrayed.

The next day in court, I was remanded in jail again, but I shouted at the judge that it was ridiculous and that I only wanted them back to support me. I even know where Sara lives as it was on a sheet regarding a charge.

This time I was assaulted by my co-pilot who was nuts, but my other two co-pilots I had after this were really cool and I was moved to a protection hall so I got out more often to play pool and get fresh air outside in a yard.

I have a deferred sentence date in December. I cannot reside at my flat because the support workers use flat 1 as an office but I hate living with my parents, especially since their house is a dump and I cannot play loud music. The police took my laptop away when I was arrested in July the last time and my iTunes is only authorized to that computer so I cannot download purchases for up to 3 months on OTHER computers, but I do not possess a mobile phone as that one I had before crashed on me. Furthermore, I had my DLA and ESA stopped after going to jail. I have hardly any money left and my family want the money back they brought into jail for my phone credit, canteen and whatever else.

I do not trust my other support workers any more either. They rub it in my face and asked me how jail was, while smirking a few times. How is that even helpful?

God. I just miss my support workers.

My opinion. Kick these people out of your lives and find new support workers. Don't let yourself get attached to someone in this role.
Like he said : http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6096299.html#6096299

People (whether it is my family or support workers within Autism Initiatives) recommended going with The Action Group instead to get a fresh start in life, but I feel I bonded with AI and it would be sad to "drop" them from my life, as the first key worker I had (Pam) is considered a family friend. She went all out (most likely that is not usually frowned upon, but it is still not really allowed). However, I feel, what is the word?

Oh, yeah. Shafted!

I have no money just now and having no money, well, it...SUCKS! Add to that the fact I cannot go back to my flat until I am told otherwise. It is so awful as well that I got charged six times, but it was my emotions that took over as always.

I realize 'it is just a job' to these people, and there is a thin line. But losing Sara and Joanna like this, well, it just is not good. There feels like some unfinished business here, because I recognize that I actually hurt them too, so I naturally want to make things right again.

Only in fairytales, however, do you get that perfect happy ending. I guess the only thing I can do now is swallow my pride and cease chasing them.

You want to make things right with them then my opinion then do as your judge orders you to do. Have no contact with any of them. The judge is telling you that is the way to go. My opinion, do it and anything else the judge orders you to do as well. If the judge recommends anything do it as well. If you can, then see another professional about this then tell them how you feel and your emotions and what occurred. Next time, don't attempt to create a dual relationship. Keep it mono meaning it is client to professional only. Don't assume they're your friends. Don't assume any other relationship beyond the client-professional one and don't try to create one.

If you don't mind, will you take this test and tell me your personality type. In addition, if you see this judge in court again apologize for your outburst and tell the judge you will comply with his court orders.

I like the company of (nice) people. That is all I am motivated by and provided nobody is nasty to me, I am nasty to no-one myself. I am just really too lonely.

As for what things I like: I like to play games of pool, I am always collecting horror related DVDs and games, and I am a lover of retro music. I posted earlier on, but there was a hiccup and so it failed to show up. Oh dear!

[Moved from Love and Dating to The Haven]

You harassed and stalked your support workers. You yelled vile things and threatened a judge.

You are entitled to behave like that -- but, well, the consequences of your behavior are YOURS to bear. Get help. Do what the judge tells you to. Go for the fresh start -- you've burned the bridges with the agency you claim to like.

I think it would help you to realize the truth of your bad behavior towards these people.
People have a right not to like you or work with you, and you can't force them to do so.
You were in the wrong to stalk them and send them nasty harassing messages.

Yes, but then so were their bosses in the wrong for lying. When the problems first started up, why did Sara and myself not speak to a senior beforehand to settle the matter more peacefully? It is true that perhaps neither lady desired to support me again because they felt uncomfortable with my text messages, but then is it not better for it to come from the horse's mouths rather than just get lead astray by the people that draw up the suppport plan? Nobody cleared anything up. All I did was get curious about my shifts, as I did not think people were being honest. And it was Sara who displayed a bad attitude first, which made me wonder as to why she was suddenly being not so nice any more.

I do feel bad for not owning up to not taken responsibilty and I did do a lot of crazy things when I was depressed. I just reacted badly to losing two people I care about and let my anger take over, which made things much worse. But the nice Sara I once knew, well, she vanished and got replaced by this moody, cold person. You would have to know Sara in person to understand how sweet she was once. That sweet side is gone now, replaced by an uncaring Hispanic devil.

