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kotshka
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21 Feb 2014, 1:50 pm

About 2 years ago I had a period lasting a few months of heavy LSD use (which I do not regret, and which doesn't need to be discussed on this forum, though I haven't used any of that stuff for a long time). I have recently been diagnosed Bipolar I and the doctor gave me venlafaxine to treat it. (His first choice was an SSRI but I asked for something else, since I had a bad experience with one of those many years ago.) I told him that I wasn't interested in treating the depression, which I can handle, but only the mania, which was intense paranoia and no sleep for more than 2 weeks (on two separate occasions about 1.5 years apart). I expected he would give me a mood stabilizer like lithium, but he insisted that lithium is an "outdated" treatment and the best way to treat bipolar now is with antidepressants, which he said will prevent the mania as well.

The doctor told me not to look into the details of this medication, especially the side effects, to avoid placebo side effects. With my anxious, somewhat neurotic personality, this seemed reasonable. He said I should call him if I experience anything that seems really worrying, otherwise most of the side effects would pass within a few days, or at most a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, it will take several months before the medication starts actually working.

So I took the first pill today, this morning at about 6:30, before work. I felt normal all morning, but around noon started to feel a bit woozy, dizzy, disoriented, fidgety. I started catching myself unconsciously grinding my teeth. I got a bit nauseous, I couldn't stop yawning, my mouth was dry, and my hands shook intermittently for a while. All of this seemed to fall within the boundaries of acceptable side effects, especially if they're only temporary, although it does seem like I hit the side effect jackpot.

But it got worse and worse. By the time I was getting ready to go home, I felt completely out of it. I couldn't focus on anything or process what people were saying. On the way home I started to feel really wrong. It was like a mildly bad LSD trip, minus the visual effects/hallucinations. Everything looked normal, but it felt wrong. Anyone who has ever experimented with psychedelics will know what I mean when I say I could feel that feeling in my skin (if you haven't experienced it, it's indescribable). I started realizing I was hungry, but I couldn't bring myself to eat anything. Everything looked revolting. I finally got home, cooked up some pasta, and forced myself to eat some of it, but it was difficult. It was like all my senses got their wires crossed, and it was too confusing trying to sort out the taste of the food and the texture in my mouth.

I tried lying down to sleep, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop fidgeting and moving. Sleep wasn't happening. On the other hand, whenever I tried to get up, the world felt like it was warping and I had to lie back down. I constantly felt like I wanted to throw up, or that I needed to use the toilet, but when I tried, nothing happened. I had to turn all the lights off because they hurt my eyes.

This went on for hours and hours. I've never experienced an actual LSD flashback, to my knowledge, but I've heard that they're generally very brief - a few seconds, or maybe minutes - and that they include the visual components. I tried Google but it wasn't very helpful. By any chance is there anyone on here with some information? I'm still feeling messed up, though it's not quite as severe now. Is it possible this is really all just side effects from the medication? Is it related to my past psychedelic use? I'm worried about taking the next pill tomorrow morning. Am I going to feel this way again tomorrow? If so, when will it go away? There comes a point where this medication will not be worth it...



Last edited by kotshka on 22 Feb 2014, 3:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

cathylynn
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21 Feb 2014, 2:15 pm

you need a new doc. any doc who prescribes antidepressants without mood stabilizers for bipolar is committing malpractice.



kotshka
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21 Feb 2014, 2:20 pm

I told him I had heard that antidepressants without mood stabilizers is dangerous for bipolar, but he laughed and told me not to worry about it, that this medication will not trigger mania. Do you think that's what happened? I don't feel manic, or at least, I don't feel like I did before.

It's not exactly easy to find a doctor here. There are not many psychiatrists around, and my insurance won't pay for any of them. To boot, only a few of them speak English. I thought I had hit the jackpot with this guy. My friend has been going to him for years - she used to have really severe anxiety issues and was hospitalized a few times, and she said she went to many doctors before finally finding him. I did have a good feeling about him - he actually listened to me, took me seriously, didn't immediately accuse me of hypochondria like other doctors do.