I kept telling management that had they come back to my team sooner, none of the incidents that occurred afterwards would have happened. We would have had a fantastic summer. Nobody would have been hurt and I would never have been arrested, charged or jailed. These life altering situations only come about because they were being brutal and harsh, which made me lose my ability to remain calm. Yet does Sara and Joanna even care?

Joanna and Sara use Facebook, but they altered their names. For example, Joanna is now using a totally fake alias. What's the point, eh?

Last edited by PeterHoping44 on 04 Oct 2014, 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

it seems to me that you have become obsessed with some females who's job it was to be nice to you (and who probably are quite altruistic anyway), and you have reacted with overzealous passion to their "nice" demeanor toward you, and you equate their "niceness" with potential for romantic interest because you are starved of female attention (i presume they are physically attractive (groan)), and a female who does not shun, is, due to a lack of a balanced backdrop of appraisal, seemingly a female who is attracted.

it is certain (in my view) that for you to be attractive to others, you must possess a healthy sense of yourself, and be happy to live in your skin independent of external emotional dependencies. i am not saying to be cold minded and solitary as a lizard on a warm rock like i am, because i realize i have a poverty of emotional potential and i acknowledge that, but i pity those who feel they are "incomplete" without another person sharing their world. maybe they also pity me for never knowing companionship, but in the long run, i wind up far more content and happy than them.

my self contained attitude makes people want to know why i am like i am, and i never accept their inclinations to come to my place, and that adds to their intrigue i suppose, but in your case, you bestow yourself inside their personal boundaries with the hope that they may complete you, and in my mind that is rather nauseating. if i was a girl and you pestered me after i gave you clear indication that i was not interested in you, my opinion of you would plummet rapidly to the point that i would wish for you to be entirely gone, and for you to persist with desperate pleas for attention by way of violating the simple fences as yet erected against your incursion, is the floor of pathetic-ism according to some minds.

very many men i have heard, say "a man is nothing without a woman", but i say that "a woman is just a "wo" without a "man" ". i know that makes no sense, but what really does in a social sense? you may as well make it up as you go along.

some men claim that they need the foundation of a woman's support in order to build their highest structures. they say that the woman was the "driving force" behind their inspiration. when i hear that i think "uh..oh! if the mans entire lifetime's foundation is built upon the woman's approval, then when she removes her interest, it all comes crumbling down?!?!?"

no truly epic pursuits of ideation can ever be shared with others. it is all just too much. you may be surprised what you may find if only you relaxed and thought by yourself.

other people will either like or not what they see in you, and if you are desperate and incomplete, you will not be considered as viable i guess.

This whole ordeal sounds like something a professional therapist should be dealing with.

The big issue that stands out to me here is your inability to see things from the perspective of the other people involved. It might be the case that the organisation you were working with didn't handle things very well, although it's difficult to make that judgement when all we have is your word for it. But almost every one of your reactions to the situations you encountered was the opposite of constructive.

I know it hurt you when the agency wouldn't let you see Sara or Joanna again. But the correct response in this situation would've been to move on. Support workers aren't your friends, they're professionals, and it's not healthy for either side of that relationship to develop an obsession with the other. But instead your response was to keep pushing and obsessing about them, probably further cementing their bosses opinion that your relationship with them wasn't healthy.

Then you start harassing them, going to their houses uninvited and sending them messages on Facebook. You seem perplexed that at this point they've both gone from having been nice to you to being hostile, but from their perspective it makes perfect sense not to be overly fond of someone who's engaged in harassing them. So you go to Jail. At this point it should be obvious that any connection with either of them in any capacity should be out of the question.

But then you start contacting them on Facebook again trying to apologise. And I think I understand why. The standard social response to having hurt someone in some way is to apologise. But in this case that response was totally inappropriate, it's not OK to start trying to contact someone after having been arrested for stalking and harassing that person.

The worrying part is you still seem perplexed at why people reacted in the way they did:

The second one is especially odd because you say that you went searching for her address on the internet. I know that the internet makes things like that easy but most people still find it disturbing to have someone searching for where they live online. You need to understand that their hostility towards you was justified, that your behaviour was socially inappropriate, and that there's nothing you can do to salvage your relationship with those people.