It does worry me that he never asked about past drug use. He was very concerned about whether I drink alcohol, and said I should never drink while on this medication. He also asked if I'm taking any other medications or drugs now, but he showed no interest in the past. I assumed it wasn't relevant. But a quick Google search does show a clear link between antidepressants and LSD flashbacks. So now I don't know what to think. Did he just assume I'd never used it? Because in this country, pretty much everyone has... It's not even illegal here.

Now I don't know if I should keep taking the pills for a few days, see if it gets better, or just stop now before it gets worse. : /



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21 Feb 2014, 3:55 pm

I might be Bipolar and I had actual hallucinations off SSRI (Lexapro). At first I heard music in my head and then I saw flashes of light and things warping, let's just say I got off that s**t. (Not even 18 yet, and haven't used any drugs, ever)



cathylynn
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21 Feb 2014, 4:39 pm

call the doc. I expect he'll tell you to stop them.



kotshka
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22 Feb 2014, 2:58 am

I have decided not to take any more of these pills. I was thinking back to the time I was given an SSRI, when I was about 20. I felt great for a couple of weeks - I mean, really great. Euphoric. Not just happy, but high, all the time. Then I took a 180 and nearly killed myself. Looking back, this was probably my first manic episode, though it wasn't recognized as such at the time.

I didn't sleep much last night. Woke up feeling fidgety and unable to get back to sleep, at 5 am. Feeling shaky, restless, anxious now. I'm hoping this is not the start of another episode of full-blown mania. Last time I was extremely paranoid, hallucinating. Every person I saw looked evil, reptilian, and I would get these flashes of images in my mind of everyone around me holding me down and eating me alive, ripping off my skin with their teeth. This is not hypomania, it's the really bad mania, the psychotic kind, and I don't want to live through this again.

I looked up this medication and there are warnings that it should never be given to bipolar patients without a mood stabilizer, because it is known to trigger mania. Apparently this type of drug is even worse than SSRIs for this.

I will call the doctor Monday morning. By then I'll know if I'm really manic or not. I'm never touching antidepressants again. I told him to begin with that I have no desire to treat my depression with medication. I deal with it in my own way. I just want to stop the mania from coming back. That means giving me a medication that PREVENTS mania, not one that TRIGGERS it.



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22 Feb 2014, 3:39 am

no. No flash backs, ever. any time. News hype or some other comorbid kickin it's nasty ass up. Didn't get my moneys worth? oooo, I think I did. neverhappened and still waiting.

Mainia? dunno, it's a stripped animal at best and very singular at times, how would I know? Never exp it, but, each is different.

I had no idea I was Bp at the time and it hadn't really hit me hard, yet. Aspie, oh hell yes, but in someways, in hind sight, not the concern that a Bp shift could do to me and may have, on occasion, was not fun, at all. Called a bummer and it is not fun.

Jesus, if you got to play, do the organics, the real stuff, eat buttons and even that isn't always a good thing. I say buttons because shrooms are more of a head trip.( buttons, probably a better try, more of a body trip, less head) Read and read some more. Stay away from the chems. (the days of LSD 25 are gone, Sandoz doesnt make it anymore, it is not on a sugar cube anymore and if they offer. spit it out, they're lying) I'll get raped for saying it, but it's the truth. If you're on, even the cusp of BP, god o freakin friday, don't do it alone, ever, stay with who you started withand be sure you like them. to begin with. And then have a good time, think no other way :) You get to decide, after, what you think of the world. Hell I don't even smoke pot anymore, but, if it were leagal? I'd be checking out sativa. My anxiety is still horrible.

There isn't a damn thing there, that you can't do on your own, true story. leave it alone, we can get higher then most will ever know and we don't even want it. Don't wish for it.

Alice doesn't live here anymore.


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Steve223
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11 Oct 2014, 12:43 pm

As someone who has also consumed LSD in the past, along with mushrooms, and other psychedelics I totally can get what your saying. Once the tripping part of the mind has been activated by these drugs sometimes other things can set off a certain degree of it. For me, weed sometimes gives me these psychedelic sensations it didn't before.



autismthinker21
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14 Oct 2014, 1:58 pm

any type of drug or meds by doctor make your mind go bananas or make things really stupid. even ones not prescribed still screw up your mind. the brain is not a experiment. it's your life bar. abusement makes the brain more triggered or controlled by another person dont let it happen.


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