I know it's hard, I don't want to sound totally condescending, I understand what it's like being confused by what kinds of behaviour are socially appropriate, and why people are acting in a certain way. Just, not quite at this level of seriousness. I really think you probably need clinical help with your behaviour, or at least say to someone that you're having difficulty understanding what it was that you did wrong and that you might be benefited by talking it through with someone who understands autism.

Want to avoid future trips to the slammer??

1) Sit down.

2) Shut up.

3) Do as you have been told.

Those are pretty much your only options at this point.

I realize that you don't mean any harm, that you only want to set the record straight and apologize and maybe get your friend back.

But, dude. They don't care, they do not accept your apology, and those people were never your friends. Caregivers get paid to be nice, humor you, and provide you with social connections. They don't want to date you, they don't want to know you in their personal life.

I know it hurts, and I'm sorry about that. But they draw the lines, and you stay where they tell you to or you end up on the street, in jail, in seclusion, with a chemical lobotomy, or all of the above.

Whether they wanted to be his friend or not it is irrelevant. Maybe Sara did develop romantic feelings for him as well. Maybe that is exactly why she pulled herself away. She may have developed an emotional attachment to Peter as well and fell in love with him. Caregivers sometimes do that.

Here is the thing. In a professional relationship such as this or counseling there is a code of ethics one has to follow. There can't be a duel relationship between a counselor, caregiver, etc and their client. Maybe one of the males felt like he was becoming to much of his best friend. She realized and he realized that this had to be broken off. They may not have realized it at the time that you Peter grew certain attachments towards them. The point is the relationship has to be strictly and absolutely mono meaning it must be strictly professional to client only meaning strictly business.

When one loses objectivity with his client one can't treat the person properly and it puts the client in a position in which the professional can dominate and manipulate the client. This is considered an ethics violation.

My advice, do as buyerbeware says, apologize to the judge for your outburst and find another group or professional to help you get you through this.

Peter, there was no ill will towards you at all.

^^^

This is also true, and I had forgotten that fact.

Dude, this isn't about anyone being out to get you. You are not being persecuted, and you are not being harassed-- at least, not personally, not any more than what happens to anyone who doesn't fit well inside the lines.

I know it hurts like hell, but right now you MUST get back inside the lines, and stay there quietly, or you are going to be in some really serious s**t.

My problem is that my self-esteem is really low, so that holds me back. I have never really interacted with anyone often enough outwith AI and that is because I have severe anxiety. Of course, support workers can attend events, provided I tell them in advance I have made plans to arrange a day to do these things. However, I get adrenaline rushes when I go to events I am not comfortable in, because I had a panic attack in 2009 that made me extra sensitive. Even with support there, it could still be an issue. The doctor has prescribed me beta blockers, but I think they are not a good thing to take for a long time.

I also feel agoraphobic sometimes, in busy places. But there is a place called Number 6 I go to that has other autistic people and there is not much in the way of singles, nor are they even interested in me in that way anyhow. I just feel as if I latched onto the support workers because I wanted them to be surrogate buddies, in a sense, but that is not really allowed and because of the thin line policy, the bosses will just pull them away, without warning.

As for needing a woman to feel complete; I think that it is due to loneliness. It is normal to want companionship. Not just through professionals.

I've learned a lot from zen, in a thoroughly half-assed sort of way which is really the only way to do it! Okay, it looks like the agency compounded an awkward situation, starting with the guy at the beginning who felt compelled to tell Sara that you liked her in a romantic way, instead of just letting it be or giving you a heads up, something to the effect, hey, she's a co-worker, I'm going to have to tell both her and the agency, but out of respect I'm giving you a heads up. Something like that. But, this is the part where you have to take a deep zen breath, most people just don't have that level of skill.

One thing I'm a big believer in is to continue to add free positives to your life, perhaps especially most of all during difficult times. Okay, I hear you saying you like billiards for example, that you're having serious money problems right now, self-esteem issues, and maybe agoraphobia issues. Maybe casually watching some youtube videos on skills so that when you can next afford play you have a few new things to try out? And then the standard advice that an activity you enjoy on its own terms and if you meet people along the way, that's a happy bonus. And maybe contribute to sites on retro music and same deal, the activity is worthwhile whether or not you meet people along the way.

Someone above recommended professional counseling. To me, that's a personal choice. I personally have not much been helped by counselors or psychiatrists. They're too damn dogmatic, that's my experience. Other people here at WrongPlanet have had better experiences. As always, YMMV.